“She has a long road ahead of her, son. I don’t think at this point with either of the diseases that the doctors can predict how her future will be.”
I rest my head back against the pillow, my physical pain now replaced with anger. Arion’s gone. My mom is dying. Why the fuck did I even bother surviving? What the fuck has happened? This is the exact opposite of what I was expecting. Closing my eyes, I know I have to fix this.
Being in the hallway of her building and waiting for her to arrive is surreal. My body is flooded with emotions. I’m not sure how I’ll respond when I see her, or how she will when she sees me. I don’t know why I’m so worried. I know she will run to me. She has to. Arion is mine – she always has been and always will be. I mean, I love her enough to have stayed away for as long as I have, but not any longer…I need her.
I’ve dreamt of this moment a million times and imagined it going so many different ways. I wish I could scoop her up in my arms and carry her away. But I won’t ’til she tells me she wants me and she’s ready to leave him. Right now, she’s not my girl and I know that. The thought alone fills my body with anger. She’s moved on and really…I can’t blame her, she thought I was dead. When you love someone the way I love her, you respect them even if it kills you in the process. I know for her to be living with someone, she must care deeply for him. And sometimes I wonder if it would be better if she thought I was still dead. She has a new life after all, and what place do I have in it? But my heart has been pulling me towards her and telling me that everything she has with this guy will wash away the moment she sees me.
I could blame me being here on my mom being sick. Arion needs to know what’s going on with her, and neither of my parents are going to bear the bad news to her, but knowing Arion the way that I do, she would want to know. That’s another reason why it pains me to have stayed away from her as long as I have.
Suddenly, my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. There she is. She’s even more beautiful than I remember. She is the essence of flawlessness. More perfect than any other human being.
Staying back in the shadow of the hallway, I watch her look for something in her purse. I’m lost. It takes me a moment to snap out of it. I should help her with her groceries, but sadly…I can’t, as I stand here on my crutches with more injuries than I’d like to name. I’m not the same man I once was, but what is the same: my love.
Finally, I will myself to move, close enough just to smell her scent. It’s exactly as it was the day I left. The same smell I remember as I tucked my nose deep into her hair and said goodbye. That was the day I made the biggest mistake of my life.
She slides the key in the door and I know I have to stop her, so I reach for her. “A,” I whisper, searching for the strength that’s suddenly been stripped away. Her body tenses and I see a chill run over her as goose bumps form on her skin. It takes her a moment before she turns towards me. I stand frozen, trying to read her reaction. I won’t push myself on her. She will come to me, I know she will.
Arion’s skin turns pale, as if she’s staring at a ghost. Considering what I’ve been through, being beaten, tortured, and starved, I should be a ghost. All of the grocery bags fall from her hands. The second the milk hits the floor, it busts open, tipping over and pooling at her feet. She takes her hands and presses them to the sides of her face, just shaking her head vigorously. Dammit, this is not the reaction I wanted. She looks terrified, like I’m a monster.
“Nate?” she questions. Like it’s not really me standing before her.
Reaching for her to provide some sort of comfort, I say, “It’s me, A.”
She pulls away from me, the gesture a swift kick to the gut. No, don’t do that. I dreamt of her running into my arms and now…this. Looking at her as tears roll down her cheeks, she just continues to shake her head and backs away from me ’til finally she’s pressed firmly against the door. I don’t want to scare her any more than I already have so I stay where I am, praying she comes to her senses and to me.
“Please, A, say something?”
“I…This…It’s just a…dream…a dream. Wake up, Arion,” she tells herself.
In the distance, I hear the elevator ping and we both turn to look down the hall. That’s him and I know it. I’ve seen this asshole she’s with on TV and shit. The basketball star himself. She starts to breathe heavily and reaches her hand for him as he walks down the hall. He takes in the scene, then runs to her and asks, “What’s wrong, baby?”
He glances at me briefly, I know not making the correlation yet. All he sees is her panicked and struggling to breathe.