chapter 19
I miss the rest of the fights. When I wake up, I’m in my bed. My hand is bandaged up, but I can see red seeping through in the center of the bandage. The dorm is empty, and judging by the light in the room, it’s late morning. I crawl down the ladder from my bed, and the aches and pains in my back and ribs make it difficult to walk. I cross the room to the sink and splash cool water on my face with my undamaged hand. The face looking back at me in the mirror changes a little more each time I see her. I have a deep gash in my lip, and my eye is swollen and bruised.
I limp back to bed and crawl slowly up the ladder, one rung at a time. When my head hits the pillow, I fall almost instantly back to sleep.
When I wake up, Sam is perched over me, looking worried. Apparently she’s been trying to wake me up, calling my name and shaking me for several minutes.
I prop myself up on my elbows. “I’m okay, really.”
“You need to eat. You already missed breakfast, come to lunch with me.”
“No. I just need rest. I’ll come to dinner, I promise.” I don’t really feel hungry, but mostly I don’t want anyone to see me.
She balances on my ladder for several seconds more, watching me.
I roll over and fold myself up into the covers. “Just go away, Sam.”
I hear her climb down and leave. I feel bad about pushing her away, but she needs to be worrying about herself, not me. I didn’t know if it was wise for her to be friends with me at all. I was starting to feel more and more like a marked target.
A few minutes later, I hear footsteps in the dorm again. “I’m not going out there with you, just give it up.”
“But you don’t even know where I was going to take you.”
Will’s voice. Will is here.
I turn, and he’s on the other side of my bed looking at me. He’s so tall, it doesn’t matter that I’m on the top bunk, he can easily see over it.
“When I saw you weren’t in training …” He stops, and lifts my chin, inspecting the bruises on my face. “What happened last night?” His voice is demanding.
“You weren’t there.” I don’t mean for it to sound like an accusation – it just comes out that way.
“I was off, since I had night duty the day before.” He removes his hand from my chin, almost reluctantly, his thumb caressing my cheek before his hand falls away. “Who did this?”
“Hand-to-hand combat in the dark. It was me against the evil twins.”
For a second, he just looks at me. It’s too quiet, and suddenly I’m self-conscious lying in bed, while he just watches me. I rise up on my elbows. “So what are you doing here?” I ask.
He looks down at the floor and runs his hand along the back of his neck, looking unsure. “I was going to see if you wanted to go for a hike, but since it doesn’t look like you’ll be up for that … maybe we could go for a drive instead.”
I’m stunned silent for a second. “Oh.”
“But if you don’t want to …”
“No, that sounds … sure.” I know I’m not making any sense, but I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I sit up in bed and move toward the ladder. I swing one leg around and place my foot on the top rung. I wince as my body shifts.
“Let me help you down.” Will’s hands find my waist and guide me carefully down the ladder until I reach the floor.
I stand in front of him, looking up into his gray eyes, wondering why he is being so nice to me. Why he is always so nice to me. He is a guard here, an instructor. That is all. I must remember that, no matter how difficult he makes it.
He looks down again. I swear I’ve never seen his confidence waver like this. It’s like he’s nervous around me. “Why don’t you get changed, and I’ll wait in the bunker … unless …” he pauses, drawing his mouth into a line and biting his bottom lip.
“Unless what?”
“Unless you need help getting dressed.” He meets my eyes again.
“I can manage,” I choke out in a whisper.
He nods and slips out of the dorm.
I brush my teeth and comb out my hair. I avoid the mirror as much as possible, not wanting to face the girl I see there. Her blackened eye and hardened expression don’t match the way I feel right now.
I select something to wear: a pair of black workout pants and a fitted long sleeve t-shirt. I ease the clothes on, moving my battered limbs as carefully as I can. I pull on my running shoes and go to find him, the anticipation already building in my belly.
Will stands in the bunker, his backpack hanging over one shoulder. “Ready?”
A slow smile spreads across my face.
We head outside to the Jeep, and when I try to climb in, his hands are there, boosting me up. He tosses his backpack in and gets in beside me. The Jeep hums to life, and I remember my trip out into the woods with Kane. I try and remind myself that this trip will be much different.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
I swallow, looking ahead into the woods. “Yeah, just remembering what getting in this Jeep led to the last time.”
He places his hand on my knee. His palm is warm and covers most of my thigh, a movement that makes my heart skip. “You don’t have to worry.” His eyes are serious, like he desperately needs to know that I trust him.
“I know,” I whisper.
He drives with one hand on the wheel, the other resting on my leg. He expertly maneuvering the Jeep around the biggest bumps and dips to make sure I’m not jostled around too much. I wonder if there’s anything he’s not good at. While he’s concentrating on the drive, it’s the perfect time to steal glances over at him. Veins stand out against his forearms. My eyes skip over the tattoo, like I don’t want it to be part of him. It is part of him, just like it will forever be part of me, but I know that’s not who he is.
“Aren’t you curious about where we’re heading?” he asks.
I’d been so caught up in him that I completely forgot to ask. “Of course. I just thought you were keeping it a surprise.”
He considers it. “No, it’s not a surprise. Just a special kind of training I think you’ll like.”
What did I think this was … a date? I’m an idiot. I turn to look out the open door as we push through the brush. The trees are so close, branches reach in through and brush across our arms.
Will stops, and we climb out. I struggle to keep up. Even walking seems to suck the air from my lungs.
“Don’t worry, we won’t go far.”
I have to stop every fifteen seconds to lean over and hold my side while I catch my breath. The third time it happens, Will stops and frowns. He helps me sit down on a nearby log. “Okay, you just wait here. I’ll be right back.”
He drops his backpack near my feet and sets off through the thickest part of the woods.
I soon lose sight him and wonder what kind of lesson this is going to be. A few minutes later, he comes back, carrying an arm load of plants and roots.
“Botany lesson?” I ask when he gets closer.
“Sort of.” He sits down beside me on the log and arranges the plants in between us. “And a picnic – I guess.”
I look at him like he’s crazy. Weeds and muddy roots are not my idea of a picnic.
He smiles. “Trust me, okay?” He pulls a water bottle from his bag and rinses the dirt from the roots, cleaning them with his hands.
There are a few things I recognize on the log. Dandelions and blackberries, but the rest certainly don’t look edible.
“These are gooseberries,” he says, dropping a little green berry into my palm. I inspect it closer. It’s covered in fine green hairs. He shows me the plant that they come from, pointing out its skinny stalk laced with sharp spines.
“Try it.” He pops one into his mouth first.
I expect the berry to be sweet, but it’s bitter, like biting into a sour green apple. The texture is firm and tangy.
“Not horrible, right?”
I take another. Though it’s not great, it’s not terrible either. And I am actually hungry.
“These are nettles,” he says. He holds the weed out for me to take it. It’s a long stalk filled with oblong, jagged-edged leaves.
“You can eat this?”
He nods. “With most of these, boiling or steaming them will get rid of the bitter taste, but they’re just fine to eat raw, too. They may not taste great, but they’ll keep you alive.”
He tears off a leaf and offers it to me. “Smell it.”
“Smells like sour milk.” He nods. I put it in my mouth. It feels wrong, but I chew it up and swallow. “It tastes sour too.” I make a face.
“Here.” He passes me the water bottle.
I swish the water around, clearing my mouth.
Next, we try the dandelion leaves, then a few blackberries, which are ripe and sweet. Then I take a small bite of the root he offers me. It’s bitter and gritty with sand, but I choke it down.
“Okay, I saved the best for last.” When I see what he’s holding, I’m doubtful. It’s a brown nut covered in a hairy white tuft. “It’s a chestnut.”
“Oh.”
“They come from that tree, right over there.” He points and my gaze follows. “Close your eyes.” I look over at him, trying to figure out what he intends to do. “Close them,” he says softly. I release a sigh and close my eyes. “Describe the tree to me.”
I try to remember the tree from my quick glance. I would have paid better attention if I’d known there’d be a test. “It’s a large tree.” I feel stupid. “It has jagged saw-toothed leaves,” I say, remembering the shape.
“Good. And the most important thing?” I hear him crack the nut open.
“It has chestnuts littering the ground underneath it.”
“Exactly. Now open your mouth.”
Keeping my eyes closed, I open my mouth. Will’s fingers brush past my lips, and he places a small piece of the chestnut onto my tongue. I open my eyes and look at him as I begin to chew. It’s firm and slightly sweet.
“Do you like it?” he asks.
I nod.
He shows me how to peel off the outer husk, and break open the shell. Inside, it has a creamy-white flesh. We eat all that he’s gathered, and when they’re gone, he goes and gets a few more from underneath the tree.
He sits back down beside me and cracks open a chestnut for me. “You have to be careful when you’re choosing plants. Some look similar, but could be deadly poisonous. If you aren’t positive about what it is – don’t eat it.”
I nod and take the chestnut, popping it into my mouth.
“Always avoid plants with a milky discharge,” he says, giving me another.
“Will?” I swallow down the nut. “Why are teaching me all this?” I sense that it’s not on the typical compound guard curriculum.
He looks down and fumbles with his backpack. “You should know how to find food if you ever find yourself alone in the woods.”
I’ve got to admit, this knowledge would have come in handy for the last challenge, but it’s also knowledge that I hope I won’t have to use.
He pulls a crusty loaf of bread from his bag. “You didn’t think I was going to make you eat only weeds for lunch, did you?”
I smile and look at him, confused. I guess he was serious about the picnic.
I watch as he removes the wrapped up food from his bag. My stomach responds with a grumble, reminding me how hungry I still am.
“This I know you’ll like.” His hand hesitates inside the bag. “Close your eyes.” I can’t see what he has, but I close my eyes again.
He brings his fingertips to my lips, and my mouth opens in response. I don’t know when I started trusting him so much, but with my reactions to him, it’s obvious that I do. He places something sweet on my tongue. Chocolate. The second it hits my taste buds, sweetness flood my senses, and my eyes tear up. I haven’t had chocolate in the longest time. I close my eyes again, savoring the flavor as it melts and fills with mouth with a bittersweet, rich flavor. I don’t even chew; I just let the taste linger as long as possible, until it’s completely dissolved.
“I read in your file it was your favorite,” his voice is soft.
I open my eyes slowly. I’m not sure how I feel about that. “Why did you take my file?”
He hesitates for just a second. “I didn’t want it falling into the wrong hands. You’re not mad, are you?”
It isn’t possible to be mad at a boy who has just fed me chocolate. “No.”
He inches closer. “I looked for your mom’s file too, but it wasn’t there.”
I crane up to look at him. “Why would you?”
“I just get the sense there’s something they’re not telling us.”
“Will, you can’t get yourself in trouble over me. You’re an instructor – if they find out …” I don’t want to think what his punishment would be.
“No. Since I am an instructor, I figured I could say I was looking for information to train you. Don’t worry about me, Eve. I want to help you.”
He moves closer toward me on the log. I can feel his breath on my cheek. I look down, suddenly feeling unsure. I never imagined feeling anything like this would be possible under the harsh conditions we live in. But my entire body is aware of Will. I imagine his lips tasting like chestnuts, his fingertips caressing the bruised spots on my body, and my heart speeds up at the thought. My stomach grumbles loudly, ruining the moment.
His eyes break away from mine. He fumbles with the bread. “You’re hungry. Let’s feed you.” He tears off a piece and hands it to me.
I take his hand. “Will.” My voice is pleading, but the rest of the words die on my lips. I have no idea what I’m doing, what I’m trying to say. But I know the last thing on my mind is eating.
His eyes meet mine and slowly, carefully, he brings one hand up to my face. He trails his fingers across my cheek, touches my swollen eye. I’d forgotten about that. I must look horrible. I look away and grab for the bread. He drops his hand.
We eat in silence for the next few minutes, tearing off hunks of bread and chewing, since it seems neither of us knows what to say. Will’s even quieter than usual. I watch his jaw tense as he stares out into the woods. I wonder what’s bothering him. When the food is gone, he packs up his backpack.
“Ready?”
“Sure.” I stand up.
We climb into the Jeep in silence, and I wonder if I did something wrong. Will stares straight ahead as he drives. It’s like I’m not even in the Jeep with him.
“Thanks for showing me all that today,” I say, once he parks alongside the building.
“Yeah, no problem,” he says, still looking ahead. It’s like he purposefully avoids looking at me. I don’t know what I did wrong.
I climb down from the Jeep and head for the door, but Will’s hand on my arm stops me. I turn toward him. “Listen, Eve.” He releases a sigh. “I’m sorry if I acted strange today. I’ll explain all this soon … I promise.”
I watch his eyes, trying to understand. I nod. “When?” I hear myself asking.
His lips quirk up in a half-smile. “Tonight. Meet me in the bunker after everyone’s gone to bed.”
Though I don’t know if I should, the word tumbles out of me without my consent. “Okay.” We part at the door, and I go inside. He doesn’t follow me.