Bullet

chapter Six



EITHER ETHAN HADN’T noticed, or he just didn’t give a shit. That was okay, I supposed, because nothing would ever come of whatever weird chemistry Brad and I had. That was my guess, anyway, because as soon as we were in his truck to head back to his house, Ethan said nothing about it and instead asked, “Did you really like our band, or were you just being nice?” I looked over at him, my brows furrowed, but I doubted he could see my face. The street lamps in this town were few and far between, and what little he could see inside the truck would be coming from the dash. “I know you have a tendency to be polite, but coming from a guy who trusts you, who’s putting all his trust in you, please be totally honest. Brutally honest. I’ll get plenty of fan gushing later on. I need criticism right now.”

Was this a trick question? Ethan didn’t seem the type to take criticism well…not that it mattered in this instance. I smiled at him. “Everything I said back there was true. You guys were fantastic, and I’m so glad I finally got to see you play.”

I’d managed to plaster a smile on his face that remained all the way to his house. He leaned over and cranked the radio. And that left me alone with my thoughts. Once Ethan had finished the “Moon Baby” solo, he’d rushed us out of there. He’d used the excuse that because his mom hadn’t been home by the time we’d left, he wanted to see her before she went to bed. That was what had made me think maybe he’d had issues with what I thought had been obscenely obvious flirtation or something between Brad and me. Before we’d walked out the door, Ethan asked if I’d enjoyed singing, and I’d given some goofy answer, but they all knew I’d liked it…a lot more than I maybe should have.

And when we’d left, all the guys said goodbye, but Brad especially told me it had been a pleasure meeting me. His eyes said more, but I pretended not to register it. Then he’d slapped Ethan on the back, promising to see him Saturday afternoon.

We got back to Ethan’s house after nine o’clock. The house was bathed in shadow, and as we walked to the door from the truck, I could see our breath hanging in the air. Ethan muttered, “Mom’s still not back? Where in hell could she be?” We walked into his house, and in the space of a few seconds, he seemed so lost, so vulnerable. He was worried about his mother. And right then and there, I realized it. Brad who?

I loved Ethan.

I had fallen hopelessly, madly in love with him. Was it a cliché? Hell, yeah, but it had happened nonetheless. My interest in him had waned before, and even tonight, under the intense scrutiny—no, admiration of someone else—I had doubted my feelings. But Brad had no hold over me when he wasn’t around. When it was just Ethan, I was overpowered with emotion for him. But it had seemed as though I’d allowed my interest to dwindle to just friends instead of…this intense, overwhelming feeling. Why, all of a sudden, was I overcome with it, especially after the evening I’d experienced?

While I was swirling in an emotional eddy, Ethan was in one of his own…but at least he was talking out loud. His forehead puckered up into worry, and concern clouded his green eyes. “Where is she?” He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked at me. “Go ahead and turn the TV on if you want, Val.” He started dialing.

I shook my head. “That’s okay.” I was too worried about his worrying to concentrate on a television program. Really, though, I should have been studying for finals. But there was no way I could do that either, not while Ethan was so stressed out.

“Hey, gramps. This is Ethan.” He glanced over at me and forced a smile but then turned around and started pacing. “I’m here for the weekend.” There was a pause. “Yeah, I’ll be home in a week, but I have a friend here visiting. Look…do you know where mom is?” His eyes grazed over me as I sat on the overstuffed couch that tried to swallow me up. “No, she’s not here. That’s why I called you. Is she maybe working late?” He continued to pace, and he ran a hand through his hair that I just noticed was getting a little longer. “Yeah…I can call there. Bye.” The expression of worry on his face grew. He walked into the kitchen and came back with a phone book. He sat on the couch next to me while leafing through the pages of the small book. “She works at a restaurant, and her usual shift is from eight to five, but sometimes she trades shifts with other waitresses.” His finger held his place on a phone number, and he dialed it with his right hand. Then he brought the phone up to his ear and waited. “Maybe she traded a shift today.” His expression changed as someone on the other side answered the phone. “Is June Richards there?” I saw him mouth f*ck, but he said out loud, “I don’t suppose you know where she is.” Another pause until he said, “Okay. Thanks.” He pressed end on the phone. “What the f*ck is she doing?” He started pressing buttons on his phone again, the expression on his face communicating so much. Yes, he should have called his mom’s cell first. He didn’t say a word but just held the phone to his ear. “Mom…where the hell are you? I’m here at home and you’re not. I’m worried about you. Please call me and let me know you’re okay.” He hung up but a cloud hung over his head, and he clenched his jaw. “Maybe she’s on a date or something.”

He stood up again and started pacing. “Sorry if I’m upsetting you too, Val. I guess maybe we can just watch TV until she gets home.” I could tell he watched over his mother very carefully. I knew he called her several times a week from school. I wondered if his father was dead or just divorced from his mother, but I didn’t want to ask him about it.

He switched the television on and starting surfing through channels, never staying on any one show for very long. I thought of grabbing one of the books I had in my suitcase, but I decided against it, knowing I wouldn’t retain much of what I studied anyway. So I tried my best to relax.

Ethan finally settled on CNN, and I thought that was probably the worst choice out of all the possibilities. He’d be witnessing the dregs of humanity, the world at its worst—murder, arson, government scandals. If it were me, that kind of television would just make me more anxious.

And then something happened. He slid his arm around my shoulders. An electric thrill ran through my body, just under the surface, and suddenly I was aware of everything. After a long time, though, nothing more happened, and Ethan even shifted a little to redial his mother. But he just left another message, asking her to call.

After the emotional day, sitting still next to Ethan’s warm body, I dozed off and stirred later when he called his mother again, but then I fell completely under sleep’s heavy spell. In the back of my mind, I wondered if he felt comforted holding me or if he was starting to feel like I mattered to him. I didn’t know, but I wasn’t complaining about being close to him. I wasn’t sure when I drifted off, sometime early morning, I thought.

I awoke early the next morning with a stiff next and sore muscles, still in the same position, still in Ethan’s arms. I was surprised neither he nor I were sweating, but the house was cold. I noticed my hands were chilly as I started to stretch. The television was still on, CNN in its never-ending cycle of news reports. I spotted the remote next to Ethan’s right hand and reached over his lap for it. Then I switched the TV off.

Ah, sweet silence. That felt good.

I stood and stretched again and decided to let Ethan sleep longer. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but I did know he’d been up a good chunk of the night. He needed some rest, especially if we were going to have to spend the rest of the weekend figuring out what had happened to his mom. Now I was really worried about her.

I decided to go ahead and take a shower so I’d be prepared for whatever Ethan decided to do. I went upstairs and got a fresh change of clothes out of my luggage, as well as all the other toiletries I thought I’d need. I went in the bathroom and couldn’t see a closet where there might be towels stored, nor any shelves, so I went back in the hallway. There were shelves between Ethan’s room and the bathroom and, sure enough, there were towels and washcloths on them. I grabbed one of each and went in the bathroom where a warm shower was beckoning me.

I needed it and it felt great. By the time I was out and dressed, Ethan was up and at the kitchen table, thumping his fingers. He looked up at me. Oh, no. Why hadn’t I bothered with fresh makeup? And I’d combed out my hair but hadn’t done anything else with it. I was sure I looked like crap. But Ethan was too preoccupied to notice. “She’s not in bed, not at work. I tried calling her again and nothing. Where could she be?”

I knew it was stupid, but I felt like I had to say something. “Did she maybe take a vacation? Maybe she’s staying at a friend or relative’s house, just enjoying some new scenery.” He scowled, and that’s when I knew my suggestions weren’t working. Ethan decided to shower as well, and I made sure to be looking more presentable when he came out, putting on some makeup. But he got some cereal out of the cupboards and made some coffee so we could eat a little breakfast. He called his grandfather again—no luck. And he left his mother at least three more messages.

At ten o’clock, she walked in the door.

Ethan didn’t miss a beat. He’d been pacing in the kitchen again but made a beeline for the older woman when she walked through the door. “Mom, where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you. You weren’t answering your phone; you didn’t call me back…”

She took him in and pulled him into a warm embrace. “I didn’t know you were coming home this weekend, honey, or I would have made sure I was here.” She kissed him on the cheek and smiled. “I lost my phone. I thought maybe it was in the car. That’s where I usually find it when it’s lost, but no. I haven’t located it yet.” And that’s when she noticed me. I liked her right away. She was sincere, kind, and sweet. “Who’s your friend?”

Ethan was calm and, for him, I no longer existed. “Don’t avoid my question, mom.”

The woman tried to be stern, but her admonition fell flat. “Ethan, where are your manners? Introduce your friend first.” I saw a twinkle in her green eyes that looked just like her son’s. I guessed she was in her late thirties, because she looked a lot younger than my parents. Her brown hair was pulled up in a ponytail, and her eyes seemed alert but tired. And, while I wasn’t the best judge, she appeared to be too thin. Maybe she’d been working too hard or hadn’t gotten much sleep. “And why don’t we go have a cup of coffee at the kitchen table? You’re making me nervous.”

His jaw clenched but he acquiesced. “This is a friend from school, Valerie Quinn.”

Well, this was awkward. There was some weird tension growing between Ethan and his mother, and here I was, right in the middle of it. I just smiled as sweetly as I could and said hi. Then I tried to find some unobtrusive way to just blend into the background.

His mother led Ethan by the elbow and even grabbed my hand on her other side, urging us to the kitchen. She hadn’t even removed her coat yet. Once we were in that dark but cozy room, she set her purse on the counter and then slid her long brown coat off her shoulders, draping it over a chair. She walked over to the coffee pot and pulled out a cup from the cabinet above it. “I see you’re meeting nice girls for a change.” His mother’s laugh was nervous. I couldn’t quite figure that one out.

“Mom.” Ethan was pressing.

She turned around, coffee in hand and said, “Would you sit down, please? Good grief. You’re making me feel like a hen being scoped out by a wolf.”

And I wasn’t helping. I knew that much. I sat down, though, and I did it quickly, because there was some weird dynamic going on between him and his mom. I started to think better of it, though, and thought maybe I could use this moment as an excuse to study. “I can give you some time alone.”

Ethan gave me a look and then shook his head. “You can stay.” His gaze moved to his mother again.

She was nervous and jumpy. She took a sip of her coffee and then sat down. Ethan joined her. She took a deep breath and said, “You remember Jason?”

I could tell this question upset Ethan, but he managed to rein it in. “Yeah. You were dating him last summer.”

His mother looked down at her cup of coffee as though it would understand her better than her son. Both her hands were wrapped around it as she looked into the warm brown liquid. “I was with him last night.” She took a deep breath and forced herself to look in her son’s eyes. “I love him, Ethan. He’s going to move in here.”

I couldn’t tell what Ethan was thinking. He had a poker face the likes of which I’d never seen before. He was cool when he said, “At least you’re falling in love with nice guys for a change.”

His mother started laughing. She seemed relieved. “Have you had breakfast?”

He nodded. “Val and I are going to Brad’s later.”

“But I haven’t even seen you.”

His visage didn’t change. His eyes were cold, even since making the joke he had with his mother. Something was going on and I wasn’t sure what it was. He didn’t apologize or explain, and I didn’t know how good an idea it was for the two of us to return to Brad’s house. But I wasn’t going to say a word. He stood and looked at me. “Val, I have to see some old friends, and I don’t want you to be bored. If you’re still tired, you can sleep in my bed.”

What? So he was just going to leave for a while? Hadn’t we seen some of his old friends the night before…and weren’t we going to do it again later? He didn’t answer the questions in my eyes, instead bending over and kissing his mother on the cheek. “Be back in a while.” Before either of us could say another word, he was in the living room putting on his jacket and then walking out the door.

That was…bizarre, to say the least. I wasn’t sure how to take that, but his mother seemed to just blow it off. “Silly boy.” She got up to freshen her coffee, but I knew it was an excuse to avoid eye contact…not that I blamed her. “He’ll be back in a week and can visit all his old friends then.” When she sat back at the table, she asked, “So, Valerie, how did you and Ethan meet?”

Well, Ethan might not have cared enough about his mom to stick around and make her feel loved, but I liked her right from the start. Sure, she seemed a little…broken, but she seemed kind and thoughtful, and I was beginning to wonder why those qualities hadn’t rubbed off on her son. But I also knew something was eating at Ethan having to do with something going on with his mom, and maybe since I was his guest, he didn’t want to make a bigger scene than he already had and decided to leave and cool off. I had no problems talking with his mother, though. “In our history class.” No way was I going to tell her I’d planned the meeting. I would have been too embarrassed with that revelation.

Ethan’s mother stared into the black coffee mug in between her hands. “You probably think Ethan and I have a strange relationship.” She looked up to make contact with my eyes. “But I love him so much. He’s my only child…” Her voice got quieter. “Looks just like his father.”

I sucked in a quick breath. How I wanted to ask about his father, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I figured if Ethan had wanted me to know, he would have already told me. Otherwise, it was probably none of my business, no matter how nosy I felt. The poor woman looked like she needed some good news, though, something to make her feel better. “He loves you too. I can tell. He worried about you and called all over trying to find you.”

“He’s a sweet boy.” She rolled her neck as though trying to get the kinks out of it. “Is his band going to play for you?”

“They did…last night. They’re great. Ethan really knows his way around a guitar. I’m so glad we met. He’s become my best friend.”

She got up and pulled the carafe off of the warmer base of the coffee maker. She brought it to the table to refill her cup. “You love him too, don’t you?” It was as though she could see my soul. How did she know? Or was it that Ethan just had that effect on young women? “Would you like some more?”

I shook my head. “No…no, thank you.” I felt stunned. She turned around and replaced the carafe. As she sat down, I asked, “How could you tell?” Or had it just been a lucky guess?

She smiled and acted like she was going to place her hand on mine, but she didn’t. “By the way your eyes light up when you talk about him.” She took a sip of her coffee. “It’s hard to explain.” Her smile widened again. “I’m glad, though. Ethan has never really found a girl to love him. He needs that.”

Whoa. First of all, I found that hard to believe. Ethan was absolutely gorgeous, mysterious, smart, and funny. He downplayed it, but I was convinced he already had a legion of fans, no matter what his mother thought. And then there was the problem that I often wondered that he didn’t feel the same way about me. So I said, “Yes, but we’re only friends.”

She smiled, a gentle, tender look that just touched the corner of her eyes. “Are you so sure? Ethan has never even bothered to introduce me to the girls he’s dated in the past.”

I grinned back, sure I was right. “Well, we’re just friends, and I’m sure that’s why he did.”

She chuckled. “You’re right there. I just hope you’re a good influence on him.” She let out a long sigh. “Last year in high school, he hung around with the wrong crowd, if you know what I mean. He and Brad have been good friends for a long time, and I like Brad, but forming this band was Ethan’s saving grace. He and Brad hooked up with Zane and Nick around spring break last year, and suddenly Ethan cared again. It was such a relief.” She took another sip of coffee. “All those kids are basically good kids. And I can tell you’re a nice girl.” This time she did pat my hand. “I hope he decides to stay friends with you.”

I giggled, unable to help myself any longer. “That makes two of us.”

She kept talking; why, I didn’t know. “Ethan really didn’t want to go to college at first. But I asked him to go for one year, and then if he didn’t like it, he could quit. He barely made it through high school, but college is so important nowadays, and…well, his college is paid for, as long as he wants to go, and my father is giving him spending money now and then. I know he wants to see Ethan succeed in college. I never went, except for one summer when I got my CNA certification.” She was getting close to something uncomfortable, so she switched gears. “What made you decide to go to college, Valerie?”

I nodded. “My parents wanted me to go. My grades in high school were pretty good, and I have no idea what I want to do for a living. Right now, my major is undecided, and I have no idea what I want to major in, but my mom and dad think I’ll figure it out in school. Dad said if I don’t go to college, I’ll have no focus and won’t be able to get a decent job.”

“He’s probably right there.” She took another sip of her coffee. “You look pretty tired. Did the two of you get any sleep at all last night?”

She was right. I was tired. “Maybe I will take a nap…if that’s okay with you.”

“Of course.”

“Thank you, Mrs.—is it Miss or Mrs.?” I didn’t want to be presumptuous. I’d barely met the woman, and Ethan’s introduction hadn’t exactly been stellar.

“Which sounds better?” That was weird. I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

“Just call me whatever’s easier for you. You can call me June if you’d like. Or even mom if you’re comfortable with that. Brad and Nick call me mom.”

Maybe she didn’t like being called by a title at all, so if she wanted me to call her that, I would. “Okay, mom.” I giggled.

“Sleep tight, Valerie.”

I felt a little awkward calling her mom, but she seemed happy that I’d made that choice. I thought maybe after a little while, it would feel like second nature to call her that. And, if not, I could always call her by her real name. As I drifted off to sleep, my head buried in Ethan’s pillow, I felt myself unable to fully grasp all the surreal happenings of the last twenty-four hours. Little did I know, it wasn’t over yet.

* * *

“Wake up, sleepy head.” Ethan greeted me from his bedroom doorway. “Ready to go to Brad’s?”

How long had I slept? It was still light outside, so it couldn’t have been too late. “Let me at least sit up. What time is it?”

“Two o’clock. You awake enough to go?”

“Well, yeah, but can I at least do my hair?”

He rolled his eyes, but I could tell he was just giving me a hard time. “How many hours will that take?”

I slid out from his bed and slipped into my shoes. “Ten minutes, tops.”

“I’m timing you.”

I stuck out my tongue and then started rifling through my suitcase for my brush. I still couldn’t believe I’d let him see me without makeup earlier. Granted, a lot of it was still on because I hadn’t washed it off the night before, but still… Now I wanted to touch it up, make sure my hair was okay, and I wanted to brush my teeth too. I had a new case of morning breath.

Less than ten minutes later, I was bounding down the stairs. I slid my coat on and said goodbye to mom as we walked out the door.

After we were in the truck, Ethan said, “My mom likes you. That’s good. She doesn’t always like my friends. She never says anything, you know, but I can tell when she doesn’t like one of my friends.”

“I like her too, Ethan.” I left it at that. I could tell Ethan’s mom was a little insecure, and I wasn’t sure why, but she was a nice, loving person, and I couldn’t help but like her back. I didn’t want to discuss his mom with him, though, especially when I wasn’t quite sure what the dynamic of their relationship was.

“And don’t ask what I was doing when I left.”

I felt confused. “I already know what you were doing. You said—”

“I know what I said.” And then I saw that bitter look he’d always had in his eyes surface again. I just shut my mouth. He didn’t want to talk about it, but I wondered why he’d even brought it up now.

A few minutes later, we got to Brad’s house. I steeled myself, hoping my memories of the night before had been exaggerated in my mind. You can do this, Valerie. Yes, I could do it.

* * *

“Hey, guys, I can’t believe I didn’t show you this shit already.” Yeah, Brad was still as hot as he’d been the night before. Only this time, he was literally hot, little beads of sweat forming on his forehead from two hours of playing in the band. It wasn’t as cold in the garage as it had been the night before, but I still could barely understand how he could be that overheated.

He walked across the garage and moved a couple of boxes. Then he opened one and pulled out a bottle of rum. “And I’ve got two twelve-packs of Coke chillin’ in the fridge.” He lowered his voice and got closer to the group. “Mom’s working tonight…leaves around six-thirty, so we can get f*ckin’ wasted.”

Ethan slid his guitar so it hung on his back. “Wait a minute. Do you even drink, Val?”

Uh-oh. He’d already figured out my goody-two-shoes nature, and I thought I’d hidden it so well. “Umm…” God, I was going to sound so uncool. “I can be your designated driver.”

“Perfect.” Well, maybe that wasn’t so hard after all.

Brad hid the bottle back in the box and returned to the group. Then Ethan said, “Guys, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” Zane nodded but said nothing. “There’s a reason why Val’s our designated driver. She’s f*cking brilliant. And I hate to even admit it, but she figured out something none of us other numbnuts did. The name Bullet? F*cking cool, right?”

“Hell, yeah.”

“Yeah…and it’s taken.”

Brad snarled. “So? I’ve never heard of ‘em, so what?”

“Do you really want somebody’s sloppy seconds?”

Brad started laughing. “F*ck…not when you put it that way.”

“Exactly. So…close your eyes and tell me…what do you think of Fully Automatic?”

Brad and Nick were quiet, so quiet. No. I was sure that meant they hated it. But then Nick nodded his head. Brad was the wild card, though. After a few moments, he said, “Yeah…that’ll work.”

“You don’t sound convinced.”

“I just need some time to try it on…know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” Ethan said, “that’s cool, man.”

Brad slapped him on the back. “Damn straight.”

“So let’s work out this next song.” They spent the next two hours perfecting a song they’d been working on. I hadn’t really noticed any of their lyrics before, but I was able to hear these in scrutinizing detail. And, because their sound was so rockin’, there was no way I was going to criticize their lyrics…but they weren’t deep, and they sounded pretty cliché. There weren’t any sentiments in the words I hadn’t heard dozens of times before. I had gathered from what Ethan had told me before that usually he and Brad wrote their own lyrics to the songs they sang, but this one wound up being a collaboration. I just sat back and listened to them work things out. They got the music down first—solo included—and then started writing the lyrics.

“Down on my knees…how’s that?”

Ethan said, “Yeah, yeah…that’s good, and it rhymes with me too.”

Brad nodded. Zane and Nick were working on percussion, trying to perfect the rhythm of the song while Brad and Ethan sat on two other lawn chairs. I sat next to them both, keeping my mouth shut.

Then Ethan said, “Oh…this is better: ‘I’m begging you please’.”

“Yeah.”

Oh, God…I couldn’t help it anymore. I’d been quiet long enough. “Um…guys…can I give you a suggestion?”

Oh, shit. It had come out of my mouth. I hadn’t been able to stop it. Both of them grew quiet and looked at me. Ethan said, “Uh…sure.”

I took a deep breath. They were my friends, and there was nothing wrong with constructive criticism, right? Especially if it was given with care. At least that’s what I told myself, so I moved forward. I didn’t want to be harsh or mean, so I just said, “Your music is awesome. It’s so original. Some of the words here, though…they’re kind of…”

“Generic.” Thank goodness Brad said it before I had to. I just nodded my head. “Yeah, you’re right.” He looked at Ethan and then back to me. “Any ideas?”

Oh, double shit. I couldn’t think on the fly. I just knew unoriginal when I heard it. I felt like a ladybug under a magnifying glass. But then it came to me. “Your words are a knife that twist with every breath.”

Ethan smiled. Then he looked skeptical as he started to say, “That’s—”

“Wow. Not perfect, but…I like the metaphor.”

Oh, great. Like Brad needed to look even better to me than he already did. But it couldn’t be helped. He scored points with me—not because he liked my words, but because he knew what a metaphor was.

“Do you care if I use it…even if we change it a bit?”

“No…please.” Ethan didn’t seem too thrilled about it, but he and Brad started working around the knife metaphor and wound up completely changing the words. Suddenly, though, with just that one little suggestion, the words became riddled with meaning, and not just superficial dribble. It was no longer a bunch of words I’d heard a million times before. It went from being okay to being pretty special. And by the time they were done, even Ethan was happy.

Brad’s mom popped in the garage to say goodbye. Brad introduced me to her. I guessed she was a nurse because she was wearing scrubs. She kissed Brad on the cheek and then she noticed me. “I thought it was just the boys tonight.”

“Oh, mom, this is Ethan and Zane’s friend from college—Valerie Quinn.” Wow. He’d remembered my last name too.

“Nice to meet you, Valerie. I’m Barbara. Now, Brad, there’s some leftover turkey and mashed potatoes in the fridge. I wouldn’t complain if you all ate it. Just put the dishes in the dishwasher, please.”

“Thanks, Mrs. P.”

“I need to hurry. Apparently, there are already three women checked in who will probably give birth tonight during my shift. So don’t worry if I’m home later than usual.”

“I won’t, mom.”

“Have fun. Oh, and there are some DVDs in the living room if you want to watch a movie.”

Well, the guys were all over having some chow and watching a horror movie, so we went to the kitchen where everyone pitched in. We sat at the table and ate, and I almost thought they’d forgotten about the bottle of rum in the garage. But as we were rinsing plates and loading the dishwasher, Brad snuck off, returning shortly after with the bottle. Ethan had only been helping half-heartedly and was off in the corner. It looked like he was texting something. If he was interested in me at all, he wasn’t doing a very good job showing it. Brad, on the other hand, wasn’t doing a good job staying off my radar.

We retired to the living room, and someone put in a horror movie. It looked like just another horror movie, and none of us were really watching. Brad had brought out one of the twelve-packs and the bottle of rum. He’d had Nick help by bringing in five glasses filled with ice. Brad poured rum in four of the glasses and then looked at me. “Sure you don’t want just a little? Just enough to get a little buzz?”

His eyes were so warm, so persuasive. Ethan sat up straight on the couch and leaned over, so close I could feel him. As though challenging Brad, he said to me, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

But I trusted Brad, and there was something in his eyes that made me want to say yes. So I said, “Sure…just a little, though. I’m the driver, remember?”

He chuckled. “Okay.” So he poured just a tiny amount in my glass, at least two-thirds less than what he’d poured in everyone else’s cup. Then he poured Coke in each one until the liquid almost touched the rim.

Brad slid the glasses to a position in front of each person. “Bottoms up.” All four of the men drank half of their glass in one gulp.

“You shouldn’t have put ice in ‘em, Bradley. It’s harder to drink.” Ethan smirked at his friend.

“I thought, since we were in the company of a lady, that we should show a little restraint.” I felt myself blush a little.

“Yeah. Whatever. Top me off, p-ssy.”

Brad’s sense of humor seemed to be dissipating. He handed Ethan the bottle. “Do it yourself, cocksucker.”

“Don’t mind if I do.”

At that point, we did start watching the movie. I’d felt a little tense at the exchange between the two alpha males in the room, but as they downed their drinks, their emotions seemed to die down as well.

It didn’t escape my notice that Brad moved to the other side of me on the couch…and he sat close enough that his leg touched mine.

But Ethan kept talking to me, just making fun of the movie, making me laugh. Nick was on the floor in front of the coffee table, and once in a while, he’d catch a snippet of Ethan’s jokes and bust out laughing. He was getting pretty wasted. Zane was in a chair on the other side of the room.

I hadn’t had much of my drink. I guessed I just wasn’t much of a drinker. And that was okay. Ethan sat up and grabbed a Coke, popping it open. He sat back on the couch and whispered. “How about you trade me your drink for a straight Coke?”

I felt a little relief, and my heart warmed to my sweet Ethan. He must have just sensed that I wasn’t comfortable drinking, and he was going to rescue me. I smiled and switched with him. All the ice in my glass had melted, so he slammed it in just a couple of gulps. He licked his lips and looked me straight in the eye. “Best one I’ve had all night.”

Was he just teasing me? He winked and then leaned forward again, this time pouring more rum in his glass but foregoing the Coke.

Nick started giggling. “Oh, shit. This girl’s gonna get killed.”

Zane said, “Yeah…we saw her tits five minutes ago. Of course, she’s gonna die.”

The girl in the film had been jogging through the woods but then discovered she was being followed by the slasher in the movie. It was the same old tired scenario we’d all seen in horror movies, a formula beloved by the many. The girl tripped and started screaming, panicking, and just being stupid in general. I sat up. “Why is it that they always make these girls so dumb? Why does she have to trip and act stupid? Instead of going back the way she came or following the trail, she’s disappearing deeper into the woods where she’s going to die.”

Normally quiet Nick was now Obnoxious Nick. “You have a problem with that?”

Zane said, “I don’t, as long as I get to see her goodies.”

I rolled my eyes. “Real girls aren’t like that.”

Brad sat up next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. “Know what, Val? You’re cool. Ethan has class when it comes to women.”

I wasn’t sure where he was coming from, but I couldn’t believe he was putting his arm around me right in front of Ethan.

“Correction,” Zane interrupted. “Remember Mary…the mouth?”

“Oh, f*ck, yeah!” Nick broke out into laughter and fell on his back.

Ethan said, “Can we change the subject?”

“I kinda liked her mouth,” Zane said.

“I just wanted to say Val was cool. I didn’t want to get you guys started talking about Ethan’s old girlfriends.”

Ethan slammed his straight rum and poured another. Zane said, “I want a girlfriend like that.”

“Shut the f*ck up, man.”

Zane sighed and shrugged, then downed his drink. Brad seemed to be in his own little world. I’d tried to ignore his arm around me, and I certainly didn’t want to draw attention to it nor encourage it. But he started talking quietly, so no one else could hear. “I’m glad you and Ethan are friends.” I couldn’t ignore him anymore, and I turned my head to look at him.

Holy Christ. The look in his eyes was undeniable. He wasn’t drunk, no. He might’ve been loosened up, but he wasn’t trashed. He looked…sexy, and I had no idea why he liked me so much, but the feeling was mutual.

I heard Nick laughing at something on the TV, and Zane said, “Holy shit! That bitch can bleed!” I hoped no one else was paying attention to me.

Brad asked, “So…are you and Ethan dating or not? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend? He won’t say dick about it, and I can’t tell.”

God…how should I answer that? Honesty…always the best way. “I…uh…don’t think he considers us that.”

Still…I really cared for Ethan, and nothing was set in stone. Until I knew for sure, I didn’t want to encourage Brad’s behavior. I took a deep breath and tried to smile. Then I stood up. “I…um…need a glass of water. Can I get anyone anything?”

Brad shook his head, and everyone else ignored me, so I walked to the kitchen.

I was so glad I hadn’t had anything to drink. In the past, I’d been around friends who’d lost all their inhibitions too quickly thanks to alcohol, and I knew I’d just escaped a precarious situation.

I’d come to the kitchen to get my bearings. I stood at the refrigerator for a good two minutes, just staring at the handle. Finally, I opened the door so I wouldn’t look pathetic and lost, but that’s really what I was. I was confused. I didn’t know what I wanted, and it made me angry. No, that wasn’t entirely true. My head wanted one thing, my heart another. I needed a few minutes alone to just think.

A few deep breaths and I was starting to feel normal again. I shut the refrigerator door and turned around, ready to go back to the living room. But just as I did that, he appeared in the doorway. Brad…the man who’d made me question everything. And he just stared at me with those smoldering eyes as if to say he knew everything I was thinking.

Like a deer caught in headlights, I froze. I was paralyzed. I felt my heartbeat speed up, as though a locomotive were driving it. Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. I could hear it in my ears and nothing else. And then he started moving across the kitchen, closing the gap between us until it was nonexistent. I could hear as each one of his boots hit the floor step by step, but I was helpless to move. I felt a jolt in my bloodstream as my brain flooded it with chemicals, and yet I still couldn’t move.

Brad stopped just millimeters away from my body, and my eyes stayed locked on his. The thudding in my chest hadn’t receded, and there was no way I was getting away. I drew in one deep breath through my slightly parted lips, then another. Neither of us said a word. And then I felt something inside decide that it would be okay. Honestly, I knew there was nothing between Ethan and me, just some stupid stalkerish emotion that made me feel like I loved him. And that’s when I decided I wanted to give in to whatever had gripped me, whatever it was inside me that was drawn to Brad. My breathing slowed just a little, and I noticed his head tilt down as though he was going to touch my lips with his. Yes. It was okay. Maybe.

No. I wasn’t ready for this. Not yet. I closed my eyes as though in slow motion and tilted my head to the side. That would be okay, right? But deep inside I knew it wouldn’t be, and I didn’t care. If he had been a vampire, I would have been offering my jugular to him. Still I didn’t care—he could have it.

I drew in another slow, deep breath, anticipating the touch of his lips. Instead, I felt his breath on my neck, and everything in my body tightened. First, my breath caught in my throat, and then every single muscle in my body clamped down, but where I felt it the most was in my feminine parts, a part of my body that I’d religiously avoided like the plague. But the sensation didn’t feel as sinful as I’d been led to believe. Oh, no. It was a foreign feeling, yes, but it was not unwelcome. On instinct, my hands moved to his neck, and I shoved my fingers into his thick, soft hair.

His breath on my neck was warm and delicious. He brought his lips to my ear, and they barely grazed the tender skin there. He said, “I know your heart belongs to Ethan, and as long as it does, nothing can happen between us. But I want you to know I’ll wait.”

I didn’t know what to say. There really wasn’t anything I could say that would make it okay. He had to know I was physically attracted to him, or why else would he even feel confident enough to make a move like that? It was in that moment that I realized how intuitive and worldly Brad was. He picked up on things that others usually just overlooked. He knew…he knew how I felt about him, about Ethan. How could he know that?

Either that or he was just drunk.

No…it wasn’t that he’d been drinking. He stepped back as I loosened my grip in his hair. His eyes stayed locked on mine as he just continued backing up, and then, as he got close to the doorway, he turned around and left the room.

I was breathless again. And I was even more confused than when I’d come in here.

* * *

Something had gone wrong in my absence, but I was too stupid to figure out what it was. All I knew is I had come back in the living room with the glass of cold water I’d supposedly wanted, and Ethan was ready to leave. The other guys told him we should stay, that it was still really early, the movie wasn’t over, there was still plenty of booze. But he wouldn’t listen. He was ready to leave. Brad hadn’t said and didn’t say a word.

Zane did, though. “Man, we could stay here all night. We could even crash on the floor. Brad’s mom won’t be home till morning, and she’ll be ready for bed when she gets here. Don’t bail now.”

“We’re leaving in the morning, Zane, so unless you have another ride back to school…”

Zane looked a little pissed but shrugged. “Fine. What time you comin’ by my house?”

“Ten. And if you’re smart, you’ll make sure you’re not hung over.”

Nick was already passed out on the floor. Zane said, “See you in the morning.”

Brad nodded at Ethan. “Take care, man. See you when you get back.”

It was subtle, but I saw Ethan’s jaw clench. He nodded. “Yeah.” Then he looked at me. “Let’s go.” I found my coat and purse on the bench by the front door where Brad had shown me to set them earlier. I told both Zane and Brad goodbye, and I couldn’t see any of the heat coming off Brad then as I had just minutes earlier. It was like a well-kept secret.

It was cold outside, so I zipped up my coat. When we got to his truck, he walked toward the driver’s side. I said, “Didn’t you want me to be your designated driver?”

He just opened the door. “I got this.”

I hadn’t seen how much he’d had to drink, but I was going to trust him. If his driving scared me, I’d ask him to stop and hope I could either find my way back to his house or Brad’s in the dark in this unfamiliar town.

Ethan was silent all the way back to his house. He drove okay, and I was grateful for that. I tried not to be upset, but I was growing tired of Ethan’s continual moodiness. He’d never seemed this out of sorts at school, but ever since he’d gotten home, he’d been a rollercoaster of emotions. I couldn’t keep up.

When we got to his house, he waited for me to get out of the truck before walking to the front door, but he didn’t say a word. I just followed him inside. There was a light on in the kitchen, and I could see two people sitting at the table, but I couldn’t make out more than that. I took off my coat and set it and my purse on the edge of the couch and continued following Ethan to the kitchen.

His mom and a man were sitting at the table. The man had black hair with a little gray. He looked a little older than Ethan’s mother. He was slightly overweight. I didn’t notice until he stood that he was tall. His blue eyes appraised me, and I could tell he was kind and gentle, just like Ethan’s mother.

“Hi, kids,” June said. “Why are you home so early? I wasn’t expecting you until much later.”

Ethan shrugged. “We’re leaving early tomorrow. Next week is finals week.”

June looked at the man across from her. “Jason, you’ve met Ethan. This is his friend, Valerie Quinn.”

“Nice to meet you, Valerie.”

I said, “You, too,” not knowing what else to say.

“C’mon, Val,” Ethan said. He walked out of the kitchen and toward the stairs. Why was he acting so strangely? Of course, he’d been doing nothing but act strange for the last twenty-four hours.

I said bye and hurried up the stairs to catch up. By the time I joined him in his room, he was already sitting on his bed taking his shoes off.

I sat next to him. “What’s wrong, Ethan?”

“Nothing.”

I took a deep breath. “Does it have anything to do with what you didn’t want to tell me earlier.”

His voice was cold, and he wouldn’t look at me. “No.”

“Don’t you want to talk about it?”

“No.” His jaw clenched. “Let’s just say I needed to leave Brad’s when I did, or Fully Automatic would already be disbanded.” He blinked a few times and turned on the bed. “Next weekend when I come back, it’ll all be cool.” I nodded but didn’t know what else to say, so I chose to say nothing. And in the back of my mind I wondered if he had seen Brad’s near kiss. Well, I guess I really didn’t wonder. His reaction and his words were confirmation. He grabbed a guitar pick off the nightstand and fingered it, still avoiding eye contact. “I guess I’ve been kind of pissy. Sorry. You come home with me, and I’m probably not showing you a good time. I, uh…after mom told me Jason was moving in here, I had to think things through. So I had to leave for a while.” He sighed and his voice was quieter, but he looked at me. I’d never seen Ethan looking that vulnerable. “She must love him a lot. She’s never asked a man to move in with her before. Jason’s an all right guy, but…I didn’t know if he’d treat her right.”

His eyes returned to the guitar pick. “My mom has been through hell. Let me just say this.” His eyes clouded with that never-ending look of hatred, the one I’d seen in his eyes way too many times before. “My father was a real son of a bitch. He treated my mom wrong. I don’t ever want her hurt again. So…after mom told me about Jason, I drove around town for about an hour, just thinking about the situation. And then, after I cooled down, I went to see Jason. I just talked to him. I wanted to see if he loved her. And I told him if he ever hurt her, he’d have to contend with me. He said he loved her more than anything. But I don’t know if I believe him. I mean…my mom’s the marrying kind. She’s said it herself. One time she told me she wouldn’t share herself with a man who wasn’t willing to marry her, and yet Jason doesn’t seem like he does. What gives?”

“Maybe he’s not emotionally ready for that kind of commitment yet, Ethan. Give him time.” Kind of like Ethan seemed to be too. He should be able to relate to that. But I didn’t say it. I felt a little uncomfortable, trying to give Ethan advice, and I had barely met Jason, but he seemed like a nice enough guy. I touched Ethan’s forearm with my hand.

It didn’t bother Ethan, but he didn’t really seem to notice either. “That’s what he hinted at. And I figure as long as mom’s happy, she can do what she wants. But if he ever hurts her…” His knuckles turned white, and his teeth clenched. Finally, he said, “He’ll have hell to pay.”

The silence returned. Ethan’s eyes eventually returned to normal, with only a mild look of anger dwelling in them. What had his father done to June that made Ethan so overprotective of her? I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t about to push it. Ethan had already bared his heart for me and it made me love him more.

I fell asleep in his arms again that night, right there on his bed, surprised that neither his mom nor Jason separated us. Nothing happened, but I felt like I was the comfort Ethan had needed on that cold, dark night.