A Headstrong Woman

chapter Three

Alexandria entered the store, her list in one hand, and Lillian’s small hand firmly grasped in the other.

“Well, hello, Alexandria,” Mrs. Lawson, a longtime friend of her mother’s greeted. “What brings you back so soon?”

“I’m afraid I forgot some things when I was last in here,” Alexandria acknowledged.

“Oh, I had hoped perhaps you were here to buy for a coming little one but I suppose it is a little soon for that isn’t it?” the woman offered a wistful sigh. Her own daughter seemed unable to conceive and the woman seemed to be casting her own wishes onto all of her friend’s children.

Alexandria tucked her head hoping to hide the pain the woman’s comment caused; she wasn’t likely to ever be in buying for a little one of her own.

“Listen to me; I’ve embarrassed you. I’m sorry dear, you never mind my meddling and let’s get that list filled shall we?” the woman offered her an apologetic smile.

Hoping to avoid further discussion of children and babies, Alexandria handed over her list and browsed some nearby merchandise. As soon as her packages were wrapped and ready, she added a stick of licorice to the order for Lillian and beat a hasty retreat. She was quiet on the return trip to the ranch, her thoughts heavy with all of her unrealized dreams. Beside her, Mr. Stewart seemed to respect her need for quiet and kept up a steady chatter with Lillian.

“Here we are,” Jonathon announced as they rolled to a stop by the ranch house. Alexandria startled and looked around in amazement. She had been completely unaware of where she was.

“Thank you so much for your help, Mr. Stewart,” Alexandria offered as he helped her down. She started gathering her packages; she tensed when Elijah moved to help her. As soon as they were in the door she turned to her husband, her head high and back once again rigid.

“I’m sorry I inconvenienced you and one of your men today. In the future I will try to make certain I do better.” With that said she turned on her heel and entered the kitchen.

Elijah stared after his wife and wished he could settle this matter but realized that with Millie bustling around the kitchen it would have to wait. He hadn’t meant to make his wife so tense she walked on egg shells around him and it had become clear she was.

It was with a heavy heart that he entered the barn several minutes later and greeted Jonathon where he was still busy grooming the horses.

“Hey, Boss,” Jonathon greeted.

“Hey, Jonathon,” Elijah returned on a sigh.

“I think something happened in town to upset your wife. She nearly talked my ear off all the way there and then barely said two words the whole way back,” he was hoping the man would show some interest in his wife’s wellbeing.

“She talked my ear off before we married, now she says very little to me,” Elijah’s mood soured more by the moment. “I made a mess of things and I don’t know how to fix it, Jonathon. I just don’t know where to start.”

Jonathon was quiet for a moment as he brushed the horse in front of him. He wasn’t sure what to say to the man. He decided to just be direct.

“It’s one thing to know someone…physically and another entirely to really know them and that is exactly my advice; get to know your wife all over again,” Jonathon offered.

“I’m not sure I ever really knew her,” Elijah admitted. “I thought she was a pragmatic, unromantic individual. I knew she was great with Lilly,” Elijah’s frustration was evident in his voice.

Jonathon winced at the idea of anyone being clueless enough to believe a woman unromantic; in his experience such a woman did not exist and if she did, he wasn’t certain he would be interested in knowing her.

“So get to know your wife,” Jonathon suggested.

“Thanks, Jonathon. I wanted to talk with you about something. I am in desperate need of a foreman and I think you would be perfect for the job,” Elijah announced.

Jonathon stopped short and stared at his boss. “I’m honored but there are others here more experienced and deserving. Rusty for instance; hasn’t he been here since the beginning? Rand shows great interest in how it all works…”

Elijah’s raised hand cut him off.

“You just illustrated my point perfectly. You are fair minded and even tempered. Rand will be leaving to start his own place soon and Rusty has, without explanation, turned me down several times. Sparky is too quick tempered and for one reason or another the others don’t suit. I need you, Jonathon.”

“Well, sir, I accept; thank you.”

“Thank you; I’ve needed a foreman for the ranch some time now. Come on; I want to show you the property lines.”

***

Elijah tucked Lilly into bed and returned to the kitchen where his wife was helping Millie put the last of the dishes away. He waited until Millie had retired and Alexandria was moving toward the stairs before he dug up the nerve to approach her.

“Alexandria, I wanted to discuss our marriage; I know we got started on the wrong foot but I want us to work on it,” Elijah stated his case.

Alexandria felt panicked; she couldn’t. She couldn’t hear him put into words the fact that he didn’t love her. She raised her chin and addressed him directly.

“I’m not ready to discuss our mockery of a marriage,” she stated and turned to continue up the stairs.

Elijah sighed and moved into his office. How on earth did he even start to fix things if she wouldn’t even talk with him? He knew he didn’t love her; not like she wanted him to, or had wanted him to as the case may be. She might well hate him by now. He knew, however, that they couldn’t continue on as they were. She had called their marriage a mockery and he winced at the accuracy of the statement, he who held marriage as the most sacred of unions had made a mockery of it.

He owed Alexandria better than she had received since she arrived. She diligently cared for his daughter day in and day out and all she had received in return was heartache and his short temper. How did he pretend something that wasn’t there and what if he pretended it was only to find he really did feel more? He didn’t want to feel more. Martha was the only woman he had ever loved or looked at in that way.

Elijah closed his eyes and recalled Martha’s image, her white blonde curls framing her petite, heart shaped face, her soft womanliness nestled next to him night after night; he could almost feel the warmth of her now. Martha had been so small, so dainty in her femininity; completely opposite of Alexandria. That had, in fact, contributed in his choosing her.

He was aware that Alexandria was a very beautiful woman in her own right. That hadn’t been why he had chosen her, however. He had seen the steel back bone in her willowy figure and had known that she would make a good rancher’s wife. He had seen her common sense and no nonsense approach with Lilly. Practical summed up what he had seen. What he hadn’t taken the time to see, hadn’t wanted to see, was the sensitive heart below the tough veneer. Nor had he allowed himself to see her girlish dreams of a blissful marriage. Elijah sighed and laid his head back against his seat. How was he ever going to fix this mess?

Alexandria lay in her bed, her thoughts in turmoil. What had Elijah wanted to say? Did he really want to establish a relationship with her? What kind of a relationship? That of a real husband and wife? Did she even want that anymore? She was a coward; she should have heard him out, regardless how painful his words might have proven. She should march back down the stairs and hash this out right now! She didn’t. She lay there for what felt like hours, her thoughts chasing themselves like a puppy after its own tail. She heard Elijah’s bedroom door open and close and she knew he had at last gone to bed. Still she lay awake, her thoughts taunting her.

Alexandria finally tossed aside her covers in frustration and without bothering with her dressing gown, slipped into the moonlit hallway, down the stairs, and into the dark kitchen. After lighting a lamp, she fixed herself a glass of water and moved to the table before seating herself to stare at the lamp. How had she gotten here? She watched the flame of the lamp sway first one way and then another before settling back into a straight line. She who had thought she saw things so clearly now wondered if she saw anything as it was at all.

Alexandria jumped when Elijah settled at the table across from her. Her spine immediately stiffened and her chin came up; her gaze was unflinching as it met his.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” his dark blue eyes were dark with regret.

“Apology accepted. I’m sorry I didn’t see things more clearly. I knew how deeply you loved Martha; I should have known you weren’t ready to move on,” Alexandria admitted her own short sightedness.

“I’m so sorry, Alexandria.”

“What’s done is done,” Alexandria lifted one slender shoulder and let it fall.

“We were friends once, weren’t we?” Elijah’s gaze searched hers earnestly, as though he didn’t quite know the answer.

“We were,” she acknowledged.

“Could would be again you think? Could we learn to be friends and… and then see from there?” His gaze was hopeful as he watched her and Alexandria stared at him a moment. Forever stretched before them, ‘til death do us part’ according to the wedding vows.

“I would like that,” her voice was soft.

“Me too,” he offered her a smile.

Alexandria stood to place her glass in the galvanized sink and Elijah stood to escort her to her room. Now with the light to her back, Elijah could clearly see her feminine form outlined. She might be built differently from Martha but she was no less feminine, he realized in sudden unsettling clarity.

Elijah swallowed hard.

Jonathon’s words rang true at the moment. Physically knowing someone was one thing; really knowing them was another. He wouldn’t do that to Alexandria. To claim his rights as her husband knowing he didn’t love her and that their “friendship” was tenuous at best would feel as though he were using her. No, he would wait.

“Are you alright?” Alexandria’s brows were drawn as she searched his face.

Elijah’s gaze came up to her green eyes. He was struck by what a beautiful contrast her dark hair, pale skin, and unusual eyes made.

“I’m fine,” he cleared his throat and decided that a hasty retreat was his wisest course of action. “I’m fine; good night, Alexandria.” he turned and rushed from the room.

“Good night,” Alexandria called after him.

***

Alexandria rushed into the yard the next afternoon at the sight of her father and sister pulling into the yard in the family buggy. What was to have been another routine day had suddenly brightened. True enough that she and Elijah were getting along much better now, her days however were still rather routine.

“Hi,” she beamed as her sister stepped down from the carriage with their father’s help.

“Hello, Sweet Pea,” her father greeted her with a hug.

“Hey, Lexie,” Anna took a turn hugging her sister.

“What brings you here?” Alexandria asked as she led them into the hall of the house.

“I can’t stay; I have some business in town but Anna begged me to drop her off.”

“I’m so glad you did,” Alexandria enthused as she linked her arm with her sister’s. “Can I convince you to pause for cookies and coffee?” she tempted her father.

“Perhaps on the return. You two enjoy visiting,” Clay leaned over to kiss each of his daughters on their cheeks.

“We will; love you, Daddy,” Alexandria smiled at him.

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

Clay turned to leave and Alexandria led Anna into the kitchen where she had left Lilly drawing at the table. Millie had finished shaping the loaf of bread Alexandria had abandoned upon seeing her family.

“How are you doing, Anna?” Alexandria asked as she prepared two cups of tea.

“Bored without you, otherwise fine. What I really need is to find a husband so I can keep busy with a home of my own,” Anna predicted.

“So which of your suitors are you considering?” Alexandria asked as she set a plate of cookies and their tea on the table. A glass of milk for Lilly and Alexandria was ready to sit down herself.

“Join us, Millie,” Alexandria invited after the woman had placed the bread in the oven.

“I have some mending to do in my room; thanks though,” the woman excused herself.

“To answer your earlier question, I am not considering any of my current suitors,” Anna announced almost disdainfully.

“Oh,” Alexandria could only smile at her sister’s pickiness.

“I have my eyes on your new hand.”

“Anna,” Alexandria set her cup of tea down and met her sister’s gaze; her own was serious. “Mr. Stewart was quite recently widowed and I have a feeling that he is not overly interested in remarrying at the moment.”

“How would you know?” Anna asked irritably.

“Elijah had him escort me to town a few days ago and it came up. He seems to still be in a great deal of pain. He will have to move past that before he can even consider remarrying; trust me on this,” Alexandria requested of her sister; she could only hope that Anna wouldn’t ask how she knew this.

“I can understand that but is there anything wrong with getting to know him? I mean one day, once he’s had time to recover, he could come to realize that he wants more than friendship; right?” Anna’s smile said she already had all her plans made.

“Why Mr. Stewart? What do you know about him, besides that he’s attractive, that makes him husband material?” Alexandria challenged.

“I sense that he’s a nice man,” Anna responded crisply; her blue eyes were stormy at being questioned. Her demeanor changed and she smiled at her sister. “He was perfect gentleman when he escorted you to town was he not? And polite too, I’m sure.”

Alexandria sighed at her sister’s persistence. “Of course he was but that does not tell you whether you two would suit as husband and wife. That is a lot harder to discern, trust me on this please?”

“Why; what’s wrong, Lexie? Is Eli not treating you well?” Anna was immediately alert.

Alexandria realized too late her mistake. “We got off to a rough start but we are doing much better now. He loved Martha so deeply, Anna, and I didn’t know him half as well as I believed myself to. I just don’t want to see you hurt or see you struggle. Just be sure when you marry that you know the man; okay?”

“I will, Lexie. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Positive. We had a long talk last night and I really think we’re making progress now.”

“Good. So, all that aside, what have you been doing? I mean you have a housekeeper; do you still cook and stuff?”

“I do, but it doesn’t all fall on my shoulders, which honestly is a relief. I’m rather accustomed to teamwork,” Alexandria offered her former teammate a smile.

“I know Mama misses you, though she tries to be brave about it. Daddy says at least you aren’t all the way in California the way Catherine is. Oh! Speaking of Catherine, we received another letter; she says she sent one to you too.”

“I haven’t gotten it yet, though if it came since Tuesday, no one’s been back by the post office yet. I’ll be glad when they get the free rural delivery service started out in this area.”

“I know, it will be nice,” Anna agreed.

“Can I have another cookie, please?” Lilly requested.

“One more,” Alexandria consented.

“You make a good mother, Lexie, I can’t wait for a new niece or nephew; to think I’ll have them close enough to see,” Anna’s smile was wistful; she had yet to meet Catherine’s two children.

“Right,” Alexandria busied herself with wiping crumbs from the table.

“What is it, Lexie?” Anna’s face immediate became drawn.

“I should check the bread,” Alexandria jumped up to open the oven and peer into its hot interior.

“Don’t try changing the subject on me, Lexie, what’s wrong?”

“What if I never have children?” Alexandria countered almost angrily.

“Is that what you’re worried about? You haven’t been married all that long, Alexandria,” Anna sank back in relief. Her gaze, however, stayed on Alexandria.

“You’re right of course,” Alexandria forced a smile.

“I don’t suppose I could get a tour of the house could I?” Anna’s expression was teasing.

“I’m sorry, Anna! I was so glad to see you that I didn’t think anything about it. Let me just ask Millie to keep an eye on the bread and I’ll give you the grand tour.”

“I was just returning,” Millie offered as she entered.

“Thanks, Millie. Well, Anna, we’ll start here on the first floor. You’ve seen the parlor of course and I’ve not changed anything in there and of course the old dining room is Millie’s quarters. I’ll give you a quick peek into Eli’s study and office and then show you the upstairs.” Alexandria stood and lifted Lilly to her hip.

A few steps brought them to the office door directly across from the kitchen and Alexandria opened the door almost cautiously. This was not territory she had spent much time in; none, truth be told.

“This is the office or study I guess both apply,” Alexandria indicated the interior with a sweep of her hand and then quickly pulled the door to and indicated the back stairway which stood nearly directly beside them.

“I can’t believe that in all the years we knew Elijah and Martha I have never been up here but I haven’t,” Anna mused aloud as they topped the stairs into a wide hallway the same dimensions as the one below. The upstairs, however, contained more rooms.

“That’s my room,” Lilly pointed to her own room.

“We’ll start there,” Alexandria gave her step-daughter an indulgent smile. Alexandria stepped into the room and let Anna look around at the pale yellow walls and floral curtains that had been lovingly decorated for the little girl that had now become Alexandria’s whole life. Alexandria couldn’t see this room without recalling Martha’s excitement while decorating for a then infant Lillian.

“It’s a beautiful room,” Anna acknowledged.

“It is. I still remember Martha showing it to me once when I came to call with Mama; I think you were at school that day.”

“Rub it in that you’re older,” Anna crinkled her nose at her sister.

“In a few years you’ll be rubbing in that you’re younger,” Alexandria predicted with a smile. They continued down the hall to the middle room which was set up a guest room as Lillian was the only child. The front room was the same.

“Here’s my favorite,” Alexandria crossed the hall and opened the bathroom. A pull chain toilet dominated the back wall with a sink to the right and the tub to the left. Her childhood home had an indoor toilet but not an in room tub.

“It’s big! Ooohh, look at the tub and a sink!” Anna walked into the room and looked around in awe.

“Isn’t it great? I love to soak in this tub,” Alexandria admitted. “Elijah added this after Martha got sick.”

“Wow! You think I can convince Daddy to add one?” Anna’s eyes were sparkling with merriment.

“Good luck,” Alexandria smiled in return. They exited the bath and Alexandria showed Anna the sewing room which was smaller due to the bathroom enlargement taking from its square footage. A small bed and chest did occupy the corner in case it was needed for guests but the room was predominately used for sewing projects including several dresses Alexandria was currently working on for Lilly.

“Where’s your room?” Anna queried as they exited the sewing room.

“Right here beside the bath,” Alexandria led her into the room overlooking the back yard and porch. The room was done in a rose patterned paper and was dominated by a large four poster bed, flanked by windows. A chifferobe sat opposite the bed and the wall the door occupied contained a chest of drawers and a long full length mirror. The wall opposite the door held the fireplace flanked by two arm chairs and two more windows. In the corner was a dressing table and stool.

“It’s very lovely,” Anna commented as she walked around the room and trailed her fingers over the furniture.

“It is,” Alexandria acknowledged. Her home wasn’t as large and grand as some in their community but was relatively well appointed.

“What a large wardrobe,” Anna pulled the doors open to admire the interior. Her face crumpled and her lips came between her teeth as she closed the doors and turned to her sister.

“I think I hear a buggy coming; it’s probably Daddy,” Alexandria quickly announced before her sister could ask questions. Alexandria led the way and hurried for the main staircase as fast as her feet would carry her.

“I haven’t seen this room,” Anna protested as she deviated from her sister’s trail and into the last remaining room. She stopped short just inside the door and then turned to frown at her sister who now stood behind her. That Elijah occupied the room was obvious. His brush and hair tonic sat on the dresser as well as a photo of Martha; a pair of his trousers lay across a chair. Anna turned and marched to the wardrobe and opened it to find it filled with Elijah’s clothes.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Alexandria said before her sister could even speak.

“You aren’t sharing a room?” Anna stared at her sister in horror. “Do mom and dad know?”

“No, and you aren’t going to tell them either. There is nothing they can do to fix this, Anna. This is between me and my husband and I don’t want to talk about it.” Alexandria left her sister standing in the room and hurried down the stairs. Her father was just being admitted by Millie.

“Hi, Daddy, how was town,” Alexandria greeted him with a kiss on his cheek. She set Lilly on her feet and let her trail Millie back into the kitchen.

“Busy. I hope that you and Elijah don’t mind but I picked up your mail while I was there.”

“Thanks, Daddy, I appreciate that and I’m sure Elijah will as well.”

“Hi, Daddy,” Anna reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” Clay asked of his youngest.

“Just a little tired I think,” Anna forced a smile.

“Well, we’re headed home. I would stay for that promised coffee but it’s looking as though it may rain.”

“I understand, Daddy. I’m glad you came by and brought Anna. Tell Mom I love her.”

“I will,” her dad promised.

“Come see me again soon,” Alexandria hugged her sister.

“I will,” she answered.

“Please do,” Alexandria encouraged and followed them onto the porch; she waved as they climbed into the buggy and pulled away. Dreading the long afternoon ahead, she turned back to the house.