“Know what?” I demanded. I felt like I was on the verge of panicking.
She studied me while my heart pounded double time. It looked like she was trying to decide whether to tell me or not.
“Please, just tell me if Sam’s okay,” I pleaded. I didn’t think I could handle it if something happened to someone else I cared about. In an instant, all the awful things that could have happened to Sam flashed through my head. And for some reason, my mind got immediately stuck on Sam in a car crash. A cold chill ran through me.
“Sam’s fine,” she said.
Relief flooded through me, followed quickly by conffusion. “Why’s he at the hospital, then?”
She put down her book. “It’s his dad, Lacey.”
“His dad?” I repeated. What was she talking about? Hadn’t he died months ago?
“He woke up,” Donna said softly.
My jaw dropped. “Woke up? But … he’s dead.”
Now it was Donna’s turn to look confused. “Dead?” she repeated. “Where did you get that idea?”
A feeling began to creep through my veins like ice. Every conversation I’d ever had with Sam began to replay itself in my mind. Is this what he had wanted to tell me? But even if it was, how could he let me go on believing something so huge when it had been a lie all along?
“He’s not dead?” I whispered. Donna shook her head. “But Sam said he had a stroke.”
Donna nodded. “He did. He’s been in a coma since July. They moved him to Plymouth Regional Hospital in September. That’s why Sam and his mom moved here.”
I stared at her in disbelief. She must have thought I was totally crazy, but I couldn’t help repeating, “You’re telling me he’s alive?”
“Yes. And he woke up on Sunday night. The doctors are calling it a miracle. Sam and Joey and their mom have been at his bedside since then.”
I stared at her. I couldn’t form words. I couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Lacey?” she asked. Her face radiated concern. “Are you all right, honey?”
“Um” was all I could manage. I shook my head. “I’m sorry. Thank you.”
I felt like the walls were closing in on me. I slowly backed away from her and out of the bowling alley. It wasn’t until I was outside, in the crisp fall afternoon air, that I realized I didn’t have a ride home. Numbly, feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me and I couldn’t quite catch my breath, I began walking toward my house.
? ? ?
By the time I walked up my own driveway I didn’t feel any better. I knew I should be happy for Sam that he’d gotten his father back. Wouldn’t I have given anything in the world to hear the same kind of news about my dad? But the fact was, I never would hear that news; my father was gone for good.
I’d believed the same about Sam’s dad. Sam had made me believe the same about his dad. And that’s why I’d trusted him with my feelings, my secrets. That’s why I’d believed, in the very depth of my soul, that he understood me. But the truth was, he didn’t know any more about how I felt than Jennica or Dr. Schiff or any of the kids at school who lived in their perfect homes with their perfectly complete families.
I began to replay in my head every conversation I’d ever had with Sam. He’d never directly lied, I couldn’t actually remember the words “My dad died” coming out of his mouth. But from the day he showed up at our first meeting, saying that he’d lost his dad, I had trusted him and had assumed that he’d meant his dad was no longer alive. Why would I think anything different? But just because he hadn’t blatantly lied didn’t make the betrayal any less serious. He knew what he’d led us to believe. He knew what he’d led me to believe. And it hadn’t mattered.
Why had he done it? Had he been that desperate to fit in with us? Sam didn’t seem to care about being popular, and it wasn’t even like we were a popular group. Besides, who in their right minds would fake a parental death to become part of a clique? No, it went deeper than that. I had no doubt that losing your dad to a coma was really hard. And I was sure that to some extent, Sam had understood us and identified with us. But the fundamental difference was that his dad had woken up. Mindy, Kelsi, Cody, Logan, and I would never have that experience. We couldn’t. And for Sam to think it was okay to trick us in this way made me feel sick.
The sky darkened as I walked home, and as I reached my front door, the first fat raindrops of an approaching storm began to fall, splashing on the driveway and pinging off the roof of the house. I put my key in the lock and closed my eyes before turning it, steadying myself.
I would never let anyone in again. I couldn’t trust anyone. The world around me had crumbled, and once again, it was still me, only me, standing there on my own.
I should have known better.
? ? ?
Mom was home from work early again, standing in the kitchen and absentmindedly beating something in a big bowl, when I walked in.
She smiled. “Hi, honey.”