“Probably an educated guess when he realized I’d taken his car.”
“Okay. So talk to me, Liv.” Kelsey stares at me from behind her glasses, as if knowing I have no defense against her penetrating blue gaze.
Which I absolutely do not.
With a groan, I cross my arms on the counter and thunk my head against them. “Oh, Kelsey, I fucked things up bad.”
Admitting it to her makes my tears swell like a tidal wave. All the pain and anger of the past few weeks boils up inside me. I start sobbing so hard that I can’t hear what Kelsey is saying, but she stays beside me, stroking my back and letting me cry.
When the tears finally ease a little, I lift my head and swipe at my eyes.
Kelsey hands me a tissue. “Don’t get snot on my counter.”
“Sorry.” I scrub at my cheeks and blow my nose.
Kelsey props her chin on her hand. “So you kissed another man.”
“Yeah. Big mistake, obviously.”
“Dean said you liked it.”
I look at her. “He told you that?”
“You’re surprised? You told him that, apparently.”
I groan and bury my face in my hands. “You know how bad things were, Kelsey. I was… I don’t know. The whole thing was so screwed up, and then with the pregnancy scare… Dean’s the only one I ever wanted, and then we had this big fight… and Tyler was just there. He was nice and he liked me and it was so simple compared to the mess going on with Dean.”
I gulp down another wave of sobs.
“He’s cute, too,” Kelsey says.
“What?”
“Tyler. The chef.” Kelsey takes another sip of wine. “Not all hunky and masculine like Dean, but adorable. Can’t say I blame you for wanting to kiss him.”
“Kelsey, you’re not helping.”
“I’m not trying to. I’m telling you the truth.” She sets her glass down and looks at me. “So you told Dean, and he’s still pissed.”
I nod and rub my finger over a line in the granite countertop. I can’t tell Kelsey anything else. Not about how Dean is the only person who has made me feel safe, protected, and unconditionally loved… until now.
I can’t tell her that our recent troubles have tilted my entire world off its axis. I can’t tell her that for the past four months, I’ve been terrified. That I haven’t been so scared in years.
“Why did you leave him?” Kelsey asks. “What did he say?”
“He won’t let it go,” I admit. “You saw how he acted at the art fair, like he was ready to beat Tyler into the floor. He’s still so mad. And I don’t know what to do to make it go away.”
“So he’s not so much upset about the actual kiss as the fact that you liked it,” Kelsey says. “Well, he’s a guy. You’re his woman. I can see how that’d be a hard blow to his ego. I’m sure he’s entirely forgotten that he’s capable of being attracted to other women.”
“I don’t think he’s forgotten that. He just wouldn’t act on it.”
Kelsey leans her head on her hand and narrows her gaze. “Look, Liv, you made a mistake. You admitted it. You’re sorry. You’ve tried to make it right. And frankly, I think you’ve done all you can.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. The ball’s in his court.” She pours more wine into her glass. “Dean is older and more experienced than you. A lot more experienced. He’s known other women. He knows you. He just hasn’t grasped yet that you needed to feel something for another guy to realize just how much you love him.”
I stare at the light reflecting off the wineglass.
“I don’t think he’ll ever understand that,” I say. “I barely understand it myself.”
“Look. Dean’s had a lot of girlfriends. A lot of experience with women. He’s been loved, he’s loved them. He’s been hurt, he’s hurt them. He had all the highs and lows before he met you. So since meeting you, he’s never looked back. He never had to. He knew you were the one for him, and that was it.”
Kelsey swivels around to face me.
“You, on the other hand,” she says, “were totally thrown off by Dean’s reluctance about a baby.”
Not to mention his revelation about his ex-wife. I don’t know if he would ever tell Kelsey about that. I certainly won’t.
“It’s no surprise you started doubting both Dean and your marriage,” she continues. “It’s no surprise you started wondering what it might have been like with another man.”
“I didn’t wonder…” My heart plummets. “Oh, hell.”
Kelsey’s mouth curves in triumph. “It’s okay, Liv. Dean’s never had to wonder about other women because he went through it all before he met you. You didn’t. And this whole recent fuck-up just meant you had to figure out now what Dean already knows.”
“God, Kelsey.” I rest my head in my hands. “Why aren’t you a psychologist?”
“Because my friends are the only people I give a damn about.”
She collects our glasses and heads to the sink. I’m quiet for a minute as I try to process everything she’s said.
“Will you please explain all that to Dean?” I ask.
“Hah.” Kelsey rolls her eyes again. “He’s a man. He’ll give me a blank stare, tell me I’m full of shit, then go off to pummel a punching bag.”