Blessed Tragedy

chapter Seventeen



Too soon after I'd given in to sleep, the sound of fists pounding on our hotel suite door jolted me to life. Bleary eyed, I cracked the door open to see Jon, Travis, Jared and three roadies.

“What the f*ck, do you guys not sleep?” I moaned. I started plotting ways to seek revenge for them waking me before the sun was up.

“Not yet, figured you shouldn't be the only one to get a real bed.” With the hot and cold reception I'd been getting from Travis since my trip to see Dad, I wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

“Where's Colton?” I asked, his absence worrying me, probably more than it should.

Jon was the only person, to my knowledge, that knew what had transpired last night. “Still sleeping it off. I left him a note to tell him where we are. Do you want me to get a second suite before he gets here?”

I knew what Jon was asking but I wasn't sure of the right answer. No, I wasn't ready to face him but I knew I had to. A second suite would make it easier because I could kick everyone out but I didn't want to waste the money either.

“Where are the rest of the rooms?” I asked, knowing the road crew would all have hotel rooms for tonight as well.

“They'll be downstairs, but not until late this afternoon. He'll come to life before then.”

“No, it'll be fine. I can't hide forever.”

Within the hour, everyone was showered and our hotel suite looked like a tragic accident with motionless bodies strewn about. Since I was obviously the only one who wasn't going to be getting any more sleep, I grabbed the keys to the Silverado and headed to the venue. If nothing else, I'd get to listen to some decent music and work on my tan.

I wasn't ready to deal with Colton yet and was happy to see he was still passed out when I stopped by the bus to throw my hair up and grab my shades and sunscreen. My luck ran out at the same time my foot hit the top stair to leave.

“Rain, is that you?” Colton's hoarse voice sent a shudder through my body.

I debated pretending like I hadn't heard him. I wanted to walk away. But no matter how much I didn't want to talk to him, the bigger part of me was desperate to know what was happening with us.

“Yeah, it's me.” I slumped onto the microfiber sofa, knowing I wasn't going anywhere for a while.

The air temporarily left my chest when Colt walked out of our bedroom. He looked like death warmed over. His blond hair was ratted, his eyes dull and outlined with dark circles. Even as upset as I was, it was impossible to not hurt for him.

“Where'd you go last night?” He asked sincerely.

“Angie and I drove up here and got the suite early,” I said, treading carefully. I wanted to see if Jon was right, if Colton had enough to drink that he didn't remember how much he hurt me. How much he hurt everyone.

“Why?” He rummaged through the cabinets trying to find the coffee.

My jaw dropped at his question. Even though I'd been prepared for him to not remember, I couldn't believe we were having this conversation.

“Can I see your phone?” It was a gamble, but I wanted to see how he would react to my request.

“F*ck, does this have to do with the picture?” He asked as if he truly believed I knew what he was talking about.

“The picture? What picture?”

Colton grabbed his phone from the bedroom and flopped onto the couch next to me, handing over his phone. “I need you to tell me it's not what I think,” he said, resting his elbows on his knees. I was almost scared to look at the image once I saw the pain in his eyes.

What I saw wasn't at all what I expected. The first was a picture of me dancing with Garrett at the bar. The next was a picture of me with Garrett at the coffee shop. The last was the two of us having dinner in Lexington.

“Is this what last night was all about?” I asked in disbelief. Did he think Garrett and I were together while I was home? The thought of how much worse things would have been had I still been on the phone when he came on the bus hit hard.

“What am I supposed to think? Why didn't you tell me you and the band director spent that much time together while you were there? And why were you spending time with him at all?” Although he was calmer than last night, his tone was still accusatory.

“He was a friend of mine when we were younger. Mike invited him to the bar and we danced,” I said, showing him the first picture. “Then we went to dinner to talk about some shit that happened when I left town,” I continued, showing him the picture of us at dinner. “And the morning before I left, we met for coffee. It's something friends do when they don't see each other often.”

If I was going to have to continually justify my actions, there was no way I could stay with Colton. I had never done jealous or possessive well. He needed to understand Garrett was a friend, nothing more, and be okay with that.

“But why didn't you tell me?”

When I didn't have an answer for him, I started to wonder the same thing. Why didn't I tell him? We had always shared everything with one another. Or at least I thought we did. Knowing there were secrets between us was unsettling.

“It never really came up. And it's not like it was a big deal. Mike didn't know we'd been friends in school, so he didn't know I'd shit on Garrett when I bailed. He didn't know I'd slapped Garrett the morning of graduation because he kissed me in front of our entire graduating class, hoping I might change my mind about leaving.”

Colton turned his head to look at me for the first time since I started talking. “And that's supposed to make me feel better? Knowing that he kissed you?”

I reached for his hand. Yes, I was still pissed beyond belief, but something deep within me said this was worth fighting for, even if we were only fighting to salvage our friendship. “That was years ago. If it makes you feel better, he called me a selfish bitch later that day. And told me I was better than whatever I had convinced myself I had to run away to find. If I'd listened to him then, I wouldn't be here.”

While Colton digested the little bit I'd given him so far, I started the pot of coffee he'd abandoned. Two hours of sleep was going to make getting through the day a total bitch and I needed the caffeine.

“So, there's really nothing there?” He still sounded unsure.

“There's friendship. We've been friends since kindergarten and I'd be lying if I said it doesn't feel good to have him back in my life. But as a friend. That's all he'll ever be.”

In Colton's mind, that should have been the end of our fight. He came to wrap his arms around my waist and I pulled away. The truth was, we'd barely scratched the surface as far as I was concerned. We'd have to revisit the jealousy issues later, but there was no point in that if I didn't clear the air on the rest of what had happened. I wasn't ready to forgive his drunken rant.

“I'm sorry I was an ass. I should have waited.” He rubbed his temples before reaching for the Tylenol. “F*ck, maybe I should have talked to you sooner. I feel like I went a few rounds with Rocky last night.”

“No, just Jon,” I laughed. “But I'm sure he'll like the comparison.”

“What in the hell are you talking about?” I could see the gears grinding in his hung over mind as he tried to remember the end of the night.

“Seriously?” I'd heard of people blacking out but never had I dealt with someone who had zero knowledge of their actions. I'm not sure if that made me feel better or worse.

“Yeah, I'm serious. Look, apparently I had more than I thought last night. I remember heading over while you and Jon were wherever you disappeared to and I remember waking up and seeing a note from Travis that you guys were at the hotel. The rest is fuzzy.” At least he had the good sense to look upset at his own admission. Unfortunately, that meant I was going to have to fill in the blanks.

His face paled when I told him about our tiff at the party. That he'd been an ass to me in front of people he respected and looked up to. When I told him he'd accused me and Jon of sleeping together, I thought he was going to vomit. It was surreal to tell him what he'd done as if he hadn't even been there.

“Wow, I f*cked up.” He buried his face in his hands, rubbing hard as he processed my words. “Damn, baby. I'm sorry. Tanya told me someone sent her--”

“Wait a minute,” I snarled, spinning on my heels to face him. “Did Tanya send you those pictures?” I picked up my phone to text Jon. This was a new low, even for her. Colton grabbed my phone before I could do anything.

“She said someone emailed them to her and she thought I should know. And when I had no clue when she tried talking to me about it, yeah, she emailed the pics to me.”

“And you believed her? Seriously? That's f*cked up.” I started to the front of the bus before Colton reached out to me. He grabbed my forearm to stop me from leaving and I stood stock still, not wanting to look at his troubled blue eyes.

“What was I supposed to think?”

I felt tears welling behind my eyes. I needed to get the hell away from him, away from the bus. Pain like this wasn't worth all the good times in the world.

“Maybe you should have thought to talk to me about it. About the fact that you were the one who told me she's waiting for me to f*ck up.” I lowered my sunglasses to cover my eyes before I turned to face him. “Now, it looks like she won.”

Without another word, I left the bus. I heard Colton calling after me. Thankfully, he wasn't wearing pants so I knew I could lose myself in the crowd of fans gathering before he came after me.



For one depressing, lonely day, I was Maddie Neumann, lost little fangirl, wandering through the sweaty throng of people. Even surrounded by thousands of people, I felt completely alone in the world.

As much as I loved my band, I didn't know if I could stay, even through the summer. There was no way I could look at Colton, knowing how little he thought of me every day.

As I sat on the grass, surrounded by complete strangers who either didn't recognize me or were cool enough to not say anything, I watched the bands on stage. Really watched them and analyzed the dynamics between the members. I mourned the loss of that energy exchange, knowing it was likely gone forever. No matter how many times I tried to push those thoughts away, they floated to the forefront.

Eventually, the problems in my personal life sucked the joy out of the outdoor music festival. I reached into my pocket to see what time it was only to find that I'd left my phone back on the bus in my haste to escape.

Although I'm not the praying type, I prayed the entire way back to the bus corral that Colton had left for the comfort of our hotel suite. If I could find a way to avoid seeing him until it was time to go on stage tomorrow, it'd be the biggest blessing I could receive.

Four very concerned faces looked back at me as I stepped onto the bus. “Where the hell did you go?” Jon sighed letting out a sharp breath.

“I was trying to enjoy the day, not that it worked. What's going on?” Last I knew, everyone but Colton was sound asleep at the hotel. I hadn't expected any signs of life for a while yet.

“Colt called us, freaking out that he couldn't get a hold of you.” Jared didn't look up from his journal as he spoke. “Said you stormed out. None of us could reach you; your phone was going straight to voicemail.”

“Yeah, I needed some space, sorry. Not like I'd gone far, if he'd bothered to check, he would have seen that the Silverado is still parked.” I glared at Colton, feeling like he was stirring the pot for some unknown reason. “I can't believe you called them.”

I pushed my way down the aisle, bumping into Colton and Travis as I headed to the bedroom. Just when I thought things were as bad as they'd get, he'd gone and made it sound like I left. Then again, wasn't that exactly what I was planning on doing?

Not wanting anyone to hear the moment I lost my hold on reality, I buried my head under the pillows allowing the tears to flow. I felt stripped bare, no longer recognizing the person I had become.

I ignored the soft knocking on my door. It stopped, only to start again a minute later, louder this time. If anyone really wanted to come in, they'd turn the knob. I wasn't going to invite anyone to witness my breakdown.

“Hey, you okay in here?” Jared was possibly the only person dumb enough to actually come in uninvited.

“Not really, but thanks.” There was no point lying. I'd heard Jon and Colton going back and forth for the past hour. Everything was in the open now.

“It'll be okay. You know that, right?” Jared's innocence made the corners of my mouth turn into a slight smile. If only we all could have held onto that virtue we'd be in a better place.

“Honestly, I'm not even sure of that right now, but thanks,” I sighed. “I'm not sure I can keep doing this, Jared. Don't say anything, but that's the point I'm at.”

“You can't say things like that. Someone might take you seriously.” Jared opened his arms but didn't move towards me. “Want a hug?”

I rolled my eyes. What was it about the guys that made them all assume that because I'm a girl, anything could be made better with a hug? Sure, a lot of things could be, but not something like this.

I stood, unable to bring myself to be a bitch to Jared. He was only trying to help. “Sure, but don't tell Colton,” I said sarcastically. It would take a long time before I let go of the bitterness I felt when my mind replayed his words about me putting out.

“He was an ass,” Jared agreed, “But he does love you. You have to know that. Maybe I shouldn't say anything since I'm the new kid and all, but he really was a little bitch when you went home to see your dad. Constantly complaining that he wanted you to get back because he missed you. I almost took away his man card a few times.”

It felt good to laugh, even if it was only half-hearted. Jared's a good kid. The bitch was almost as wrong about him as she was about me. He was going to be a great addition to our group. And there it was; our group. No matter how much it broke my heart, I needed to find a way to compartmentalize my personal and professional lives. Blessed Tragedy will be my life as long as they'll have me.