I can’t talk. Words are pointless, anyway. As if this could be described. I could speak every language in the world and still not have enough words to express how I feel about this man.
I settle for kissing him. I make noises around his tongue. He does the same around mine. We both know exactly what we’re saying: This is precious. This is love. This is something I’ll never take for granted, because I know how it feels to be without it.
We’re not quiet as we wind each other tighter. We sigh and grunt with the intensity of it. Quiet really isn’t an option with feelings this big.
As I crest, I tell him I love him and moan his name. Repeat it, over and over again. Get louder as he increases his pace and stop breathing when I’m as high as I can go. I almost scream it when I snap and fly. He carries me though all the layers of pleasure. I float for so long, I feel dizzy. Then he’s crying out my name, and his movements are erratic. Hips move back and forth to the rhythm of his orgasm. Staccato and unsteady. He’s tense and still for what seems like minutes, then heavy relief hits, and he sinks down and wraps me in all of him.
We hold each other and breathe. Dazed. Ecstatic. More in love with each other than we ever thought possible.
As the fog lifts, our hearts slow. Fingers stroke subconsciously. He rolls off and pulls me to his side until my head is on his shoulder, my hand over his heart.
I trace patterns. I think they’re random, but when I become lucid, I realize they’re words. Ethan. Love. Ethan. Mine. Always.
He’s tracing patterns, too. Also words. I’m dozing off, but I recognize some of them. Cassie. Beautiful. Mine. Need. Love.
Then he traces two words that make me stop breathing. When he traces them again, I’m wide awake.
On the third time I feel the tension in him. He’s wondering if I’ve understood. His expression says he hopes I have, and he watches me, desperate for an answer.
I push up on my elbow and look at him. I’m blinking too fast, but I can’t help it. The naked vulnerability in his expression makes me well up.
He gazes at me and brings a single finger to my chest. Then he traces the words one more time and finishes by uttering the world’s softest, “Please.”
My eyes spill over. My throat is so tight with emotion, I can barely get out my whispered, “Yes.”
I kiss him and repeat it, just to make sure he understands. “Yes.”
He sighs in relief as I kiss all over his face and neck. “Yes, yes, yes.”
His eyes spill, too. So relieved. So happy. So beautiful.
We celebrate by making love again, and I know without a doubt, I’ve made the right decision.
I think about how I was six months ago and marvel over where I am today. It’s hard to believe.
I don’t think I ever fully understood before what a profound ability humans have to change, especially with the right motivation. We’re capable of remarkable evolution. Not just physically, but mentally.
Emotionally.
Although some of us get lost in the labyrinth of our own insecurities, it’s possible to find our way out. Ethan’s proof of that. I guess, in my prouder moments, I am, too. Neither of us is perfect, that’s for sure, but when we’re together, our deficiencies are complemented by the other’s strengths.
When I look at Ethan now, I don’t just see the damaged young man who hurt me in a misguided attempt to protect me. I see the man who struggled against the doubt and darkness inside himself and fought with all his might to change. And there’s something about his immense determination to be more than he was that makes him more beautiful to me than ever. There’s compassion in him now, not only for others, but especially for me. He’s known the loss and defeat I’ve felt. He’s walked in my shoes. And I’ve walked in his.
I have no doubt we’ll continue to fight and grow, and I have no illusions that the rest of our journey is going to be smooth, but I do know that whatever burdens we encounter will be halved because we’re together. As a couple, we have more than enough strength to achieve whatever we desire and fortunately for us, we’ve never desired anything as much as one another.
That’s where our future lies.
Together.
Writing our own unconventional and dramatic love story, one page at a time.
Their love was always destined to be star-crossed.
Don’t miss Elissa and Liam’s story.
Fall 2015