My eyes fly open and Arion…my beautiful Arion brings me back to reality. She’s moaning and close to letting go, I can tell by her noises. Her hand is around one of her nipples, pinching and pulling. Watching her like this puts me into my zone, exactly where I need to be.
Putting my hands into fists, I rest them at her sides so we can come together. Nothing or no one is going to stop me or take that away from me. Leaning up, she watches me and I watch her, pumping myself with speed in and out of her delicious cunt. She tightens and squeezes me, putting my body right on the edge of explosion. Her ivory tits bounce with each thrust. Her beauty is something else.
I’m so close, but I hold back ’til she lets go, working her over and over. She throws her head back. “Yes, baby, make me come,” she cries out in a fit of passion, followed by her signature orgasm sounds.
Right away, my body lets go, coming violently inside of her. I grunt like an animal slamming myself so deep. We relish in the pleasure before coming back to reality, and I take my time milking out every last drop of cum. With her eyes closed and her breathing heavy, I’m scared of what to do next. Afraid to move or speak, so I just lie down, leaving our bodies connected. My heart pounds rapidly, my head next to hers, and both of us are silent.
My breaths are shallow and heavy. Everything is so different. As much as I want to pretend that it’s not, it is. Everything that has happened worries me, and quite frankly I’m…scared…of the future. I’m scared of what has to be done. Clearly a decision has to be made, but how? How in the world do you choose between your past and your present? God, please give me strength.
Bain’s body is on top of mine and his cock is still inside of me. This is my solitude, or it was. Up until Nate came back, being with Bain like this made everything better. Now as I lay here with him, I’m questioning everything. Everything that I once knew and was so sure of…is all gone. Jesus, I’d give anything to go back to how things were a few days ago, but I can’t. I can’t.
I waited months for Nate, practically a year, and now that a motherfucking miracle has brought him back to me, I don’t know what to do. Fear consumes me. I’m flooded by it. And the events of the other day just repeat themselves over and over in my head.
I loathe the decision ahead. It’s something that I never dreamt I’d have to do and I really don’t want to. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, but it is there and in no way can be avoided. Since I fainted in the hallway, I’ve kept quiet. I know Bain wants me to tell him that everything is going to be all right, but I don’t know that it is. So I can’t give him false hope. It’s more like I need him to tell me that.
My mind is really all over the place. Spinning, racing, vying, and I just want it all to stop. The sex helped, like it always does, but I don’t want that kind of band-aid with Bain, not anymore. I don’t want to use our love or what we share in the wrong way, to hide what’s really going on.
Bain’s breathing has changed, so I know he’s asleep. Sleep might help me too. Right now, it might be my best course of action. Staying awake and battling my own mind isn’t going to do anything. So I close my eyes searching for the darkness, but it doesn’t come.
Nate is alive. Fuck, he’s alive and I have no clue how it’s possible. I know right now I can’t make a decision to save my life, there is too much to process. So I fight through the ugliness that is haunting me, off to my special place, a place with Bain, a place that I always find peace in. Taking my mind back to the moment I saw him on the plane. The joy I felt running to him was indescribable and I need that again. Then I get a flash of Nate down on one knee when he proposed and I know from now on my special place will never be the same. There is adoration in Nate’s eyes, as he looks up at me. I visualize it clear as day. Fuck, this is all too much to handle. I pray for answers and sleep. Thankfully it’s not long before sleep takes over.
“I don’t know about that, Mom. She’s just…not the same. She’s…she’s quiet.” I hear Bain in the distance. When no one responds to him, I realize he’s on the phone.
I blink a few times, trying to pull my bearings together and listen. As much as I know I shouldn’t, I can’t help myself. It may give me a glimpse into his head and where he is mentally. As this point I need all the help that I can get to make a decision like this.
“I don’t know what will help.”
He exhales loudly. I can hear the sound of the coffee pot brewing in the kitchen. The sun is bright, shining in all of the windows and I wish today was supposed to be as we had planned for our weekend before the…what should I call it?…incident. No electronics or contact with anyone, just us.
“Don’t you think I thought about that?” His tone is a bit agitated, then he whispers, “I’d fucking marry her if I thought it would help things.”