Our food arrives and we eat and make small talk. I tell Liam about some of the things I’ve been handling at work and he tells me about the stupid things the teams have done. I laugh at his new game with Quinn of who’s the stronger one. It seems to be helping him with working out on a schedule again.
“Aarabelle’s birthday is coming up. Are you going to do a party?” Liam asks once we’ve finished dinner.
“I want to do something fun. Jackson said he and Catherine would fly in and I know my parents will come too. I should probably start planning.”
I have some time, but Liam’s known me long enough to know that my parties are Martha Stewart on crack. I go overboard and love to have extravagant events with each minute detail planned. Usually it takes me about a month to hand-make all the decorations. I have issues.
“I would volunteer to help but . . .” he trails off. “I’ve been to your shindigs . . . and I’ll bring the beer.”
“I don’t think so,” I state with a smile. “You’re with me, you have to help.”
Liam mumbles under his breath as the waitress brings the check.
We decide to take another walk on the beach since it’s beautiful out. Liam pays the bill and lifts Aarabelle into his arms.
“Come on, sweetheart.” He stands with his hand extended.
I place my hand in his and we exit to the beach. Liam has Aarabelle in his one arm and wraps his other around me. I walk surrounded by him as his body shields me from the wind. This is one of the things I love most. We don’t have to talk. Liam is okay with the silence and so am I. Neither of us has the need to fill the quiet, we can simply find comfort in each other.
As we walk, Aarabelle tucks her head onto his shoulder and he protects her. My heart fills with love watching him care for her. He loves Aara and I love him. I’ve always cared for him as a friend, but today there’s no doubt that my feelings of friendship have formed into something much deeper.
“Liam,” I say tenderly.
He stops and we face each other. I want to tell him. I want him to know how much I care.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I say feeling awkward. I look down and move the sand with my toes.
“Hey,” he says and pulls my attention back to him.
I take a deep breath. Liam isn’t Aaron. There’s no guarantee he won’t suffer the same fate, but the bottom line is that he’s different. Our relationship is much different as well. I was a kid when I met Aaron, we grew up together, and in some ways, we grew apart. The losses in his life caused him to put me in a different place in his heart. Maybe he didn’t want to hurt anymore, so he chose to hurt me instead. I’ll never know that answer, but I have to move forward.
I never planned to love again. But Liam . . . I can’t fight him. I don’t want to fight it either.
“I love you.” I say the words and I see the joy reflected in his eyes. Tears fill my own eyes as I let the love free in my heart. “I do. I love you. You make me happy and you make me feel safe.”
Liam steps closer and cups my cheek, “I love you, Natalie. I’ll always keep you safe.” My face tilts into his hand and he wipes a tear that descends down my cheek. “Don’t cry, sweetheart.”
“I’m not sad. I just . . . there are things that scare me with loving you,” I admit.
“Like what?” Liam’s voice is tender and curious.
He must know the fears that I face. Or maybe he doesn’t. They immerse themselves in this world where they think they’re untouchable. Even though they live and breathe death.
“You’re an active duty Navy SEAL. I’m already a SEAL widow.” The words seep out and so does fear.
“I can’t make you promises. I’d be a liar and a fool to tell you it can’t happen to me. I know you know that. You knew when we started feeling more than friendship what it would mean. Deployments, training, dangerous things I can’t tell you about.” Liam’s words are measured, and his voice is strong and steady. He keeps his hand caressing my face, and my hand rests on his chest. “I can tell you all the bullshit you want to hear, but it’ll just be that. I want a life with you, Lee. I want to build something with you and Aarabelle. I want to spend my days thinking about coming home to you. I want to feel your body beneath me when I make love to you.”
I look up and my chest tightens.
“I want it all. I love you and Aarabelle, but it comes with a cost. I knew this was going to be something we have to work through. Loving me comes with the risk of knowing I might not come back home.”
A tear falls from my eye as the image flashes before me. Another knock on the door telling me he’s gone. Another flag on the mantel where I have to look at the only two men I loved taken from me. I can’t. I don’t think I could do it.
“I can’t lose you like that.”