Born to Ride_A Clubhouse Collection

chapter 12

AXEL

Don’t try to break me, unless you’re willing to take me.

“Put her back in the room, don’t lock her up. If she runs, she’s signing her own death certificate,” I snarl, pushing Meadow toward Jax the minute we step inside the clubhouse. “Put everyone on full alert. We’re on lockdown.”

Jax nods, and Meadow glares at me. She got my point, and she got it loud and clear. She runs—she dies. It’s that simple. I turn my eyes away from hers, and walk into my office where Cobra and Colt are waiting. “What do we know?” I ask, kicking a stool back and sitting down on it.

“We know they’ve been keeping track of her, my guess is through something that’s person of hers, likely her phone. They knew we would be at that bank,” Cobra says.

“Get her shit and burn it, destroy her phone. Lock this place down. I want no f*ckers gettin’ information in and out. No one leaves until I deal with this shit once and for all.”

Cobra gives me a hesitant glance. “You sure you wanna do this, boss? You and Beast don’t have a good history...”

“That’s exactly why I need to f*ckin’ end him.”

Cobra nods, and Colt stands. “What about Meadow? Is she in danger?”

“She ain’t your concern, boy,” I growl.

“Don’t get on the defense, boss. You don’t even f*ckin’ like her. I, however, do. And I don’t want to see her shot down, because you can’t pull your stubborn f*ckin’ head out of your ass.”

I stand, lunging toward him and wrapping my fingers around his throat. He gasps, and struggles. “Who has the authority around here, boy?”

“You,” he snarls.

“Then you know if you ever f*ckin’ speak to me like that again, I’ll put you six feet under.”

His jaw tightens, and he jerks himself from my grip. The boy has balls of steel; it’s why I added him to my club. I got the world of respect for him, but that doesn’t mean I won’t put him in his place. He turns, and walks out of the room, slamming the door. I turn to Cobra, and he puts his hands up. “Don’t look at me, boss. I want nothin’ to do with what goes down between you and that girl, but whatever is there, its f*ckin’ explosive.”

“There ain’t nothing between her and me except a whole world of hate.”

Cobra doesn’t look like he believes me, but he lifts his head in a nod and turns and leaves the room. F*ckin’ hell. This is all going to a place I never wanted it to go.

Nothing is ever easy.

~*~*~*~

MEADOW

I groan in pain, and roll to my side. Axel let me sleep in his bed, God only knows why. I guess he felt sort of sorry for me. He’s not in the bed, but it doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t be able to sleep even if he was. The ache in my leg is beyond anything I’ve ever felt, and nothing I can do seems to ease the pain. I just swallowed two pills, and I can only hope they kick in soon.

“If you’re gonna f*ckin’ roll like that, then you really need to move from my bed,” Axel says in a deep, husky voice, walking into the room and kicking off his shoes.

“Excuse me for getting shot,” I snap.

“Doctor gave you drugs. Take em’.”

“They don’t f*cking work,” I bark, using my good leg to kick the sheets off. I shift and sit up, getting off the bed. “Is there somewhere else I can sleep?”

Axel snorts, gripping his shirt and lifting it over his head. “Sure, plenty of rooms. If you like sharing, and being f*cked senseless.”

A*shole.

I shake my head, and mumble a curse under my breath, followed by a, “Maybe I do.”

“What’s that?” he says, walking past me and into the bathroom.

I try to keep my eyes off his ass in those black jeans, but I can’t turn my eyes away, I can’t stop looking.

“I didn’t say anything,” I mutter, lying back down.

A moment later, I feel the bed dip beside me as Axel slides in. He turns and faces me, staring at me with that hard expression.

“What?” I ask.

“Do I need to cuff you?”

“F*ck you, Axel,” I spit, rolling to my side, and taking the pressure off my leg.

He says nothing, and we lay there in silence. This is more than a little weird for me. The man hates me, yet he’s letting me sleep in his bed. Why? I don’t understand. If he hates me so much, why am I not on the floor? I sigh loudly, and close my eyes. I hate to admit it to myself, but something about having Axel beside me brings me great comfort.

~*~*~*~

MEADOW

“F*ck!”

I slowly come to, and the agonized cries that fill my ears bring me around quicker than usual. I turn my head to see Axel tossing in his sleep. His back is arched, and his body is rigid. His hand is in his boxers, and he’s tugging angrily again. I feel my hands forming fists over and over again as I contemplate whether or not to touch him again. Will he shove me away? Or will he welcome me?

Something inside me screams that this is so wrong, but my body refuses to accept that. It begins to ache in places I didn’t expect it to ache. The idea of him allowing me to touch him again has everything inside me clenching with a need I can’t fully grasp. I feel guilt swell in my chest, and I know there’s something so wrong with what I’m about to do, yet I can’t stop myself from doing it.

I reach over, and I place my hand on his belly.

“Yes,” he rasps, rolling to the side. “Yes.”

His eyes are clenched shut, and his shoulders are so tight that tiny veins have broken out over his smooth, olive skin. I run my fingers up his bulging arm, and stop when I reach his neck. After a moment of hesitation, I slowly slide up, and stop when I reach the stubble on his cheek. I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of having my hands on him. I slide my fingers down over his lips, and a throaty growl leaves them.

Then his hand lashes out, and he tangles his fingers in my hair. I cry out, and he pulls me closer. Pain shoots up my leg.

“Axel,” I beg. “Stop.”

Then his lips crash down over mine, and all my fight dissipates into nothing. The kiss begins rough, and the stubble on his jaw scrapes against my flesh, causing a whole new level of burn. A ragged moan leaves my lips, and I open to him, accepting his tongue as it invades my mouth, consuming me.

I’ve never felt something so amazing in my life.

His lips move with force for the longest moment, leaving me with a bruising feeling, but then they soften, and his kiss becomes gentle, almost affectionate. His tongue dances with mine, and his hand loosens in my hair. A pathetic little whimper leaves my throat, and I forget about the pain in my leg. All I can feel is him, and the way his hand moves against my belly.

He’s still stroking his cock.

I groan desperately when his lips detach from mine, but instead they move down my neck and over my shoulder. Is he awake? Is this real? Or is this a dream?

His hand leaves his swollen, rigid cock and finds my hip. He jerks me closer until the hot flesh presses against my stomach. My p-ssy clenches, and I close my eyes, hating myself for wanting this with someone who’s been so cruel.

This isn’t how it’s meant to go.

So why aren’t I stopping it?

Am I so desperate? Have I got some sort of syndrome?

Axel’s fingers slide over my panties, and I can’t stop the whimper that escapes my slightly parted lips. He makes a rumbling sound, and I feel it vibrating from his chest through to mine. His fingers move again, running up the soft silk that’s now damp with arousal. His cock is still lying heavily against my belly, and I’m still wondering if this is all really happening.

He presses his fingers firmly against my panties, right where my * is, and I feel pleasure shoot through my pelvis and up my spine. I clench my teeth, despising myself for wanting him like this. His fingers move again, and more pleasure fills my body. Then he begins to rub, making small circles. It’s a skilled move, too skilled, and I know he’s awake. He’s with me on this; no one is that talented while sleeping.

Now it’s my choice to keep going, or to stop.

If I keep going, I’m giving him a part of myself that I’m not sure I’m willing to give. He confuses me. By day he’s a monster, cold and deadly. I see nothing but darkness when I look into his eyes. But by night, he’s just a man desperately seeking something to fix the hurts that haunt him. When he’s lying against me like this, I know a part of him has found that something to fix the pain. But I know if I give myself to him, there’s no going back for me.

I won’t be able to let him go.

But for myself, and for everything I’ve fought for, I know the choice is already made. I can’t give Axel that part of me until he’s willing to give me a part of him. Something, anything to show me there’s a piece of the man I once adored still there. Until he can give that to me, then I can’t give him what it seems he’s so desperately seeking. I reach down, and take hold of the hand that’s gently massaging my * through my panties.

He stills.

I turn my head away, and roll as quickly as possible away from him.

“I’m sorry, Axel,” I whisper into the darkness. “But I can’t give you what you want, because you won’t give me what I want.”

Then I get out of the bed, and I walk out, leaving him there.

Alone.

Again.

~*~*~*~

AXEL

This can’t be f*ckin’ happening right now. It can’t be going through my mind the way it is. She’s not meant to be consuming me, she’s not meant to f*cking matter...so what’s this aching feeling in my chest that won’t leave whenever she’s around? I close my eyes, and clench my fists by my side. What the f*ck was I thinking, letting her in my bed?

I’m giving away everything I’ve fought hard to build.

I get out of the bed. It’s been more nearly two hours, and I haven’t moved since she walked out, spewing some bullshit about me not giving her what she wants. What the f*ck does she want? She can’t stand me, she’s made that very clear, and she sure as shit doesn’t trust me. What the f*ck could she possibly want from me?

I aint’ got nothing to give anyone, except a damned good time.

I get up from the bed, and I hear the music pounding from the living room. F*ckin’ bastards never sleep. I get out, and don’t bother to put a shirt on, then I tuck my gun in my jeans. I do nothing without it. I walk out and head down the hall. I catch a glimpse of two of the guys f*cking the bartender against the pool table in the main dining area, and I roll my eyes. Those f*ckers couldn’t keep it in their pants if they tried.

When I step into the living room, the music is roaring, and the men are all laughing, smoking pot, and drinking some serious amounts of beer. They go a bit crazy during lockdown. The only thing they can do is get high, and f*ck.

I move through the room, scanning them for Meadow. Unless she’s hiding out somewhere, then she’ll be in here.

Then I see her. She’s on Colt’s lap in the corner of the room, laughing hysterically at God knows what.

I see red.

And I don’t know why.

My fists clench, and I feel my breathing quicken. What the f*ck is she doin’ on his lap, and what the f*ck is he doin’ with his hand up her f*ckin’ dress? I don’t recognize my actions, because all I can see is his hand where it shouldn’t be, and all I can hear is my heart thudding in my head. I pull out my gun and I lift it into the air, pulling the trigger. A loud, piercing boom fills the room, and everyone falls dead silent. The only sound to be heard is the music.

Colt sees me, and his eyes widen. His hand moves quickly from Meadow’s dress, and he grips her hips, lifting her and moving her off his lap. She’s still giggling, and her eyes are glassy. She looks high. No one gets eyes like that off just alcohol. I turn to the room, and through clenched teeth, I snarl, “Who f*ckin’ gave her drugs?”

No one speaks.

“You f*ckers. You filthy f*ckin’ scumbags. If I find out which of you f*ckers gave her drugs, I’ll put you in the motherf*ckin’ earth where you belong.”

No one moves.

“Didn’t give her nothin’ boss, you know we don’t run anymore more than weed through the club, and she didn’t have any. I’ve been watching her,” Cobra says, finally speaking.


I turn to Meadow. “Get the f*ck over here, now.”

“I didn’t take drugs,” she says, grinning.

“You’re f*ckin’ lying.”

She shakes her head. “I’ve never had alcohol before, this is my first time,” she almost sings. “But I don’t do drugs.”

“Just get the f*ck up.”

She rolls her eyes, and gets to her feet, hobbling toward me. “Bossy,” she mutters, leaning against a table.

“You f*ckin’ stupid? You don’t know any of these guys!” I growl, gripping her shoulder, and pulling her out of the room.

“Probably. According to you I’m stupid, a waste of space, a loser...”

“Shut the f*ck up, Meadow.”

She snorts, but she moves, and lets me lead her into my room. I slam the door behind us, and turn to her. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Me?” she says, throwing her hands on her hips and pinning me with a determined gaze. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Why the f*ck did you go out there and get drunk when your leg is the way it is?”

She shrugs. “Why did you put your hand on my p-ssy when you apparently hate me so much?”

I smirk at her. “Maybe I just needed to f*ck.”

She lashes out, taking hold of the lamp beside her, and yanking it harshly, hurling it at my head. I duck and snarl as it smashes into tiny pieces on my floor.

“What the f*ck!”

“You’re a piece of shit, Axel. Why do you have to treat me like this? Like I don’t matter? Like none of this matters? Why come in there, and pull Colt away from me? I’m not yours. I don’t belong to you. I’m nothing to you, isn’t that what you’ve reminded me of so constantly?”

I walk over to her, taking hold of her shoulders and shaking her. “What do you want from me, Meadow?”

“I don’t f*cking know,” she cries. “I just want something. I want to be let in, just a tiny bit. I want to know why you hate me so much. I want to know what I did wrong. I want to know how I can fix what’s broken. I want to know what the f*ck happened to you to make you this monster? I just want to understand, just a tiny bit. I want so much, I don’t even know where to start, but for some sick, strange reason, more than anything, I want you, Axel.”

I let go of her, and reel backwards.

What did she just say? She wants...me?

No f*cking way.

I shake my head, and back up toward the door. “You’re way out of your depth Meadow. You can’t fix something as broken as me, and you sure as shit can’t love it. I’m the meaning of damaged, and you’re not going to put me back together, so stop f*ckin’ tryin’. Just stop.”

Then I turn and charge out the door, slamming it so loudly I hear the wood crack.

~*~*~*

MEADOW

He doesn’t speak to me for four days after that. He finds a way to avoid me. Even though I’m still sleeping in his room, I’ve not seen him. He’s been sleeping somewhere else. He’s avoiding me, and I hate him for that. If all this meant nothing, he’d have no reason to avoid me, but he is. I brood on it for too long, and finally I break. It’s on the night of day four, and I’ve had a few drinks with Jax and Colt out at the main bar. I decide I’m tired of being ignored, and I head off to seek him out.

I know he’s here.

My head spins as I walk down the halls, and my judgment is way off. I shouldn’t be having a conversation with Axel when I can’t control what comes out of my mouth. My mind isn’t where it should be, and I know it, yet here I am, walking around like a desperate woman. I plant my hands against the wall as I navigate through the halls looking for him. I’m a little tipsy.

I know Axel well enough to know he won’t be in his room; he’ll be hiding in his office. I stumble as I move toward the end room, the one that has the glow of light underneath the door. I wrap my fingers around the handle when I reach it, and I gently open it. What I see inside that room changes something inside of me, and yet it puts a piece of the puzzle together for me, too.

Axel is standing against the wall. His eyes are closed and his jaw is tight. April is on her knees in front of him, her hands tied behind her back, her mouth moving over his cock. His hands are fisted in her hair, and she’s crying out as he forces her mouth to slide up and down his shaft. She sobs as if she doesn’t want to be doing it, but something tells me that’s not the case.

I stare in fascination at the scene before me. Axel looks traumatized, like the very idea of this bothers him, yet he’s doing it, he’s tied her, and is enjoying her fight. Is that what he dreams about? Tying girls up and forcing them? A sick feeling swells in my stomach, and I begin to tremble. My foggy brain tries to process what I’m seeing in front of me. I step into the room before I can stop myself.

“Is this what you are now?” I whisper, feeling my voice trembling. “A rapist?”

His eyes snap open, and widen when they see me standing there, watching him in horror. He lets April’s hair go, and he shoves her backward. She looks over at me, and her lips are swollen. She smirks, and I feel my own eyes widen. She likes it. She...likes it. I gasp, and cover my mouth, shaking my head from side to side.

“What sort of twisted shit...oh, God...”

Axel takes hold of his jeans, yanking them up before leaning down and untying April’s hands. “Leave,” he orders her.

“You going to let this bitch finish you off? To be honest,” she says, giving me a once over, “I don’t think she’s got it in her to please a man like you.”

“F*ck off, April,” Axel barks.

“Whatever,” she mutters, shoving past me as she leaves the room.

“What is wrong with you?” I cry as soon as the door slams behind me.

“You wanted the real me,” he growls, stalking across the room, and pulling a cigarette from the packet on a desk. “This is it.”

“You rape women!”

He spins towards me, his eyes wild. He looks like heaven and hell all mixed in one perfect package right now. His eyes are blazing with rage, and his entire body is stiff and hard, but his lips are moist and soft, and his eyes are so blue with rage, they’re breathtaking. He’s everything that’s perfect, and everything that’s f*cked up.

“What did you say?” he breathes.

“I said, you rape women?”

“I don’t f*cking rape anyone,” he roars, slamming his fist down on the desk.

“Then you like the idea of raping them?”

He storms over toward me, but I take a wobbly step back.

“Don’t you touch me, Axel. Don’t you lay your hands upon me, not until you tell me what the hell I just saw.”

“I don’t need to explain anything to you. When are you going to get that?”

I reach out, and I shove at his chest, hard. “You do need to explain things to me. You owe me that.”

“I owe you nothing,” he roars.

“You killed my father. You owe me a goddamned explanation. You owe me the chance to move on without all this baggage.”

“Your f*cking father was a scum bag, and he deserved what he got.”

I slap him, hard. He reels backward, and then gathers his footing and lunges towards me. His body hits mine with force, and sends me flying back into the nearby wall. Then he’s pressed against me, one hand flat on my chest, holding me there, and the other above my head, pressing to the wall.

“So help me God, Meadow, you’re walking a fine line.”

“So hurt me, Axel,” I yell. “Hurt me. Make me pay. Do whatever it is you feel the need to do. You’re not going to answer me. You’re not going to give me what I want. So go ahead. I don’t care. Show me what you are. Show me what demons eat you inside. Nothing you do will bother me. You want to be sucked off by a girl who doesn’t want it, huh? Is that what you need to make you feel good inside? Is that what I have to do to get some sort of emotion from you?”

I shove at his chest, and he takes a few steps back. Then I drop to my knees in front of him. I lash out, taking hold of his jeans and yanking them down. He grabs my hair, pulling my head back harshly. “Don’t,” he rasps.

“Try and stop me, Axel.”

He keeps a firm grip in my hair, but I fight him. I take hold of his jeans, and I pull hard, bringing his hips towards me. Then I yank them down. A pained cry leaves his lips when I wrap one hand around his cock, and I tear the condom off before beginning to stroke. The piercings graze my fingers as I move my hands with hard, determined strokes.

“Stop...” he pants.

“But you want this,” I cry, feeling tears well in my eyes. “You won’t let me have you any other way. You want me to fight. You want my mouth on your cock, and you want me to hate it, isn’t that right? Isn’t that how this works? Well, I hate it, Axel, I f*cking hate it.”

Then I lower my head, and I wrap my lips around his cock, taking him deep with one movement. His pained hiss fills the room, and his hips buck, filling my mouth even further. Salty tears run down my face, and I can taste them as my head bobs up and down, swallowing him deep into the back of my throat. I choke on a sob as I wrap my fingers around the base of his cock, and begin stroking.

This is so f*cked up.

So beautifully f*cked up.

And I feel like I belong here, on the ground...like this...broken.

“Meadow,” he practically chokes. “Stop.”

“No,” I cry, taking him deeper, sliding my hands down to cup his firm, warm balls.

I look up, and he’s shaking his head from side to side, agony in his features. He’s hurting. This is a situation he’s been in before, and the idea of that has a mortified sob wrenching from my throat. I slide my hand back further, until I feel the soft flesh between his balls and his ass. I press in there, and his ragged cries grow louder.

“F*ck, please,” he begs, tugging my head back.

I fight against him, and keep my mouth closed over his cock while pressing my finger into that soft skin. I feel his cock swell in my mouth, and with one final press he comes, with a gush that shoots into the back of my throat. Warm salty liquid fills my mouth, and his pained bellows fill the room. Tears burn my eyes as I take all of him, and then I let him go, slumping down onto the floor.

He doesn’t look at me as he turns, and charges out of the room.

What the f*ck did I just do?

Did I just break something that was already so broken?