“Jake was a brother and a son, a grandson, a cousin, and now an Australian hero. I know a lot of people don’t understand war and what it means to be a soldier. Jake told me it’s not easily explained, but I know that despite him being gone, his sacrifice was made for those out there that are unable to fight for themselves, and for peace. I ask you today to spare a few minutes to feel the peace we enjoy in this place we call ‘the lucky country’ and know that it’s people like Jake, who give of themselves, that enable us to do so. I have a few small words Jake asked me to read in the event he didn’t make it home.
‘To my country, I hope I have done you proud. To my fellow soldiers, I hope I have honoured you in my actions. To my father and mother, thank you for showing me love …” Fin paused and looked up, her green eyes searching until they landed on Ryan. “To my brother Ryan, thank you for sharing your life with me, and to my sister Fin…’
She faltered at that point and fighting tears, Ryan felt his heart crack wide open. Fuck it, he’d wanted to walk up there, grab hold of her, and never let go. Instead, Mike reached her side and took the bit of paper to finish reading it for her.
‘To my sister Fin, who’s busy saving the earth one whale at time, don’t forget to smile, because when you do it’s like seeing the sun.’
Letting out a shaky breath, Ryan turned and rapped hard on the front door again. Hearing music coming from inside, he frowned. Tucking the envelope into his back pocket, he unlatched the side gate and walked down the side of the house to the backyard.
Then he saw her. She was lying on a deck chair in a loose white dress with thin straps, her silky hair trailing over her shoulder. He ran his eyes over her, and tears burned behind his sunglasses. She’d lost weight. Her hipbones were prominent and her face thinner. One bony arm hung listlessly over the side of her chair, the other held a glass of wine she swirled casually in her hand.
Ryan swept his eyes down her legs, his body still aching from wanting her. He swallowed hard and clenched his hands, realising he must have made a sound because she turned her head towards him. He honestly thought he couldn’t hurt anymore than he already did until he looked in her eyes. The green and gold depths, usually so passionate and alive, were empty, and he wasn’t sure what world she was in at that moment, but it wasn’t this one.
“Oh, Fin,” he whispered thickly.
Fin watched the man walk towards her through a fog. Her vision cleared slowly, bringing Ryan into focus. Her heart, so dead inside her, gave a strong thump, as though trying to wake up.
He strode towards her wearing a deep blue shirt stretched tight across his wide chest and a pair of soft, dark jeans. Mirrored aviators covered his beautiful, dark eyes, and his hair—longer now—was casually windblown. His powerful presence reminded her so much of Jake that her stomach lurched.
Fin set her wine down and swung her legs over the chair as he reached her side.
He sank down in the chair opposite, his jaw tight. The pain etched in his face had her holding out her hand. He looked down at it, and her skin tingled with warmth when he wrapped it in his large palm.
She forced a smile. “Ryan.”
With his free hand, he pulled off his shades and tossed them aside carelessly.
Her breath caught at the haunted look in his eyes when they met hers.
“Fin,” he breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he looked at her. “I’m so sorry.”
She reached out and cupped his face with her hands. “A man once told me that guilt was the one thing he wouldn’t let me live with, yet I can see it on your face. Don’t take this on yourself.”
Ryan closed his eyes, a tear spilling over and rolling down his cheek. He turned his head, brushing a kiss against her palm.
“I miss him, Ryan,” she admitted with a whisper, her hands falling away. He opened his eyes. “So much. Why does God always take the good ones? How do I keep going without him? When I wake up in the morning, everything’s okay for a brief moment until I remember, and then I can’t breathe knowing he’s not out there walking the same earth, seeing the same stars.”
“Fin. Look at me,” Ryan said firmly.
She lifted her eyes.
“Just one day at a time, okay?”
Reaching behind him, Ryan pulled out an envelope, turning it carefully in his hands. Her name was written on the front, and her heart thundered in her chest when she recognised the handwriting.
He held it towards her. “Jake … wanted you to have this.”
Swallowing, she reached out and took it. “Thank you.”
He stood abruptly. “I have to get going.”
“I … you can’t stay?”
“No.” He stared blindly out into the yard. “I can’t stay, Fin,” he whispered.
“Wait!” She scrambled out of her chair and snagged his wrist as he turned to leave. “I have something for you too.”