“Unreal,” I huff. “You went through hell over there. I hate that you were hurt. I hate that you ever had to endure one ounce of pain,” tears stream down my face. He’s been through so much. We both have. Now we have to hurt even more. “But it doesn’t erase our past. There are no free passes because you’re holding up the argument that what I did is the same. Me moving on and finding love again doesn’t equate to cheating. I can tell you don’t want to tell me everything. I see it in your eyes that there’s more.”
Aaron steps closer and grips my shoulders. “Damn right there’s more. But it’s in the past. She’s in the past. I went through more hell than you can fathom. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. You. Not her. You!”
Confusion sweeps over me as I soak in what he says, conflicting emotions rioting within me. I have no doubt he went through a lot. I also don’t doubt him when he says that it is me he loves. That’s the part that kills me. But it’s not enough.
“I know you love me. And if I’m being honest, I love you. I will always love you. You were the first man I ever loved. But you’re not the only one anymore,” I reply somberly. “I let Liam into my heart, and he and I share something special. I never meant for this to happen. I had no reason to expect you were alive. But things failed way before then, Aaron. Were you happy? Because I wasn’t.” I let out a deep breath. “We have to let each other go.”
“So because of what I suffered, I get to pay even more? How is that fair? You even said yourself you love me.”
I shrug out of his hold and walk toward the end of the deck. “I don’t want to make you suffer. No matter what you think, this isn’t easy for me. And there’s no ‘fair’ here. I would never intentionally hurt you.”
“But I am hurt.”
“Well, so am I.”
The silence lingers between us. Years of love and trust are gone. They’ve washed their way out into the sea, leaving behind shells of who we were.
Aaron blows out the candles, and I can’t help but feel like the light inside of him just went out too. He walks over, grabs the dishes, and starts to head inside. I turn toward the ocean and wait for the calmness it usually brings, but instead, I feel cold and alone. Both of us have had to deal with so much in one year.
The plates crash to the ground, and when I turn around, Aaron is already in front of me. He grips my face, and before I can say anything, his lips press against mine. My mouth stays still and he pushes hard. It’s painful, like this entire situation. He holds me against him as my hands shove against his chest, Aaron just holds me closer. His tongue sweeps against the seam of my lips, and I turn my head. As our lips break apart as he stares down at me.
“Why can’t you love me again? I would do anything for you.”
“Then tell me the truth.”
“You want to know everything?”
I stare at him, waiting. “I don’t think we can ever move forward if I don’t know everything.”
“I told you everything that matters.”
“That’s just it. Everything matters.”
“I choose you, Natalie. I’d choose you every day until the day I die. I want you. I need you. And I don’t know how else to make you see that. Everyone and everything else is in the past.”
“And so are you. You’re living in the past where I’m your doting wife. I lived the last year of my life knowing what it’s like without you. I found out the truth about who we were—hell, who I am. I’m not the same woman you fell in love with. I’ve changed.” I touch his arm and he flinches. “I’m not that girl anymore, Aaron.”
“Fine.”
“Fine?” I ask skeptically.
“It’s done, Lee. You want me to go back to her?”
“I thought it wasn’t about her?”
“That’s right,” he sneers. “It’s about Liam.”
I don’t say anything as he turns and heads into the house.
We don’t mention the kiss. We barely acknowledge each other’s presence. It’s awkward and it’s as if we’re walking on eggshells. I cleaned the stuff from outside while Aaron looked through photo books of Aarabelle.
“Do you want to sleep in the bedroom? I can take the couch,” I offer.
“No, I think I’m going to head to Mark’s. Maybe spend the night there. Jackson offered the condo he owns as well.”
“Oh,” I reply. I can’t fully explain why this bothers me at all. I should be happy, but it saddens me it’s come to this. He just got home, and I’ve already displaced him. “You can stay here, Aaron. I mean, if you want to spend time with Aarabelle. I know things are . . . strained . . . between us, but this is your home.”
“My home is where you are. You’re not here with me,” he says and then goes back to the picture book.
The reactions play out in my mind, but my mouth stays closed. I could tell him he’s wrong, but he’s not. I could give him false hope, but I won’t. “I don’t know what to say.” Which is the only honest thing I can reply.
He closes the book and I sit next to him. “You can say you’ll try. Maybe you can forgive me, see how much I love you. Are all the years of marriage worth so little to you?”