I hope to God there’s a way we can find a way back through this, because if I lose her for good, I don’t know I’ll ever go through this shit again. There’s a part of me that always wondered if he was actually alive who she’d choose and if we can stand the test. This is the time to prove it.
“You don’t get it. I don’t want to be away from you. I don’t want to do this, but I think we have to. I need to focus when I’m away, and imagining Aaron moving in on you will get me killed. Do you understand?”
“Please don’t say stuff like that. He’s not moving in on me and nothing will happen to you.”
I bring her against me and close my eyes. If only it were so simple. If I were Aaron, I would fight to the death. Which is exactly what he’ll do. Brittany isn’t who he wants to be with. It’s Lee, who happens to be who I want as well. I won’t ruin myself in the process though. If she wants to be with him, I won’t stand in her way, because he had her first. Even if it kills me.
“Nothing is guaranteed, sweetheart. Know that each moment I’m away from you, you’ll be in my mind. There won’t be a moment that you won’t be what I’m thinking of.”
We recline back in the couch then she wraps her arm around my torso. “I don’t want you to go.”
I sigh, “I know, but maybe this is what we need.”
“No, it’s not what we need, but it’s what we have. I’m going to ache for you every day you’re gone. I’m going to wish you were here so I could snuggle into your side and remind you why you should love me.”
I pull her closer and rub the side of her arm. “Loving you was never the issue. It’s keeping you when you’re not mine to have.”
She looks at me as a tear falls. “I think I was always yours to have. I’m just hoping you’ll see that soon.”
“Lee?” Reanell calls out from the back deck. It’s Aarabelle’s birthday party and she came early to help set up.
“In the kitchen!” I call out and wipe my forehead. The house is a mess. There’s flour all over the floor, eggs on the floor thanks to my clumsy hands, and Aarabelle laughs at me from her highchair.
She opens the swinging door and stops. “Wow . . . I mean . . . wow.”
“Yeah, can you help me?”
“Where’s your devoted husband? Visiting his girlfriend?” she asks with hostility.
“Reanell!”
“Too soon? Yeah, probably too soon. Sorry.” She bends down and starts to clean up the eggs. “So, where is he?”
“Mark picked him up and took him out for a few hours since the tension was enough to suck the air from the house.” I point over to the newspaper that featured his rescue. “Read the last paragraph.”
Considering I used to work for the local press, you’d think they would’ve given me a heads up. Nope. They did a huge piece on him and how he’s a hero. But the worst was how Aaron told them how determined he was to make his family whole again. How he loves his wife and child more than his own life and we’re what kept him alive.
“He really laid it on thick.” Reanell puts the paper on the table. “Mason seriously feels bad, but he couldn’t say anything—not even to me.”
I put the mixer down and huff. “I know. I’m not mad anymore. It could’ve risked Liam and the other guys’ lives.”
Still sucks, but I get it.
“What time will your mom be here?” Rea asks, tiptoeing around the mess. “Did you get anything in the damn bowl?”
“Shut up. I’m not a great baker, but I wanted to make her a cake.”
Reanell laughs, “Maybe I should head to the store and get her an edible one. Jesus, you’re like Betty Crapper—this doesn’t even look like cake mix.”
I drop the mixer and start to laugh hysterically. Tears drop from my fit, and I slide against the counter to the floor. “Oh, God, Betty Crapper . . .” I continue giggling, unable to stop. I laugh on the flour-covered floor as Reanell stares at me as if I’m losing my mind. Hell, I am. “I can’t . . .” The laughter rages on.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Her voice is full of concern.
“I mean . . . it’s funny,” I say, trying to calm myself.
“I’m not sure I follow. You’re scaring me, Lee.” Reanell hunches down and puts her hands on my knees. “I’m really worried about you. The last few days you haven’t been yourself.”
Her fear is valid. Since I left Liam’s house and he basically told me we need to take a break, I’ve been a mess. The only thing that kept me going was knowing I had him. Aaron hasn’t said a word about our last fight. He’s here trying to help and be a part of our lives.
We’ve met with doctors, psychologists, and he met with some liaison from the government. But I’m robotic. I drive him there and listen to everyone tell me how blessed I am to have him home. They tell me it’s a miracle and how happy they are for us, but I feel no joy. I’ve placed myself back in my bubble of void. It’s easier than feeling, and I’m emotionally drained. The only thing that gives me any light is Aarabelle. I try to keep her around me at all times.
“I’m broken.”
I haven’t told her about what Liam said, but I’m sure she notices.
She grabs my face. “Oh, honey. You’re not broken. No one is. You have Aara, me, Mason, and so many other people who love you. This isn’t easy. This is real life and it fucking sucks.”