“How does it kill you? I mean, you said your dad died from it,” she asked in a small voice.
“The disease itself doesn’t kill, it’s things like pneumonia, choking on food, and organ failure that cause eventual death.”
“Oh,” she said, her eyes dropping to the floor. “How quickly does it progress? Was your dad able to walk before he died? I mean, was he mobile?”
I shook my head and cleared my throat. Talking about Dad made the seriousness of this begin to sink in. “No. The last few months, he was in a nursing home. He couldn’t walk, talk, or even eat. It progresses slowly, but you can’t underestimate how hard those final few years will be, Wrenn. If I have this...you will watch me slowly slip away. I’ll need help with everything, from eating to bathing...” My voice trailed off as I struggled to contain my emotions. This was as honest as I’d ever been with myself about the disease, and the thought of her seeing me like that...
Fuck, I’d kill myself before putting her through that.
I don’t want to think about this right now. I need her. If she can’t be with me, then I’ll deal with that, but right now I need her.
“Can we forget about this, Wrenn? Just for tonight? I want one night with you where I don’t have to worry about hurting you. I know that’s a lot to ask, but if I have to let you go, I really need this.”
She nodded and squeezed my hand. “Can you take me home tomorrow? I’ll tell Kass she can go.”
I nodded and leaned over to kiss her, my mouth brushing past her soft lips. I pulled away and stared at her, wanting to memorize every little detail of her face. She brought her hand up to my neck and pulled me to her, our lips connecting again, this time in a slow, intense kiss that took my breath away.
“Will you sleep with me?” she asked, her voice anxious. “I just want your arms holding me. I’ve never felt as safe as I do when I’m in your embrace.”
I nodded and let her lead me upstairs.
We entered a bedroom. A mirror hung on the wall, and a small chest of drawers stood in the corner. We walked over to the large bed under the window. Curving my arms under her thighs and around her back, I lifted her onto the bed, pulling the covers over her. Then I climbed in, wrapping her in my arms. I stroked her arm tenderly. This disease...it had the ability to rob me of the simplest indulgences, like holding the woman I loved close to me. I stroked her arm until she fell asleep, then listened to the sound of her chest rising and falling.
I’d avoided falling in love for this very reason. This fucked up disease had ruined my family. How could I drag someone I loved into that world? At least the test would give me closure. I’d know. One way or the other, I would know for sure, and Wrenn would have all the facts. She deserved to know everything, because this would affect her whole life. Even having kids was an issue...but at least there were tests nowadays and ways to eradicate the disease being passed on. My head rested against hers. I closed my eyes, listening to her breathe.
If these are my final few moments with her, then I want to remember them forever.
***
Rolling over, I wrapped my arm around Wrenn’s waist. Only she wasn’t there. I sat up in shock, the stark morning sunshine almost blinding me. I pulled my phone out of my pocket.
It was after eleven. How had I slept so late? And where was Wrenn?
I climbed out of bed, adjusting my jeans. Walking out into the hall, I glanced each way, looking for a sign of Wrenn. Making my way down to the kitchen, I called out her name. No answer.
Why the fuck did this place look so familiar? I was sure I’d been here before. I walked outside and down the steps into the backyard. A cobblestone path led through the manicured lawn, around the back of a large garage.
“Wrenn?” I called out.
I heard her voice faintly in the distance. Walking towards it, what looked like a cubby house came into view from behind a cluster of bushes. I breathed in the salty air, something you can only experience near the ocean. I loved it out here.
“Where are you?” I called out.
“In here.” Her muffled voice was coming from inside the cubby house. I leaned down and stepped through the doorway. My breath caught in my throat as memories began flooding back.
Wrenn and I.
We had met before. This hideous pink cubby house, that’s why this place felt so familiar. Eleven years ago, in this very place, she had made me realize that I needed to live my life. All these years later, we had found our way back to each other.
“What is it?” she asked, alarmed.