A Headstrong Woman

chapter Five

If there was one benefit to the extremely cold Montana winter, it was that Elijah was in the house more often. Being in the house more often meant he could observe his wife and get to know her better. Once they had agreed to get to know each other and she had relaxed, he found her company to be delightful. She had a way of telling stories about Lilly’s antics throughout the day that kept him laughing in the evening. She kept the house graced with greenery or color of some nature all through the bleak days and her smile could easily light a room. Just before Christmas he cut a tree and brought it in for her to decorate.

Watching her and Lilly made him feel old. Alexandria was full of energy; she turned the tree decorating into a game. She and Lilly cut snowflakes from paper, Alexandria knit angles; together they all strung popcorn for a popcorn chain. Elijah wasn’t certain if he would call what he was feeling for his wife love, but he was certainly more drawn to her by the day.

It was on a blustery cold evening in late March that Elijah first kissed his wife. Lilly was already in bed and he was escorting Alexandria upstairs for the night. She had stopped at the door to her room and turned to him with a smile.

“Thank you for the beautiful hair combs. They were a wonderful present,” she told him. He had intended to give her the combs for Christmas but had chickened out. Seeing her hair pulled up on the sides with the rest hanging down her back in soft curls had impacted him more than he feared. He was learning not to fear his growing attraction to her. He had come to realize that learning to like her, perhaps even love her was not a betrayal of Martha at all.

“They suit you,” Elijah’s hand came to her jaw to tilt her chin as he stepped forward. He kissed her gently, then again more ardently. It took Elijah a moment to register that Alexandria wasn’t responding. He broke the kiss and looked into her tear filled eyes.

“I’m sorry, Elijah; I’m not ready,” she whispered.

He released her and took a step backward. “I understand.”

“I am so sorry,” she repeated before hurrying into her room and shutting the door behind her.

Elijah was surprised at the sting the rejection left. Your pain is only a fraction of what she felt when you left standing alone on her wedding night, a voice taunted. Elijah winced; then nodded his agreement with the words. His heart heavy, he turned for his room.

Alexandria sank against her door as tears streamed down her face. She hated that she had hurt her husband and her friend, but a friend was all he was to her. After months of getting to know her husband she had come to count him as a friend but felt none of the attraction she had initially felt for him when she had married him. It was as though the more she got to know him the less attractive he was as a mate but that was what he was, her mate. She had just turned her husband away from her bed and if her mother knew she would give her a tongue-lashing. She should go to him and invite him into her room or herself into his but couldn’t do it, not yet; she needed time to adjust to the idea.

***

Elijah pulled his coat closer and wondered if he could possibly have chosen a worse day for a trip to town. It couldn’t be helped though and he knew it. They were out of supplies that just couldn’t wait. Jonathon, his own coat pulled tight, sat beside him.

“What’s on your mind? You’re awfully quiet,” Jonathon initiated conversation.

“You were right, Jonathon; there is a difference between physically knowing someone and really knowing them. The more I get to know my wife the more I like her. I’m falling for her.”

“That’s great, Eli.”

“I got a small glimpse last night of just how deeply I hurt her…” he paused, seemed to consider sharing more then obviously decided against it.

“What about you? You have to be aware that you have quite a throng of admirers at church. Have you considered moving on, maybe marrying again?” Elijah didn’t mention that his own sister-in-law was at the head of the pack. When he and Alexandria had dined at the Cannons the previous Sunday, she had managed to corner him and ask at least a dozen questions about his foreman.

“No, I haven’t, not yet. Emily’s been gone only eight months; I don’t think I’m ready to look at women like that yet.”

“I completely understand,” Elijah nodded. “The ladies at church, however, aren’t quite so understanding.”

“Trust me I know. If it isn’t the daughters it’s the mothers.”

“I know. After Martha died I avoided all the mamas like the plague,” Elijah was finally able to laugh about it.

“Wealthy rancher with a young daughter; I bet they were relentless,” Jonathon grinned at the man next to him.

“Alexandria and her mother were the exception. They were over all the time trying to help with Lilly; Alexandria is great with her. It took me a moment to catch on that Alexandria was interested.”

“She wasn’t aggressive like the others I take it.”

“No, nor could I picture her being. At first I was completely shocked but the more I thought about it the more sense it made to marry her. I wish I had kept thinking in retrospect. I know I hurt her badly,” Elijah shook his head in regret.

“From the few conversations I’ve had with her she seems to be a pretty reasonable woman, Eli, and it seems to me you two are making progress.”

“We are; I just wish I had waited to remarry; until I had worked through it all.”

“Can’t go back,” Jonathon reminded him.

“Isn’t that the truth?”

“It is cold!” Jonathon pulled his collar up higher on his neck.

“Come on gidup!” Elijah encouraged the team to pick up their pace. It was either his imagination or it was getting colder.

By the time the men were ready to return to the ranch the wind had picked up in intensity and seemed to slice right through their coats and gear to pierce their skin.

“What a lousy day,” Elijah muttered. He had no need to encourage the horses on this time; they seemed anxious to return to their homes in the barn.

“We’re almost there,” Jonathon offered as they neared the turn off for the ranch.

“Glad for that. Whoa….” Eli pulled the horses to a stop as three men rode to a stop in front the wagon. “Can I help you, gentleman?” Elijah eyed the group cautiously. Their faces were nearly hidden in their clothing, understandable, but their manner suggested trouble.

“You can put your hands where I can see them,” the two outside riders pulled guns as the middle man dismounted.

“I’ll take whatever money you got but don’t you think of trying anything funny. Both these two men here are crack shots and they won’t hesitate to put a bullet through ya,” the man on the ground ordered.

“You take what you want, just mind those triggers,” Elijah reached for his money and handed it over; Jonathon did the same.

“Only nine dollars and twenty-two cents. You want I should search the wagon?” the man turned to his companions.

“Naw, we’re being paid well enough; just mount up,” one of the men responded. “You two get down; no funny stuff now.”

Elijah and Jonathon both climbed down from the high seat.

“You,” the man waved his gun in Jonathon’s direction, “loose them horses and be quick about it.”

Jonathon moved to obey and searched the surrounding area for cover; he had a real bad feeling about this. The men had chosen a good place for their ambush and a good day too. There was no nearby cover and almost no traffic thanks to the weather.

“What’s takin’ so long?” the man demanded.

Jonathon loosened the last trace and led both horses toward the man. The middle rider took the horses leads and circled back to his friends.

“Please take the horses or whatever you want; just don’t hurt me or my friend here. I have a wife and a child to care for…” Elijah’s sentence was cut short, the gun sounded only moments before he jerked and crumpled to the ground.

Jonathon started at the sound; a second shot came almost immediately and he felt pain rip through his arm. Knowing he wasn’t mortally wounded, he made a show of landing face down on the ground anyway.

“Should we make sure they’re dead?” one of the men asked.

Jonathon held his breath and prayed they would leave.

“Naw, they’re dead; I never miss. Let’s get outta here before those shots bring someone lookin’,” the leader instructed.

Jonathon heard the riders moving away but waited to move until he could no longer hear them. He scrambled to his friend’s side and rolled him over to find a pool of blood already staining the ground and blood running from the corner of Elijah’s mouth. Jonathon glanced down at Elijah’s shirt to find a growing bloodstain in the general area of the man’s heart. Elijah was breathing hard and his eyes were slightly glazed.

“We need to get you to the doctor,” Jonathon prepared to lift his friend.

Elijah grabbed Jonathon’s coat with a bloody hand.

“Listen, Jonathon, I’m not going to make it. Promise me…” Elijah gasped for a breath, “Promise me that you’ll look out for Alexandria. She’s so young and… tell her I’m sorry I hurt her that I did come to love her. Tell her I heard her crying that first night…that…”

“Save your energy, you’re going to make it!” Jonathon insisted.

“Promise me?” Elijah demanded with surprising force.

“I promise,” Jonathon agreed, “come on, we’re wasting time,” Jonathon lifted the man onto his shoulder. The action sent pain through his injured arm; he gritted his teeth and started walking toward town.

He had only made a few feet when a wagon approached. He waved his free arm frantically. The wagon came to a stop beside him. He immediately recognized the man and his son from church.

“What happened?” the man demanded.

“We were robbed,” Jonathon explained as he gently laid Elijah onto the wagon bed. It was too late; Elijah was gone.

***

Alexandria glanced out into the deepening shadows of evening and wondered where her husband was. He should have been home hours ago. When the two team horses had shown up with no wagon she had sent two of the men looking but they hadn’t returned yet either. She heard a wagon coming down the lane and hurried onto the porch. She watched as first one wagon and then another topped the ridge. She couldn’t identify her husband as the driver of either.

A lone rider was coming down the lane fast. She walked out the door and to the edge of the porch and wrapped her arms around herself to fend off the cold. She recognized Jonathon as he drew closer and felt her stomach further knot; where was her husband?

“Where’s Eli?” Alexandria demanded as Jonathon dismounted and climbed the porch steps. Her eyes fell to his blood stained coat and she felt certain she would vomit.

Jonathon grimaced as he watched Alexandria pale and knew he could nothing to dispel her fear. After a moment’s hesitation he decided to be direct and to dispense with formality.

“He was shot, Alexandria, by robbers; I’m afraid he was gone before we ever made it to town. He’s at the undertaker’s now.”

“No!” Alexandria jerked as though she was the one who had been shot. “No! We were just starting…no,” Alexandria argued; a million thoughts were buzzing through her head at once. Her head was swimming, her ears roaring. She couldn’t breathe.

Jonathon watched as Alexandria began to crumple and stepped forward to swing her into his arms. He entered the house and watched Millie come to the door of the kitchen. Her eyes widened as they passed before she quickly followed.

“What’s happened?” the woman demanded.

“She fainted. Elijah’s dead, Millie,” Jonathon laid Alexandria on the settee and turned to see the house keeper easing into a chair. He was glad; his arm was already hurting and he wasn’t sure he could handle her ample frame.

“Poor, Alexandria, she’s so young to be a widow and after all they had gone through,” the woman pulled a handkerchief from her pocket to wipe away her tears.

Alexandria woke to find Jonathon and Millie leaning over her with identical grim expressions. Her eyes fell to Jonathon’s bloody shirt and she shuddered. She was a widow, a widow before she had ever truly become a wife. She sat up and pushed aside any thoughts of pity for herself. The most immediate feeling was one of guilt. Guilt for having turned her husband away and knowing she could never right it now. Alexandria got to her feet and turned to Millie.

“Would you take Lilly to her room and keep an eye on her please? I need to make some arrangements and see to some things. I’ll speak with her later,” Alexandria requested, there was nothing to be done but move forward.

“Of course,” Millie nodded.

“Thank you. Mr. Stewart, would you follow me to the office please?” she requested. Elijah’s parents would need to be notified, Rusty could do that; he had come to know them well in his years with Elijah. She would have him sent to town to make the call. Her parents needed to know and the pastor…Alexandria penned several notes and gave Jonathon directions on who was to deliver which and to where.

A few minutes later, Jonathon returned to the house to find Alexandria standing in the hallway looking lost.

“Mrs. Morris; is there anything I can do?” Jonathon offered. Alexandria looked at him, blinked, and then seemed to shake her head to clear it.

“I’m not sure,” she admitted. Her gaze fell to his arm and she frowned. “Mr. Stewart, were you hurt?” Alexandria stepped closer; her hand came up to stop just short of touching the fresh blood that had seeped through his coat.

“I’m fine,” he assured her.

“Fine? You’re bleeding! Come on,” this time Alexandria grabbed his uninjured arm and tugged him toward the kitchen.

“Take off your coat and have a seat,” she indicated a chair.

Jonathon obeyed her orders and was seated by the time she lifted a basket off the shelf.

Alexandria surveyed his arm. His shirt was ripped and his arm was definitely bleeding; lifting her when she had gone and fainted like a ninny had likely started it again. Figuring it was ruined anyway; she ripped his shirt sleeve and surveyed his arm.

“If you call this fine I hate to think what you consider a serious injury to be. Brace yourself; this will burn,” she warned as she began cleaning the rather serious flesh wound.

Jonathon sucked in a sharp breath when she doused the wound with lurid yellow liquid and braced himself. He watched her closely as she worked on his arm. She never flinched, not even when her ministrations brought fresh blood pouring down his arm.

“You were shot too?” she asked, though the answer was rather obvious.

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“You went to town with the body?” she paused to meet his gaze.

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“So why didn’t you see the doctor when he came to pronounce…” she stopped and swallowed hard.

“I was so numb at that point and I was already covered in blood…sorry I shouldn’t…”

“Don’t apologize, Mr. Stewart, I assume you tried aiding my husband, which is why you were such a mess too.”

“Yes, Ma’am, and I honestly wasn’t thinking about my arm at the time. I was half way back here before the pain returned.”

“Thank you; for helping my husband and for catching me when I fainted. I have never fainted in my life.”

“Didn’t figure you had.”

Alexandria blinked at him in surprise.

“You don’t strike me as the weak type.”

“Thank you. I’ve managed to bandage you up but I would still like for the doctor look at this.”

“I’ll have him do that. Thank you, Ma’am. I think I’m going to go get a fresh shirt. If I can help any, you let me know,” Jonathon stood and claimed his coat.

“Leave that; I’ll see what I can do with it,” Alexandria reached for his coat.

Jonathon nodded and handed it to her.

Jonathon left the house and Alexandria started his coat soaking a tub before moving to her room to change. She looked down at her pretty blue skirt and crisp white shirt regretfully. By the time she had finished changing, tears were coursing down her cheeks. As she studied herself in the mirror she only felt worse. She had wronged her husband and could never right and even worse, now she was feeling sorry for herself because she had to wear black; she was a bad person. A tap sounded on her door a moment before her mother entered.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” her mom said as she hugged her.

“I’m a bad person,” Alexandria declared.

“No, you’re not,” her mother argued.

“Yes, I am. Just before you came in I was feeling sorry for myself because I have to wear black and I look dead and I turned my husband from my room and…”

“Slow down. Why don’t you start from the beginning?” her mother suggested.

Alexandria backed up and started from the beginning of her miserable marriage right up to the news of her husband’s death.

“You’re not a bad person at all,” her mother assured her. “Why didn’t you tell us things were so bad?”

“What could you have done? I was so determined to marry him.” Alexandria trained her gaze on the handkerchief in her hand.

“We could have been there for you.”

“Thanks, Mom, but it was between us.”

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart.”

“I need to tell Lilly; I haven’t yet,” Alexandria abruptly stood and moved toward the door.

By the time they had told Lilly and consoled the child, Alexandria felt like a shell. The child had finally cried herself to sleep and Alexandria felt it was best to leave her there.

“I need to take Elijah’s best suit of clothes to town…”

“Millie gathered them and Russ took them; you don’t need to worry about that.”

“Thank you, Mama. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll join you in a moment,” Alexandria indicated with a gesture in that direction that she was going to make use of the bathroom.

“Of course, Sweetheart.”

Carolyn made her way down the stairs and Alexandria entered the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She leaned against the door and let her tears fall. Her emotions were all jumbled. It hurt to lose Elijah even if they hadn’t been deeply in love. She also dreaded the horrible mourning period ahead of her. Guilt swirled around with a heavy dose of panic. What would she do now? Several minutes later Alexandria pushed off the door and wet a cloth to press it to her eyes. After splashing her face and patting it dry, she looked herself in the mirror and squared her shoulders.

“You will get through this and you will hold it together while you do it,” she ordered herself.

She let herself out of the bathroom and moved down the stairs and toward the parlor where her family had gathered. She stopped in the doorway and surveyed the room.

Her mother and Millie were seated side by side on the settee; they were likely making plans. Her father, brother, and Mr. Stewart stood in a small knot and were seemingly deep in discussion. Anna seemed to hover between the group of men and the women, uncertain whether to cast herself into the group with her latest crush or join the women where she belonged.

Alexandria hesitated; she dreaded entering the room. She preferred to stand here on the edge of things rather than being thrust into the middle of them. Mr. Stewart glanced up and spotted her. His gaze held so much understanding that it nearly undid her hard won resolve. She dropped her gaze and blinked rapidly. Unlike Mr. Stewart and his wife, she and Elijah had not shared a loving marriage. The thought only made her feel worse.

“There you are, come have a seat, dear,” her mother invited as she stood and prepared to fuss over her.

Alexandria seated herself obediently. Anna came to sit beside her and hugged her tight for a moment.

“I’m so sorry, Lexie,” Anna offered. A light knock at the door saved Alexandria from answering. Carolyn quickly stood and emitted Russ, who had just returned from town.

“Mr. Reid, from the undertaker’s, said they would bring the body just as soon as they finished. He had already completed a lot by the time I arrived; it shouldn’t be long,” the man’s voice carried on the heavy, quiet air.

“Thank you, Mr. Morgan. There is coffee on the stove if you would like to help yourself to some,” Carolyn offered.

“Thank you, Ma’am.”

Carolyn returned to the room and addressed them all at once. “It won’t be long now.”

“Rusty brought back word that Elijah’s parents would be on the next train out of Jasper,” Clay relayed the earlier message.

“What of Pastor Anderson?” Carolyn inquired.

“He was out on another call. Sharon was going to send him as soon as he returns,” Clay moved to a chair and seated himself.

“I’ll check the coffee,” Millie jumped up to leave. Alexandria wished that she could busy herself; it was going to be a long night.

***

Elijah’s body had been delivered and the dark casket seemed to shrink the room, dominating it with a pall. Jonathon mused on this as he watched the group gathered around him. Alexandria’s immediate family comprised the core group, along with himself. Several of the hands had filtered in and out and the pastor had come and gone. At moment Millie was resting before the morning round of callers began. Anna sat beside her brother, the two conversing quietly. Clay stood, one arm propped on the fireplace mantel, looking tired and troubled. Carolyn, her face drawn, sat beside a silent Alexandria. Jonathon could understand why she was concerned.

Alexandria had sat quietly and had said little all night. Despite being surrounded by her family, Alexandria seemed removed and cut off; like an island, visible from afar but separated by a gulf. She had been handed a cup of coffee which she drank. The plate of food she had been handed sat untouched on a small table beside her. She wasn’t dealing well; more like she wasn’t dealing at all. Jonathon knew all the symptoms, the squared, determined shoulders; the unnatural calm. He had been the same; determined to make it through without going to pieces in front of the world. It had finally caught up with him on the middle of a dusty road somewhere between here and home. He had been riding along under a gray sky one minute and crying uncontrollably the next.

Jonathon stirred himself from his dark thoughts and decided he should check in with the men before the day got underway and hectic. He had made a promise to Elijah and he intended to keep it. He was beginning to understand why the man had been concerned for Alexandria. She was clearly too stubborn for her own good.

“Hey, Jonathon, how are they in there?” Sparky greeted him as soon as he entered the bunkhouse.

“Solemn.”

“I kinda figured that. Is Mrs. Morris holding up okay?”

“Hard to say,” Jonathon shrugged. It was hard to explain to someone who hadn’t been there. After checking in that everyone had their orders he returned to the house and was relieved to find that Alexandria had at least moved to the kitchen. She now sat at the table, a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of her.

“You need to eat, honey,” her mother cajoled her.

“I just don’t have an appetite,” Alexandria protested and pushed the plate away.

“Try? Please, for me?”

Alexandria picked up a piece of bacon, took a bite and slowly chewed without any real interest.

“Come in, Mr. Stewart, would you like some breakfast?” Carolyn addressed him.

“That would be nice, thanks,” Jonathon moved to the seat across from Alexandria and seated himself; a moment later Millie set a plate of food in front of him.

“Thank you, Millie.”

Jonathon buttered his biscuit and pancakes and dribbled syrup over them before opening his napkin to place it in his lap. He wasn’t particularly hungry himself, he realized as he picked up his fork. At the head of the table, Clay’s food set mostly untouched as well.

Jonathon looked up to find Alexandria watching him, her brows slightly furrowed. He met her gaze and wondered what answer she was looking for as her eyes seemed to question him. He watched tears threaten and watched her just as quickly fight them.

“It’s okay to cry,” he offered softly, for her ears alone. Alexandria gave an almost imperceptive shake of her head and dropped her gaze.

“Mama!” Lilly came running into the room; tears streamed down her face.

“I’m right here, baby,” Alexandria turned as Lilly flung herself into her arms. “Come on, let’s get you dressed,” Alexandria stood and moved from the room.

Jonathon shook his head and turned to his plate.

“She’s shutting us all out,” Shirley commented beside him.

“She’ll come around,” Jonathon tried to reassure her.

“I just don’t know how to help her,” Carolyn turned to him, her gaze troubled.

“Just be there for her, Mrs. Cannon, that’s all anyone can do.”

“You went through this rather recently yourself,” Carolyn spoke her thoughts aloud.

“Yes, Ma’am and it’s taken a while but I’m moving past the worst of it now. Just be there for her when she does reach out.”

“Thank you, Mr. Stewart,” Carolyn offered what she hoped was a grateful smile.