I should have stayed away like I’d planned, until I had my prosthetic and gained some weight, and maybe when Bain was out of town at a game. But I had too much time on my hands and it drove me mad not to be with her or have her, since I was back home and so close. So finally when I couldn’t bear it any longer, I broke my own rules. I was becoming obsessed with needing to see her and had this vision that the moment she saw me, she would run into my arms and everything would be as it was.
Instead, my biggest fear came true and things went the complete opposite. I acted on a whim like I have so many other times, just took a cab to her place after I stumbled upon her address after searching and searching about her online.
She’d just moved into this elegant sky-rise with an NBA player, but none of that mattered to me. I just needed to see my girl. It didn’t make a difference that the military and the government asked that my return be kept low profile, for the chance they could find my captors before they knew I’d been found alive. I went against them too and made another mistake.
Now I don’t have a clue what’s going on with Arion. Is she okay? What’s she thinking now that she knows I’m alive?
Getting out of the shower, I wrap a towel around my waist and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look nothing like I used to. I can’t gain weight, and I know it’s because I never feel like eating, even though I know I have to. I used to think about food all the time when I was held captive, so I should be eating like a pig, but I just can’t. I’ve lost the will to do anything for myself.
After I’m dressed and done getting ready, I head into the living room. My mom is on the couch and the second she sees me, she gets up with her cane assisting her.
“Ma, just stay sitting, will ya?”
“She’s coming with us,” my dad says as he rests his hands on both of our shoulders.
“You should stay home and rest, Ma.”
“That’s nonsense, dear, I’ve been without you for far too long. I’m coming along, end of story,” my mom tells me with a firm, loving voice.
To say that these last two days have been the scariest I’ve experienced since losing Kinsey would be an understatement. It’s been total and brutal hell. Leaning my head on the edge of Arion’s hospital bed, I watch her sleep peacefully. Thankfully, we’ll be able to go home soon, but with that comes a great fear. A fear that she could leave me for Nate. I mean, why wouldn’t she? Nate is her true love.
I knew the instant that I heard his name, my life would never be the same. I didn’t need to ask why he was alive and even now don’t want to know how it’s possible. He’s alive and that’s all there is to it.
Arion hasn’t said much about the situation and I don’t want to pry, because honestly right now it scares the shit out of me. I can’t lose her. I know if she were to leave me again, I…I couldn’t make it.
One of the nurses comes in with her chart in hand and says, “Dr. Wellington should be in shortly to evaluate her.”
“Are we still going home today?” I ask.
“Hopefully.” She turns away without another word.
When we got to the hospital, Arion was awake and fine. Then the doctor and nurses started to ask her what happened and she had a panic attack. They made me leave ’til they calmed her down. It was almost impossible – they ultimately had to give her a light sedative – and then a psychologist evaluated her mental state. He determined that she’s on the verge of a breakdown and we have to tread very lightly with her treatment.
They started her on some anxiety medication and I know that has helped. It’s the same shit I used to take to get spun out of my mind on, but taken responsibly can provide real help for anxiety.
Letting go of her hand, I lean back in my chair, running my hands over my face. Please let us be able to go home today. She’s not happy here.
As I remove my hands, she’s staring at me. “Hey, baby. You okay?” I ask.
“Yeah. This bed just sucks.”
“I bet it’s better than this chair.”
She gives me a fake smile and looks away from me, like she has for the last two days. Her walls are back up and slowly she is pushing me away. Watching her stare into the corner of the room kills me. Getting up and out of the chair, I walk around the bed and get in her line of sight. She tries to move and turn away from me, but I don’t let her. Moving in, I grab her face, turning it towards me and force her eyes to look into mine.
She blinks still trying to turn away from me. My heart aches by how she is acting. I just want to climb atop her and tell her how much I love her. To show her how much she means to me. Maybe that would make a difference and bring my girl back.
“Baby, please. Please don’t push me away.”
She releases a long exhale and looks me in the eyes. I can’t help but rub my thumb over her sweet lips. “I’m not trying to, Bain, trust me.”
“But you are. Arion, I love you more than anything in the world and I can’t bear to see you like this. I’m here for you.”
“I know you are and I appreciate that, I just don’t really want to talk about things.”
“I can respect that, what you’re going through is unreal. But I don’t want to lose you. Please don’t let things change with us, regardless of what’s happened. We’ll figure all this shit out together.”