A Shadow of Guilt

chapter EIGHT



VALENTINA WAS IN deeply unchartered waters. She was standing in her shower with her eyes closed and Gio was massaging shampoo into her hair. She felt like purring. She also felt like turning around and pushing him up against the wall and kissing him all over. She could feel his erection brush against her buttocks and had to put her hands out to touch the tiles, afraid she’d fall down in a heap at his feet under the teeming hot spray.

She felt him turn her around and kept her eyes closed, too scared to look and see that gorgeous physique up close. That physique that had taken her to heaven and back more times than she could remember during the previous night and then again that morning. She’d never known the human body was capable of such pleasure, of such base carnal desires. Or that those desires could be felt, and met.

But more than all of that, she was too scared to open her eyes and look into Gio’s. To see the same expression she’d seen in them this morning when she’d woken to find him looking at her so intently, as if he could see all the way into her soul, where she hid her deepest secrets.

But she couldn’t avoid it. Not when Gio pronounced her clean and tipped her chin up with a finger. With the utmost reluctance she opened her eyes and looked up. Gio had stopped the water but they were still surrounded by steamy warm air, like a sensual cocoon. Lazily he put his arm out, hand touching the wall behind her. It was then that Valentina noticed the marks again, on his arm. The tattoo.

He saw where her gaze had gone and in an instant the atmosphere went from hot and sultry to cool as ice. He quickly took down his arm again, reaching out for towels. So fast that her head span, Gio had manoeuvred her out of the shower and was wrapping her in a huge soft towel and hitching one around his own hips.

Curiosity well and truly stoked now, Valentina followed Gio into the bedroom. He’d lifted the towel off his hips and was roughly rubbing his hair before running it over the rest of his body in a very perfunctory manner, clearly doing his utmost to get out of her room quickly. Valentina tried desperately not to let his naked back and those firmly sculpted buttocks distract her. Just looking at his powerfully muscled thighs made her think of how potently masculine he’d felt between her legs.

She hitched her own towel under her arms sarongstyle and ignored the fact that she was dripping water all over the floor. She went over and stood in front of a very naked and damp Gio. She crossed her arms against the betraying rush of heat to her groin.

‘What are those marks?’

Gio scowled and for a second looked endearingly young. Oozing reluctance he wrapped his towel around his hips and crossed his own arms, effectively hiding the tattoo in question.

Growing exasperated now Valentina reached out and pulled at his arms, making him loosen them, and then she held his left arm up, so that she could see the tattoo clearly. ‘Why on earth don’t you want to talk about this? It’s just a tattoo….’

Saying something finally, Gio bit out, ‘Exactly, it’s nothing.’

He tried to pull his arm back but Valentina held on tenaciously, inspecting the uniform black ink marks. Out loud she said, ‘They look like roman numerals … some kind of a date? Four … five …’

She could read the first part, but the last piece eluded her—her knowledge of roman numerals only went up to about ten but this was clearly a much larger number, and as she realised this, she also realised the significance of four and five. Mario had died on the fourth of May….

Valentina dropped Gio’s arm and looked up at him. She could feel the blood draining southwards. Gio cursed under his breath and guided her to the bed to sit down on the edge. He stood in front of her and admitted with stark reluctance, ‘It’s the date Mario died.’

Valentina’s belly clenched hard. Every line of Gio’s body was screaming at her to stay out of this.

‘But …’ She tried to formulate words, to understand. ‘Why?’

Gio cursed again and turned away, pacing impatiently to the window, presenting her with his rigid back. Without turning around he said bleakly, ‘I needed to mark the date … when Mario’s life ended, and mine.’

Before, Valentina knew she would have jumped down his throat and reminded him that his life hadn’t ended. But after what he’d told her of his experiences she had to concede that it had ended on some level.

After the intimacies of the previous night it was very hard to call up the rage she’d clung to for so long. This is what she’d been afraid of.

The thought of him asking some stranger to carve an indelible mark into his skin made her feel unaccountably emotional. Before she knew what she was doing she’d stood up and went over to Gio. She inserted herself between him and the window, his jaw was as rigid as the rest of him and he looked at her warily.

Dropping her gaze to his arms, she once again undid them from where they were crossed so tightly. She took his marked arm and held it out again, turned up so she could see the tattoo. With her finger she traced the lines, feeling the indentation in his skin, marked for ever with this brand of the date her brother had died.

His guilt reached out to envelop her in that moment and it was so suffocating that she stepped back, letting his arm drop heavily. Panic prickled in her belly. For one awful second she’d wanted to place her mouth over that tattoo, to kiss Gio there, to assuage his pain … and that was a revelation she wasn’t ready for.

Feeling rigid all over, the previous night all but forgotten in her bid to put some space between herself and his man, Valentina stepped back and said, ‘I should get ready for work.’

She went into the bathroom and turned the lock in the door. And then she rested her back against the door. She half expected to hear Gio demand autocratically that she open up and remembered his own reluctance to admit what the tattoo was. But nothing happened.

It was only when she heard her main apartment door open and close and she knew that Gio had left that she allowed herself to sink to the floor and silent tears leaked from her eyes.

She wasn’t even sure what she was crying for … but for once it wasn’t grief for Mario; it was for something much deeper and more ambiguous. Allowing herself that glimpse of Gio’s pain and guilt had shaken her to her very core. And deep down, in that dark and secret place within her, the shameful truth she’d harboured for seven years was rising back to the surface.

Valentina was aware that if she were to acknowledge it now, it would blast apart everything that had been holding her together since Mario had died … and if she didn’t have that, who was she?

As Gio walked away from Valentina’s accommodation his gut churned. The tattoo. Of course she’d noticed the tattoo. He’d been drunk when he’d got it, full of bile and self-recrimination. Guilt. A perverse part of him had liked the thought of being marked for ever, so he could never forget. As if that were possible.

For a crazy second back there, he’d almost fancied that Valentina had been moved enough by the tattoo that she’d. She’d what? a voice mocked him bitterly. That she’d understood something of his experience? That she possibly didn’t hate him as much as he thought she did?

His mouth firmed. She would never forgive him. And she certainly wasn’t interested in absolving him.

Gio resolutely pushed tender emotional roots back down into the murky darkness of his damaged soul and vowed that if the physical was all he was going to get with Valentina, then he would take it. And let her walk away when she’d had enough. Even though the thought of that made him want to smash his fist through the nearest solid object.

‘Mini doughnuts to go with mini coffees for dessert … and the sweet fig starter … truly inspired …’

Valentina smiled weakly and cursed herself inwardly. This was what she’d been waiting for, an opportunity to showcase her skills in front of the very people who could take her forward with her career and yet she couldn’t concentrate. She was too keyed up, her whole body quivering because she knew Gio was just feet away in the crowded throng. Guests were finishing lunch in the VIP marquee and moving back outside for the biggest race of the three days.

Valentina gave up trying to focus on what the guests were saying to her and murmured her thanks and excuses, cursing herself again that she was so distracted. She turned to head back out to the main tent to make sure that everything was set up for the inevitable celebrations after the race and ran straight into a wall of steel.

Gio.

She looked up. His hands were on her arms and her legs felt like jelly. His gaze raked her up and down and dimly she realised that he’d shaved since the morning. He looked … edible. Her insides melted. She thought of the tattoo and her heart clenched.

‘OK?’

It took a second for his question to register. She was too caught up in her reaction to him. Jerkily she nodded her head and then she realised that he was standing with another couple. The man was tall, as tall as Gio. There was a startling resemblance even though Valentina knew it wasn’t one of his brothers. A woman stood beside the man, his hand in a proprietorial hold on her arm, much the same way Gio now held Valentina’s arm. It was only then that she became aware of the crackling tension between the men.

In that instance some flicker of affinity passed between the women, even though Valentina had never seen her before. She was beautiful, with long straight brown hair and stunning blue eyes.

‘Angelo, I’d like you to meet Valentina Ferranti, the woman who has been in charge of catering for this year’s Corretti Cup.’

The man smiled and Valentina felt Gio’s hand tighten on her fractionally. He was stupendously handsome, even though he did nothing for Valentina. He put out a hand and said urbanely, ‘Nice to meet you. I’m Gio’s illegitimate cousin. I’m also betting against his horse today and I expect to win.’

Before Valentina could respond Gio was biting out, ‘She’s got nothing to do with our pathetic family dramas.’

Valentina took Angelo’s hand and felt something inexplicably primal rise up within her. She smiled sweetly. ‘We’ll be serving Prosecco and elderflower cocktails after the race to help you drown your sorrows when you lose to Gio’s horse.’

Angelo kept ahold of her hand and after a long moment he looked from Valentina to Gio and said with steel in his voice, ‘We’ll see.’

Shocked at that protective surge she’d felt to defend Gio, Valentina took her hand back and jerked her arm out of Gio’s hold. Focusing on no one in particular she muttered something about needing to check something and left the tent.

Thankfully things were gearing up for the big race so Valentina knew that Gio would be busy and unlikely to come after her and she needed some space. She couldn’t keep avoiding her own conscience after last night and that morning.

She found a secluded spot hidden away from everything and leant against the railing of a nearby paddock, resting her forehead on her hands. Her insides felt as if they were cramping. Her breath was choppy. She shouldn’t have slept with Gio … and yet, Valentina had enough honesty to admit that if she went back in time, was confronted with Gio all over again … no force on earth could have induced her to resist.

But the tattoo … what he’d been through after Mario’s death—it all whirled sickeningly in her head now.

‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

Valentina was being pulled up from the railing, her heart slamming to a halt before she even realised that Gio had followed her. Sudden anger at this invasion of privacy when she felt so vulnerable made her lash out. ‘Nothing is wrong, Gio, apart from the fact that I despise myself for being so weak!’

Every line in Gio’s face stood out in stark relief. ‘I told you last night, Valentina. I give you full permission to despise me. And believe me, I have every intention of making you despise me over and over again.’

He reached out with two hands and pulled her into him before she could take a breath and then his mouth was fusing to hers. The kiss was desperate and brutal but electrifying. Anger and pain and remorse all clawed up within Valentina seeking release. Desperately she clutched at his head, holding him to her, allowing no escape. Teeth bit and drew blood before Gio stopped, breathing harshly, his forehead resting on Valentina’s. She was dizzy with the sudden overwhelming surge of need mixed with adrenalin.

‘Hate me, Valentina … not yourself. This thing … it’s out of our control.’

Gio stood up straight and pulled back even though it was the hardest thing in the world. Valentina’s smooth top knot was coming undone. Her mouth was red and swollen, her chest rising up and down as she tried to regain her breath. A few buttons had opened on her white shirt, giving him a tantalising glimpse of her lacy bra and cleavage. And Gio knew he had to get out of there now or he’d take her on the ground like an animal.

He turned and walked away before he did anything else and realised that, by the time this insanity was over between them, he’d be torn apart completely.

Valentina looked after Gio, struck dumb by his curt, Hate me, Valentina. Tears pricked her eyes. She wanted to call out; she wanted to make him stop. She wanted to say sorry. But like a coward, she didn’t. The truth sat heavily in her belly. She didn’t despise herself for being weak … she despised herself for feeling so many disturbing emotions for this man and for not having the courage to own up to them, or analyse them.

Distaste flickered across Gio’s face. The gala auction had been under way for some time now and the huge sums of money were becoming more outrageous as people helped themselves to increasing quantities of alcohol.

Not so long ago he had been one of those people, flinging huge sums of money into the ether in some desperate bid to seek solace.

His cousin Angelo had come to him before leaving with his date and had shook Gio’s hand in recognition of the fact that he had indeed lost to Gio’s far superior horse in the race. But to Gio’s surprise, while their conversation was sharp and cool, he’d felt a burgeoning respect for the man and they’d parted on more than civil note. He found himself slightly amazed when his usual reaction to anyone in his family was to walk quickly in the other direction.

A flash of dark red caught Gio’s eye then and he looked, his gaze stopping and fixing on Valentina where she’d just arrived into the VIP tent. She was wearing one of the dresses. The knowledge sent something very primal into his blood.

She’d somehow managed to avoid him all evening—always flitting to and fro on the opposite side of wherever he was, and too surrounded by people eager to share in his Corretti Cup race success Gio had been trapped. Until now. His whole body tingled and arousal was fierce and immediate. He’d had a vision of her in this dress as soon as he’d seen it but the reality was far more stupendous.

Her hair was up, in a slightly messy chignon, exposing her long delicate neck. Her shoulders were bare and pale. Her breasts swelled against the heart-shaped neckline of the dress and tight bodice before it fell to the floor in a swathe of silk and chiffon.

She wore no jewellery, and a minimum of make-up. And she was more beautiful than any other woman there. A fact which seemed to have impacted on not only him. Gio saw a lurching movement towards her and recognised the French playboy.

Gio was moving before he’d even realised his intention and he pushed down the memory of her words earlier, how deeply they’d cut into him. He’d followed her outside after their exchange with Angelo because he’d been stunned at how she’d defended him. He should have realised that it had meant nothing.

The hurt from earlier solidified in his belly and he blocked it out, welcoming the heat in his blood. This was all he wanted, this oblivion she could give him. And hate herself for, a small voice reminded him. He was too weak to turn back now and his vision went red when he saw his erstwhile friend reach Valentina and clamp a hand around her arm.

Valentina had just arrived back into the VIP tent. Instinctively she found herself searching out a familiar tall and broad figure when her eyes adjusted to the artfully lit space. When she didn’t see him immediately she blocked out the way her belly hollowed out. She felt very exposed, as if she was sending Gio some silent message because after a long intense internal struggle earlier, she’d finally put on one of the dresses Gio had bought for her.

It, and the matching underwear, felt exactly as decadent as she’d feared it would, along with the very scary sense of being on tenterhooks all evening, waiting to see Gio and his reaction. Before she could look further though, her arm was taken in a harsh grip.

She looked up, surprised, into the arrogant features of the French playboy who had been trying to chat her up the other night. She could see in an instant that he was inebriated. His already harsh grip tightened and immediately Valentina recoiled back, and tried to free herself but he hung on.

‘Please let me go, Monsieur Lagarde.’ She tried to keep her voice calm and reasonable over the sound of the crowd and the auctioneer.

‘Oh, please …’ he slurred. ‘Surely we can be on first name terms, non? Call me Pierre….’

Valentina struggled again to free her arm, feeling a sliver of trepidation snake down her spine when she realised that he’d somehow manoeuvred them so that they were hidden from view behind a tall plant.

‘You are so beautiful….’

He had both her arms in his hands now and Valentina felt panic claw upwards. He was huge, looming over her with his huge bulk. And then just as suddenly as the panic had risen, he was being lifted away from her as if by some magical force, his hands gone from her arms, making her stumble forward slightly.

He was replaced by a grim-looking Gio and all Valentina could see of Pierre was two of the discreet security men escorting him outside.

Gio cursed and came closer. ‘He’s bruised your arms.’

Valentina looked down stupidly and saw the red marks of his fingers. It was only then that she realised how scared she’d been for a few seconds. She looked up at Gio, aghast at the helpless emotion rising up within her, and knew shamefully that it had more to do with the man in front of her than what had just happened. She blinked rapidly to keep it back, but failed miserably.

Gio cursed again and she was being enveloped in his arms. Valentina felt faint with relief and how good it felt to have him hold her. Guilt compounded her as she soaked in his strength when she thought of what she’d said earlier.

She pulled back within his arms and looked up, words trembling on her lips. But once again Gio just put a finger to her mouth, silencing her. He shook his head. ‘Don’t say it.’

Valentina swallowed and spoke against his finger. ‘But you don’t know what I’m going to say.’

‘I don’t need to hear it, all I need is you.’

Valentina knew that if she was to pull free of Gio now, step back and say she didn’t want him, he would let her go. He might not want to, but he would. It was etched into every tightly held muscle in his body.

Valentina knew there were a million and one reasons why she should take this opportunity to walk away. There was too much between them, too much that was tangled and dark and unspoken. But all she could feel was him. That dark seductive energy winding around her, binding her to him in some silent pact.

His assurance that she could do this and hate him for it made her feel riven with guilt … but she couldn’t walk away. Just as she couldn’t stop breathing.

But if she did this she also had to stop lashing out and blaming him. She had to take responsibility for her actions and hope that, soon, this temporary madness would cease and she could get on with her life. Even though right at that moment the thought of a life without Gio in it was inconceivable.

Valentina knew that if she tried to articulate any of this to Gio he’d just stop her. So she said, ‘Can we just leave? Now?’

Valentina felt the faint tremor that ran through Gio’s body and knew that he’d been as aware as her of how significant this moment was.

‘Of course.’

His arms dropped and he stepped back, taking her hand. Valentina bit her lip and stopped him, suddenly aware of their surroundings. ‘But … don’t you have to stay? For the end of the auction?’

Gio just looked at her and flashed a sudden smile, making her breath stop momentarily. When he smiled like that he reminded her so much of before.

‘I can delegate. Anyway, I don’t think too many people here will be in any fit state to recall if I’m here or not at the end … and your work is done?’

Valentina nodded. Her staff were only concerned now with topping up glasses and the clear-up. It was over. She’d weathered her first bona fide exclusive event. As if reading her mind and sensing her relief Gio came close again and cupped her jaw before settling a sweet kiss on her mouth. He drew back. ‘I meant to say thank you, you did a formidable job. I thought you’d appreciate knowing that my aunt Carmela nearly choked on her starter when she saw you directing proceedings earlier.’

Valentina melted inside at his words and couldn’t help smiling too. She’d studiously ignored the frosty glares from the older woman but had been human enough to relish the second chance Gio had given her. Not only that, she’d been inundated with enquiries as to her availability for future events.

Gio was pulling her out from their secluded spot and Valentina tugged his hand again. ‘Gio …’

He looked at her and she saw the fleeting trepidation on his face.

‘I just wanted to say thank you … for the opportunity.’

‘My pleasure …’ He touched her jaw with a finger, leaving a trail of tingling fire in its wake, and said throatily, ‘And it will be …’

Blazing heat seemed to consume Valentina like a flash fire. Both her hands were around Gio’s where he held hers in a bid to stay upright as he all but pulled her from the tent. He stopped only momentarily to have words with one of his assistants and then he was striding out into the warm night air.

When she could see that Gio was heading in the direction of her rooms she found that she wanted to get away from here completely. She stopped in her tracks so Gio had to stop too. He looked back at her and the stark impatience on his face nearly made her change her mind. But she said, ‘Not here … somewhere else.’

Gio frowned down at her. A wary light dawned in his eye. ‘My castello is close …’

Where Mario died … Valentina waited for the inevitable pain to lance her but it didn’t come. It felt right to want to go there and she couldn’t explain it, but bizarrely it felt like a link to the past, a positive link.

‘Your castello … yes.’

‘Are you sure?’

Valentina nodded, impatience firing her own blood now. Abruptly Gio turned in his tracks and Valentina followed him to the private staff car park. He was unlocking his sports car but Valentina saw the huge monster of a motorbike beside it. She asked impetuously, ‘Is that yours?’

Gio followed her look from where he was undoing his bow tie with long fingers. ‘Yes, it’s mine.’

His hand stilled. ‘Why? Do you want to go on that instead?’

Valentina had a vivid memory of seeing Gio pull up outside her parents’ humble home shortly after he’d come back from Europe. In jeans and a white T-shirt. No helmet.

She looked at him. ‘Can we?’

Gio shrugged lightly. ‘Sure …’ He closed the car door and went to the bike, dislodging it from its parked position. With lithe grace he swung his leg over the pillion and settled into the main seat, his thighs straining against his trousers.

Looking back at Valentina he held out a hand. ‘Hold on to me and step up onto the side and swing your leg over.’

Valentina bent down and slipped off her high-heeled sandals and hitched up her dress between her legs. Infectious excitement flared in her belly. Holding her shoes and dress in one hand, she balanced on Gio’s shoulder with the other and felt his hand steady her, on her waist.

And then she was on the bike, nestled so snugly behind him that she could feel the indentation of his hard buttocks between her legs. A warm heat flooded through her. Gio was facing away from her again and then twisted back, holding out a helmet.

Valentina looked at it and then at him. ‘Do I have to?’

‘Yes,’ he said firmly. ‘If you want to go on this bike with me.’

Looking mildly amused at her mutinous expression Gio carefully put the helmet on her head and secured the strap before attending to himself.

Then he said over his shoulder, ‘Put your hands around my waist and hold on.’

Valentina leant into him and did that, her shoe straps dangling from one hand. Gio’s belly was hard and flat and she felt his muscles clench as he pushed forward and then back to get them moving. Her arms and hands tightened instinctively around him as the engine roared to life and suddenly they were moving out and into the darkness beyond the racetrack.

The ride was exhilarating through the inky night with the wind whipping past their heads. Valentina gave up worrying about her dress. Her thighs were completely bare by now, clenched tight around Gio’s hips.

Her hands were low against his belly and she could feel the tell-tale bulge of his arousal brushing her knuckles. Suddenly emboldened by the decision she’d made, Valentina’s fingers opened, exploring, finding Gio’s belt, opening it and sneaking her hand underneath to his hot skin.

His hand came over hers and Valentina held her breath thinking he would move it, but he held it there, over his erection, which grew under the palm of her hand, separated only by thin briefs.

It was unbearably sensual, this dark ride into the night, feeling Gio’s body respond to her. When at last they turned into his driveway lined with tall trees, Valentina could have wept with relief.

When the bike came to a stop with a throaty roar outside Gio’s house, he sat there for a moment, holding her hand on him, before gently taking it off. He turned the engine off and the night was suddenly very still around them. Valentina felt him take a breath and finally unwelded herself from his back, taking her other arm away too.

Gio removed his helmet and then turned around and removed hers. She could feel her hair tumble down around her shoulders. He threw the helmet to the ground and cupped her face in his hands. She could feel the faint calluses against her cheeks.

‘What do you do to me, Valentina?’

‘The same as you do to me, I think,’ she whispered, before Gio slanted his mouth down over hers and kissed her.

When Valentina’s hips were rolling impatiently against Gio’s buttocks he finally pulled back. They were both breathing hard.

‘I think we can do better than kissing on a bike….’ His voice was dry.

Gio got off the bike in one lithe move. He bent down and scooped Valentina up into his arms before she knew what was happening. Her sandals were still dangling from her fingers and they trailed down Gio’s back now when her arms went around his neck and she clung on.

Gio shouldered the front door open and Valentina asked dryly, ‘No key?’

Gio muttered, ‘The security guards knew I was on my way.’

‘Oh …’ Valentina was stunned again at the sheer evidence of Gio’s wealth and reminded herself that he had extremely valuable bloodstock here, some of the most valuable in the world.

He walked them through the dark house. Valentina couldn’t make out much in the gloom, just that they seemed to pass through some cavernous empty rooms with big windows before Gio climbed an ornate staircase to the first floor.

He walked them into a room with the door wide open and Valentina could see a huge bed revealed in a shaft of moonlight. Instinctively her arms tightened around Gio’s neck. The thought of Gio sleeping in this bed, possibly naked, made her inner muscles clench hard.

Gio stopped by the bed and let Valentina drop to the floor. Her sandals dropped too, from nerveless fingers. His hands were on her bare shoulders and gruffly he said, ‘I didn’t tell you how beautiful you look.’

Valentina blushed in the gloom and she looked down. Gio tipped her chin back up. ‘I’m glad you didn’t send them back.’

Her throat felt very constricted but Valentina finally admitted, ‘Me too.’

Gio seemed to study her for an infinitesimal moment before he instructed, ‘Turn around.’

Silently, tingling all over, Valentina turned around. His hands kept contact with her skin. And then she felt him brush her hair over one shoulder before his fingers trailed from the back of her neck down her spine until they reached the top of the zip.

He pulled the zip down all the way, until she felt his knuckles graze just above her bare buttocks and she shivered. The dress fell open under its own weight and when Gio tugged it gently from her hips it fell to the floor. Gio then undid the clasp of her bra and that, too, was dispensed with.

Turning her back gently to face him, Valentina was glad of the dim light so she couldn’t fully make out the expression on his face, in his eyes. She could feel his gaze on her though, making her breasts feel heavy and her nipples spring hard and tight.

When he cupped her breasts in his hands and rubbed his thumbs back and forth over the puckered tips she had to hold on to his biceps to stay standing.

‘I want you so much….’

Valentina took a breath and reached her hands up to his jacket, pushing it off his shoulders and down his arms, dislodging his hands from their torturous touch for a moment. Then she made quick work of removing his shirt.

The languor of a few seconds ago was gone. Valentina heard the soft slick of leather as Gio removed his belt and then opened his trousers, pulling them down and off, taking his briefs with them. Desperation mounted. Inexperienced and shaky with the extreme desire rising within her, Valentina all but fell back onto the bed at the merest nudging from Gio. He came down beside her and stretched out so that they touched from thigh to thigh, hip to hip, chest to chest.

Valentina shifted so that she could put her head down on the soft mattress. She reached out a tentative hand to touch Gio’s jaw, suddenly suffused with shyness and said, ‘Take me …’