His eyes narrowed. ‘I cannot offer so many. You must choose.’
‘No, I must not. I will be your warrior. I will become a Grigori like no other. I will take down every exile that threatens humanity. I give you my word. But it will be my way, by my rules. If you want that, I have terms. So, you see, it’s not me that has to choose anything, it’s you.’
He shook his head. ‘Just like your mother. Tell me.’
I stared out into the darkness. Some of the stars seemed to be moving, now floating around me. There were so many of them.
How can there be so many?
‘I want them to have a chance. Mum and Dad. You can give Dad back the years that were stolen from him, give them a future together.’
‘And are you a part of their future?’ he asked.
‘I … I don’t know.’
‘I can’t give them what you ask but I can provide a choice that would give them something close. But they must choose this of their own free will, and desire it greatly, for it to be so.’
I knew he wasn’t telling me everything but at least they would have a choice. I nodded and continued. ‘I want Phoenix to have a chance at peace. I know where he is and he doesn’t belong there. He deserves more.’
My angel maker’s eyes lit up mischievously. ‘Done.’
My mouth fell open with shock. ‘Really?’
He nodded. ‘Phoenix made his choices, too. Wrong though many of them were, in the end he chose to overcome his true nature. Very few – angel, exile or human – ever achieve this. Redemption was his.’
My legs buckled, my angel maker catching me by the elbow as I struggled for breath.
‘He’s in Heaven or something?’
He waited until I steadied myself. ‘Something.’ His smile faded as he studied me, awaiting my final request. ‘I am quite certain I know what number three is, but that is not a gift for me to give.’
‘I haven’t even asked yet.’
His eyes were all too knowing. ‘You want me to return your love.’
My heart skipped a beat. ‘Yes,’ I breathed.
‘I cannot.’ He sighed – such a human reaction that it affected me. ‘It is not in my power to do such things.’
I felt hope slipping away from me. ‘But Phoenix said … He said that if I came here I could find him. That there was a way.’
My angel maker considered this. ‘You see them. We know that much, but we cannot risk losing you.’
‘Wait, “see them?” What?’ But then I realised what he was talking about. ‘The shimmery things? Yes.’
‘Do you know what they are?’
‘No,’ I said looking out into the dark night seeing now that the many moving stars were in fact reflections, moving closer towards us, hovering. ‘Can they help me?’
‘Perhaps. They are the imprints of lost souls. There is a chance your love lies within them.’
My heart started to race with possibility. ‘So I can find him?’
My angel maker didn’t share my excitement. In fact, he became forlorn. ‘There are billions of them out there, child. An impossible and dangerous feat. And you are needed for other things.’
‘Phoenix didn’t think so. I’ve earned my right to try!’
He considered me for another long moment. ‘Then this one will not be for me to decide.’
‘Then who? Who the hell do I have to convince?’ I yelled, desperate.
He held his arm out beyond me. ‘The other one who is now entitled a role in your guidance.’
I spun around and gasped.
He looked so strong, so healthy. His hair was sparkling in the night-light. He was in black pants and a white shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. He looked the same but different … Something fundamental about him had changed. His eyes. Still chocolate brown and beautiful but no longer so deeply haunted.
Phoenix was an angel.
CHAPTER FORTY
‘The windows of my soul I throw
Wide open to the sun.’
John Greenleaf Whittier
My legs wouldn’t stop shaking. I tried to take a step towards him but fell to my knees.
I looked to the ground, waiting for the tears. But I couldn’t cry. Even in this most tremendous moment I was still numb. Still cold.
‘We were wrong. I see that now,’ Phoenix said, his voice heavy with regret.
I knew what he meant, but I just couldn’t go there. I looked up at him, my eyes begging him to stop.
‘You’re …’
‘Angel once more,’ he said. He didn’t sound ecstatic about it.
I half smiled. Still Phoenix. ‘Is this what you want?’
‘Better than eternity in the pits of Hell,’ he answered.
‘But?’
He was silent. He glanced around as if only now noticing the darkness that surrounded us. When he looked back at me tenderly, so much more emotion showed on his face than ever before and … I understood.
Hell is in the eye of the beholder.
‘I have no reason to be anywhere else, I suppose,’ but his words were edged with a longing that I could not ignore.
His eyebrows furrowed and he took a tentative step towards me. ‘I’m so …’ He swallowed the words. ‘I know you were attacked when you were younger.’