When she leaves, I go over to the closet and find Ethan’s warm-up clothes. I pick them up and hug them. When I close my eyes, I can almost imagine it’s him.
Two minutes later, I try my focusing exercise again.
I nail it.
His face appears on the screen, and I want to reach out and touch him.
“Hi,” I say and exhale with relief.
He sighs and licks his lips. “Wow. Hi. Fuck, you look so good. I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
“We spoke last night.”
He scoffs. “That was a lifetime ago.”
He glances over his shoulder, and I can make out the dimly lit interior of his trailer. “I don’t have long to talk. We’re between scenes. I’m waiting for them to reset lights.”
“You’re shooting all night again?”
“We finish when the sun comes up.”
“That’s your costume?”
He looks down at himself and smiles. “Yeah. Sexy, huh?”
He’s wearing a ripped white T-shirt stained with blood. The left side of his face is swollen and bruised, and his bottom lip is split.
“Hmmm. Yes, very rugged. Your bruise makeup is impressive.”
He chuckles. “Uh … yeah. Not all of that is makeup.”
“What?”
“We filmed the big fight scene last night. I weaved when I should have ducked and … well…”
“No!”
“Yep. Pow. Right in the kisser.”
“Oh, Ethan.”
“It’s okay. I’ve had worse.”
“When?”
He rubs the back of his neck. “Whenever my anger used to get the better of me, I’d go to this bar in the city. It was pretty rough.”
For a moment, I think about what this means. “You went to deliberately get in to fights?”
“Well, I went to beat the crap out of someone, but occasionally, they got the better of me.”
“Oh, God. Is that why your knuckles were always a mess?”
“Pretty much.”
“Ethan…”
“I know. Stupid, right?”
“Not stupid. Sad.”
“I haven’t done that in years.”
“Do you still get the urge to?”
He pauses. “Sometimes. When I’m tense.”
“When was the last time?”
“Three months ago. The night before we started rehearsals. I was nervous about seeing you and was praying like hell I had the strength to not fall in a heap if you told me to go fuck myself.”
“I did tell you to go fuck yourself.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t mean it.”
“Yeah, I did.”
He frowns. “Really? Wow. I totally misread that moment. Just as well. I probably would have fallen in a heap. Just like I did last night when the stunt man clocked me.”
“Did it hurt?”
“Not compared to being away from you.”
I sigh. “I want to kiss you so badly right now.”
“Yeah?” He leans forward.
“Kissing you is the first on a very long list of things I want to do to you right now. I’d start with your mouth, and finish with … well, if I had my way, I wouldn’t finish. I’d have all of you, all the time.”
He stares at me and sets all my insides ablaze.
That look has always brought me undone. A lot of men have desired me over the years, but not a single one has ever looked at me like that. Like he belonged to me just as much as I belonged to him.
Someone knocks on his door, and he looks over his shoulder. “Damn, they’re ready for me.”
“Hey, I’m ready for you, too.”
He turns back to the screen and leans forward. “I’m going to need you to hold that thought for two more days. Can you do that?”
“Fine. Go. Be all tough and whatever.”
“Talk to you tomorrow?”
“Okay. Love you.” It just comes out. I cover my mouth. When the hell did I become so comfortable saying that to him? We’ve been back together for a matter of days.
“Cassie?” he says as he fights the world’s smuggest smile.
“Don’t blame yourself. I’m irresistible. I love you, too.”
I don’t sleep well while he’s away. My thoughts are too loud. My body too cold. All the ways I’ve forgotten how to miss him come rushing back at an alarming speed.
The day he’s due to come home, I’m so nervous, I feel sick. I shave my legs. Wash and blow dry my hair. Take extra care with my makeup. Smear myself in body lotion that makes me smell good enough to eat.
And I do it all with trembling hands.
Anticipation? Yep. I have it. In spades.
In the cab on the way to the airport, I close my eyes and breathe deeply. I can’t believe how uptight I am. It’s like I’m about to go onstage and haven’t rehearsed.
But I have. He has. We’ve prepared for this scene before but never got to perform it. The happy ending. We’ve tried tragedy. It didn’t work for either of us. What we’re doing now is new. I make my way to the arrivals area. There’s a buzz in the air. People of all ages are milling around, thrumming with excitement like I am as they wait for their loved ones.
Wow.
Ethan is my loved one.
It feels weird to admit that.
People trickle out of the doors, and I lock my knees to stop juddering my legs. Two little kids beside me are bouncing. I’m jealous. Bouncing would feel pretty awesome right about now.