A Shadow of Guilt

chapter ELEVEN



‘HE’S AS STABLE as can be. He was lucky that his skull wasn’t fractured and that his ribs are just badly bruised. He’ll be in a lot of pain for a couple of weeks.’

‘OK, thank you.’

The doctor looked kindly at Valentina. ‘You should go home and get cleaned up. The sedative will have knocked him out for a while.’

Valentina smiled but it felt brittle. ‘I’m fine, I’d like to stay.’ The doctor eventually shrugged and left the private Palermo hospital room. Valentina had asked them to call Gio’s mother but they’d been told that she was away on a short trip. Yet another stark reminder of Gio’s isolation which had made her heart bleed.

Valentina turned back to the man lying on the bed. He was covered by a sheet from the waist down, but he was naked from the waist up, with strapping around his chest where his ribs had been injured.

A white bandage was around his head and his face was still almost as white as the bandage. Valentina felt tears burn her eyes again and she went back to the chair beside the bed.

He looked so young and defenceless like this. Sniffling and wiping at the tears that just wouldn’t stop, Valentina took Gio’s nearest hand in hers. It was completely lifeless. She bit back the surge of panic and reassured herself that the doctor had said he’d be fine.

A lock of hair had fallen down over the bandage on his forehead and Valentina reached up to push it back. The feel of the silky strands under her fingers made them tremble and she quickly clasped his hand again in both of hers.

Somehow with Gio here like this, not looking at her with that distant expression, it was easier to start talking….

‘Gio,’ she whispered, ‘I know you can’t hear me but I need to tell you something—a few things actually. And I know I’m being a coward when you can’t hear me….

‘The thing is, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to tell you when you can look at me and see me for what I really am … and then watch you turn your back on me. I don’t think … I could survive that.’

Valentina took in a deep shuddering breath and focused on his mouth. ‘The thing is that I love you too. I’ve loved you for so long, Gio—far longer than I ever admitted it to myself.’ Her voice dropped even lower. ‘I remember being seventeen and wanting you so much, craving your attention and yet being scared witless of how you made me feel.’

Valentina smiled a watery smile. ‘You and Mario together … you were so dynamic, full of life. He never could quite keep up with you but yet he never resented you for it. I think he felt accomplished enough in his own way, separate to you.

‘There’s something though that I have to tell you—to explain why I’ve been so angry with you. The evening Mario died.’ Valentina stopped for a moment and then went on painfully. ‘We got the phone call to say someone was injured, but not who. All we knew was that one of you was in trouble and that you were being transported to the hospital in Palermo….’

Valentina felt as if she were standing apart from herself, listening to the story too.

‘When we got there, frantic, a doctor came to us and said, “We couldn’t save him.”’ Valentina’s hands tightened unconsciously on Gio’s.

‘The fact was that we still didn’t know who had died. And I thought.’ Valentina’s voice broke slightly. ‘I assumed that it had been you. The pain was indescribable. But then … I saw you. You were standing there, in the corridor, and the relief was so overwhelming … and then I suddenly realised what that meant. That Mario was dead, not you. And that my worst fear had been losing you, not my own brother.’

Valentina smiled wanly. ‘You see, it was only when we saw you that we realised who was dead. My mother had seen my reaction. She knew and that merely compounded my own guilt and confusion, along with the pain of realising that it was Mario who was dead.’

She looked down at Gio’s hand in hers. ‘I’ve been so ashamed for so long … when I saw you at the funeral I lashed out, unable to bear the fact that you were making me remember that I’d have preferred my own brother to be dead, and he was….

‘When I saw you again at the wedding … it all came back. I thought I’d buried it. I thought I’d forgotten you … but I hadn’t. And I still wanted you which made things even harder.

‘When you told me you loved me, I couldn’t believe it. The thought of saying those words back to you … of loving you and possibly losing you the way I’d lost Mario … It was too terrifying … it is terrifying. But not as terrifying as it was to see you lying on that ground today.’

Sobs rose upwards again and Valentina choked out, ‘The past three weeks have been hell … but I thought that’s what I could live with for the rest of my life. I thought I could protect myself by leaving you … but I can’t. I love you, Gio.’

Suddenly overwhelmed with all she’d said, Valentina went to take her hand out of Gio’s but to her shock her hand was taken in a tight grip and a soft growl came from the man on the bed, ‘Where do you think you’re going?’

‘Gio …’ Valentina breathed out, her heart pumping.

His eyes flickered open slowly and he winced at the bright light for a few seconds before they came to rest on Valentina. Her breath caught in her throat. She was suddenly ridiculously aware of how deranged she must look after hours of crying and the panic-filled helicopter ride to the hospital.

‘You have blood on your cheek….’ Gio let her hand go and lifted his to touch her cheek with a finger.

Valentina closed her eyes and prayed for control. ‘I … must have got some of your blood on me….’ When his hand dropped again she tried to wipe at it ineffectually with the sleeve of her top.

Nervousness made her babble, and also not wanting to see Gio’s reaction as to why she might be there. ‘The doctor says you’ll make a full recovery. Your ribs are bruised and you’ve got a nasty crack to the head but it’s not fractured.’

Just saying the words though was bringing it all back and Valentina struggled to hold back the tears of emotion.

‘I don’t give a damn about that.’ Gio’s eyes were very dark all of a sudden, and alert and intent, on Valentina.

‘You don’t?’

‘No.’ He shook his head and then winced minutely when it obviously caused him pain. He opened his eyes again and found and took Valentina’s hand in a tight grip. ‘What I want to know is did I really just hear you say you love me, and all that other stuff, or was I dreaming?’

Blood was rushing to her head and Valentina whispered, ‘How much other stuff did you … think you heard?’

‘Everything … I think …’ Gio said grimly.

Hesitant, Valentina said, ‘About Mario and the hospital?’

‘Yes, dammit. Valentina.’

Valentina gripped Gio’s hand back and closed her eyes as if that could help. Not to see Gio’s face when she said this. ‘It wasn’t a dream. You heard it, and I meant every word.’

There was silence and after long seconds Valentina opened her eyes again to see Gio with his head back on his pillow and a smile playing around his mouth. ‘You love me….’

Feeling slightly disgruntled at his easy insouciance when Valentina felt as if she’d just been pulled from a train wreck she said curtly, ‘Yes, I do.’

Gio’s smile faded then to be replaced by something more serious. His hand moved up her arm and he said, ‘Come here, I need to touch you.’

‘But your ribs—your head … I’ll hurt you.’

Gio shook his head, this time more gingerly. ‘You could never hurt me as much as you did when you walked away after I told you I loved you.’

Fresh tears pricked Valentina’s eyes and Gio’s hand tightened on her arm. ‘But I’ll forgive you everything if you just come here right now.’

Carefully Valentina stood up and perched on the side of the bed. Gio’s voice was husky. ‘Closer.’

Giving in, Valentina kicked off her sneakers and came down full length beside him and tried to ignore his painful intake of breath when he lifted his arm to move it around her so that she was cocooned against him, her head in his shoulder, her hand resting on his abdomen, below the strapping. She felt herself relaxing into his hard form, her curves melting into his body.

She felt him draw a breath into his chest and he said in a carefully neutral voice, ‘Why did you decide you wanted to stay at the castello after seeing the garden, where Mario died?’

Valentina lifted her head to look at Gio. She remembered the excruciating way he’d shut her out—how ready he’d been for her to flee, because he’d obviously expected her to be upset. She could see now how he might have misread her reaction.

She willed him to believe her, to understand. ‘When I saw the garden … and walked the labyrinth, I didn’t feel as if Mario was there, or I did … but in a very peaceful way. He always loved visiting you at the castello so much. He was so proud of your achievement. I just … I felt happy there, secure. That’s why I wanted to stay.’

Gio’s arm tightened around her and his eyes looked suspiciously bright for a moment. He sounded gruff. ‘I thought … I thought it meant that you’d divorced yourself so much from your emotions around me and what had happened that you just didn’t care enough to leave.’

Valentina shook her head. ‘Never … my emotions are very much intact.’

Gio touched her chin and jaw with his other hand as reverently as if she were made of china and Valentina felt a profound peace steal over her.

Gio smiled. ‘You know what this means, of course?’

‘What?’

Gio’s eyes glowed dark green with emotion. ‘Kiss me first,’ he said throatily. Carefully Valentina reached up and pressed her lips to his. Despite the delicacy of Gio’s injuries, she could feel his arm tighten around her as the inevitable spark lit between them.

Groaning softly Gio pulled back. Colour was in his cheeks now, replacing that deathly pallor, and Valentina touched his jaw with her hand, her fingers tracing his mouth. Gio kissed her fingers. ‘What it means is that you’re going to marry me and we’re going to live happily ever after….’

Valentina’s hand stilled and her eyes widened on his. Giddiness rushed through her entire body but along with it came a tendril of trepidation and she bit her lip. She whispered, ‘I’m scared, Gio … I think I’m scared to feel this happy….’

Gio pulled her closer. ‘We have love—as long as we have love, there’s no need to fear anything.’

‘Love..’ Valentina smiled tremulously. ‘We definitely have love.’

Two years later …

Valentina felt the baby kicking in her belly and automatically put her hand there. She smiled when she sensed a presence and a much larger hand came over hers and an arm snaked around her distended midriff to cup her close to his body. Gio. Even now, tremors of awareness went through her especially when she could feel him hardening against her bottom.

One of his hands came up to cup one very full and sensitive breast and her blood got even hotter. Valentina blushed and whirled around within Gio’s arms, dislodging his questing hand, and looked up with mock outrage. ‘Do you really think your guests have paid to see you mauling your heavily pregnant wife?’

Unnoticed in the background the crowd were going wild as the annual Corretti Cup race was drawing to an exciting finish. Neither Gio or Valentina gave two hoots right then if a unicorn suddenly appeared and won the race instead of the hotly tipped favourite, who was, of course, one of Gio’s horses.

Gio smiled lazily, his hand coming back up to cup her breast again, this time kneading it gently so that Valentina couldn’t help but moan softly.

‘You seemed to enjoy being mauled in bed this morning very much if I recall.’

‘You’re insatiable, Signor Corretti. I’m merely doing my wifely duty to keep you happy.’ She smiled prettily and he threw back his head and laughed out loud, infusing Valentina with a bone-deep sense of contentment to hear him sound so happy.

Just then she spotted something out of the corner of her eye and said with happy resignation, ‘I think it’s time to rescue my parents. Maria’s looking suspiciously overexcited and tired which spells trouble.’

Gio turned to follow his wife’s gaze and smiled indulgently when he saw his fifteen-month-old daughter squirming to be free of her doting grandparents’ embrace. She was trouble, all right, more than taking after her late uncle Mario with her mop of dark brown curls and mischievous eyes.

Gio turned back to Valentina and looked down, his heart swelling with love. Her pregnant belly pressed against him and he felt full up … with love and contentment and peace—for the first time in his life, peace.

‘We’ll rescue them in a minute, but first …’

He didn’t even need to say it. Valentina lifted her mouth to his, wound her arms around his neck and they kissed as if for the first time all over again while the crowd went wild behind them, the favourite horse striding easily home to victory.