A Family of Their Own

Chapter Fourteen

When Kelsey hung up, tears rolled from her eyes. It surprised Ross before reality rushed through him. No matter what had happened in the past, Doug had once been her husband, and he was still Lucy’s father.

He drew her into his arms, allowing her tears to flow in silence. Her wet grief soaked into his shirt, but he held her closer, kissing her hair and soothing her back with his palm. Too many things had struck Kelsey at once. The fear of Lucy’s diagnosis the following Monday and now the death of Lucy’s father.

Weight bore down on Ross’s shoulders. Finally he had some positive things happening in his life. Despite the insurance issue, a new medication might allow Peyton a normal life—almost normal—but whichever it might be, the outcome would be better than he feared. God willing, Peyton’s future seemed brighter. She would become a young woman, date, fall in love, marry and have a child of her own. His heart swelled with the abiding sense that the Lord looked down on him with a smile.

But today grief came again to the woman who’d become a part of him.

A final sob lingered against his chest. He waited. A shudder and deep breath touched his own heart, and he swallowed. “Can I do anything?”

“What you’re doing now.” She lifted her red eyes to him. “You know that my love for Doug died long ago, but he’s Lucy’s father, and…”

“Grief is natural, Kelsey. Don’t apologize. You have Lucy to face and memories to handle. It’s difficult.” His wife’s death shook him to the core. Telling Peyton she’d died had been one of the most difficult experiences in his life. Tears had rolled down her face while he held her, unable to release his grief because of her. He stayed strong and, once he was alone, he sobbed.

Kelsey eased back, still using his arm for support. “The funeral is Saturday. We’ll drive to Grand Rapids on Friday for the viewing and come back Saturday after the funeral.”

“Let me take you. You shouldn’t drive.”

She shook her head and pressed her palm to his cheek. “Thank you so much, but I need to do this alone. Just Lucy and me.”

He studied her face. Her steady gaze reflected confidence. “If you change your mind, I’ll be happy to go with you. I can find things to do. It’s no problem.”

Kelsey tilted her head and touched her lips to his in a fleeting kiss. “If I decide I don’t want to drive, I promise I’ll let you know.” She rubbed her temples and shifted backward, her movement unsteady.

Ross stayed beside her until she settled back into the easy chair. Her face changed, and her look concerned him, a kind of anguish so deep it chilled him. “What is it?”

“Me. I’m ashamed. So filled with remorse. I knew he was very sick, Ross, but I didn’t make an effort to speak to him. I let my bitterness stop me from doing what God would have me do.”

“Kelsey, he hurt you deeply.”

“But you said yourself, God didn’t ask me to forget. He asked me to forgive.” Tears rimmed her eyes. “Now it’s too late.”

He rose and knelt at her feet as he drew her hands into his. “No. It’s not too late. Karen is still alive, and she needs your support. You have another chance.”

She pressed her lips together, a tremor quivering in her cheek. “Another chance.” Her voice was but a whisper.

“You can do it, Kelsey.” Ross drew her into his arms and held her close, witnessing the tension and confusion that roiled inside her. “If you remember the days of your friendship, when you’d do anything for her, and if you see her betrayal as her failure to fight off temptation, then you can dig deep in your heart and forgive.” He captured her gaze. “This has to be more than words. Forgiveness comes from the heart.”

Her back stiffened a moment and then her shoulders drooped as her eyes closed. “I know. That’s the hard part, Ross. I might be able to say it, but do I mean it?”

Ross didn’t try to answer her question. It was one she had to answer herself, but he believed she could if she remembered how forgiven she and all God’s children have been by His mercy.

She rose and rested her cheek against his shoulder, her arms holding him close, and they stood in the silence, each with their own thoughts. He remained silent, and then he heard her soft voice shudder the three difficult words. “From the heart.”



Kelsey gripped the steering wheel. The day had been long, and Lucy’s tears twisted her heart so tightly she could barely breathe. She glanced at her daughter, strapped in beside her, her head nodding in exhausted sleep. Facing Karen had torn her to bits, but standing beside Doug’s coffin draped with a Dear Husband bouquet had rendered her nearly helpless. She’d contained her tears until she escaped to the restroom, where she released the flood of memories and pain for Lucy.

He had aged, gaunt and pale even with the assistance of the funeral home, the strain of death clearly visible on his face. A bolt of regret raced through her. Regret that she hadn’t shown more compassion to Karen, and deep regret that she hadn’t spoken to Doug when she brought Lucy for a visit. Such a small gesture, yet it might have let him know that her life had moved forward. She was fine. Her love for him had died years earlier.

The lights of the motel signaled her to turn into the entrance driveway. She rolled around to the side and parked, then sat a moment gazing at Lucy, no longer her little girl but almost a teenager. A new wave of pain rolled over her. Monday they would face the specialist and hear the report. Lucy’s new problem overwhelmed her. They’d lived with a tentative kind of confidence, but one that grew surer every day. But now her confidence had fluttered away like dry leaves.

Ross swept into her mind, brushing away her darker thoughts. She could count on him. The more she pondered the situation, the more she knew she’d made a great mistake listening to others and taking what they said to heart. Her heart counted more…and Ross’s heart, too. Real love stood strong in times of desperation and trials, no matter what conflicts lay in its path. How often had she thought the same thing after Doug had walked out. If their love had been strong, nothing could have pulled him away from his devotion to his wife and daughter.

Real love. Now to face whether what she felt for Ross was real or something else. She’d experienced the emotion of love in his arms and the joy of partnership in their good times and bad. She longed to be with him even now, to feel his arms around her, supporting her and making her feel cherished. To Kelsey, that felt like real love.

Shaking her head, Kelsey ignored her thoughts. She pulled the car keys from the ignition. A room waited for her.

“Lucy.” She laid her hand on Lucy’s arm.

She opened her eyes, a glazed look curtaining her face before she jerked upward and blinked. “I fell asleep.”

“You did, but that’s okay. It’s been a difficult day for you…for us.”

Lucy’s lids lowered and opened. “I wish Daddy hadn’t died.”

“So do I.” A chill ran down her arms. She meant what she’d said. That would have given her time to forgive him and might have opened a door for Doug to be a better father to Lucy. Regret. Regret. The emotion belonged to the past. The past was over and gone. Now she faced the future and regret should be replaced with wiser decisions and better choices.

She opened the door and slipped from her sedan. Lucy followed. Kelsey hit the lock button and pulled her room key from her pocket. She slipped it into the outside door’s lock and it clicked open. She beckoned Lucy to go in first. The room was a short distance down the hallway, and when she turned on the light, loneliness overcame her.

Tonight Karen would go home and crawl into an empty bed, knowing Doug would never be back to keep her warm. Kelsey had experienced that same sadness once. Yet tonight instead of the bitterness she’d clung to for so long, sorrow had washed it away. She grieved for Karen and Lucy’s loss.

Kelsey looked up as Lucy carried her pajamas into the bathroom. In moments, the shower sounded, and Kelsey settled into the only easy chair and closed her eyes. She dreaded tomorrow. Because Doug and Karen had no church connection, the funeral would be held at the funeral home. Doug’s father and sister had come for the funeral, and she’d spoken to them, but it had been years. She’d been sad to learn that Doug’s mother had died from cancer three years ago. Doug had never told her. Or maybe she hadn’t listened. The weight of that possibility dragged her back into a dark place.

Grateful when the shower stopped, Kelsey rose and pulled out her nightgown. She refused to wallow in her bad choices and mistakes. She’d blamed Doug so long that she’d overlooked her own part in undoing any hope for a relationship after their divorce. Divorce had been a word she’d learned to dismiss. It wouldn’t happen to her, a Christian. But it had and, unknowingly, she’d remained faithful to a dead marriage.

Today she would be free from the bonds of her oath to Doug, but the thought gave her no pleasure. Instead, she’d faced what she had to do. Now she needed to figure out how.

Lucy came out from her shower with rosy cheeks and climbed into bed. She fell asleep before Kelsey had slipped into the bathroom.

Kelsey didn’t linger in the shower. She greeted the bed, snapped off the light and slid under the covers, her prayers rising for answers and for a night of rest.



At the funeral luncheon, Doug’s father and sister chose seats across from Lucy, and though Kelsey felt uncomfortable, she accepted the situation. They seemed to know a few people there, and he was Lucy’s grandfather and she, Lucy’s aunt. They’d talked about a few things, and she found that neither one harbored any grudges. In fact, Doug’s father apologized for his son’s actions. Over the years, he had never offered any solace or comment on the breakup of her and Doug’s marriage, and the only attention he and his wife had paid to Lucy was an occasional card with a check. Doug’s parents apparently focused on his sister’s children, who were nearby and didn’t remind them of Doug’s behavior. She sensed, too, that they didn’t know how to deal with Lucy’s illness. Though she’d resented their avoidance for years, those feelings had fallen by the wayside when she had more trying situations to face.

Guests stopped by periodically to give their condolences to Lucy, and they also spoke to her. As time passed, Kelsey found it easier to accept their sympathy and made a point to show Lucy how many people loved her father.

Distracted, Kelsey didn’t notice Karen at her side until she spoke. “I hope you’ll stick around before leaving for home.” Tension etched her face. Her former friend had not only lost her husband but now had to face the friend she’d betrayed.

“Well, I’d planned to—”

“I have a few items I’d like to give Lucy that belonged to her dad. You know, so she remembers.”

Her voice caught, and sorrow knotted in Kelsey’s throat. She’d been unable to speak with Karen alone with so many mourners around. Even last night, visitors stayed and offered to take her out to eat. It left no time for them to talk, but this invitation opened the door that Kelsey dreaded, yet knew the Lord wanted her to step inside. “I’ll wait as long as I can. We have a three-hour drive home.”

“I know.” She scanned the tables at the lovely restaurant she’d chosen. “See.” She made a fleeting gesture toward them. “Many people are leaving. It shouldn’t be long.”

Kelsey gazed at Lucy, her eyes shifting from her to Karen as she listened. “Would you like to see what Karen has for you?”

She nodded. “She’s giving me some of Daddy’s things.”

“That’s nice, isn’t it?”

Relief touched Karen’s face, and she walked away to say goodbye to those ready to leave.

Lucy dug into the dessert that she’d only played with—very unusual for her. But Kelsey leaned back with no interest in her dessert or the food they’d served. Her stomach had been churning all morning. The funeral broke her heart. Doug had not been an active Christian, but he’d occasionally attended church, and she considered him a believer. Sitting at his funeral and hearing references that he’d gone to a better place and he’d remain as the wind in the trees tore her in two. What about heaven and everlasting life? Where had that been in this funeral empty of hope and with nothing to provide Karen with a sense of peace and comfort?

Her cheek ticked with the anguish she felt. Kelsey wanted to remind Karen of the solace she could find laying her burdens at Jesus’s feet. The thoughts hurt too much, and she forced her mind to let it drop for now. But instead, her thoughts of faith reminded her that she’d come to offer forgiveness, and she’d yet to be confident that it came, as Ross had said, from the heart.

After breakfast before they had left for the funeral, she’d opened the Gideon’s Bible she found in a dresser drawer. As she scanned the pages in the Gospel books, the theme of forgiveness jumped from the pages. Every verse reminded her that if she forgave, the Lord would forgive her, but she didn’t want forgiveness because she was afraid of not being forgiven. She knew the Lord had forgiven her sins. It was His promise. Yet her own peace of mind, her own expression of faith knew that forgiveness was expected of Christians. Forgive your enemies. She’d read that a multitude of times.

She came to the last book of the Gospels, and her eyes grazed the pages until she came to Luke 6:37. “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

Her chest constricted. She’d judged Karen and Doug over and over again. She’d condemned them. She’d held the bitterness like a treasure. Bitterness, like regret, lived in the past. Discarding it meant looking to the future, and that’s what she wanted to do.

A noise interrupted her thoughts. Doug’s father had risen to say goodbye. He kissed Lucy’s cheek and held Kelsey’s hand. The distance she’d felt vanished. She hugged him and told him Lucy would welcome his visit.

He smiled at her for the first time. “I’ll be in touch. Her birthday is in May.”

It was more a question, but he had it right. “Last week. May 20.”

“You’re almost eleven now, your mom said. Your grandmother would have been proud of you, Lucy.”

She smiled and hugged him.

Pride filled Kelsey’s chest, watching Lucy make the old man happy, though she barely knew him.

Doug’s sister and he waved goodbye and, in moments, the last of Karen’s friends had left and they were face-to-face again. Karen lifted her handbag. “Do you know how to get to the house from here?”

“I think so, but I’ll follow you just to make sure.”

In the car, Lucy turned on the radio and found a station with popular music while Kelsey reviewed her thoughts, wondering what she would say when she arrived, but a calm had settled over her, and she felt the Lord’s leading.

The drive was short. She gazed at the house she’d looked at only a few times before, and today it looked forlorn, though it hadn’t changed except for Doug’s absence. Karen beckoned her inside, and she encouraged Lucy to go first. Once there, she found a seat in the living room while Lucy joined Karen upstairs. She stayed behind, giving them time together. Karen had always loved Lucy before the bad times happened, and seeing them together reminded Kelsey of that.

When they returned, Lucy carried an armload of mementos. She placed them on the sofa and sat beside them.

“Mom, do you want to see what Karen gave me?”

Kelsey’s pulse jogged as she settled on the sofa beside the gifts. At a glance, she spotted photographs, a lapel pin of some kind and a small jewelry box.

“What’s the pin?” She gazed at the trinket.

“Karen said Daddy won an award for his work with a charity.”

Charity. She’d never known him to do much for anyone but his family. She studied the pin.

“He did charity work for the cancer foundation after his mother died.” Karen answered her unasked question.

Kelsey looked up, trying to keep the shock from her face. “That’s very touching.” And it was. Touched her more than she could imagine.

Karen moved closer. “If there’s anything you’d like, Kelsey, please let me know. I realize you—”

“No, these things for Lucy are lovely. I don’t expect anything.”

She laid her hand on Kelsey’s arm. “He left some money in his will for Lucy. The attorney will take care of that.”

Money. She’d never considered money from Doug. She couldn’t control her frown.

“He wanted to help Lucy with college, but now you may need it for…” She paused, her gaze shifting from Lucy back to Kelsey. “You know for her health issues.”

“College is a good choice. We have health insurance that’s been pretty good.”

“I’m glad. Doug worried about that sometimes.”

Her expression plunged into Kelsey’s heart. Doug worried. She’d learned so much, and she’d closed her mind and feelings off for so long. Today was meant for honesty. “I had no idea, Karen.”

“I know. He kept it to himself most of the time.”

Lucy opened the velvet box and inside lay a lovely diamond ring. Confused, she peered at Karen.

“It was his mother’s. He was saving it for Lucy.”

His mother’s ring. Tears brimmed in Kelsey’s eyes. “The ring is a precious gift. We’ll take good care of it.”

“I know you will.” Karen drew back and stood closer to Lucy.

“Want to see the pictures?” Lucy held the stack of photographs.

“Why don’t you take them in the dining room so you have more room to study them, and I’ll come in a few minutes.” Kelsey hoped Lucy would take her suggestion, giving her time to speak with Karen.

Without a word, Lucy held the photographs close to her chest and headed for the dining room. Knowing the time was now, Kelsey’s heart pummeled against her chest. With Lucy out of earshot, she faced Karen. “I want to say a few things before Lucy returns.”

Karen drew back, concern growing on her face. “If you’re upset with—”

“No, please. You’ve been thoughtful. You and Doug. I want to ask your forgiveness, Karen.”

“My forgiveness?” Her eyes widened, her jaw slack. “I should ask yours.”

“No. You hurt me…you and Doug…but I compounded the hurt by my bitterness. I should have encouraged Doug’s visits with Lucy. When the worst ache faded, I should have let you know. We could have talked, but I clung to the anger and resentment, even when I no longer cared. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t the moral thing to do. I know what the Lord expects, and I ignored it.”

“But—”

“Forgetting will never happen. You know that. You and I will never be good friends again, but I care about you, Karen. I always have, and I pray that you truly believe what I’m saying. Right now, I’m grieving with you, because you lost a husband. And I grieve that I didn’t talk to him when I was here. I didn’t let him know that I forgave him, too.”

Karen dropped her face in her hands, and Kelsey opened her arms and drew her in. “I know you care about Lucy, and if you want to pick her up for a weekend once in a while, just let me know.” Lucy’s latest problem filtered through her mind, and when Karen lifted her head and embraced her, Kelsey told her about Lucy’s latest diagnosis. “I’ll know Monday, and I’ll call you.”

Tears rolled down Karen’s cheeks, and Kelsey held her. She knew soon Lucy would call her to look at the photos, but at the moment, she couldn’t leave Karen. And for the first time, she knew the forgiveness she offered was truly from the heart.