“No,” Aaron cuts me off. My eyes snap up, and he rips his hand back. “You’re not going to sit here and tell me about how Liam put you back together. Natalie, you’re my wife.” He leans forward with determination in his eyes. “We have a child. We have a life people only dream of. You and I are meant to be together.”
“You slept with another woman. You keep forgetting that. And I don’t think we had a life people dream of. I think we were comfortable and content. You were seeking what I wasn’t giving you! You said it yourself.”
“It was a one-time thing, a fucked up night,” he says, and my retort dies on my tongue.
“One night? You can look me in the eyes and tell me that?” I ask hesitantly.
Aaron stands and comes around the table. My heart falters as I look at my husband, my best friend since I was sixteen. He stands over me and pulls me to my feet. “One horrible night after we’d lost the baby. After I had to watch you lie on the bathroom floor begging for God to kill you. You held your stomach and prayed that someone would just end it all because you weren’t good enough. I was broken after that. I didn’t know what to do, so I left.”
“I remember. I came out and you were gone. You left when I was in the middle of pure torture.” I look at him recalling that night.
It was the last failed procedure, and I was distraught. I thought that baby was the one. I was ten weeks, we were so close to the safe zone. I started cramping and then I saw blood. I sat there trying to convince myself that it wasn’t really blood. That it wasn’t a sign that we were going to lose the baby, because I was so close. The pain was unlike anything I’d ever felt. I would cry and clutch my stomach as the life I’d been desperate for left me.
I told myself that if the pregnancy didn’t stick, I would stop trying. I needed to move forward and stop hoping for something I wasn’t meant to have. We’d spent so much money and energy. I was consumed by everything regarding fertility.
Aaron’s hands hold my face. “I couldn’t watch. I felt like I failed you as a husband. I couldn’t watch you like that. I went to the bar, got drunk, and I fucked up.”
Turmoil boils in my body as I try to figure out if he’s lying. None of this makes sense. “Brittany said it was months. She said . . .”
“She lied,” Aaron says, so sure.
“Why would she lie? What does she have to gain? We all thought you were dead. So it makes no sense for her to be vicious and mean to me. But you lying right now would make sense,” I say, feeling angry that I don’t know what the damn truth is.
There’s so much between us, so much history, and throwing it all away isn’t something I take lightly, but I think about Liam. How far we came. How much we loved. And how hard it would be to lose him. I’ve already lost Aaron once, I know I can endure it. Besides, this man in front of me isn’t the same man I loved. I look at him now and see betrayal and deceit.
“Why would I lie to you, Lee? I always told you the truth!” he exclaims and turns his back.
“You didn’t lie? You think for one second even if it was only one night with her, that’s okay? Do you not see how disgusting that makes you? On the night we lose a child, you sleep with someone else. The night I had to crawl into bed on my hands and knees because the cramping was so bad, you were fucking someone. While I was in horrific pain, you were enjoying the night of your life?” I spit the words, hoping he feels the knives embedded in them. I hope they tear into his heart and shred him to pieces. “Some man you are. Some love and honesty we have.”
Aaron stands behind me unmoving. I feel the heat radiating from his body. But he doesn’t touch me, and if he’d like to keep his hands, he won’t try to.
“I never told you because it meant nothing. She means nothing and neither does the affair.”
I spin on my heels and slap him in the chest. “Fuck you. It meant everything to me! You meant everything to me! I hate you right now. You stand here smug as if I’m doing you wrong. You were a coward.”
“I deserve that.” He steps closer, but whatever emotion is showing on my face causes him to retreat.
“You don’t deserve me.” I step closer. “No matter what your relationship was with her—which I don’t believe for one second it was a one-time deal.” Another step.
“What does it matter? I’m here right now trying to fix things.”
“You then came home that day saying you slept at work. Two months later, we found out I was pregnant with Aarabelle.” Aaron takes two steps back as I vibrate with anger. “So you did whatever the hell you did and came home and then made a baby with me.”
He looks away. “You’re not going to listen to me at this point. Apparently, what I’ve been through doesn’t matter. You’re no better than me, Lee.”