A Life More Complete

---Chapter 25---

“Take me back,” he says.

I can’t even speak. It’s like a dream, the kind where you scream but no sound comes out, where you try to run but your legs won’t move. I can see his mouth moving but the words are falling on deaf ears. I’m in a state of shock. My expectation of Tyler’s reaction was set so low that his actual reaction knocks the wind out of me.

“This has been the worst four weeks of my life.” His honesty alarms me and I wish I could say the same thing. For the last four weeks I’ve felt freer and calmer than I had since Tyler walked back into my life. My anxiety and OCD had diminished without his constant badgering and judgment. Even with all the positives that recently began occurring I feel the need to welcome him back and make everything whole again. “I’m so sorry for the way I treated you. I want desperately to work this out,” he says pulling me against his chest once again.

“Ty, I’m all for trying to work this out for the sake of the baby, but things need to change. You can’t constantly be telling me what to do and you especially can’t continue to say things to me that you damn well know are rude and disrespectful.”

He stares at me just long enough for me to begin to question everything that came from my mouth. Every moment with him from the time we met has been a roller coaster ride. Yet, despite the turmoil and the tumultuousness of the relationship, I love him.

“You can’t speak to me as if I am an errant child who’s not obeying. It’s embarrassing and demeaning. If we are going to make this work, we need to make some changes.” Once again my words are firm, but his response is still blank. “Tyler? Did you really think you were going to come here and tell me you miss me and I was going to cave? Four weeks is a long time, enough time for me to realize you treated me like shit all over again.” I pause waiting for him to respond. I want to scream at him as he stares at me with a dumb look on his face. “What the f*ck Tyler? Did you have a stroke? Say something.”

I begin to walk away as he grabs my wrist yanking me back over to him. “I don’t know what to say. Everything you said is true. I can’t lose you and the baby. I need you both. I’ll do whatever I need to do to make you stay.”

“Well that’s good because we’re a package deal. Two for the price of one. Are you in?” He smiles at my comment and I feel my heart begin to beat rapidly.

“Yes. I’m in. That is if you can tolerate me. I hear I can be a pain in the ass.”

We make our way over to the couch and I ask him if he wants to see the pregnancy tests. I return from the bedroom with the Ziplock bag and he takes it from my hand.

“Well, they’re definitely positive. All three. Three? Really? Seems a bit over the top even for you,” he says jokingly.

“I had to be certain. I was certain I was not. We’d been careful, but I guess not careful enough.” I hesitate and then tell him just how deep my attention to detail really goes. “I actually called the condom company after the third positive test. I’m pretty sure the girl who answered is still cowering in the corner. I laid into her on the effectiveness of the product that I so aptly claimed she played a part in creating. Oh, that poor girl. She really got an earful from me about the eighty-five percent effectiveness rating.”

Tyler laughs, but it’s forced. There’s something he’s not telling me and I know for certain when he looks away suddenly. “Tyler?”

He takes a deep breath and begins to talk just to fill the silence. Ironic, right?

“I knew you were pregnant when you called me. That’s why I called you back right away.” I’m confused. He can sense that and continues without waiting for my response. “Remember your sister’s wedding?” he asks and I nod. “We were both drunk and well, you know.” Did he honestly think that was a suitable explanation for how I ended up pregnant? Although I know what he’s eluding at I expect more detail than his vague answer. I stare at him, my eyes wide and questioning hoping he continues with his admission. He says nothing more.

“I know what? That we had sex without a condom? I don’t even remember having sex with you that night.”

“Obviously that’s what happened. It was the only time, so the good news is we know the exact date of conception,” he says trying to make light of the situation.

I don’t even bother to argue due to the finality of it. I’m pregnant and debating the right and wrong of it seems like at moot point.

“I know. But your life is about to change. You sure you’re ready?” He takes a deep breath and nods his head. I climb into his lap. “I hope the baby is a boy, because if it’s a girl she doesn’t stand a chance. With a father like you, shit, she’s in trouble. Can you say, overprotective? I fear for her first boyfriend.”

“I hope it’s a girl and I hope she looks just like you,” he says as he leans in for a kiss. “I love you,” Tyler says. He puts his hands on my belly and I start to cry. I can’t even begin to understand why I’m crying. This is exactly the outcome I was hoping for yet I can’t get past the feeling that something could still go wrong. He strokes my hair and shushes into my ear, but like always it makes me cry harder.

“Will you please stop crying? You’re killing me. From now on, no more crying.” He’s firm in his words and I pull myself together. We fall asleep talking about baby names. My evening is complete and as my eyes grow heavy I pray that everything falls into place.

One week later Tyler and I find ourselves in my OB’s exam room with me wearing a paper gown. His leg is bouncing up and down nervously as he sits across from me in a straight-backed chair. He checks his phone far too many times, scratches his neck and wipes his hands down his pants at least three times in the last five minutes.

“What’s taking so long?” he asks looking up from his phone.

“I don’t know. Pregnant people have a lot of questions?” A soft knock startles both of us and we turn to look at the door. My doctor appears in the doorway carrying my chart and a few other items. She gets right down to it. She introduces herself to Tyler and then begins my internal exam. I wince and Tyler stands to hold my hand.

“Yep, you’re definitely pregnant,” she says jotting notes in my chart. She quickly goes over the due date and hands me a folder. “This should answer any questions you have about your pregnancy. Take some time to read over it when you get home.” I’m floored by how quickly the exam is over, not to mention how aloof she is about the whole thing. I know I’m not the first pregnant woman in the world, but I was expecting more than a three minute appointment. I stop her abruptly as she begins to exit the room.

“Dr. Payne? I have a few questions I was hoping you could answer for me.” She turns to look at me and takes a seat on the swivel stool that she had just vacated.

“Sure,” she doesn’t sound happy, but she isn’t as annoyed as I expected. I look at Tyler and I struggle to find the appropriate way to ask what I need to.

“Well, this pregnancy is unexpected, but that doesn’t mean I, I mean we, aren’t thrilled. In saying that, I obviously didn’t know I was pregnant...” I try to continue but I’m mortified by my behavior during all those nights I was out drinking with Melinda. I didn’t come clean to Tyler and now I’m doing it in front of the doctor. “I’d been drinking pretty heavily for the past few weeks. This was before I knew I was pregnant.” I pause and look at Tyler and then back at the doctor.

“Well, Kristin, I assume you know that drinking during pregnancy is not recommended and I’m sure you are fully aware of the major problems that can stem from it. But in all honesty, life happens, birth control fails and I know you’re a smart person who would never risk the health of her baby for a drink. If it appeases your mind, the baby doesn’t begin to develop organs until around the fourth or fifth week. You are just now in your sixth week of pregnancy, so try not to worry. The likelihood of anything coming to fruition is slim.”

She smiles kindly and asks whether we have any more questions. I shake my head and Tyler agrees. She shakes our hands again and leaves the room. I breathe a sigh of relief as she leaves. It’s been at least two weeks since I went all drunken sorority girl with Melinda, so I can breathe easier. Hearing her words I vow to never drink again. I know I’m being slightly unreasonable and probably a bit of a liar, but right now it seems completely logical.

Tyler doesn’t mention my little divulgence as we walk to the parking lot and I take it as a sign that he is trying. Normally he would have called me out on something like this. But today, he takes my hand, places three small kisses along my fingers and opens my car door for me. As he closes the car door, he whispers, “December ninth.” Just hearing it makes my whole body tingle.

The weeks pass by and Tyler is attentive and loving more so than I can ever remember. When we first began dating in high school he was so incredible and the same goes for now. He is going out of his way to make me happy. Rubbing my feet at the end of the day, bringing home whatever it is that I happen to be craving in the moment. Driving across town to Arby’s or stopping at Rite Aid to pick up a package of Hostess Ding Dongs, it didn’t matter my request, he fulfills it. He begins answering his phone on the first ring anytime I call and texting me back with such frequency that I almost ask if it is his assistant replying. But like all good things, it will come to an end. Pessimistic or just thinking clearly, I’m not sure?

Sometime around the first week in May, Tyler makes an honest woman out of me. It should’ve been a sign that I had absolutely no recognition of the exact date but that detail seems to slip my mind. No big elaborate wedding, no white dress, or fancy reception, just your run of the mill courthouse style wedding in West Hollywood. We get married in the park across the street with my sisters in attendance and Tyler’s law firm partner Ryan. Sign the paper work, smile for a few quick pictures and make it official.