“You’re kidding, right? I thought birds… laid eggs….”
“Not canaries,” I said, wagging my finger in the air. “It was quite an ordeal. I had a whole special on Animal Planet about it, you should look it up. You know, I’m going to need a man that can handle a woman with a demanding career like mine. I need to know that when I come home from a long day of dealing with dogs with yeast infections my man is gonna pull me in his arms — foul odor be damned — and let me know I am loved. Is that something you can do, Eric?”
When that bell rang to change partners, he couldn’t get up fast enough. I went through four more dates before the guy I smiled at earlier — tall & handsome— sat down at my table. He was a bit older than most of the guys there, with salt and pepper hair. I pegged him at maybe forty, and he was dressed in a gorgeous grey blazer that shone against his deep brown skin. He was so fine I hated to mess with him, but it was all in the name of fun.
“You said your name was Gabrielle…?”
I smirked a little then nodded. “Yes, David. Ignore the nametag, I put down a fake one in case I ran into any creepy, lying guys. But I like you… so you get the real me.” I winked at him, and gave him what Des and I had dubbed a “come screw me” smile. He seemed… distressed.
David cleared his throat, adjusting the lapels of his blazer. “I’ll cut straight to the chase. I’m well known, and well respected, so I need a woman who understands having a very high level of discretion. I can’t have someone out here embarrassing me, you know what I mean?”
Lifting an eyebrow, I said. “Oh, I’ve got it.”
“Great. So what do you do for a living, sweetheart?”
“I’m a professional twerker.”
At first, he smiled, but then it faltered a little when he realized what I’d said.
“Professional… twerker?”
“Mmhmm. I’m sure you’ve seen me around. I’m super popular on Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, you name it! This ass is well known and well respected, you know what I mean? Ooh! That’s something we have in common!”
I laughed at his stunned silence, and his quick escape when the bell rang. I was still trying to decide what my next ridiculous occupation would be when my date sat down, extending his hand across the table.
“I’m— “
“Absolutely not named Thor,” I said, smiling as I read the name on his tag. “But I do see the resemblance, Nick. What are you doing here?”
Nick laughed, brushing his thick blond hair away from his face. “You’re blowing my cover, Tori. And I should be asking you the same thing!”
“I’m here with my sister, she thought it would be fun. An obviously, you did too, Thor.”
He shrugged. “Nah, I’m legit… except for the name. You went out of business before I could come to you to meet my future ex-wife like Avery did.”
Jeez, did my heart have to lurch like that at the mention of his name? Just in the last week of my self-imposed exile, I’d finally stopped obsessing over him, and now here was Nick, mentioning things like ‘Avery’ and ‘wife’ in the same sentence.
Just keep it fun, Tori. Don’t even go there.
“Sorry, Nick. It was time to move on to something new, so….”
“So you came out to speed date.” He frowned at me, but his eyes were still sparkling with laughter.
“Ha-ha. You’d better be glad you know me, I’ve been terrorizing men with lies all night.”
Nick chuckled, leaning forward to rest his forearms on the table. “And how exactly is that different from what most women do anyway?”
I nearly choked on my drink from laughing, clapping myself on the chest to clear my air passage. “Oh my God, that’s awful!”