A Family of Their Own

Chapter Nine

Kelsey steered Lucy through the doorway while Ross waited on the porch. He’d worn a suede jacket and beneath it, a pullover in beige and camel, the same color as the suede. He looked so good to her—a stalwart, caring friend—who put her needs first, first after Peyton. Nearing his minivan, she saw it was empty.

“Where’s Peyton?”

He glanced at Lucy and closed the distance between them. “The more I thought about it, the more I didn’t like the idea. Peyton would be bored with the waiting, and Mrs. Withers was available. It made more sense.” He slipped his hand into hers and gave it a squeeze. “And we can use the alone time.”

Grateful, she pressed his hand to affirm his decision. Her emotions had been tied in knots since she’d made plans for the trip, and she’d been concerned about Peyton’s presence, but telling Ross she wasn’t welcome didn’t seem right. He’d made a good choice.

Though Lucy sat in the back seat, a novel in her hand, Kelsey could see she was apprehensive, not only facing her father after so long, but knowing he was very ill. Kelsey grimaced at her decision to hold back the truth from her daughter. She didn’t have it in her heart to tell Lucy that her father was dying. It seemed like too much at one time.

Now she wondered how Doug would react to seeing Lucy. She’d grown up a little—she was more a young lady than a child. Ten was that in-between age when young girls floundered with one foot in childhood and another stretching for adulthood. They wanted to be treated as adults, having their own freedom and independence, while clinging to the security and easy life of their youth. And then came attitude. Sometimes Lucy rolled her eyes as if mothers were the most stupid people in the world. At times, Kelsey believed it.

“You’re thoughtful.”

Her stomach lurched. “Thinking.” She felt empty. “So many memories and concerns.”

“I can’t even imagine.” He snapped on the radio and turned down the volume. “You don’t have to talk now. I know you have a lot to think about.” He glanced into the rearview mirror. “Lucy’s sleeping, I think.”

She turned around and saw her daughter’s eyes closed, the book resting on the seat beside her. “I don’t think she slept well.” She stretched her neck to relieve the tension. “Neither did I.”

He slipped his hand to hers. “Take a nap, too. You need a clear mind for this.”

The warmth traveled to her heart. “I do.” She closed her eyes and relaxed to the lilt of the music and the rhythm of the highway.

“Kelsey, I think we’re close.”

She opened her eyes, startled that she’d fallen asleep. Ross’s hand rested on her arm. She scooted up in the seat and tried to wrap her mind around where she was and why. The answer hit her, and her stomach knotted. Eyeing the surroundings, she got her bearings. “I’ve only been here a couple of times. At first, Doug came to Clawson.” A building came into sight that she recognized. “Turn right up here.”

Ross followed her directions and as they rolled down Doug’s street, she leaned over her seat and tapped Lucy. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”

Lucy’s eyes flew open, and she looked around, her dazed eyes widening. “Are we there already?”

“Almost.”

She straightened in the seat and ran her hand over her hair. “Mom, do you have a comb?”

Kelsey grinned and dug into her purse. “Here you go.” She handed her the comb and Lucy ran it through her curls. She handed it back, mumbling a thanks.

“We should have brought him something.” Kelsey looked at Ross for validation. “Lucy, you should take a gift for your dad since he’s ill. Flowers or candy. Maybe a magazine. Anything.”

Hindered by the seat belt, Lucy scooted as close as she could get. “Mom, aren’t flowers for girls?”

Kelsey eyed Ross. “What do you say?”

“Some men like flowers, but all men like candy.”

“See, Mom. Let’s buy him a box of chocolates.”

Kelsey stretched her mind and recalled a drugstore not far away. She gave Ross directions and soon they were back where they’d started. When they pulled in front of Doug’s house, she drew in a calming breath. “I’ll walk you to the door, Lucy, but I’m not going to stay.” She dug into her purse and pulled out a slip of paper. “Here’s my cell-phone number in case you’ve forgotten it, and—”

“Mom.” She rolled her eyes. “I know your number.”

“Okay.” She dropped the scrap into her purse. “I hope that’s all right.”

Lucy shrugged. “I’d rather you were there, too.”

Air emptied from Kelsey’s lungs. “I know, but it’s better for you and your dad to spend time together without me there. I’d just be in the way. You know that your dad and I—”

“But he’s sick now.”

Guilt shriveled her argument. “Ross drove us here, because he knew we were upset. I don’t want to leave him alone while—”

“Kelsey, don’t worry—”

She flashed him a scowl. “You’d be waiting a long time alone, Ross. I can’t do that to you.”

“It’s okay.” Lucy’s voice slid into the conversation. “I understand.”

Relief swilled over her cowardice. Where was her spunk? She’d never hurt Doug or Karen. They’d hurt her, and why couldn’t she let it die? The word stabbed her. Die. Doug. She peered at the house and noticed the front door open.

“They’ve seen us.” She faced Lucy. “Ready?”

She nodded and unlatched her seat belt. As she did, an unexpected prayer slipped into Kelsey’s thoughts. A prayer for her attitude and a prayer for Lucy’s day. God would protect her.

Ross opened his door, and she grasped his arm. “Not this time.”

He seemed to understand and closed the door.

She clutched the door handle and stepped out, hoping her legs would hold her steady. Lucy waited on the sidewalk, clutching the box of chocolates. She looked too young to bear this difficult visit alone, but Kelsey sensed it would be for the best. Her scars were still raw after so many years, and she feared that hiding her bitterness would be impossible. This wasn’t a time for resentment, but compassion—and she didn’t have it.

Ahead she saw Karen standing behind the storm door. When they were friends, she would have waved and smiled, but today her arm clung to her side, her lips straight as a razor and just as sharp.

Karen pushed open the door. “Lucy.” She crouched and gave her a hug. “Your daddy is so anxious to see you.”

Lucy lost her voice and only gave a nod, staring ahead as if she wanted to get inside and see her father. Karen stood back and waved her in. “It’s good to see you, Kelsey. You look well.”

“Thank you.” She took a step back.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

“No. This should be time for Lucy and her father.” She motioned to the car. “I have a friend who drove us here.”

Karen’s head jerked toward the minivan, and she squinted. “That was nice of him.”

“He’s a wonderful man. Very thoughtful and caring.” She wanted to add trustworthy to the list, but she stopped herself.

“I’m glad for you.” Karen’s eyes searched hers. “I really am.”

“When Lucy’s ready to leave, would you let her call my cell phone?” She should have said thank you or acknowledged her glad-for-you comment, but the words wouldn’t come. Animosity proved to be a horrible emotion, and letting it go hadn’t happened.

“She’ll have lunch with us, if that’s okay.”

Kelsey took another step back. “It’s fine. Just have her call when she’s about ready and we’ll come back to pick her up.” She turned and took a step.

“Kelsey.”

She spun around.

“Thanks for bringing her today. It means a lot to Doug.”

Deep in her core, she seethed with the violence of a volcano ready to erupt. The burning smoke filled her chest and scorched her throat, waiting to spew her frustration into Karen’s face, but she lifted her eyes to Ross, and did what she had to do. Keep the festering fire inside. As she strode away, she sent up a prayer of thanks that God had given her a friend like him, and she prayed for her heart’s healing. She’d licked her wounds long enough.

“How was it?” Ross opened the passenger door and she slid inside.

“Rough, and I’m ashamed of myself.”

His brows lifted. “What did you say?”

As he pulled away, she told him what she’d done and the thoughts she’d been able to squelch. “Ripping her with my feelings would have accomplished nothing. Do you know what I did?”

He shook his head.

“I looked at you, and thanked God for the gift.”

He dropped one hand from the steering wheel and covered hers. “I’m happy you feel that way. Sometimes I question the wisdom of our relationship. I know people have said things to you, and I’ve heard a few comments myself. Nothing terrible, but asking how we manage with two sick children. I don’t like to think of it that way, but their words make it a reality.”

She lifted her shoulders. “I’m not crazy about reality, either. And as far as we are concerned, so far so good.”

He gave her hand a pat and grasped the steering wheel. “What should we do while we wait? How about lunch?”

She eyed her watch. “It’s a little early yet. Let’s check out the art museum. I hear it’s terrific.” And hopefully it would give her time to cool down.

“Sounds good. We can find a place to have lunch downtown.”

“What is it with men and thoughts of food?” She smiled and it felt good.

He grinned back and patted his trim belly. “Food’s good, but being with you is better.”

Sometimes she thought her life had become too good to be true. And that worried her.



“It is terrific. You were right.” Ross stood near the reflecting pool at Rosa Park Circle, admiring the cantilevered concrete portico that thrust outward from the museum. “An amazing sight. Being a contractor, all I can say is one word. Powerful.”

“It is. I know someone who comes here and mentioned it. I can use a relaxing distraction.”

“Thinking of Lucy, aren’t you?” He didn’t need to hear her response. Kelsey had been quiet since they’d left Doug’s house.

She nodded. “But this is nice. The museum couldn’t have a nicer setting than this park.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “If it was warmer, we could sit outside and enjoy the view.”

She leaned into him with a chuckle. “So let’s check it out.” She motioned to the museum.

He lowered his arm and grasped her hand, weaving his fingers through hers. When the girls were around, he tried to be more discreet and sometimes it killed him. Today they had time alone, but, as always, Lucy and Peyton hung in their minds.

They wandered inside, and he stopped again to admire another reflecting pool glinting in the winter sun. April was on their doorstep, and he longed for those warmer days when they could sit in the park and enjoy a picnic or a bike ride with the girls. His chest constricted. Would Peyton be able to ride a bike? He could only pray and wait for the blessing.

“Nice.” Kelsey motioned to the wide hallways with shining oak flooring and white walls that set off the masterpieces of art.

He sensed her distraction, and when he spotted a bench, he motioned for them to sit. She followed his suggestion and sank onto the concrete. He joined her, wishing he had words to make things better. “Lucy will do okay, and I’m sure her dad is thrilled to see her. If he’s facing death, Kelsey, maybe he’ll want to make up for the years of negligence.”

“Can anyone make up for those years, Ross?” She shook her head in answer to her own question.

He couldn’t blame her, but he wished he understood more fully. “You’ve been single a long time now, Kelsey. You’re a kind, loving person, and it doesn’t suit you to carry the anger so long.” From her expression, he’d struck a nerve.

“Maybe I’m angry at myself for not wanting to face the affair. I always explained it away.”

Emotions caught Ross off guard. The tender feeling filled him. “How long did it go on before you found out?”

“A year or more.”

He shook his head, startled at how long she’d been deceived, but it showed how trusting Kelsey had been. That’s what a marriage should be.

“Doug traveled for his job, and now that I look back, I have no idea when he was really on a business trip or somewhere with Karen. Sometimes when he was going out of town, I’d try to make plans with her. You know, a girls’ night out. Once in a while, we’d go to a movie or out to dinner, but more and more she had excuses. She had an out-of-town wedding or a sick aunt or something. It was easy to think coincidence.”

“I suppose you can be grateful they went out of town. No gossip that way.”

Her face twisted with emotion. “He wasn’t that bright. Once in a while someone would mention seeing him with Karen. When I asked, he’d make a joke about how good it was that I was trusting.” She dragged in a breath. “I tossed it off, and then I’d ask. He’d make up some excuse. They happened to be in the same restaurant and decided to sit together.”

“It happens.” No matter what he said, it sounded trivial. “A husband and wife should be trusting. If they’re not, the marriage isn’t healthy. Yours was.”

“One-sided.” He watched a kaleidoscope of emotion sweep over her eyes.

“Ross, I know you’re right. Why can’t I let it go? I could have at least walked inside and showed some compassion. The Bible says to love our enemies. I’ve failed.”

“But you’re sorry for it, and God forgives you.”

She lifted her gaze to his. “Then why can’t I forgive?”

Forgiveness always seemed like such an ordeal. He’d blamed God for Ruthie’s death and Peyton’s struggle with the same disease, and yet he’d faced the reality that God allowed things to happen for reasons that he would never know. He trusted the Lord, and that’s what she needed to do. “You’ll never forget what they did, Kelsey.” He slipped his arm around her back. “But you can forgive.”

She scanned the surroundings in silence until she finally turned to face him. “I’ll work on it, Ross. That’s all I can promise.”

He drew her closer to his side. “That’s all I want to hear.” He glanced at his watch, surprised at the time. “We’d better head for lunch, or Lucy will call and we won’t have eaten.” He rose and took her hand. But from her expression, lunch was the last thing on her mind.



Kelsey stood back from the door as Lucy came out carrying a large grocery bag. Trying to be subtle, she glanced inside only to catch a glimpse of something in a shade of pastel turquoise. Gifts. Her stomach knotted. She slipped her arm around Lucy’s shoulders, feeling protective, but her ire had subsided when she looked at Karen’s haggard face. It looked different than it had when she’d dropped Lucy there earlier. “I’ll pray for you, Karen.”

Karen’s head bolted upward, anxiety written on her face. “Thanks, but…” As her words dragged to a halt, gratefulness filled her face. “It’s nice to hear you say that.”

She’d surprised herself, but she would pray. Death and divorce were similar but different. Which was worse? No answer came, but the finality of death was a permanent emptiness.

Karen leaned down and hugged Lucy. “Your visit meant a lot to us, sweetie. I know your dad is grateful that your mom brought you for a visit.” She lifted her head and faced Kelsey. “Hospice has been a great help. At least, he can be home.”

Hospice. The word dug into her heart. “You think it will be…” She couldn’t say anything in front of Lucy. She gazed at Karen, wondering if she and Doug had told her the truth.

“Yes. He’s opted out of chemo or radiation. Quality of life is more important now.”

Karen’s bravery wriggled into Kelsey’s chest and filled the gash. “Quality of life is best.”

She nodded.

They faced each other a few moments, nothing spoken, but so much said.

Lucy tugged her arm, and she stepped back. “We’ll be going, Karen. I know you’ll keep us posted.”

“I will.” She gave a nod, along with a lingering look at Lucy. “We love you.”

“Love you, too,” she said, then turned and started down the porch steps.

Kelsey’s knees felt weak as she trudged back to the minivan. Once inside she caught her breath. Ross gave a brief turn of his head, but didn’t ask and she was relieved. She looked over the seat at Lucy. “What’s in the bag?”

“Presents.”

“Looks like a lot of presents.”

She nodded, but without a smile.

“Dad said he was sorry he missed Christmas last year, and he gave me birthday presents for this year.” She dug into the sack and then looked up. “Want to see?”

Kelsey nodded, and as Lucy pulled out the items, Ross rolled onto the highway. She’d forgotten that Doug hadn’t sent gifts for Christmas. It was so like him to forget special occasions that she’d given up expecting anything. Now he wanted to be a father.

She stifled her resentment. If she were dying, Kelsey suspected she would do the same thing, try to resolve mistakes, lavish love on those important in her life and make amends for the hurts she’d caused. Ross’s words filled her mind. She’d never forget, but she could forgive. Her emotions vacillated between compassion and animosity.

Lucy delved into the bag and pulled out a turquoise outfit, a print skirt and a top to match—even the right size. “And he gave me Chinese checkers.” She grinned. “It’s so much fun. Daddy played it with me. Have you played it, Mom?”

“A long time ago.” Clothes, games. Kelsey wondered if she’d finally come to the end.

“And puzzles.” She brought out two jigsaw puzzles.

She almost rolled her eyes. Doug knew she loved them, even as a toddler. He’d certainly worked to impress his daughter.

“And there’s more.” Lucy dug into the grocery sack again, tugging out another blouse, this one with coral trim, and then she lifted out a picture frame.

Kelsey swallowed the rising emotion as Lucy put it in her hand. Tears slipped into her eyes, and she looked away before Lucy saw them.

Brushing her hands across the dampness, she looked down at the photograph of Lucy and Doug, cheeks together, smiling. It appeared to be an older photograph—maybe two years earlier—when Lucy had visited him. Though the picture rent her heart, a familiar stab of resentment pierced her. Sarcasm clung to her tongue until she was able to consume it and respond. “It’s a nice photograph, Lucy.” She lowered the frame into Lucy’s hands.

“Daddy said to put it on my nightstand.”

Her father’s suggestion grated her, but she turned her thoughts around, trying to hear Ross’s voice. Forgiveness. Lord, I’m such a sinner. Calm waved past her like a breeze. “That way you’ll see your father every morning when you wake up.”

Lucy nodded, a troubled look growing on her face. “Mom.”

Kelsey gazed at her. “They’re nice gifts. I like them.”

She slipped the photograph back into the paper bag. “Can I ask you a question?”

The sound of her voice aroused her concern. She didn’t want to answer a question, but seeing Lucy’s face, she had to. “Okay.”

“Why didn’t you go inside and see Daddy?”

Her heart skipped a beat. “I wanted you and your father to have this special time together.”

“But he talked about you.”

Her pulse heightened. “What do you mean?” Weight fell on her shoulders.

“He asked me if you were doing okay, and was your job real good.” Her eyes searched Kelsey’s. “Was it okay I told him you were fine and you had lots of work?”

“That was fine. You should always be honest.”

“Oh, and I forgot. He gave me something to give you.”

She delved back into the bottom of the sack and pulled out an envelope. “Maybe it’s a letter.” Lucy handed it to her. “Read it.”

It was the last thing she wanted to do, but how could she explain that to her eager daughter? She pulled open the tab and drew out the note. When she unfolded it, a check had been tucked inside. She gazed at the amount and cringed as she scanned the message. Her chest compressed against her lungs, and she fought for breath.

“It’s long, Lucy. I’ll read it later. Okay?”

Lucy shrugged.

Doug’s guilt for his neglect seemed obvious by the size of the check. But money wasn’t the issue now, although it had been. Giving love and attention to Lucy was vital. Yet if he had shown her all of that, Kelsey would have felt she and Doug were competing for Lucy’s attention.

“You should have talked with him.”

Lucy’s admonition startled her, and her heart softened. “Would that make you happy?”

She nodded. “He’s sick, and I don’t understand. He’s sad, but he tried to look happy.”

“Lucy, he was happy to see you, but it’s difficult when an adult is sick. It means he can’t work, and he can’t do the things he wants to do.”

Her eyes searched Kelsey’s. “Will he get better?” She tilted her head, determination growing on her face.

Tension twisted through her, and Kelsey rumpled the envelope in her hand. Lucy wanted the truth. “I don’t know. He’s very sick and the doctors don’t have much they can do.”

Her face pinched with thought. “But he’ll go to heaven.” She tilted her head again. “Right?”

Panic set in, and Kelsey eyed Ross. He glanced her way, letting her know she had to make the decision on how to answer. The word forgiveness struck her again. God forgives sin when the person atones. She had no idea if Doug was sorry for what he did, but she looked at Lucy’s distressed face and the answer came.

“Your dad loves you, Lucy, and when we were married, he loved Jesus. We know that when we believe in Jesus as God’s Son and love him—”

“We’ll go to heaven.” Relief filled her face.

Kelsey wanted to reach across the seat and draw Lucy into her arms. “That’s right. It’s God’s promise.”

“Good.” Lucy’s shoulders relaxed, and she gazed at the bag beside her. “But I hope he doesn’t die.”

“So do I.”

And she did, for Lucy’s sake. Kelsey longed to curl up in bed and weep. Instead she closed her eyes and prayed.