She nodded wisely. “Some kids don’t talk much after their parents have died,” she said. “But I’ve always talked, and when my dad died, I just started talking some more, and now I talk all the time, and I think it drives my brother and my mom crazy, but I can’t really help it, you know, and maybe if I talk enough to your brother, maybe he’ll talk back to me, and we can be friends, even though he’s a year older than me, but we go to the same school. I see him on the playground at lunch and he’s usually by himself, even though kids like him, but he’s really quiet, and maybe we can hang out sometime.”
I blinked at Sarah a few times, trying to keep up with the words pouring out of her mouth. “Um, yeah,” I said. “That sounds good.” I glanced over at Tanner, who was carefully pulling on his bright blue knee pads. I felt sad for him. I looked back at Sarah. “I think he could use a friend.”
I expected another torrent of words, but instead she just said, “Me too.”
I watched as Sarah went over to Tanner and said something to him. He looked at her blankly, then nodded. She launched into another long-winded sentence, which I couldn’t hear, and when she finally paused for breath, I watched as Tanner searched her face for what felt like an eternity and then finally broke into a hesitant grin. I was startled; I hadn’t seen him smile in a while.
Feeling relieved, I went to pick up skates for Tanner and me at the counter.
Ten minutes later, all of us were out on the ice.
“Where’s Sam?” Kelsi asked as we inched along, trying to get our balance.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“You told him about the meeting?” Mindy asked in a soft voice.
“Yeah,” I said. “I mean, I left him a message. He hasn’t called back.”
I looked up, expecting to see judgment or pity on their faces. After all, they knew Sam and I were going out, and now he wasn’t even replying to me. But they only looked concerned. “Well, it’s not really the same without all of us here,” Kelsi said. “When you talk to him, tell him we missed him today, okay?”
Kelsi and Mindy partnered up after a few minutes, and, holding each other’s hands and giggling, they picked their way around the rink. I stopped and just watched them. Before I’d put this group together, they’d hardly known each other. And here they were, laughing on a Tuesday afternoon, just weeks after Kelsi’s mom had died, when she might otherwise have been at home, wallowing in grief.
Logan and Sydney made their way a little more quickly. It looked like Sydney was leading Logan, who was a bit slower, dragging him by the hand and chiding him when he couldn’t keep up. Still, he appeared content.
Cody was off in his own world, whizzing across the ice like he was on the Olympic speed skating team. Each time he passed, his cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were focused straight ahead. I wondered if he was doing more than exercising; it looked like he might have been getting something out of his system.
I skated alone, and it gave me time to think about Sam—and about my dad. The anniversary of the accident was fast approaching, and it seemed like I should be in a different place. I knew that what I had done with setting up this club was good; it seemed to be helping. And I knew that was something I had to do: help other people come to terms with a parent’s death, like I had. But still, the emptiness loomed inside of me, big and cold. I’d never felt so lonely.
While the rink was cleared temporarily for the ice to be Zambonied, I sat down and closed my eyes. No one was paying attention to me. Kelsi and Mindy were talking about some sophomore guy Mindy liked. Logan and Sydney were cooing at each other in the corner—I was afraid they were going to start making out any minute. Cody had disappeared to the other side of the rink, where he apparently knew three girls in skating outfits.
And for the first time in ages, I heard Tanner’s voice loud and clear for more than a few words at a stretch as he talked to Sarah.
“What happened?” I heard him ask. I strained to hear, feeling a little bad that I was eavesdropping.
“My dad was in the military, in Iraq, you know, which is really far away, and we couldn’t see him very often because his job was dangerous and he had to be gone for a long time,” Sarah was saying, speaking at the speed of light. I glanced over and was surprised to see my little brother staring at her with rapt interest. “I was always scared that something would happen to my dad, because I heard about Army guys getting hurt, and he always told me not to worry because he’d be here forever, so I tried not to worry. But he was supposed to come home on March sixteenth, and it was March ninth, and I was really excited and I was making him a big picture of our house so he could see what everything looked like while he was gone, and I was outside doing the drawing, and two military men pulled up in the driveway.”