I froze. ‘How?’ I’d never willingly told anyone other than Lincoln.
‘I’m an angel. Knowing just comes with the territory.’ When I didn’t respond, he added quietly, ‘Why didn’t you ever tell me?’
The memories washed through me – a wave that was now part of a much greater ocean of agony. ‘I didn’t see any point. It doesn’t define me.’
‘No, but I wish I’d known. I’d never have pushed the way I … It explains a lot.’
I bit my lip, fighting to control my emotions. ‘I’m sorry, Phoenix, I …’
‘Don’t apologise. It’s me who loved you beyond reason,’ he said, shaking his head and I was sure his eyes were glistening in the starlight.
I looked to the sky, noticing there was no moon, and that my angel maker had disappeared.
‘So you want to be here?’ I asked, still unsure.
‘I want to be where I am needed. For now, it is here but …’
The strength of his gaze – full of promise – drew mine back to him.
‘If the day should come, for any reason, that you would prefer me … elsewhere, it will be so.’
I shook my head. ‘I shouldn’t have that kind of power, Phoenix. Those aren’t my choices. I don’t want them to be.’
He nodded sadly. ‘Until I decide otherwise, then, I will be here. For you.’
We were silent. Phoenix standing, me still kneeling.
‘I’m faster,’ I said.
‘Yes.’
‘I can’t feel things the way you can. At least, I don’t think I can, but …’
‘You can shut down your emotions.’
I swallowed. ‘Yes.’
He took a tentative step towards me. ‘Power takes many forms and mutates as it is passed on. It is the way of evolution. This is no different, but treat this power carefully. Emotion is raw. Meddling with it rarely works as we intend. Often by the time we see our error, it’s too late to turn back,’ his voice caught at the end.
There was another stretch of silence.
‘It hurts too much,’ I finally confessed.
‘I know,’ he said. And he did.
‘You’ll need to empty yourself of everything. It’s not easy and the way you are at the moment – I don’t know this is the best time.’
I took a few deep breaths and absorbed this information along with all that Phoenix had been explaining to me for the past … I wasn’t sure how long. Time moved differently here.
‘It’s now or never,’ I said, determinedly.
He sighed, resigned. ‘Okay. When you go to them, they will all want you. You represent life and everything they long for. Whatever it was that led them to this place, to this in-between, they crave what you have. They will suffocate you with their desires. You won’t have long to find him.’
I nodded, looking out into the infinity of the universe and the countless reflections, floating and diving through the air.
‘What do I do once I find him?’
‘Can you feel your power inside you?’ he asked.
I pressed a hand over my abdomen. ‘Yes, it’s like a deep well.’
‘Exactly. If you want to bring him back, you’ll have to find a way to bring him into you. He must be absorbed into your power, otherwise when you leave this place he won’t be able to hold onto you.’
‘How will I do that?’
‘His soul will be confused. You’ll have to show him what he wants most.’
I knew what Lincoln wanted most. ‘My soul,’ I said, nodding.
Phoenix reached forwards, surprising me by placing a warm, soft hand against the side of my face. His gentle eyes bored into mine. ‘Oh, Violet.’ His lips pressed together and I could see his utter sadness for me. ‘It’s much harder than that. It’s your heart.’
I cast my eyes to the side. I couldn’t think about what he had just said, couldn’t think about what that would do to me.
I gulped. ‘Okay. I’m ready.’
Phoenix stood from where he’d been crouched beside me and nodded. ‘I can’t go with you. When you have him, I’ll know and I’ll send you back.’
There was a part of me that didn’t want to have to walk away from him. ‘Will I see you again?’
‘That’ll be up to you. When you’re ready, call for me in your dreams. I’ll be there.’
I walked into the unknown and the reflections that glowed ahead. They seemed to respond to my presence and started moving towards me, slowly at first and then faster and faster. I could sense their eagerness.
I kept moving, knowing that I needed to go as far as possible. They swirled around me, vibrating with anticipation. I was what they craved, what they remembered in some far recesses of their minds. It was both haunting and distressing and I wanted to stop, to fall back into the nothingness and weep for them, but I did not.
Instead, I ran into their midst.