“Yes. I… liked being able to tell you what to do. I liked knowing what was going to happen next.” I laughed to myself. “I liked…” Breaking you down and making you do whatever the fuck I wanted you to do. I liked owning you. I liked shocking you. I liked making you come apart and putting you back together. “Stop, Livvie.” I placed my hand on hers and kept her from stroking my dick.
“What’s wrong?” she asked urgently.
“This!” I sat up slowly. “What do you think I liked about it, Livvie? I’m not used to being… I’m not normal, Livvie. I used to get a hard-on when you cried. Is that what you want to hear?”
Livvie’s expression was wounded.
“I know that, Caleb. You told me. I don’t expect you to be normal. It’s just that…” She’d gone from wounded to embarrassed.
“It’s what, Livvie? Explain it to me, because you’ve got me all confused.” I stared at her, willing her to answer.
“It’s just,” she struggled. “Before you… there wasn’t anybody. And then we spent all that time together and we did all those things. Then after, I was alone and you were gone and I tried to maybe… with other guys, but they weren’t you… and I couldn’t…”
“What?” I insisted. “I thought you said you weren’t with anybody since me.”
She snapped out of her rambling.
“I wasn’t! I couldn’t! Caleb, the things you did to me. I got used to them. I liked them. I could never do anything wrong with you. You told me what to do and… I liked it. There was nobody that could…” She blushed until even her chest looked red.
I exhaled, shocked. I thought about the first morning in the hotel room and the various other times she’d goaded me into dominating her. I felt stupid for not putting it together before. I knew some people enjoyed games involving domination and submission, it’s just that it had never been a game for me before. I looked at Livvie and smiled.
“Oh, Kitten. What a strange pair we are. I’m… a little speechless. You know what I like. I don’t just like dominating you—I love it. But it’s difficult to turn it on and off. It’s… different.”
Livvie tugged at the sheet between us nervously.
“I know. But… couldn’t we try? We’ve sort of been doing it. Like… just when we’re having sex. Couldn’t it be like that?”
My brain felt like it was expanding in my skull. She was offering me control, but only under certain circumstances. It was a big concept for me to grasp, but one I was eager to thoroughly comprehend. My dick was fully erect just trying to understand it.
“So if I were to say to you, ‘Get down on your knees.’ You would say?”
Livvie let out a deep breath and smiled. She slid off the bed and onto the floor.
“Yes, Caleb,” she whispered and blushed.
My heart leapt.
“I think… I’m going to like this. A lot.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
February. Things were changing. Again. Some of the changes, perhaps even most of them, I enjoyed.
My favorite development had to do with Livvie’s thirst to be dominated. Since “The Laptop Incident” and our subsequent pact to be more forthcoming with one another, Livvie had no choice but to break her silence on the subject.
Some of it hadn’t been surprising. The sex we’d been having had been undoubtedly familiar to me. I knew Livvie enjoyed being spanked, chased, held down, and occasionally fucked in her ass. What I hadn’t anticipated was her desire for what she called games and I referred to as reenactments.
It had been my hope that upon finding Livvie again, we would start fresh and pretend the past had never occurred (it sounds asinine when I read it back). However, all freshmen are required to take psychology and Livvie seemed to take to it like a duck to water. She wanted to experiment with Exposure Therapy in the hopes that by reliving some of her experiences in a safe environment, she would no longer fear them.
Needless to say, I thought it was a bat-shit crazy idea (that’s the technical term). The last thing I wanted was to reprise my role as Livvie’s captor. What if it didn’t work and she ended up hating me? It took a great deal of convincing from Livvie, but ultimately I’d agreed to some of the less… disturbing moments.
One morning I made us breakfast, put it on a wheeled cart from IKEA, and took it into Livvie’s room. Livvie had taken the time to prepare herself while I cooked breakfast, and I’d been pleasantly surprised to find her wearing one of my white button-up shirts and a dainty pair of kitten ears. I understood the significance of the shirt. The ears were a nice touch. I felt that touch center mass.
“Should I take my shirt off?” I asked. History dictated I should.
“If you’re over your self-indulgent modesty,” she whispered. In the past, I would have found her words incendiary—another time, another place—but in our reimagining I found them to be… charming.
I’d removed my shirt, enjoying the way Livvie’s eyes lusted instead of feared. I took a chance and played along.
“It’s a pity I have nothing to bind you with. I’d be hard-pressed to recall anyone who looks as good as you do in a collar and shackles.”
Livvie turned and brought me a box from beneath her bed. Inside I found a jeweled collar, a leash, and a pair of fuzzy handcuffs. I laughed.