I blink. “Fine?”
“Yeah, I’ll go with you, if that’s what it takes.”
The tension in my shoulders eases. I know Dean hates counseling, finds it uncomfortable and awkward. He doesn’t like the personal questions, the expectation that he’s supposed to rehash everything about his life—stuff he’s long done with. But he’s gone before for my sake, and the fact that he just agreed now gives me a surge of hope.
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll call Dr. Anderson and ask if she can refer me to someone in the area.”
“Okay.” He pauses. “I want to see you.”
“I want to see you too, but I think we both need a few days apart.”
The air on the other end of the phone vibrates with irritation. “What did Kelsey say to you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did she tell you not to see me?”
“Kelsey doesn’t tell me what to do, Dean. I can make my own decisions about us.”
“I know she told you something. What was it?”
His irritation bites at my own nerves. “We figured out that between this mess about a baby and your revelation about an ex-wife, it’s no surprise I wondered what things would be like with another man.”
His curse is so sharp that my stomach roils.
“You told her about Helen?” he snaps.
“Of course not.” I know I should stop, that this is unfair, that this will only hurt us more, but I’m suddenly flooded with images of Dean and another woman.
“No one ever talks about Helen, do they?” I ask acidly. “Not even you.”
“Goddammit, Liv.”
I take a breath and try to fight the churning emotions. I can’t stop the painful thoughts still whipping around my mind like a tornado.
I gave you everything I am. Why couldn’t you do the same for me?
“I’ll call you later this week.” It’s all I can manage to say before ending the call. I shove my phone into my satchel and head back to Kelsey’s house.
She comes home shortly before dinner after having stopped in at her office, ranting about some grad student who is doing a poor job with his computer modeling.
She changes into a caftan, then pours herself a glass of wine. After she’s done fixing a plate of chips and salsa, she sits at the counter and gives me one of her laser-beam stares.
“You talk to Professor Marvel today?” she asks.
“Yeah. We agreed not to see each other for a few days.”
She barks out a laugh. “You mean you told him you didn’t want to see him for a few days and he got all hot under the collar again.”
I groan and press my fingers against my temples. She pats my shoulder.
“He’s a guy, Liv,” she reminds me. “One who is very accustomed to getting what he wants.”
I know that all too well. I reach over to help myself to one of her chips.
“Hey, Kelsey?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you ever do anything with Dean?”
She glances at me. “Would it bug you if I did?”
I’ve never thought about it before, but I don’t have to. I don’t like to think about Dean with his many former women—and I really hate even the idea of his ex-wife—but Kelsey is different.
She’s my best friend too, and she’s gold throughout even if she can flatten you with her stare alone. If I weren’t around, I’d want Dean to be with her.
“No,” I say. “I’m just curious.”
“No.” Kelsey piles a chip with salsa and pops it into her mouth. “Dean and I have never done anything.”
“Not even in college?” I ask.
“I was into girls in college.”
This is news to me. “Really?”
“Yeah. Call it my experimental phase. Lasted two years.”
“So what… uh, what made you go back to guys?”
“Oh, a couple of studs my senior year, then a long-term boyfriend in grad school.” Kelsey flips her hair away from her face and reaches for her wineglass. “Great guy, smart as hell. Great sex too. Made me realize I preferred hard muscles and harder dicks.”
“What happened to him?”
“He wanted to get married, which obviously wasn’t my thing. Plus I got a job offer and we went our separate ways.”
She shakes her head. “Nah, Liv. Dean’s one helluva package, but we’d never screw up our friendship. And we’d be lousy together anyway. Always snarking at each other and fighting like dogs over who gets to be on top.”
It’s true Dean and I haven’t had that problem before now. We just took turns.
I reach for another chip, then drop it. I sigh and climb off the barstool.
“Hey.” Kelsey nudges me with her elbow. A crease forms between her eyebrows. “You guys will get through this.”
Two weeks ago, I would have agreed. Now I no longer know what to believe.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Dean
December 7
ive days without Liv pass like a black cloud. Kelsey called once to tell me Liv was fine, but that I needed to “get my shit together and fast.” I hung up on her.