A Whole New Crowd

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Mandy stayed in rehab for another thirty days, but she called the night before to let me know she was getting released. There was a ceremony and she invited me to come, but her parents would be there.
I wasn’t ready to see them. So, instead, knowing they would be there and at Mandy’s side, I went to the school’s pool. I wasn’t a thief anymore. I hadn’t been in a long time so my trips to the pool were increasing. They had an Olympic sized one, unlike Tray’s that was half its size, so once I dove in, I could really let my mind go.
When I finished my last lap, a light was on in the corner office, but as I got out of the pool and went to my bag, it switched off. The door opened and Coach Hayes nodded at me. He shut the door, tested the knob, and headed towards me. He was dressed in a navy blue mesh coat over khaki shorts. A Rawley Swim Team cap was pulled down low over his eyes. Stopping in front of me, he frowned at me. “You didn’t come to try-outs.”
I stiffened. “I was busy.”
He nodded. “I get that. Everyone’s busy.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Then why do I feel like you’re giving me a hard time?”
He grinned. “I’m not.” He held his hands up, a clipboard in one. “I heard about your sister and something else, someone close to you died?”
“My ex-boyfriend.”
“Yeah, that’s it. Some of the teachers were confused. They weren’t sure of the relation.”
I frowned. “You guys talk about me in the teacher’s lounge?”
“Yeah.” He hiked up his pants. “Don’t feel all special because of it. They talk about a lot of things, but you were a hot topic for a while.”
I finished drying myself off, still frowning, before I dropped the towel and reached for my clothes. “I’m not sure if special is the word I would use.”
“Come on. Everyone thought you were another foster kid.”
I scowled. “What? Another kid riddled with problems?” I raised my chin up, tugging my shirt over my head at the same time. “Because I do, you know. I have enough baggage to fill up a jet.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Why are you telling me that?”
I shrugged, bent over, and pulled up my shorts. “I figured you should know.”
“You missed try-outs. There’s no reason I need to know.”
“And what if I asked for another chance?”
He shrugged, looking pensive. “That’d be interesting.”
I chewed on my lip, studying him. He wasn’t giving anything away, but I caught a spark in his eyes. I couldn’t tell for sure, but my gut was telling me he was thinking about it. For some reason, I wanted a second chance more than anything at that moment.
I said, “It’d be good for me. I’d have a purpose, you know.”
He laughed, took his hat off, ran a hand through his hair, and tugged the hat back on. He shook his head. “I’m not one of those coaches who look for projects to nurture. I don’t care about the underdog kind of kid. I maybe should. I know if some other teachers heard that from me, they’d take up their self-righteous torches, but you don’t strike me as a kid that cares about bullshit.”
“If I wanted someone to bullshit me, I’d still be in the Parson household. They’re awesome at pretending every pile of shit is dyed gold.”
He barked out a laugh, then caught himself. “You’re something else, Matthews. You think you deserve another shot?”
He was serious. I could tell he was no longer fooling around. He meant it. I nodded. “No, sir. I don’t, but I’d appreciate a shot.”
“You don’t think you deserve it?”
“I don’t deserve anything, but like I said. I’d appreciate a shot.”
He grunted. “You’re like a breath of fresh air. I don’t think I could stand another self-entitled student.”
Did that mean what I thought it meant…
He nodded. “You got your spot, Matthews.”
He started for the door, his car keys in hand. As he was almost there, I called out, “So I can try-out?”
“No.” He turned, using his back to open the door, grinning at me. “You’re on the team. I’ve been watching your speeds the last hour and I already know you’ll smoke my best swimmers.” He paused with the door on his back. He had one foot still in the pool area and the other out the door. The grin faded and he grew somber. “I wasn’t bullshitting you before when I said you have talent. I don’t know why you haven't been swimming this whole time, but this could be a future for you, Matthews. If you work at it, that is.”
He had been watching me and I was on the team, just like that. I stood there, my insides all wrapped up around each other, stunned by how quick I’d been given this shot. Brian would’ve been proud. That was the first thought in my head. Then I remembered he was gone and my jaw tightened. My hands turned into fists. Just like that, in such a short span of time, I felt on top of the world and then my chest was tight. The anger was pounding through me again.
When I left the pool, I heard my name called out, “Taryn!”
Shelly had been waiting for me. She got out of her car, raised her hand, and waved. “Taryn! Hold on.” Then she ran to me.
I rolled my eyes.
“Hey, honey.”
Reaching for the car, I tossed my bag inside and turned around. “You look ridiculous.”
She frowned and pressed a hand to her chest. She was wearing a light scarf and it was billowing in the wind. Her hand settled it down, but she tugged at her sweater, closing it around her, and then smoothed out her skirt. With a string of pearls around her neck, her diamond earrings, and a pair of three inch heels, she looked ready for either a socialite dinner or church.
The corners of her mouth dipped down, but she lifted her chin again. It was like she had reaffirmed herself about something. She nodded and her shoulders dropped down to a ready position. “I can understand if you’re upset with me.”
“What are you doing here?” I didn’t want to hear anything she said. It would all sound pretty, but it would all be a lie. “Mandy called. She said you’re supposed to be at her graduation ceremony.”
She swallowed with an audible gulp. “That’s why I’m here. Kevin and Austin went. I came to see you.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re with one daughter. I’d like to be with the other one. And,” she gave me a timid smile, “I’d like to ask if you’d come to the house? We’re having a small get-together for Mandy. All her friends are invited. Everyone wants to celebrate how wonderful she’s done.”
I smirked. Of course. “You’re an idiot. You believed Kevin’s lie about adopting me and now this? Mandy dumped her friends. Wanna know why? Because they’re a*sholes. I hope you didn’t invite Devon, Jennica, and Amber? Mandy’s done with them and I’m proud of her for doing that.”
She blinked rapidly, as if shocked, then she forced a smile on her face. “Of course. I invited her friend Tristan and anyone Austin told me that was ‘cool.’” Her cheeks pinked and she laughed softly. “He told me to trust him with the invites so I did. If he invited anyone you don’t think should come, we can still toss them out. No one will impede on my daughter’s well-being.”
I was watching her. I cursed. “You mean it.”
She blinked, and her eyebrows bunched forward. “Of course, I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Kevin lied to you. You were brainwashed to adopt me. Are you not getting that?”
She shook her head. “No, Taryn. I wasn’t brainwashed and I wasn’t manipulated. I wouldn’t have taken you in if I hadn’t wanted to.” She stepped close. Her hands lifted and she took hold of my shoulders. Leaning forward, her voice lowered to a hoarse whisper, “The moment I saw your picture, I fell in love with you. Then I read your file and I fell even more in love.” Her fingers curled into me, holding on tight. “I am not happy with my husband. There are things we have to work out, but I am happy about you. I am so thankful that you’re a part of our family.” A tear slid down her cheek. She ignored it, giving me another shaky smile. “I’m not as blind as you think. I can see that Austin’s hurting. When we picked him up, he didn’t want to come home. He’s your fiercest defender in the house. He asks us every day when you’re coming home. And Mandy...” She closed her eyes. When they opened, there were fresh tears there. “I’m ashamed that I haven’t reached her like you have. I’m ashamed that so much was going on in my house and I never did anything about it.”
The tears. The heartfelt proclamation. I bit back a smart ass retort and fought from rolling my eyes. Then I couldn’t help it. It slipped out. “For real?”
“What?”
Her hands uncurled from my arms and she moved back a step. Searching my face, she saw the disbelief on my face.
I shook my head. “Who do you think I am? You really thought I would fall for that act?” I couldn’t forget the history. She left me with Austin. She took off whenever her husband called for her. Her daughter was a drug addict. “You shouldn’t be ashamed by what your husband has done. You should be furious. You should leave him.”
“Taryn,” she started.
“No.” I moved further away from her. “You’re one of the worst kinds of people. You’re the kind that sees something horrible has happened and you sweep it under the rug. You want it to go away so your life isn’t interrupted.”
Tears were rolling down her face, but it was like she didn’t feel them. She stared back at me. Her eyes were unblinking. There was a glazed look in them.
“Look at me. I’m the one who survived not having a family and I’m schooling you how to fix yours.” I snorted, feeling an empty void open in me again. “I can’t undo how I feel about Mandy and Austin. I already love them, but I’m thankful now that no relationship was built between you and me, or Kevin and me. So thank you for being shitty adoptive parents. You did me a favor.”
I sat in my car after that and waited. Shelly stood there, pale as a zombie, for a few more minutes before her phone rang. As she answered it, I heard her words muffled through the window, “I’m coming, honey. No…” Then she turned and went to her own vehicle.
I sat there, even after she drove off. I couldn’t bring myself to leave.
*

I hit the punching bag. They lied to me. It barely moved so I hit it again. They didn’t care that they lied. I gritted my teeth. My fist tightened and I rolled my shoulder back, lifted my wrist again, and bent forward into the stance. One foot was in front, the other behind, and I was on my toes. I was ready to switch them, jab back and forth, and bounce back as the bag should’ve been swinging to me.
Nothing.
With a deep growl, I hit it as hard as I could. It moved an inch.
“You’re using your arm.”
“Duh.” I didn’t look as Tray came into the room. He left the lights off, so the only light on was the small lamp positioned over the punching bag. Sweat rolled down my back and I’d lost my shirt long ago. Standing in my black sports bra and a pair of boy shorts, I felt fine. I was heated, but not overheated with the air conditioner in the room.
He circled around me. I glanced down, saw he had kicked his shoes off as well. After another moment of studying me, he took his shirt off too. He tossed it to the corner, then tilted his head to the side, and his hazel eyes narrowed at me. A slight smirk lifted the corners of his lips. As he stood there, his muscles clenched. His chest lifted and he breathed in, his stomach muscles clenched in and then out. There was hardly an ounce of fat on him.
We’d been sharing a bed for two months now, but as I drank him in, it was as if I was seeing him for the first time. Hunger and lust slammed into me. My mouth opened and I swallowed.
His smirk widened and he gestured to my arm. “Use your shoulder. Hit with your body, not your arm. Your strength comes from your core. The hand is the weapon.”
“I want to bone you right now.” I frowned.
“You’re working out. Your adrenalin is pumping.” His hand gestured from his chest to his stomach. “I can’t blame you. I’m a prime specimen.”
I snorted. “You don’t need to work on that confidence. Your arrogance just sucked all the oxygen out of the room to inflate your ego.”
He laughed, but switched his body and punched the bag. It swung away and his hand lifted. It caught it as it swung back. “The shoulder. I leaned back and threw my body forward. You don’t have to be obvious about it. Twist your body. Let your feet help guide you.” He stopped and paused for a moment. “We’ve been sparring for the last month and a half. You know this.”
A single droplet of sweat rolled down the side of his face. It moved to his chin, settled on the cleft of his chin before it fell to his chest. I watched as it went all the way to his chest, making a smooth trail in its wake, all the way down, over his abdominals until it hit the waistband of his shorts. A heat that had been in me since I started, the fury from Shelly and Kevin, had been boiling, but now the flame lit up as if gasoline had been poured on it. I was burning up from the inside out and the need to take Tray and shove him against the wall was climbing. I wanted to push him to his knees, shove his pants down, and position myself over him. I could imagine the feel of him inside me, and my legs clenched. The ache was throbbing.
I started for him, wanting to feel him going in and out of me.
Tray’s smirk turned cautious, but he didn’t move. I stopped an inch from him. I could feel his body heat and moved my head to the side. I wasn’t trying to be seductive. I was trying to hold myself back. As his eyes held my mine, he saw what I wanted. His responded and darkened in lust, but he didn’t move. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to feel the graze of his hand up my arm, over my shoulder. He would circle my throat, cup the back of my neck, and pull me the last inch to him. I would feel all of him against me. All his strength and power. I craved it.
Then I murmured, with a slight frown, “You’ve been holding back.”
“What?”
“Why do you hold back? You’ve been treating me like I’m fragile.”
A slight chuckle. “I’m not holding back and you’re not fragile. You were mourning. There’s a difference.”
For two months we’ve held each other at night. He would pull me against his chest, wrap his arm around me, and caress my arm until I fell asleep. He had fed me. He reminded me to shower at times, even told to dress for school a few days. I’d been a mess, then I’d been angry and demanding as he taught me how to fight. And now, I wanted what he’d withheld from me. I wanted him. I wanted all of him.
“I’ve only slept with one other guy.”
“I know.”
“People have always called me a slut. They assumed I was experienced, but I’ve only been with Brian. He’s the first guy I let in.”
“Hey.” His finger went under my chin and he tipped my head up. “You’re feeling a lot of different emotions right now. You were sad for a while. You were angry. You wanted to hurt someone.” He gave me a half-grin. “You might always feel that, but now you’ve moved past some of those emotions. Wanting to have sex is normal. You’re alive. You want to live. I understand, but I’m not making one damn move on you until I know it’s pure. Until I know that afterwards, you’re going to want me again and again and again. That you’re not going to curl in a ball with self-loathing or guilt because you’re alive and he’s not.” As he said those words, his finger tightened under my chin and I was pulled slowly to him. He looked straight down into me. I felt as if he was seeing my soul. I was bare to him. All the lust, pain, fury, everything was stripped clean until he just saw me, whoever I was.
A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed over it, shoving it down. I didn’t want to feel that. It was awkwardness, it was self-consciousness, and it was pain. I was tired of feeling this emptiness.
He lowered his head, his lips just above mine. If he moved a fraction of an inch down or I pressed up, they would touch. I could feel the brush of him.
Another touch. That was what I wanted. I didn’t want just sex with him. Realizing that, feeling the hunger for more, I pulled back. My heart stopped and fear crashed into my chest. I’d felt this before, the last time I saw Brian, a few times before that. Tray was my equal. He was the all. He wouldn’t play games. He wouldn’t hold back. He was real. Brian had… I turned away from Tray as I realized the truth.
It wasn’t the same. I felt more with Tray than I did with Brian.
“Taryn?”
I shook my head and cleared my thoughts. Moving back to the punching bag, I hit it. It barely moved again.
“Taryn?”
I couldn’t talk so I swung again, then again. I didn’t care if the bag didn’t move. I was moving. I was doing what I needed. I wanted all the shit from inside me out of me. As I kept going, punch after punch, I imagined a huge dump truck coming in and scooping out all the crappiness from me. With a guttural cry, I switched my feet, switched my fighting stance, and swung with my left arm. Then I kept going.
Tray came to stand on the other side of the bag. He held it, hugging it, as I kept pounding. I didn’t care if my hands bled or if my knuckles bruised. My head went down and I kept hitting. I went until my arms wouldn’t lift and my body was exhausted. Even then, after an hour, I wanted to keep going. Too many emotions were still swirling inside me. They were slithering around like snakes and I couldn’t get them out. I didn’t know how anymore.