Finny,
I read your last blog post. Nice photos. I wasn’t really sure if that was you in a giant, fluoro parka or just a big orange in the snow. I’m voting for orange.
I showed everyone here your photo of the Southern Lights. Kyle thinks you’re in the wrong career and should be a photographer for National Geographic, but he’s probably just hoping to one day get in your pants so don’t let him near you.
I’m honestly hurt that Tanner thinks so low of me. You can trust me, Fin - Kyle.
As I was saying—don’t let him near you!
Dad pitched a shit fit when I dropped Crookshanks off at their place. You know they’ve never seen eye to eye. I can rest happy knowing I’ve been knocked off the number one position on Dad’s shit list. That honour now belongs to you.
Hope you got home safe. Dad was going to mow the lawns for you, but if you’ve come home to overgrown weeds, you’ll know why.
Love you,
Jake.
Picking up her wine, Fin sipped at it as she flicked the television on. With the background noise for company, she tapped out a reply.
Jake,
Home safe. No overgrown weeds noted. Maybe that means when I pick up Crookshanks tomorrow his fur will be shaved off. Mum’s just told me he clawed the shit out of Dad’s recliner, so the two of us will be lying low for a while.
An orange? I guess I’ll have to return the penguin I brought home for you. Better yet, tell Kyle I said the penguin is now his.
It’s really quiet without you here. Miss you. How long are you gone for this time?
Love you too and be safe.
Fin xo
A knock came at the door as she hit send. Standing up, she walked down the hallway and swung it open.
“Ian.”
He stood there, olive green cargo shorts, black fitted shirt, his blond hair mussed from running his fingers through it. He swallowed, his eyes softening as they roamed over her. “Welcome home, baby.”
She stepped aside to let him through. He held her eyes for a moment before walking down the hallway towards the couch she’d just left. As he sat down, he grabbed her hips, yanking her onto his lap.
“Don’t let anyone stop you from being who you need to be.”
Fin took a deep breath. Her time away made her realise she was trying to force something with Ian that wasn’t there. It wasn’t possible to change who she was in order to be the person Ian wanted her to be. It was time to let him go.
“Ian—”
“Don’t say it.” He leaned in, pressing his forehead to hers. “I know.” He kissed her, his tongue sweeping wildly into her mouth. His fingers dug into her hips as his lips moved hard and desperate on hers. Tearing his mouth away, they both fought for breath. Tears filled his eyes. “I know,” he whispered against her lips.
Fin closed her eyes and remembered the way Ian had looked at her after their very first kiss. His blue eyes wide as he asked breathlessly if he could ring her.
She remembered their first time together, right through to when he’d returned from Sydney, standing in the bar, and her heart had swelled at seeing him again. She had missed him. “I still love you, Ian.”
He nodded, a tear sliding down his cheek. “Love you too, Fin.”
Ian wrapped his arms around her and buried his head in her neck. “Let’s not be friends, okay? Not for a while at least. I can’t—” his voice cracked.
“Oh God, Ian. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t be the person you need me to be,” she whispered through tears.
He took a deep breath and pulled back, his eyes red. “I guess this is what they talk about when they say people just grow apart. We can’t force something that isn’t working, right?”
Fin wiped at the tears on her cheeks. “I’m tired of saying goodbye to people I love.”
He stood up, bringing her with him, and set her on her feet. “Then let’s not say goodbye. Just …” He paused and pulled car keys from his pocket before meeting her eyes. “See you later, Fin.”
She pressed her lips together, her heart aching. “See you later, Ian,” she whispered thickly.
His eyes searched her face, then he nodded once and turned. Striding down the hallway, he didn’t look back as he opened and shut the door behind him.
She grabbed blindly for her phone off the table where she’d left it and dialled Rachael.
“Hey, Fin!”
A sob broke free.
“Oh shit. What?”
“Ian,” she managed to say.
“Do you have wine?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Good. I’ll be right there.”
Fin exhaled deeply. “Thanks.”
Two weeks later
Camp Holland Military Base
Tarin Kowt, Afghanistan
Ryan stretched out on his bunk and tried to sleep in the late afternoon. They were only two days in on a recuperation period before heading out on another patrol in just over a week, and he was desperate for some quiet.
Jake walked in, throwing himself down in the bunk opposite. A guitar was sitting ominously in his lap.