chapter Eighteen
THE REST OF our time in Paris flew by. We managed to get a half day at the Louvre in along with trips to Montmartre and the Notre Dame Cathedral. I also fit in a little retail therapy and managed to purchase an Hermès Birkin that was almost as much one year of the salary I would be making at uConnect, several pairs of Yves Saint Laurent Tributes and a couple of pairs of Christian Louboutins. I also stopped by Hervé Leger and picked up several cocktail dresses I would never find in Seattle so in one afternoon, I blew more than one hundred thousand dollars. Not that it would make a dent in my trust fund but it was sure to get back to my mother because I’d charged everything to the family Centurion American Express Card and she would be less than pleased.
Although we shouldn’t have, Colin and I spent that last night at one of the most exclusive nightclubs in Paris and had a blast. It was his belated birthday present to me and I loved him for truly going all out. Most of the time, my birthday was a low key affair but he was determined to make this year different. Club Silencio was a members-only club before midnight but I didn’t ask Colin how we managed to get in shortly after eight in the evening.
We enjoyed drinks in the very Hollywood atmosphere which didn’t surprise me since the club was owned and designed by avant-garde director David Lynch. The club was busy and the music terrific. I couldn’t say anything bad about the place but I truly thought Colin brought me here just so I could wear my brand new sequined, navy blue one-shoulder bandage dress and black spiked patent-leather Christian Louboutin five-inch heels. I’d wrapped my hair up in a messy French Twist which fit my clothes perfectly and as usual, my makeup was extremely understated thanks to my flashy wardrobe.
He leaned over and kissed my neck. “Have I told you you’re the most beautiful woman in the room?”
I smiled as I sipped from my vodka tonic. “I’m sure you say that to all the women you spend an evening with,” I teased slyly.
“If you don’t believe me, look around.”
I tucked a loose lock of hair behind my ear and did a surreptitious glance around. More than a few men were checking me out in a not-so-subtle way.
“Shit.” I grabbed his hand on the table. “They probably think I’m famous or something. How many people wear a dress like this except to a premiere of a movie, a night out in Vegas or perhaps to the Last Supper Club in Seattle?”
“Who cares why you have that dress on? You look smokin’ hot tonight.”
“I should as my dress and shoes cost more than thirty six hundred dollars total.”
He shook his head. “You women and your clothes…”
“Would it make you feel better if I told you I’m usually a department store girl? It’s just…well, when in Paris I might as well do what all the wealthy Parisians do.”
“Would you like to dance?” Colin inquired after a short smile.
“As long as it’s a slow song. I don’t think I can actually groove in these shoes. I am certainly not Aubrey in that regards. That girl can dance something awesome whether she is in a pair of flats or seven-inch heels. It is definitely an acquired skill and one I don’t have yet.”
It was a slow song the DJ had chosen and the sound was terrific. The singer, obviously a French pop artist, had a great voice though I couldn’t quite place if it was Shy’m, Vitaa or perhaps Sheryfa Luna. I was actually surprised a David Lynch bar wouldn’t play Mylène Farmer non-stop or even David Guetta.
We both stood and I grabbed my vintage little black bag courtesy of Chanel. It was the kind of slow song that was perfect for me to slip my arms around Colin’s neck as he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close. I thanked God his dress shirt was black as it wouldn’t show any makeup stains if I accidentally ventured too close and rested my head on his shoulder.
Time seemed to stand still as we rocked back and forth in one another’s arms and the whole experience was too perfect to describe. In his arms, I realized I didn’t want to know all his secrets because I feared the one he wanted to tell me most could cause a schism in our relationship and I wasn’t ready for that.
If someone had asked me how I knew, I couldn’t tell the person but I had a gut feeling and usually my gut never steered me wrong. It was capable of telling me so much about a person or a situation, like the night when my mom called to tell me about the accident with my father. She didn’t have to speak, didn’t have to say a word as somehow I already knew it wouldn’t be good news and how do you respond to something like that?
I wanted my relationship with Colin to stay exactly as it was now and I knew that sounded foolish and immature but I didn’t care. I could afford to be frivolous in my private life because my life outside that had become so ugly and public. Now, I would have a real job and hopefully make my mother as proud as she was when she spoke of Caitlyn. That is what mattered at the end of the day. Those ordinary relationships turning into something extraordinary and beyond one’s wildest imagination and I didn’t ever want that feeling to end.
The slow song changed into yet a dance song by David Guetta and although I’d insisted to Colin it would be difficult for me to dance on five-inch stilts, somehow I managed and we continued to dance and I lost myself in the music and found myself singing along with him.
“All the crazy shit I did tonight…those will be the best memories…I just wanna let it go for the night…that would be the best therapy for me,” we both sang at the same time and it felt great.
The chorus started, he twirled me around and we continued to dance and sing, “Hey, hey…yeah, yeah…hey, hey…yeah, yeah!”
It was turning out to be one of the best dates we’d ever had and my head began to spin in a pleasant way from vodka tonics and the musky scent of Calvin Klein’s Contradiction, which I loved to smell on him.
“It’s gettin’ late but I don’t mind…it’s gettin’ late but I don’t mind…it’s gettin’ late but I don’t mind…it’s gettin’ late but I don’t mind,” we sang together and continued to dance.
We stayed on the dance floor for several more dance tunes before we walked back to our table, I finished my vodka tonic in one swallow and Colin ordered us more drinks.
“You see, you always underestimate yourself. You can tear up the dance floor, high heels and all. You are an amazing woman and I thank God—even if I admit to not being a true believer—that you were allowed to come into my life and change it. You have brought me out of a dark tunnel of loneliness, sadness and despair. Baby, don’t you ever feel bad about that. Meeting you has been the single best thing that has ever happened in my life,” Colin said as we waited on our drinks.
I grabbed his hands and held them in my own. “Baby, what do you expect me to say? You brought me back from the brink. I was the walking dead before you came along and I can’t thank you enough for bringing me back to life. I love you more than I have ever loved any man in my life and that says a lot. I want to be with you always and you better f*cking feel the same about me.”
He leaned into me and whispered in my ear, “That goes without saying. I am so f*cking in love with you I would die if you left me. You said I am a gentleman but I’m not. I want you to be with me always and you better say yes.”
The answer to his statement was on the tip of my tongue when the waitress brought our drinks and set them down in front of us. I sipped from my vodka tonic with its three pieces of ice cubes while Colin drank a whiskey sour. He swigged it down in several swallows.
“You know I want to be with you more than anyone else, sweetheart. Why you have to ask that question at all though I realize it wasn’t a question but a statement and the answer to your question is yes, I want to be with you always.”
“You mean that? I know we probably have had more than our share to drink and I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready for because we have moved very fast. I know that and so do you but I still believe what we have is very real and I know you do too.”
“I know but some romances aren’t meant to take months and years to develop. Sometimes, feelings are too strong and the attraction is just so powerful, our hearts open without our permission and we have to go along with it.”
Colin grabbed my hands and looked at me with gorgeous crystal eyes. “You’re perfect.”
I smiled in return. “We both know that isn’t true but it’s nice to hear it never-the-less.”
BY THE TIME we arrived back to our apartment, both our engines were revving into the red zone and all we could think about was sating our lust for one another by burying one another in each other’s arms.
The feeling was absolutely addictive and although I often wondered if it would ever happen, so far, devouring each other sexually had been, without a doubt, one of my most cherished memories about our trip.
If I could narrow it down to one feeling alone, it would have been contentment. Colin always made me feel special and unique, like I truly was the only woman in the world for him and I, in turn, responded to every kiss and caress. That night was no different. We could make love hundreds of times and never did it feel like we were going through the same old routine. Our love life always felt fresh and new, like the first time without all the awkward feelings and emotions that came with the initial experience of sex with a new partner.
I didn’t have the best track record mainly because I’d only shared myself sexually with three men. Although not adverse, I had never gotten around to trying out a lesbian relationship so sharing my body with someone wholly familiar was not a concept I was overly familiar with. The most recent time it had happened other than with Colin had, ironically, been his brother, and strangely, that hadn’t been awkward at all. True, it was ultimately lust and little else but sleeping with Liam felt like coming home to familiar territory, not an entirely new and alien experience.
Perhaps that’s what made it so easy to be with Colin. They were brothers after all and although I could admit there was a real feeling of love and compassion between us, he never felt like a stranger. His scent, the warmth of his body took absolutely no time for me to get used to at all. He was perfect and that made our relationship thrilling and unique but all the more exciting and real.
We kissed with a burning passion as he barely fit the key into the lock and opened the door. I slipped the key out and threw it on the sofa as he slid the deadbolt on the door. He’d barely gotten me to the sitting room when I threw him against the wall and ripped the buttons off his classy dress shirt as I began to kiss down his standing body. His hands immediately began to rummage through my hair as I bent down on my knees and undid the button to his pants before I slid the zipper down.
“Wait,” Colin began as breathed hard. “Don’t you think I should do you first?”
My right hand grabbed his manhood which was hard as the proverbial rock and I caressed him seductively as I murmured, “No.”
It was so easy to tease him and as I ran my tongue up the length of his cock from underneath, his face grew scarlet with desire and he tried to control his breathing.
Before he had come along, I could comfortably admit I hated giving head to guys. I hated the way they tasted in my mouth and I despised how they always insisted on choking me half to death by trying to shoving their length fully into a mouth that obviously was not going to accommodate. Not all women had attended the Linda Lovelace School of Deep Throat; most of us had more important issues to worry about like getting a good education and hopefully finding a decent job after our schooling was finally over.
However, Colin had changed my mind about the whole activity and I loved to have him in my mouth. Perhaps he never expected me to do anything I wasn’t ready to participate in and I respected that about him. I’d learned to deep throat him on my own and although it took some getting used to, it was actually pleasurable and exciting with the right guy. There was something deeply erotic about bringing him to orgasm in my mouth and I adored the look on his face as he came.
I slid his cock into my mouth and slowly worked him all the way inside. I could smell the musky scent of his skin and the cologne he wore but the most wonderful sensation was feeling him as he filled my mouth and my throat. I learned to control my breathing and gag reflex as I worked him in and out at a snail’s pace and he moaned out loud.
“F*ck, Deirdre, I’m going to come,” he whispered.
The exact words I wanted to hear as I sucked the mushroom head of his cock harder before I teased him with shallow strokes of his manhood while my hand caressed the rest of his length. One his hands grabbed the back of my neck while the other caressed my scalp and then I felt the hot, sweet-salty taste of him on my tongue and I continued to caress him with my mouth until he was completely sated and empty.
“How do I return the favor?” he inquired in a soft voice as he peeled his ruined dress shirt off.
Colin had a terrific body; all lean muscles and hidden strength. I traced the tribal tattoo along his lower back and he sighed softly. I loved the feel of his skin against mine and drew out the process of touching and caressing him as long as I could.
Slowly, I stood up on shaky feet and walked toward the bedroom before he grabbed me from behind by the waist. I slipped out of my shoes as he began to kiss my neck, one arm wrapped firmly around me while the other wandered underneath my dress. His hand slid past my lace thong and two fingers buried themselves inside my soaking sex while his thumb caressed my *. I found myself rocking against his hand though I wanted to get to the bedroom but it didn’t seem like that was going to happen at that moment.
We somehow walked to the sofa and he bent me over the arm of the sofa before he slid up my dress until it was wrapped around my waist. My thong was soon a distant memory as he forced me open and began to tackle the nub of my sex with an insistent tongue from behind. I widened my stance until it felt like my whole sex was planted on his mouth and although I should have felt somewhat embarrassed, Colin had a genuine way of relaxing all my inhibitions and I never felt exposed around him, no matter how many—or few—clothes I was wearing.
I had turned into one of those people who felt completely comfortable with my lover exploring every crevice of my body and there was absolutely nothing strange or awkward about it. In fact, he knew every button to press, every caress that would bring me to orgasm faster or slow the feeling down. Tonight he wasn’t in any hurry and neither was I.
He stopped his exploration and turned me around. I was still exposed as his hands grabbed me by the back of my neck and brought me in for a passionate kiss. Our tongues tasted one another and I sighed into the kiss.
Colin sat me on the arm of the sofa and slid his cock inside my aching wet sex. The feeling of having him inside of my body could not be described as he unzipped my dress from the back to expose my breasts. His mouth immediately sought one of my nipples out, suckled and caressed it with his tongue as I gasped and tried to hang on to the ride of him thrusting in and out of me.
He slowly brought us down to the floor so I straddled his waist and he had more access to my breasts while I controlled the pacing of our sex. While he focused on slowly driving me crazy with his teasing strokes of my breasts and nipples, I drove him deeper and harder inside me before I began to pick up the pace.
“Calm down,” he murmured against my skin. “We have all night.”
My eyes met his in the dimness of the room and I nodded as he slipped my dress off completely before he picked us both up and carried us into the bedroom where he laid us both on the bed as we hadn’t disconnected from one another and his manhood had been buried inside me the whole time.
I spread my legs and he adjusted his weight so I didn’t feel suffocated by him. His arms straightened out and my own arms wrapped around his neck. He began to thrust inside me with an aching slow rhythm before he would speed it up and f*ck me hard, fast and rough.
Occasionally, he would lean closer to me and we would kiss passionately; those were my favorite as they were sensual and we were completely in sync with one another and what our bodies were feeling.
After a while of this utter manipulation of my body and the withholding of my orgasm, I rolled us over until he was on his back and I was on top again. I began to buck my hips, pulling his cock into me and slowly milking his orgasm and mine out of me at the same time. He was a lot closer than I was but all it took for him to bring me up to speed was his fingers playing with my ultra sensitive nipples and I was again on the edge of an explosive orgasm.
The pace became quick, frenzied and before we both knew it, I began to come shortly after he began his descent into a pleasure that could never fully be described with words alone.
I sighed as the last of the ecstatic feeling left me and with energy I didn’t know I still possessed, I rolled off his body and collapsed on my back, legs still splayed open in an overtly sexual manner I was unaware of at that moment. My eyes were closed when I felt Colin’s mouth on my still pulsating * and I moaned out loud before I tried to close my legs.
“Shh, just enjoy it. I wasn’t finished,” he whispered as his magic fingers touched my nipples again and I arched my back while my legs fell open on their own.
His sexually aggressive tongue lapped at my * before his mouth surrounded the nub with hot warmth that melted my insides. I was sore from our earlier tryst but the moment his fingers slid inside me and found my g-spot, all the discomfort disappeared as he caressed the ultra sensitive spongy tissue.
Between his tongue caressing my * and his fingers teasing and bringing me to the brink of yet another orgasm I had no idea still existed in my body, I was nearing an edge of pure pleasure I never knew existed except with my favorite vibrator which was known as the Rabbit for a reason.
However, there were spots even the Rabbit couldn’t reach and the human body in all of its awesomeness did so much better and when a man really knew what he was doing and his fingers hit all the right spots in a woman’s body, it was something that could not be duplicated with a piece of plastic. My orgasm started at the base of my * and like ocean water flowing in during high tide, spread throughout my body.
Colin slid me over and I managed to get on my knees as he slid his cock inside me and f*cked me hard and rough for several unspeakable minutes. His fingers never left my ultra sensitive * and every time I thought I couldn’t experience another ounce of pleasure, he brought me to another orgasm. I lost count the moment my vaginal muscles clinched around his manhood in a possessive manner and milked another orgasm from him.
He withdrew and lay on his back, clearly spent as a layer of sweat covered his body. I crawled to him and lay next to him though I chose my side as I was sore all over but it was a good feeling I would definitely regret in the morning as we had a flight to catch back to the States.
I felt him spoon me and I accepted his possessive arms encircle my body filling me with overwhelming warmth and a feeling of safety.
“You belong to me. Not just now but forever and always. I love you, Deirdre,” he whispered before he kissed my neck.
“I love you too, honey.” I kissed his possessive hands and inhaled their scent. They smelled like sex, cologne and perfume—the very scent I’d worn that evening. It was the scent I fell asleep with surrounding my nostrils and it chased me from this world into the next.
OUR LATE NIGHT almost cost us a flight back to Seattle as we were late waking and late getting to the airport. We were weighted down with packages this time and it cost us a weight baggage fee but by the time we made it to the gate, the last call for our flight announced itself on the loud speakers and we quickly handed over our American passports and tickets to the attendant before she handed them back and murmured something in French about “les américains”.
Colin and I walked the platform before we boarded the actual plane and went directly to the first-class section and took our seats.
“Are you going to miss it?” he inquired after we dealt with a smooth take off.
We continued to climb and my head did a slow whirl from the hang over I had to endure while my stomach grumbled and not in a good way. “Of course but it’s not like we can’t come back any time we like. It’s just a short plane ride away and it’ll be nice to get back to real life.”
He laughed out loud. “And what were these last few weeks we have spent together? Fake life? It felt pretty f*cking real to me.”
“I don’t mean it like that,” I responded before I realized I was going to be sick.
I bolted from my chair as an attendant rushed toward me! “You cannot get out of your seat yet. The Captain hasn’t turned off the seatbelt sign.”
I pushed past her and locked myself in the bathroom before I lifted the lid and my breakfast and most of the alcohol I’d consumed the night before by the smell alone ended in the toilet. The smell itself made me sicker than I already was and I vomited until I dry-heaved.
After I wiped my mouth with toilet tissue, I threw it in the toilet and flushed before I stood and rinsed my mouth before I splashed cold water over my face. As I dried my face with several paper towels, I looked at my reflection in the mirror. How stupid was I?
The whole time we were on vacation, I never once got my period. I was on the pill and had been taking placebos the last couple of days yet nothing, not even spotting. What the hell was wrong with this particular scenario and situation?
My heart thundered in my chest so loudly, I barely registered the attendant banging on the door. I breathed deeply before I answered the door and faced a scarlet-faced blonde.
“Je suis désolée. Je suis enceinte.”
Somehow announcing my pending condition in French made it seem better; less real though the attendant relaxed visibly and sighed out loud before she responded, “Pas problème. I will bring you some juice as soon as the Captain clears the seatbelt sign.”
“Merci,” I whispered before I took my seat next to Colin and snuggled within his warm embrace.
“Sweetheart, are you okay?” he inquired in a concerned tone. “Did we drink too much last night?”
“Yes and no but that’s not the issue. Looks like everything in our relationship will always be unconventional. I am on the pill yet somehow I managed to get pregnant in the last few weeks. How the f*ck does that happen? I’m not even a full month so you can relax because it means nothing. I could miscarry…my mom suffered two after Caitlyn. After the second one she had a tubal-ligation.”
Colin paled noticeably. “Are you considering an abortion?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m just telling you not to get too excited about this because I am on birth control and it makes it easier for a miscarriage to occur. Drew and I had a scare way back in college about seven years ago. We were going to get rid of the baby and the morning he was supposed to drive me to the clinic, I miscarried.”
He covered his face with both hands. “Please tell me you wouldn’t dare do that to me. You couldn’t abort our baby, could you?”
“Colin, I have never had an abortion. I told you I miscarried the day we were going to do something about it. I’ve always been grateful the baby made the decision and not us because…it would have been a scandal. His dad is a Senator and Mom and Dad would have been so disappointed in me. They would have made me move closer to home or taken the baby and cared for him or her themselves before they would have ever wanted us to do something so drastic,” I explained as the seatbelt sign clicked off.
Moments later, the flight attendant walked over and brought me a glass of orange juice. I thanked her and drank it down quickly.
Colin laughed out loud. “I’m sure you’re wishing I had told you my colossal secret when I had the chance.”
I set the glass down and closed my eyes. “No, I’m glad I stopped you because I don’t want to hear it. Don’t you think some secrets are worth keeping? I think what ever you wanted to tell me would just tear us apart so leave it alone, Colin. I don’t need the drama in my life. Baby, it’s best this way.”
“Maybe for you but what about me? What if I need to get some shit off my chest and I want you to understand what happened? I think we could both heal from the mess and perhaps the experience with be the catharsis that brings us closer together.”
“Okay. We’ll discuss it when we get back to Seattle, okay? Not now, not in this f*cking tin can where there is no where for me to go, all right. Can it wait until then? You’ve waited all this time—I don’t see how waiting a little while longer will change anything.”
He smiled. “You’re right. Come here and cuddle in my arms. We have bigger issues to worry about, don’t we?”
“I think this is a situation that will work itself out.” I smiled back before I kissed his lips and surrendered within the warmth of his embrace. Before I knew it, I was asleep again.