Blessed Tragedy

chapter Fifteen



This summer tour wasn't like anything we'd done before. Instead of being on the road with the same group of bands for months at a time, we were on our own traveling from one outdoor music festival to the next. I missed the camaraderie that went along with a set tour but it was nice to branch out and make new contacts.

By the end of our second week on the road, word was getting out about the changes we'd made over the break. Tanya quickly got over her initial irritation that I'd given myself a makeover. She might be good at parts of her job, but the woman really could be a miserable bitch when she wasn't allowed to micromanage. And we were all seeing that side of her more and more as Jon and Colton worked to pull us in the direction they wanted to see the band going. When she told Jon it'd never work to add a fifth member to the group when we were as solid as we were, I thought she'd quickly become a non-issue but he calmed down and didn't send her packing right then and there.

“Colt, sweetie...” I felt my blood pressure rising with her syrupy sweet greeting and accompanying embrace. “We need to talk.”

Seeing her link her arm in his to turn him away from the bus filled me with the sudden urge to throat punch her. I still wasn't used to the jealousy I felt when I saw Colt with other women, and seeing her latch onto him was worse than a groupie trying to get in his pants. For years, I'd been telling him that she had a thing for him and he told me I was insane. Seeing the glare she shot over her shoulder as they walked away brought that assumption back to the surface.

The mature thing to do would have been to continue on to the picnic area where all of the bands were hanging out. I've never been one to do the mature thing. Instead, I headed back to the bus. Once I carefully opened the bedroom window, I could faintly hear their conversation.

“...it's not smart, sweetie.” I cracked my knuckles, really pissed to hear her repeatedly calling him sweetie. Even I didn't call him that and we were involved. “I'm saying you really need to think about what you're doing. It doesn't look good.”

“I'm well aware of what I'm doing, Tanya.” Colt sounded irritated. I wished I could see his expressive eyes to get a better read on his emotions. “And I think you're wrong.”

“Sweetheart, this is what I'm paid to do. I'm only looking out for your best interests here.” I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Why was she talking to him apart from everyone else? If it was band business, she would have talked to all of us. And if it had to do with me and Colton being together, the professional thing to do would have been to talk to us together. So, either she was being incredibly unprofessional or there was something else going on.

“Tanya, this really isn't the time. We have to be on stage in just over an hour and I still have to eat. I appreciate your concern, but seriously, you need to back the f*ck off on this one.” His voice was strained the way it was when he really wanted to scream but knew he couldn't. Obviously, this was something big.

“We need to talk about this,” she huffed. The bitch was relentless. You'd think she would understand he needed to eat and get ready, but no, she was more interested in talking. Now.

Lucky for Colton, two could play that game and I was ending it. I stormed out of the bus and around to the back. I stopped short, taking a few deep breaths preparing for the performance of a lifetime.

Feeling calmer, I walked around the back of the bus wrapping my arms around Colton's waist. “Baby, are you ready for lunch? We don't have much time left,” I asked sweetly. I stood on my tip-toes so I could place a tender kiss on his lips, squeezing his body in my embrace.

“Yeah, just a sec...” He turned to Tanya, “Not another word,” he warned before turning away from her.

The walk to the picnic area was quiet and tense. Several times, Colton started to say something and then stopped and I couldn't help but notice his eyes were focused anywhere I wasn't.

“So,” I started tentatively. “You going to tell me what that was about?” I wasn't sure if I was asking as his band mate or his girlfriend, but either way I felt like I had a right to know.

He placed a hand on my shoulder, nudging me around the back of a building. “It was nothing.” The crack in his voice and lack of eye contact said it was definitely something. That worried me but I wasn't about to bring it up in front of about fifty of our newest acquaintances.

The fact Colton couldn't look at me during lunch was telling. I just wished there was a way to know what he wasn't saying. I tried to play it off as we were both trying to shovel food into our faces as quickly as possible so we could head backstage but I knew I was lying to myself. I had to push the thoughts swirling through my mind into a dark corner of my brain so I could focus on what mattered; giving our fans the show they came to see.

I didn't wait for him when I finished eating; I simply threw my garbage into one of the green barrels at the edge of the picnic area and made my way to the stage.

“Hey, you okay over there?” I didn't see Jon leaning against a stack of equipment cases in the grassy area where the bands gathered before and after their performances.

“Nope.” That single, clipped word spoke volumes. No, I wasn't okay. No, I didn't want to talk about it. And most of all, no, I didn't want anyone trying to cheer me up. The aggression would make for a good show.

“Liar,” Jon laughed. When we were getting along, that's one thing I loved about Jon. He respected my personal space and never pushed me for more than I would give. Other people around me would be well served to do the same.

“You need to pull the reins back on that bitch, Jon. If I bite off a chunk of my tongue, I'm not going to be much use to you and it's quickly coming to that.” I didn't mean to blurt it out like that, especially not when we all needed to get our heads in the game, but the words were out before I realized it.

“There are a lot of bitches around here, Rain. Care to elaborate?”

“Biggest one of 'em all is headed this way,” I deadpanned nodding my head behind him. He turned to see who I was talking about and he shook his head slowly.

“What's she doing now?” He moved closer, crouching next to me in the grass so we wouldn't be overheard.

“It's probably nothing,” I said dismissively. The last thing I needed was to turn into that woman and upset the balance we'd achieved.

“Nothing doesn't rile you up like this. Do we need to talk after?”

I shook my head, “No, this isn't band meeting material. Seriously, I'm probably just being petty.” I pulled a few blades of grass from my side and twirled them between my fingers. I really didn't need this shit today and I knew I was bringing much of it on myself.

“Okay. Then you and me. We'll go for a drive and you're going to talk.” I think my outburst the first night Colton and I were in the beach house shifted the relationship between me and Jon. The way he looked at me and talked to me, I wasn't just the little sister anymore. I was a respected peer, capable of pulling her own weight. And that's exactly why I was hesitant to talk to him about my issues with Tanya. I didn't want to lose that respect.

“Whatever. I know you're not gonna let it go, so yeah...” I pushed myself up from the ground to warm up. I had to get away from everyone who could read my expressions or I'd never find that elusive focus.

Thanks to the set up for this leg of the tour, I didn't have to see Colton before we were on stage. There was no chance for him to needle, trying to figure out why I was upset with him. It was the one thing I never even considered when creating my top ten list of reasons to avoid hooking up with a band mate; he might be more of a girl than me and insist on talking about every little f*cking thing.

It only took the first eight beats of Animal, our newest single that was quickly moving up the charts, for me to forget everything except the twenty thousand fans waiting for me to make my way up the five steps in front of me. Jon and Travis hit it hard from the very first beat with Colton coming in after the first eight measures. Every layer that was added to the mix was more weight, more dirt; it was the perfect song to get the fans worked up.

By the end of the set, I was drenched in sweat and could feel the sunburn starting to set into my fair skin. I was pissed at myself for being distracted enough that I didn't think to put on sunscreen and angry with Colton for being the source of that distraction.

The high I felt after a great set quickly evaporated when Tanya the Terror was standing at the side of the stage as I descended the stairs.

“Not bad, Rain, but not great either.” I wanted to clobber the bitch upside the head. I'd like to see her get up there for over an hour in eighty-five degree heat and direct sunlight and see how she fared.

“Gee, thanks Tanya. I'll try to step it up for you next time.” I sneered. Don't engage her. Just walk away. There are way too many cameras here.

One corner of her lip turned up as she appraised my appearance. “I thought we'd agreed on what you'd wear when you have to be seen by people.”

“No, you agreed--” I was ready for a fight, but firm hands on both of my shoulders stopped me from continuing.

“Not here,” Jon warned. Colton wrapped his arm around my waist and glared at Tanya as we walked away.

Looking down at my outfit, I wondered briefly if it was all wrong. Knowing how hot it was supposed to be, I'd decided on a fitted tank top that had an intricate lace back paired with short shorts, a studded belt and ankle boots. It wasn't what I would typically wear, but I didn't think it was any worse than the ridiculous corsets that I was sick to death of wearing.

“You can't let her get to you, baby,” Colton chastised as we turned to the bus corral. “She's trying to get you to f*ck up. Don't give her any ammunition.”

I thought I might get whiplash from how fast my head turned to look at him. “What do you mean 'she's waiting for me to f*ck up'? Is that what you two were talking about earlier?”

I knew she didn't care for me. She'd never made a secret of her feelings, but to hear that she was hoping I'd prove to be the weak link made me want to rip off her pretty little face.

“No, she'd never actually say anything like that but it was obvious she was baiting you. If Jon and I hadn't been there, she might have gotten her way from the sounds of it.” He kissed my temple in a vain attempt to calm me down. “Just...watch what you say and do. That's all.”

He disappeared into the bus but I was too stunned to follow. Once again, my world was crashing down around me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Forget the fact that he was my boyfriend, he was my best friend, and I couldn't help but feel like he was siding with her. If he wasn't, he would have told her where to go.

“Ready?” Jon pulled me out of my increasingly depressing thoughts.

“Yeah, more than ever.”

Jon grabbed the keys to the Chevy Silverado from one of the roadies and we spent the next three hours driving around and talking. As much as I didn't want to listen to him tell me I was imagining Tanya's bitterness, I could no longer keep my mouth shut.

I told him everything. How she called Colton little pet names when it was just the two of them, how she found reasons to touch him and the fact that nothing I said or did was ever right in her eyes. I resented the fact I felt like I had to clear it with her before I went to the bathroom or shaved my legs, for fear it would be the wrong move for the band. Once the floodgates opened, there was no holding back.

“Damn, Rain. I knew she was going on an ego trip, but that's f*cking ridiculous.” He wasn't belittling me. It felt good to finally be heard. And that only made me feel worse, knowing I was getting from Jon what I wasn't from Colton.

“Seriously, you have to talk to her. I'll try to get through summer, but something has to change after August.” I hated ultimatums and didn't want him to think I was issuing one, but in a way, that's exactly what I was doing.

“Knock off the shit. I'll talk to her. Don't repeat your little threat to anyone else; we don't need that getting out.” He flinched as soon as the words were spoken. “And I'm not saying that as Jon of Blessed Tragedy. I'm saying that as Jon, your friend. It'd be a f*cking nightmare if it slipped that you'd even thought like that.”

I wrapped my arms around Jon's neck as we sat in the parking lot. “Thanks.”

“Anytime. Now, you'd better get in there and talk to Colt before he gets crazy ideas that we ran off to get married or some shit.”

For the first time since early in the morning, I laughed.



The bus was empty when we returned. I tried to tell myself everyone was probably hanging out enjoying some downtime, getting ready to listen to Shinedown show us all how it was done. Logically, I knew that's where they were. Where they were wasn't the problem. Who all was there was my issue. Was she with them? I wouldn't have put it past her to take it upon herself to be Colton's personal little beer bitch for the night in my absence.

“Hey, you head on over. I'll be out in a few.” I wanted a little time alone to grab a quick shower and change for the night. This was one of the few stops where we'd be able to enjoy the headlining acts and I wanted to enjoy myself. Being alone also gave me time to send a quick text message.



Hey, I miss you. There's something to be said for a simple, anonymous life.



As I dried my hair, the text alert went off on my phone.



Told you that years ago. Miss you too. Everything okay out there? -G

Yes, you did. Things are...things. I guess I just started to appreciate life there without the drama. -M

Still coming this way later this month? -G

Why? You going to organize a field trip? -M

Could happen. I'd definitely earn cool teacher points then. Might see if your brothers want to head over. That cool? -G

Sure. LMK if you're coming, I'll hook you up if I can. -M



It felt good to have a relaxed conversation with someone who expected nothing of me other than friendship. I'd been wrong about the evils of my small hometown. What I thought of as nosy and meddling was care and affection. What I considered controlling was concerned guidance. The problem was, after so many years cursing that life and building this new one, I had no clue how to meld the sides into one life I could live with.

With Shinedown getting ready to take the stage and no one else waiting in the wings for their moment, the atmosphere backstage was truly a big party. Even though we were all technically working, it was like a backyard barbecue with one of the hottest bands around as our entertainment. And thankfully, there was no sign of the bitch by the time I arrived.

Once I made my way through the food line and grabbed a beer, I started looking through the dimly lit area trying to find Colton. I didn't join him right away once I spotted him. Instead, I took a moment to enjoy the view. Like most of the guys, his t-shirt was stuffed into the back pocket of his loose fitting jeans. If I was truly a jealous, insecure woman, I would have had issues with him exposing the tops of his hips and the expanse of lightly coated skin leading from his navel to just below his waistband. Since I'm not that way, even though I have my moments, I imagined every way I could use his partial nakedness to my advantage without leaving the party.

My thoughts of tormenting him until he dragged me back to the bus quickly faded as I approached the group he was talking to. It had been a long time since he'd gotten plastered and I could tell by the way his body swayed that he was well on his way to obliteration tonight.

“Well well, if it isn't my favorite little cloud,” he slurred. “Have fun with Jonny boy today?”

“Yeah, sure,” I said, staring at him in disbelief. Was he actually jealous of Jon?

“Whatcha do all afternoon?” he asked. When he tried to pull me close to his side, I resisted. I knew it was the alcohol talking but that was no excuse. He was being an ass in front of people we barely knew.

“Oh, you know...found a deserted park, invited a few groupies and had a wild orgy.”

One of the guys Colton was talking to, I had no clue if he was in one of the other bands or just a fan who'd found his way back, spewed beer all over Colton at my deadpan.

“Seriously, Rain. You f*cking disappeared for hours. No one knew where you were. I'm really not in the mood for any shit tonight.” I couldn't believe he was trying to start a fight with me because I'd gone for a drive with Jon. It might be our downtime, but we all knew damn well any time we were in public, it was show time. Staying somewhat professional at all times is actually one of the crappy things about this job. You can't get into it with anyone, have to be careful what you say and be mindful at all times. You never know who has a smart phone in their hand, waiting for a sound byte or candid picture.

“Stop, Colt. I'm not talking to you about this here. Not while you're drunk.” As much as I wanted to listen to the band, I was seriously debating heading back to the bus instead. Maybe I could still hear them from there without this shit.

“Whatever.” He shrugged, turning back to his other companions like I was no longer there. This was the first time I'd really seen this side of Colton and I had no clue how to react. Even when he'd been upset with me in the past, I couldn't remember feeling the venom in his words and he never tuned me out.

Realizing there was no way to turn the night around, I let Jon and Jared know I was heading back to the buses. Jared offered to come and keep me company but I declined. The last thing I needed was a drunken Colton making accusations about me and the newest member of the band.

There were four new text messages when I grabbed my phone from the bed. Three were from Garrett, the last from Mike.

Will do. You going to find time to come home while you're here? -G

Hey, where'd you go? -G

Maddie, is everything okay? You don't normally disappear on me. Guess I'll wait to hear from you. -G



So, when did you plan on telling us you have a show up here? And why did I hear it from Garrett? We'll be there. Calling Mark to see if he'll come out too. -Michael Neumann



I thought about calling Mike to see how pissed he was that I hadn't told him about the Comstock show. It hadn't been intentional, I was still trying to get used to knowing my family gave a shit about what I did. I decided to wait since my drunken, irrational boyfriend could come back at any time. I didn't need to give Mike anything else to worry about.