FADING: A novel

I reach down, grab his ass, and squeal, “Niiiice!”

 

“Oh yeah. You like that?” he says through his chuckles, and I can hear Jase laughing as well.

 

Looking up, I wave to Jase, “Byyyye, buddy!”

 

“Call me tomorrow when you sober up.”

 

“Bye, man. Thanks for calling me,” Ryan says before hauling me to the elevator.

 

When we get inside, he sets me down, and I turn to the buttons and laugh while I swipe my hands over them, lighting each one up.

 

“Woohoooo!”

 

“Shit, babe! Do you know how long it’s gonna take us to get to the lobby?”

 

“A looong, looong time,” I say extremely slow.

 

He holds onto my hips to steady me and then smiles down at me. “You’re so fuckin’ cute when you’re drunk.”

 

“I’m druuuunk?!”

 

“Yeah, just a bit.”

 

Slinging my arms around his neck, I hang my head back and look up at him. “You’rrre so tall.”

 

“I don’t think so. You’re just really small.”

 

“I like it!” I chirp out. “It’s sexxxxy.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“Ooooh yeaaaah.” Lifting high on my toes, I slightly lose my balance and give him a sloppy kiss before cracking up in giggles.

 

He wipes his mouth and mumbles, “That was interesting.”

 

While the elevator slowly makes its way down to the lobby, stopping on every floor, I decide to make myself comfortable on the floor.

 

Sitting in the corner, Ryan looks down at me and smirks as he leans against the wall.

 

“Can we some cake?” I mumble out.

 

“Babe, you’re missing some words in there.” The elevator dings again, and this time, the doors open to the lobby. “Come on,” he says and he scoops me up, cradling me in his hold. I wrap my arms around his neck and say, “I wannn cake.”

 

“It’s the middle of the night. You have ice cream in my freezer. Just eat that.”

 

“I told Jase nooo cake for my birrrthday, But I wannn some.”

 

Setting me in his car, he says, “Birthday, huh? Why am I just now hearing this?”

 

“It’sss Thursdaay.”

 

“Hmmm.” He reaches over me to fasten the seatbelt, and I lay my head down on the center console.

 

When he gets into the car, he brushes my hair back. “How’re you feeling?”

 

“Sleepy.”

 

“Just close your eyes.”

 

My head grows heavy, and I begin to drift while Ryan strokes my hair during the drive back to his place. He carries me inside and up the stairs to his room. Sitting me down on the edge of the tub, he goes to get me my clothes.

 

“Here. Do you want me to help you change?”

 

“No. I can do it,” I say, not wanting Ryan to see me without my clothes on.

 

“Okay. I’m gonna run downstairs. I’ll be right back.”

 

“Okay.”

 

I slip into my pants and cami, brush my teeth, then go to slide into bed. I don’t open my eyes when I hear Ryan come back in and change.

 

“Candace,” he whispers.

 

“Hmmm . . .”

 

“Babe, where are your pills?”

 

“Purse.”

 

When he returns, I take my pill and some aspirin with the bottle of water he set on the nightstand. I roll over into his arms and curl up.

 

“Thanks,” I whisper in the darkness.

 

“For what?”

 

“Staying.”

 

Turning on his side to face me, he pulls me in flush against him. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“I know, but that was before . . .”

 

“I love you. I wanna be that person you can bring anything to; the good and the bad.”

 

“I love you, Ryan.”

 

He kisses me slowly and then tucks my head under his chin. “I love you too.”

 

Time passes and I hear Ryan’s breaths as they slow into a soft rhythmic pattern as he falls asleep. My head is woozy, and I try to fight the sleep that is threatening to take over. My dream last night fills my head and haunts me. I don’t want to close my eyes because I’m afraid Jack is on the other side. I toss and turn in my restlessness. Reaching over, I grab Ryan’s phone to see the time is almost two a.m., and when I roll back over, Ryan is awake.

 

“What are you doing?” he asks in a sleepy rasp.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“How are you even still awake?”

 

I lay my head on his chest and don’t respond.

 

“Babe . . .?”

 

“I don’t want to sleep just yet.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I’m just . . . I’m scared I’ll have another bad dream.”

 

He kisses my forehead and says, “Try not to think so much about it. It’s just you and me. Think about us. If you could go anywhere, where would you go?”

 

“Back to Indian Beach with you.” I think about that morning; him telling me that he wanted to be with me, us kissing in the cold rain.

 

“Close your eyes and go back there. You and me sitting on the driftwood.”

 

“Talk to me,” I request, and he does. He replays our morning on the beach and tells me everything he was feeling. Confessing how nervous he was and how much he was already falling for me. His words chase away the fears of Jack, and I drift off before he finishes talking.

 

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