Bain reaches over and rubs my back. “I’m sorry, Arion.”
“This can’t really be happening, can it?” Tears well in my eyes and he takes my coffee from me, setting it down and then scoots closer, wrapping me in his hold.
“Don’t get upset, baby, we’ll figure this out…together. You hear me?”
Nodding my head, I hold on to Bain with everything I have.
Together…together…together. The word rings in my head. If only it were that simple.
“Seriously, Dad, you have to let me call her. I’m losing my mind over here…I need to talk to her.”
“Nate, I won’t do that to her and you shouldn’t either. You need to show patience and let her be, dammit. The poor girl has been through enough already. Do you really think it’s a good idea, when she asked for space?”
I shake my head knowing he’s right. The last time that I saw her, I put her in the hospital. The last thing that I want to do is cause any more harm. When she’s ready she’ll come to me. I need to give her time. It pisses me off that I have to, but I do.
“I got to get to a meeting, son.”
I nod my head, doing my best to stay calm; I have to keep my temper under control. It’s my own fault I can’t contact her right now. I made the decision to show up at her house and now I have to pay the price.
He gives me a hug and says, “Thank you for taking care of your mom today.”
I watch him leave, resting my hand on top of Zeus’ head, taking a few minutes to myself. Fuck, I just want to see her. But then I get a flashback of her collapsing in the hallway and it reminds me why I have to wait ’til she’s ready.
I take a few deep breaths and head down the hall to my mom’s bedroom. She is lying comfortably on her bed, with her Kindle in hand, reading being one of the last pleasures left to her.
“Hey, baby,” she says.
“Hey, Ma.” I set my crutches propped up on her dresser and lie on her bed; Zeus lies next to it on the floor. Since I’ve been home, he has been by my side non-stop. “How are you feeling?” I ask.
“I’m okay, how about you?”
“I don’t know, Mom.”
“Wanna talk about things?” she asks.
I can’t help but chuckle at this. That’s all I feel like I do anymore, from one doctor to the next. But I know she’s only trying to help. “What is there to talk about? Arion’s with someone else, and she wants nothing to do with me.”
“Oh, honey, you don’t know that.”
“But I do, Mom. I can’t even see or talk to her. I tried and we both know what happened.”
“I know it seems like there is no hope for you two, but just give it a little more time.”
Looking at my mom, I hide my true emotions. Inside I go from rage, to pain, to glum. She might think there is hope, but I on the other hand, do not. “I’ve given it time. Waiting around is killing me.”
“I know, dear, and I’m sorry. Let her process things and I’m sure she’ll come to her senses.”
“I’m glad you’re optimistic, ’cause I’m losing hope.”
“You can’t lose hope Nate, never no matter what. You hear me?”
Nodding my head, I roll to my side. “You’re her soul mate and that is something that Bain can’t change. Don’t give up on her.”
“I won’t. I couldn’t imagine living forever without her. I just want what we had before I left.”
“You will, dear. Remember hope, never let go of it.”
In a way my mom’s words soothe me. She has a way of calming me. I just pray that she is right. My biggest fear would be living this life, in my condition, without Arion. I push that all aside, not letting those negative thoughts creep in any more. Keeping myself calm, my eyelids feel heavy and I let them close. Thinking back to the last time she was in my arms…
Goddamn myself for making this decision. Staring at Arion’s tear-stained face, I hold it tightly in the palms of my hands. “I’ll be back, A, no matter what. You hear me?”
She nods her head sniffing, trying to stop herself from crying.
“I love you so much. Hold on to that and know that I’m always thinking about you. You’re always in my heart,” I manage to tell her.
“I love you,” she whispers.
“I love you too. Remember, I’m doing this for us. To give us a better life.”
“I know,” she responds and nods her head. But does she? Does she really know why I’m doing this and just how much she means to me? Checking the clock, I know I don’t have long. I have to go. I hug my parents, both with smiles as big as the sun. They are staying strong for me. My dad did this years ago, so he knows how hard it is to say goodbye before being deployed.