Bullet

chapter Ten



THE NEXT WEEK, Zane’s affections cooled. I wasn’t sure why, and I wasn’t necessarily against it, but I didn’t understand it. So, one of the times he would have normally met me to walk back to the dorms after class, I went down the hall where his class was and waited for the students to get out. When he saw me, he said, “Oh, hey, Val.”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

He acted like he was going to blow me off but then he said, “Yeah, okay…we can talk.”

It wasn’t going to become any more comfortable. We just had to talk it out. So I said, “What’s going on?”

He shrugged as he walked beside me. “Look, Val. I really like you, and I know you like me back, but let’s be honest here. I had the entire weekend to think about it, and…as long as you harbor feelings for Ethan, I won’t stand an ice cube’s chance in hell.” I didn’t say anything. “Am I right?”

Yeah, he probably was. But I’d been willing to give it a shot. I respected Zane enough for that. The idea made me sad, but I wanted to be up front with him. “I don’t know. I guess.”

He stopped walking, and we stood under a tree with bare branches overhanging the sidewalk. The sun was trying to shine through the clouds that were making their lazy way across the sky. He brushed my cheek with his thumb and held the side of my face. “You’re a sweet girl, Val. You’ll make someone happy someday. If you decide I’m that guy down the road, great. But I don’t want to spend my time competing with some idealized version of Ethan in your head.” Did I look as pained as I was starting to feel? I must have been because he pulled me into his arms. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, Val, but do you understand where I’m coming from?”

My voice was quiet. “I guess.”

“Am I just imagining it? Do you have feelings for Ethan, or am I just reading way too much into it?”

No…he was right. Absolutely right. And I understood where he was coming from. He didn’t want to play second fiddle, nor should he have to. Zane was a good guy, and any girl who snagged him would be damn lucky. Just the way he’d treated me during our short time together told me he’d be a find. But he was right. If Ethan so much as snapped his fingers, I would forget Zane in a heartbeat. And that wouldn’t be fair to him. I shook my head. “I don’t think you’re reading too much into it.” I wasn’t going to break his heart further and talk about those feelings, and I wasn’t going to lie.

He let go of me and held out his hand. “Then friends?”

God, he was being so cool about the whole thing, and I wondered in the back of my mind if he and Ethan had had a similar conversation. I shook his hand as well. “Yeah. Friends.”

We continued walking back to the dorms. “Maybe it’s too soon, but…is your roommate seeing anyone?”

“Jennifer? I don’t think so. She went with a guy to the dance, though, so maybe.”

He nodded and we continued walking. “No biggie. Just figured I’d ask.”

And somehow, Zane and I made it through that awkward phase to become solid friends. Ethan, though…after expressing newfound interest in me at the dance, he was nowhere to be found. Zane and I wound up eating meals alone, sometimes with Jennifer, other times without, but Ethan often had reasons not to be there. Cold again.

That Thursday at dinner, Jennifer, Zane, and I sat at a table, and I noticed Zane was starting to get friendlier with her. I was okay with that. He wanted a relationship, and I wanted him to be happy, so I didn’t intend to stand in the way. Jennifer seemed distracted, though. Halfway through our meal, she said, “Val, I can’t stand it anymore. I have to tell you something.”

I set down my fork. The girl was really upset, and that’s when I noticed she hadn’t really eaten much. “What?”

“You know Charlotte?”

I almost started laughing. “As in the roommate from hell?”

“Yeah.”

I nodded. She said, “I saw her walking in the library with Ethan, and they were holding hands.”

She could have gotten the same reaction from me by kicking me in the stomach with steel-toed boots. It took me a few moments to catch my breath. “Ethan and Charlotte?”

“Yeah…” Her voice grew weak. “And…I can’t tell you anything else.”

“Oh, no, Jennifer, you can’t do that. What else did you see?”

“Uh…crap. They…were kissing.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. No, that was okay. That was fine. Yeah, it was. Maybe it was the kick in the teeth I needed to finally move on from the stupid obsession I had with Ethan. Knowing that he had no interest in me aside from toying with me as though I were a mouse to his cat…that was a revelation I needed. “Okay.” I picked my fork back up and started scooting the green beans around that side of the plate.

“You okay, Val?” Zane lowered his head, trying to catch my eye.

I looked up. I wasn’t going to force a fake smile, but I was going to do my best to sound optimistic. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

He took in a breath, and I saw him clench his jaw. “Okay.”

“Wait. What? What are you hiding, Zane?”

He looked shocked. He hadn’t expected me to be able to catch it in my state. “Nothing you want to know, Val.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You don’t. You think you do, but you don’t.”

“Damn it, Zane, haven’t we been completely honest with each other about everything?”

“Don’t play that card, Val.” I just stared him down. I could sense Jennifer wanting to get up to avoid what would happen next, but she stayed. Zane sighed. “They…uh…they’ve been pretty hot and heavy this week.”

“What about Mercy?”

“What do you mean?”

“Mercy—the girl he took to the dance.”

“I have no idea. All I know is he and this girl Charlotte hooked up Sunday at the library and have been inseparable ever since.” He pointed the tines of his fork at me. “Don’t ask me to tell you anything else, Valerie Quinn.”

In spite of (or maybe because of) the heavy emotions I’d been experiencing, the way he said it made me laugh…as though I’d been torturing a confession out of him, one that would get him into some heavy shit with Ethan. Maybe, though, he was wanting to spare my feelings. Whatever the case, I’d respect his wishes.

And I didn’t say another word, but I was growing angrier and angrier. Fine if Ethan didn’t want me, but why did he have to pick Charlotte? He knew about the bad blood between her and me. Hell, he’d even defended me against her the night after the concert. Was he trying to become my enemy?

On our way back to the dorms, Zane asked, “You okay?”

I shrugged. “Yeah.”

We got to our building, and Zane said to Jennifer, “Do you mind if I steal her for a few minutes?”

She smiled. “Of course not. I have a huge test to study for anyway.”

We stood outside while Jennifer went in through the glass doors. “What?” I asked.

“Seriously—you gonna be okay?”

I shrugged. “Hell if I know. I’m just wondering what the hell is wrong with Ethan.”

He chuckled. “I’ve often wondered that myself. But…in all seriousness, Val…I think what’s wrong with Ethan is…you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. He has…some f*cked up notion about wanting to keep you pure and innocent.”

“What?”

“Yeah…he calls you his muse.”

Now I was floored. “What?!” He just nodded and shrugged his shoulders. “So exactly what the hell does Charlotte Edwards have to do with anything?”

Zane smiled, closed his eyes, and shook his head. “The guy’s got needs, Val, and when little Miss Mercy didn’t exactly put out and Miss Edwards offered to polish his knob, how could he say no?”

“But…of all people…”

“Hey. I never said he was smart.”

I couldn’t help the glare I knew was forming on my face. “Or loyal.”

“Hey…I’m not gonna make apologies for him. I think he’s being stupid, frankly. But I really do think he’s f*cked in the head when it comes to you. I think he’s doing this shit out of a misguided attempt to keep you on a pedestal.”

“That is f*cked up.”

“Not as much as you’d think.” He put his arm around my shoulders and started leading me toward the door again. “But let’s get you inside. You’re shivering.”

Yeah…but I was feeling colder inside.

* * *

Later that night, I decided I just needed to talk to Ethan. I couldn’t stand this anymore. Ethan Richards had put a bullet through my heart, and I wanted some resolution. So I texted Zane and asked him to let me know if or when Ethan was there. He texted back: Not here yet. Will let u no.

So I tried to focus on reading my Art Appreciation textbook. Later on, though, I got another text: He’s here and she’s leaving.

That was my opportunity. Jennifer had already fallen asleep, so I wouldn’t have to explain where I was going. I just grabbed my key, tucked it into my jeans pocket, and raced down the hall to the stairs. Our buildings, along with one other, were connected through a glass walkway at the ground level, and I ran down the stairs of my building on the far side where the walkway was. Just as I got to the ground floor, Charlotte was starting to walk into our building. She spotted me and stood in the doorway, blocking my way out.

I tried to keep my voice calm when I said, “Excuse me.” It was icy, but it wasn’t hostile.

Charlotte wore a clingy blue satiny dress with a low neckline. It didn’t take much imagination to see the curves of her body, and she seemed confident showing off her cleavage. Her lips curled into a sneer. “Planning to see Ethan?”

God, how’d she know? That pissed me off. “That’s really none of your business.” I got closer to her. “Excuse me.” This time I stated it more as a demand than a request.

“Why? You think if you go up there now, he’ll accept you with open arms?”

“Why do you care?” I could feel a fury building inside me, the likes of which I’d never felt before.

She smiled and leaned against the doorframe. If it had been during the day, she wouldn’t have been able to get away with blocking the doorway, but this late at night, there weren’t many girls in a hurry to get back to their rooms. “Ethan and I have had a little bit of fun together. He’s tasted me and, believe me, he’ll be begging for more.”

So…was she trying to tell me she and Ethan had slept together? Whether or not it was true, I knew she was trying to make me angry. I had to try to keep my cool. But I couldn’t help myself. “If you’re so tasty, why don’t any of your other boyfriends ever come back for seconds?”

I could tell from her eyes that I’d hit a soft spot. She stayed calm, though. I hadn’t expected her to. I thought she would come at me like she had the night she moved out. And I had been ready for that; I was prepared to fight if I needed to. This confrontation had been a long time coming between the two of us. “You’re so smug. I just want to slap that look off your face. But I know you’re just upset because Ethan wanted me, not you, so you’re just jealous. I’ll give him what he wants.”

I started laughing. I probably shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help myself. “I don’t think he really wanted your chlamydia.”

She was starting to squirm. She moved out of the doorway just slightly to get closer to me. I still couldn’t have just gone around without shoving her aside, though. She lowered her voice. “Valerie, why does it bother you so much?” She wound a finger through a lock of her black hair. “At least now I know why you thought he was so cute. You should see him in bed. He f*cks like a stallion and gets this wild look in his eyes—”

“I don’t want to hear it.” I moved forward so that we were close. “Excuse me, Charlotte.” I didn’t want to hear about her pleasurable night with the guy who should have been my boyfriend. I was tired of her games, so I shoved my way between her and the door. She didn’t make it easy, and she grabbed my arm to pull me back.

“I’m not through talking to you, Valerie Quinn.” She hit me on the jawbone. It wasn’t very hard, but I hadn’t been expecting it, and I lost my balance.

When I regained my footing, I said, “Charlotte, I’ve had enough of you.”

Now…keep in mind I was a young, inexperienced thing from a small town. I’d never physically fought another soul in my life. Not only did I not know what I was doing, I felt like an idiot. But something my little brother had told me once stuck with me. He’d said if you let the bully hit you, he’ll keep hitting you. Hit the bully back, though, and it’s all over. And that’s what I thought Charlotte was—just an overgrown bully. So, like it or not, I thought I needed to fight back. And that’s what I did. I punched her in the stomach. I didn’t punch her hard, but I didn’t want her to think I’d just cower and run off like a scared little girl. She wrapped her hands around her stomach. Hoping they were the last words I’d ever have to speak to her, I got close to her face and said, “Don’t mess with me, Charlotte.” I started to leave again through the open doorway.

I’d thought we would be done, but she grabbed my hair from behind and pulled me onto the floor. Holy shit…that hurt. It felt as though tiny needles were poking through my skull. When I hit the floor, so did the back of my head.

Before I could even register what was happening, she was squatting over my stomach. “Valerie, you’re mine now. And Ethan’s not here to save you this time.”

I tried to fight back, but she’d pinned my arms down with her knees, and I couldn’t move. Charlotte had a snide look on her face. “First, let me tell you about my evening.” I started to squirm, but I couldn’t move. “We went out to eat first. He looked good enough to eat. And those eyes…mmm…so I grabbed his hand under the table and made him touch me. And guess what? I had my first orgasm right there in the restaurant. But all that did was make him want me more, so when we got to his truck, I let him have me anyway he wanted.”

I was repulsed. I did not want to hear about Charlotte’s sex play with my Ethan. I don’t know how I did it, and maybe it was because she wasn’t paying attention anymore, but with all my force, I arched my back and managed to gain enough wiggle room that I could throw her off. And then I got on top of her. “I told you, Charlotte, I don’t want to hear it.” I growled at her and then got off. I walked away, sure for some stupid reason that she would leave me alone this time. I was now walking down the wide walkway between the dorms. I paused and watched her through the glass door and, even though she’d stood up, she stayed her distance. Finally, I turned around and started walking to Ethan’s dorm room, and I started to feel better. I didn’t know if I was hurting worse physically or emotionally, not that it mattered. I’d need some time to heal up, but first I wanted to finish what I’d planned. Stupid me, though. I was lost in my thoughts and wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings, and Charlotte must have slipped her heels off, because as I walked past the humming soda machines, I couldn’t hear her feet on the polished tile. She jumped on me from behind, throwing me onto the floor. She held me down, with me lying on my stomach. She wormed her fingers through my hair and started bashing my head against the floor.

Oh, God, that hurt. I tried to twist my head so my nose wasn’t taking the brunt of the blow, but my forehead was getting plenty. Even though I was pushing against her hand, she’d managed to throw my head into the floor once, and it hurt like hell. The second time, I knew what to expect and was fighting it, but I felt lightheaded and nauseous.

“Why, Charlotte? What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so badly?”

She snarled and paused. “You think you’re so perfect. You do everything right. You’re so nice, and you’re this perfect little f*cking virgin. And then, to top it all off, you just waltz into our room mid semester with one of the hottest guys on campus. Sorry, but a little goody-two-shoes like you doesn’t deserve a guy that hot with a cock like that. You wouldn’t have any idea what to do with the damn thing.”

I growled again, using the muscles in my neck to push against her hand, but it was becoming a losing battle. “And he wanted me, Valerie. In fact, he said he wished you were more like me. He could never love you. You play too sweet. You don’t want to get your hands dirty. And so it’ll never happen.”

Her words hurt worse that her physical beating was. And, believing that Ethan might have actually said those words, I lost hope. She sensed that and said, “Loss for words, bitch?”

Slam! went my head into the floor again, and I saw a white flash.

“Get the f*ck off her, Charlotte.” Zane…oh, thank goodness. He must have started to worry when I didn’t arrive right away.

I lay there and felt her being pulled off my body, but I was losing consciousness. I drifted off, and the next thing I remembered was Ethan rolling me over, holding my head in his hands. My eyes closed again, and I heard him say, “Zane, let’s get her up to our room.” I couldn’t remember that trip, only that they helped me—mostly carried me—back to their dorm room.

When I opened my eyes again, I noticed I was on Ethan’s bed, and I didn’t know where Zane was. “Val, are you okay?” He brushed my hair off the bloody mess on the right side of my head. I blinked but didn’t say anything. “Good thing we came when we did.”

“Ethan…she said…”

Gently, he laid his finger on my lips. “Shh…don’t talk.”

Zane came back in the room with a wet washcloth, and Ethan wiped the blood off my face. I winced. It hurt.

Ethan looked at Zane. “Maybe we should take her to the hospital.”

I tried to sit up. “No. I can’t. I don’t have any money, and they’ll ask questions, and—”

“Val, don’t worry about it. You’ve been through too much tonight already.”

I shook my head, sending new waves of pain through my bones.

“Enough. We’re going.”

I sighed but then told them we’d need my dad’s insurance card. It was in my purse back in my dorm room. Zane went to fetch my purse. I gave him my room key, but he said he’d give Jennifer a chance to answer the door first. He didn’t want her hitting him over the head with a chair or something. While he was gone, Ethan stroked the side of my head that hadn’t been beaten in. “God, Val…this is all my fault. I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s not, Ethan. She’s psychotic. Always has been, I guess.”

“Yeah, but she probably wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t…been with her.”

I tried to smile. “That’s true…a*shole.”

“I guess I deserve that.”

“I was just joking.”

“I wasn’t.” We were quiet then, and I closed my eyes, trying not to think of Charlotte wrapped around Ethan. Man, she’d known how to hurt me. The physical wounds would heal, but I didn’t know about the ones she’d inflicted on my heart.

I was having a hard time holding onto wakefulness, but soon I was in the emergency room, waiting for someone to look at me. When the doctor came in the room, he kicked the men out. He believed I had a minor concussion and said that someone should wake me up every few hours. If I didn’t wake up, they needed to call the doctor. He also treated my gashes and then sent me on my way. They said they’d bill my dad’s insurance. I needed to call my parents the next day and let them know what happened. I knew they’d be okay with the bill, but I wanted them to know the details instead of getting the bill or the statement from the insurance and wondering what happened.

It was late when we got back to the dorms…early morning, actually. Ethan said, “I want you staying in our room, okay? We need to keep an eye on you like the doctor said.” I didn’t protest.

Zane asked, “You need me to fetch anything from your room?”

I shrugged. “I don’t think so.”

He nodded. “I’m gonna go shower then.”

Ethan knelt over and untied my shoes for me. “I want you to lie down and try to rest. I’ll wake you up every few hours like the doctor said.”

“Ethan?” He looked up at me from where he squatted on the floor. He raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to speak. “Thanks.”

He frowned. “I don’t know what for. But…you’re welcome.” He stood. “Now, lie back, and I’ll pull the covers over you.”

I did as he asked, and he pulled the sheet and blanket over my body. He sat on the bed next to me and moved my hair off my forehead. “Tell me what happened. You think you can do that?”

I sighed. “You really want to know?” He nodded, so I strained to recall the events that had occurred earlier that evening, from the time I’d gotten to the bottom of the flight of stairs in my building up until he and Zane found me in the hallway. “But…what hurt the worst was when Charlotte said you told her you wished I was more like her.”

“She said that?”

“Yeah.”

He leaned closer to me. “I never said that, Val. I would never say that. I don’t ever want you to change.” He stroked my cheek with his finger. “Can you ever forgive me?”

“If you didn’t say that, I don’t need to.”

“Oh, yeah, I do need your forgiveness. I never should have gone out with her but…she was so goddamned tempting…”

I hadn’t needed to hear that either, and if he wanted my forgiveness, he needed to shut up. But, in that moment, he looked so vulnerable. For the first time since I’d met Ethan, he looked open…exposed, and he’d done it on purpose. He was laying himself bare to me, for me, and gone was that glint in his eyes he’d usually carried with him. He was pure then, and so I let my guard down too. “Ethan…I have to tell you something, something I should have told you so long ago, and I hope you’ll understand.” His eyes just looked at me, the question drawn in them. He didn’t need to ask. So I continued. “I…care more for you than I’ve ever let on. I thought you just considered me a friend, so I left it at that, but I can’t bear it any longer. I want you to know and then, well…where it goes from here is up to you.”

His eyes searched mine. “Are you saying you…love me?”

I’d already said too much, so I just nodded. He smiled. “Val, oh, God, Val.” He closed his eyes and let out a long breath. “You have no f*cking idea. But…after Brad, and then Zane…I just thought you wanted to be friends with me. I had no idea.”

I chuckled, but it hurt my head. “Ethan…do you remember the day we met?” He nodded. “My sitting behind you in class was no accident.” He raised his eyebrows, but I kept talking. “And then you invited me to that concert. What prompted you to ask me?”

He grinned. “Stupid ass Zane was supposed to come with me, but some little sorority girl in a miniskirt invited him to a barbecue. He couldn’t pass up a cute little blonde piece of ass. So you told me you were into metal and I had an extra ticket. Perfect timing. What about you, though? What do you mean sitting behind me was no accident? And then…why the f*ck did you go to the dance with Zane?”

“Why’d you go with that Mercy chick?”

“I already told you. I thought you and me were strictly friends only. Besides, you’re…so pure. I didn’t want to…soil you.” Had I not been so tired and achy, I would have protested, but he continued. “And…well… a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” I giggled again, and my head throbbed again. “Are the pain meds from the hospital wearing off?”

“He said I shouldn’t take anything else for a few more hours.”

Ethan nodded. “You’re avoiding my other question.”

“Oh…well, I…uh…I noticed you in class. You were the best-looking guy on campus, so I wanted to get to know you.”

He smiled and looked almost embarrassed. That was a first. “Really?” I smiled back. And as his expression grew more serious, he touched my chin and lowered his lips to mine. I closed my eyes. I had been waiting for this moment for so long. His lips were soft and warm and as his parted, mine responded. In just seconds, I was tasting the sweetness of him, and my head started to spin. In those few moments, I was aware of his breath on my cheek, of my heart beating, the blood pumping through my veins. My hands grabbed his t-shirt into fists, not wanting to ever let him go.

My spinning head, though…that wasn’t necessarily due to the breathtaking kiss. When he opened his eyes, he said, “You need to rest.” He reached in the pocket of his jeans and pulled out his cell phone. “I’m gonna wake you up every couple of hours, okay?” I nodded and felt my eyes closing. But I didn’t fall asleep until I felt him lie down next to me. He draped his arm over my waist, and the weight of it made me feel secure.

I drifted into a peaceful sleep. Not only had I kissed the man I’d fallen in love with, but we’d finally bared our souls, shared our deepest feelings with one another, and now I felt closer to him than ever before. His arm holding me close all night long reassured me of the new love we shared as well as our enduring friendship.