Fuck him. I can be fine or whatever else I want to be.
“I’ve had a few days to process it all, Liam. I’m sorry I don’t want to tell you all the shit that went through my mind. I’m fine with it now—is that better?” I sneer the words and shake my head.
“I have a lot on my mind.”
“That’s no excuse to be an ass to me. I didn’t have to tell you about Brittany and their love child. But I’m trying to be honest with you. You said we should talk about this crap.”
“I know.”
“That’s your cue to say ‘I’m sorry,’” I instruct him.
He looks over and pulls my chair back. His eyes sparkle in the light and he gives a dramatic sigh. “My darling, Natalie,” Liam pauses and then lifts my hands between us, “I’m forever sorry for being an ass. I promise to only fight with you when it’s acceptable and you grant me permission. Will you forgive me?”
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I’m pretty sure I do.”
“You’ll live.”
“You might not,” I threaten.
Liam’s lips rise as he fights his smile. “I’ll take my chances.”
He could probably kill me in half a second, but he’d have to catch me first. We both sit in silence and I allow myself a few moments to gather myself after our argument. I wonder how long we can seriously go like this.
Liam starts to shift a little and I notice he seems to be somewhere else. Normally I would push him, but it’s unlike him to be uncomfortable. Liam exudes confidence. He knows how to handle most situations before they even happen. Maybe I really upset him with our disagreement.
“Are you okay?” I finally ask after a long bout of silence.
“Yeah, I told you I have a lot on my mind,” he explains. I sit and wait for him to expand on that. He lifts his head to the sky and lets out a deep breath. “We got our deployment orders today.” He looks over at me and waits.
I know what this means and the fact that he’s this unhappy tells me all I need to know. It’s soon and I’m going to need to start preparing for it. I try to dig deep into my old ways. Think later—smile now. I need to lock down my own concerns and be his support. He can’t see my fear, he can’t see my sadness. He has to hear the words that will keep him safe. Time to rely on my own training of being the one who gets left behind.
“When do you leave?”
Liam grabs my hand. “Right after Aarabelle’s birthday.”
“Oh, really soon,” I say and try to fortify myself behind the wall of indifference. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with deployments.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” I ask surprised. He didn’t do anything wrong. This is the life. It’s time I get used to it again because Liam is in for a long time.
He stands and begins to pace. “I know you’re not okay about this. Fuck. I’m not happy either.”
“Am I happy? No. But it’s your life. I understand.”
“I think we should go away for a week before I leave. I have stand-down leave before. We can go back to Corolla and just be us.”
The picture he paints is something I can’t refuse, but I took off work not too long ago. “I don’t know. I mean, I have a lot going on.” I chew on my nail and battle my own wants. Another trip would be great to be able to just be us again. But I’m trying to move forward in all parts of my life, including working.
“Lee, I think it’s important for us to do this before I go.”
“We just got back though.”
“I know, but I want to spend a week together. Just the three of us. I want to soak up as much time as I can with you and Aarabelle.”
The pleading in his eyes makes it almost impossible to resist him.
I stand and put my arms around his waist. “Liam, I’m not going anywhere. I don’t need some trip to reaffirm how much I love you.” I wait for him to look at me. “I don’t know that I can get away again.”
Liam’s hands glide down and he grips my thighs, lifting me. I hang on to him as my legs wrap around him. “I’ll just steal you.”
“I’m not stealable,” I joke and make up the word.
“I’ve already stolen you.” He kisses the tip of my nose.
And he has. He knows it too. I don’t want to fight tonight, and I think I can talk him out of the trip later on . . . but tonight, I want to be with only him. I don’t want to think about babies or deployments. I want to just be us.
“Where’s my eggroll?” I ask and he smirks.
“In my pants.”
My eyes widen as I try to keep from laughing. “Is it a big one?”
“I’d say so,” he retorts with a smile.
“I may have to see for myself.”
“I can arrange that.”
I press my lips on his and he carries me out of the kitchen. I keep kissing him as he moves with me in his arms. A tiny pang of stage fright hits me again as I realize this will be the first time Liam has ever been in my bed. The bed I shared with my husband.
He slowly lowers me as we get to my door. “I don’t have to stay,” he somehow reads my mind.