“Jesus.” She shook her head and wiped at her eye.
“I’m fine, Pet. At least… I think?” I didn’t mind opening up to Livvie (much), but afterward there was always the worry she would see me as weak. I didn’t want her pity. I only wanted her to understand why it took so much effort on my part to give her what she needed. Though I was beginning to learn that what I thought Livvie needed and what she actually needed were sometimes two different things. Not often, but sometimes. There were days I could take my job as Livvie’s protector overboard (drunk college boys should watch their mouths if they value having teeth).
“You’re better than fine. I’m so damn impressed with you. I feel like… the more I learn about your past… I had all these feelings I couldn’t process in Mexico. When I tried to explain them to Reed or Sloan, I could see on their faces how ridiculous they thought I was.”
“It’s easier to explain your feelings for an abused whore than a man who held you prisoner. Is that about the size and shape of it?” I kept the sound of my balls shriveling from my voice.
Livvie appeared horrified.
“No! James… no. It’s more like… you could be so cold. But when I was at my lowest, when I felt like I was hanging on by a thread… you always knew what to say. You have this ability to hold me and make me believe you. You’re full of warmth and kindness.”
I had to scoff at that, and Livvie slapped my arm.
“You are!” she insisted. “I couldn’t even see you in that room sometimes, but I could still feel it. I didn’t understand where it came from, but when I hear you talk about the past it all makes sense to me.”
Admittedly, I was a little embarrassed. I’m not really accustomed to compliments, especially when they’re intensely personal and genuine. The void almost felt… full. I, on the other hand, felt squirmy.
“Well then. Good. I suppose. It’s good that you think I’m… nice.”
“James, you look like I just farted in your general direction.” She grinned.
“What! That’s disgusting.”
Livvie laughed. It was her incredibly loud cackle that meant she couldn’t control herself. It was not a pretty sight, but I loved it when she laughed like that. I love it when she laughs like that.
“No. It’s Monty Python.”
I was laughing too. Livvie’s laughter is too infectious not to take part in it.
“A what?”
“It’s a movie.” She wiped tears from her eyes.
I pulled her hand toward my mouth and licked her finger. There are so many kinds of tears. I plan to collect them all.
“I’m not sure I want to see it.”
Livvie leaned forward and kissed my lips.
“Well, we have to now. It’s an older movie and over-the-top ridiculous, but I can’t wait to see your face.”
I made a face of the “what the hell is wrong with you?” variety.
“It’s disturbing when you do that. I always know when something big is about to happen because there you are, staring at me with your huge doe eyes.”
Livvie shrugged.
“Not my fault you’re so nice to look at.” Her expression turned ruefully judgmental. “You’re the only person I know who looks sexier with bruises.” She poked the butterfly stitch on my eyebrow and I hissed.
“Dammit, Pet. That hurts.” I’d been visiting the gym a few times a week and sparring. I fought Fernando mostly, but other fighters from time to time. Some of them were even decent conversationalists, so long as the topic didn’t stray from matches, fighting styles, or food intake. I was compelled to try a protein shake… once.
“Oh? And it didn’t hurt when that guy kicked you in the face?” She made a fist and twisted it near the corner of her eye while sticking out her bottom lip.
“Are you calling me a cry baby?” I stood and glared. Livvie’s head was craned all the way back to meet my eyes. “Big talk for such a little girl.”
“I’m not scared of you. I’ll poke your band-aid.” She puffed out her ample chest.
It was difficult to keep a straight face. Had I really been outmatched by her? The answer was a resounding yes.
“You poke my band-aid and you’re going to have a serious problem.”
She sucked in her cheeks to keep from smiling. Slowly her hand reached up toward my eyebrow. Her eyes met mine. She considered. A flicker of excitement caused her to lick her bottom lip. She pressed her fingertip to my cut. I didn’t wince.
“Is this the part where I get angry and threaten to teach you a lesson?” I asked calmly. Livvie practically vibrated with excitement.
“Yes.” She shivered.
“When do you leave for work?”
“I have a few hours.” She sounded breathy.
“Well then.” I caressed her face so I could watch the way she closed her eyes to savor my touch. With my other hand, I grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled. “Let’s go teach you some manners.”