A Whole New Crowd

CHAPTER NINETEEN

He was sitting on a picnic table. His feet were resting on the seat and he was focused on a girl that was standing between his knees. Wearing a black shirt, he was almost camouflaged against the night’s darkness. His black hair blended in, but then he smiled. My heart started to ache. I remember when he used to smile at me like that.
Without thinking, I started for him, but someone grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “Don’t.”
Tensing, I rounded with a snarl, but it fell away. “Gray?”
A tense look was on his face. His hand dropped. “I’m sorry. I saw you talking to your friend, and I was worried you’d see Brian. Don’t go over there, Taryn. Let it go.”
“Why?”
His lips pressed together. “Just take my word for it. Don’t go over there. He’s in a better place since he got kicked out of Evans’ party. If you go over there now, it’ll set him back. Please.”
It killed me. I loved Brian. I still did, but hearing Gray plead on his behalf, he was right. If I went over there, I would’ve hurt him. I opened my mouth, ready to agree when I stopped. A guy approached Brian, and they exchanged something. I got a glimpse of money folded into a big wad and then the guy left. Brian returned his focus to the girl in front of him once again. He ran his hands up and down her back, settling on her hips, tugging her even closer so she had to kneel on the seat. As they started kissing, I turned to Gray.
His eyes were stricken and held mine.
I gestured to Brian. “That was a Rawley guy.”
Gray’s shoulders dropped, his head went down, and he cursed.
As he shoved his hands in his pockets, I continued, “Brian hates Rawley students. Why would he give a shit about that guy?”
Brian gave him something. The guy paid for it. My mind was racing as I connected the dots. When it all clicked, I groaned. “Please tell me you’re not going to say what I think you are.”
“Taryn.”
I shook my head. “Tell me that Brian isn’t working for Jace, that he’s not selling drugs, and that kid wasn’t a paying customer just now.” My heart was pounding and my chest tightened. “Please goddamn tell me that I have this all wrong, because if you don’t, I am going to flip out.”
Jace never wanted him involved, I repeated over and over in my mind as betrayal formed in my gut. He promised never to involve Brian, but now he was. A defeated look came over Gray. Shaking my head, I started for Brian.
“Taryn, no.”
I shook off his hand. “No, Gray. I have to confront him now.” With each step, the anger and hurt bloomed brighter in me, but there was another emotion. This was going to be goodbye, but this time it was for real. I had tried telling him goodbye so many other times, but as I got closer, I realized that I never accepted those because I knew Brian would still fight to be with me. He wouldn’t anymore. He had moved on with his life, and I saw that now.
“Don’t.” Tray got in my way, holding two drinks in his hand. Judging from how he glanced at Gray and then to Brian, I assumed he figured everything out.
“You knew, didn’t you?”
His shoulders were tight and his mouth was pressed in a flat line. “Yeah, I did.”
“How?” Goddamn. I wanted to yell. I wanted to throw something. Eyeing the drinks in his hands, I was tempted to overturn them on him. I didn’t, though. I let him see the anger in me instead.
His eyes narrowed. His jaw clenched. “He was expelled from Pedlam. Then I heard he got back in. Seeing what went down just now, I’m assuming he’s the new drug connection in their school.”
“How do you know this?”
“I hear a lot, Taryn.”
There was more. I could see it in him, but he was holding back. I closed my eyes and cursed, rubbing my forehead. A pounding headache was forming. “I am going over there. I am going to have my say to Brian and then I’m walking away. I’m done after this, but you and I are going to have a conversation later.”
“I have no doubt.” He never looked away.
I felt like I had been smacked in the chest again. My heart stopped, just for a second. Tray wasn’t holding back from me. A weird form of excitement began to fill me, but I shook my head. I didn’t have time for these lovey-dovey feelings. Brian was watching us now.
His head was up. His eyes were alert, but he was wary.
I knew, right then and there, that Brian had never been my equal. I didn’t know how to explain it, and I didn’t know if I wanted to, but it never would’ve worked with us. We weren’t meant to be. Sadness took root in me. Leaving the one who was my equal, I headed towards my past. A lump formed in my throat. I’d have my say and I wouldn’t look back any longer.
The girl was glaring at me when I got to them. I glanced back over my shoulder. Tray remained behind me. A guarded expression was on his face, but I was thankful he stayed back. I said to Brian, “Tell her to take a hike.”
She gasped, and her face scrunched up in anger. “Excuse me—”
He patted her hip twice. “Get lost, Dee.”
“What?” She twisted back to him, and her mouth had dropped open. “Are you serious?”
He nodded to me. “I have business to attend to,” he said, stressing the word business.
She shut up. “Oh. Okay then.” When she stood up, she glared at me again. “Watch your hands, honey.” As she walked away, she ran right into me.
I hid a grin. I had been ready for her move. As her shoulder collided with mine, I had locked my body up so I was unmovable. She bounced back off of me and gasped again. Muttering, “Fat-ass,” she melted into the crowd.
I laughed. My body was solid with muscle, and no one could call me overweight. I wasn’t skinny, but I was slender, and I knew guys loved my curves. Then I stopped thinking about her and locked eyes with Brian.
It was time.
“You’re working for Jace?”
“No.” His jaw clenched. “I’m working for Galverson.”
“Same thing. Jace is your boss.”
“Jace’s boss is my boss.”
I snorted. I couldn’t believe we were having this argument. “That makes no sense.”
He shrugged. The irritation vanished and a sullen look came over him. “Does it even matter? Jace doesn’t want me there, but I am. So what? What do you care, anyway?”
“I care,” I said softly. “I care a lot.”
He flinched. “Yeah, well…” He turned his head away. He clasped his hands together, still leaning forward on his knees, his jaw clenching. “What do you want, Taryn? You’re going your way. I’m going mine.”
That was the crux of it. A sadness like I hadn’t experienced in a long time came down on me. It settled over me like a heavy blanket, wanting to pull me down to the ground. “Yeah. Looks like.”
“It is.” Anger flared in the depths of his eyes. After a moment, it was banked, and he forced himself to calm down. “I’m doing my thing. That’s what you wanted. I don’t know why you’re over here. I’m not your business anymore. Just like he,” he nodded towards where Tray was standing, “isn’t mine. Let it go, Taryn.”
“Jace never wanted this for you. I don’t understand—”
“You don’t have to. Let it go.” His eyes were cold, bearing down at me.
“I still care.”
“It doesn’t matter. We’re through. We were your family, but you got a new one.”
I grimaced. “I wouldn’t say they’re a family.”
“Whatever. A new crowd. It’s a new life. This is what you wanted. When I wouldn’t walk away, you argued for this. I’m giving it to you now.”
“Yeah, but,” I gestured to his hand, “I know what you gave that guy. You’re dealing for Jace.”
“I’m not—”
“For Jace’s boss. Same thing.”
“Stop.”
I had stepped close to him and his hands came down on mine. I glanced down and was surprised to find my hands were under his, resting on his knees. I blinked and stepped back. When had I reached for him? Then Brian’s soft murmur distracted me as he said, “I’ll be fine. Nothing will happen to me. This,” he dangled a packet with white powder inside from his hands, “will give me that security. I don’t need to be a Panther or Jace Lanser’s little brother to make a name for myself. I’ll be fine, Taryn. I will. I have it all covered.”
He didn’t. He so didn’t, and my heart hurt even more because of it. I shook my head. “You’re so stubborn. You always think you know what you’re doing.”
He sat upright, straightening his back, and a cold wall fell over his face. “I’m taking care of my own back. That’s what you’re doing, right? You got handed a brand spanking new family. Do us all a favor and pretend you don’t know us anymore.”
A harsh laugh rippled up from my throat. It was out before I realized I was even laughing. When it registered, I couldn’t stop it. A small note of hysteria mingled along with it. I couldn’t stop that either.
Brian frowned. He looked ready to say something. Concern filtered in, but then he masked that too. “Just go, Taryn.”
I jerked my head in a nod. My neck muscles were tight and I felt like I was breaking tendons as I nodded, but I tightened my jaw and forced my head up and down. I would be fine. F*ck him. He was going down the wrong path. Not me. He would be the one who got screwed in the end… I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t protect him anymore. That had been my job for so long. I turned, but I couldn’t stop myself from murmuring, “I wasn’t given a family. They were forced to take me in.” I began walking away. I didn’t stop, even as I got to Tray, I kept going.
That was my last exchange with Brian. I knew it and it had gone horribly wrong. I didn’t stay at the party. When Tray offered to drive me back, I shook my head and asked for his keys. He wouldn’t let me drive alone so we compromised. He drove me home, but we didn’t talk the whole way. When he dropped me off, I didn’t ask if he was going back. I didn’t want to know, not at that moment. I wanted to sit and be alone. Brian was really gone from my life. I didn’t know how I knew for certain, but I did. After pulling Mandy’s suitcases down to the kitchen, I sat and waited for her. This was something I could do, someone that I could still protect.
I waited until the morning. It was after six when she was dropped off. When she came inside, she looked haggard. She had bags under her eyes. Her dress was plastered against her. The smell of cold sweat clung to her, and her lips were swollen while her eyes were dilated. When she tossed her keys on the counter, she took one step, saw me, and stopped. Her eyebrows bunched together and she lifted a hand, scratching at her head and messing with her hair before she asked, “Taryn? You’re up?”
“I made coffee.” I pointed to the coffee pot.
“Oh.” She glanced over and frowned. “Okay. That’s a weird thing to say. Um,” she kept frowning, then shrugged, “I’m going to bed.”
She started for the stairs, then saw the suitcases and stepped back. “Uh, Taryn? What’s with the luggage? You going somewhere?” She seemed to reassess me. “I heard you had words with your ex. Did something really bad happen between you? You think you’re in danger or something?”
No, not me. “I’m not going to beat around the bush. I suck at that stuff.” I watched her. I wanted her to see me and see how serious I was. When she did, she kept frowning, but a small amount of fear filled her eyes. “I found your stash.”
I let that hang in the air between us.
When she realized what I meant, her eyes went wide and her shoulders stiffened. Her mouth fell open. “You had no right. You searched my room? Who do you think you are—”
“You are eighteen.”
She stopped, confused by what I said.
I stood from the table. “You have a problem.” She opened her mouth. I knew there was an argument on the tip of her tongue, but I held a hand up. I kept going as she fell silent again. “I know you’re going to try and justify it. You’re going to tell me that your dad knows and he doesn’t care. Or you’ll tell me how it’s perfectly fine; you just use them when you need extra energy. I don’t care.”
I felt dead inside. Mandy saw it and the fa?ade fled away. She wasn’t going to deny it, but I saw the storm beginning to brew inside her.
I added, “Those are your bags.”
“Excuse me?” she asked, her voice low and deadly.
I stepped closer and lowered mine to the same pitch. “Those are your bags. They’re packed because I’m taking you to a rehab facility. Unlike your parents, I give a shit. You’re lying to yourself every time you take a pill and you know it. You’re so full of lies, I don’t think you know what’s right anymore. It’s right to leave a boyfriend when he cheats on you. It’s right to be angry when he cheated on you with your friend. It’s right to demand better friends, better relationships, better parents who give a damn. Those are the right things to do.” Jeezus. I stopped and forced myself to calm down. Anger was coursing through me, setting me on edge. I wanted to rip into someone and bleed them dry. I realized that I was saying those words to myself as well, to the little girl in me. The one who wanted to be loved, who wanted a mother like all the other girls had in their lives, who wanted a regular home and didn’t have to be locked inside her room since she was a flight risk.
I had been lying to myself too.
Closing my eyes, I turned away. I hung my head and forced myself to see the truth. I wanted that so much that I hadn’t acknowledged the truth. Shelly and Kevin were never home. They were polite, but that was it. They didn’t care. They didn’t want me there. They weren’t the family I thought I had been gifted. Gritting my teeth, knowing this was all a lie forced on me, I whipped my head back up.
Mandy fell back a step. The color drained from her face.
“I love you,” I said, forcing my tone to soften. “Because of that, I’m taking you to a facility. None of your bullshit will work on me. I’ve gone this route too many times with Brian. I won’t go through it again. Because you’re not fighting as much, I know you’re early in the process. You can be helped, and you have to be helped. Mandy, you have to be.” She was my family. “With this f*cked-up situation, you became my sister. So I’m here and I’m fighting for you. Take the bags, Mandy.” Please. I mentally prayed. She needed to go of her own choice. I couldn’t force her to go so I pleaded. “I’ll drive you and I’ll help you.”
“Taryn?”
Her voice cracked and a tear fell down her cheek. I saw the shame. It flared over her face and then she hung her head.
That was when I knew she wasn’t going to fight it. I stood there, shocked. Brian always fought. He denied. He yelled. He threw things. Then he would cry and he would plead and he would beg me not to leave him. Mandy did none of this. She went straight to crying, and she crumbled on a chair by the table.