“You look too sad,” he told her. “You’re starting to turn green. You either need a vacation, or a visit to the doctor to make sure you’re okay, or a new boyfriend.”
“I’ll settle for my trip to Morocco to interview King Mohammed VI in two weeks.” It would be the first trip she’d taken since Simon left. She felt confident she could trust Becky with Salima now. Becky was both knowledgeable and diligent about Salima’s pump. She was going to interview the king and do a special on his fabulous fleet of fancy cars. He had priceless Aston Martins that he flew to England for maintenance and repair. And a lovely wife whom Blaise was going to interview as well.
But a week before the trip, she was in bed with the flu and felt like death. She missed two days of work, which wasn’t like her, and when she went back to the office, Mark put his foot down.
“Let’s talk straight here. I don’t care how fine you say you are. You look like someone exhumed you. You never miss work, and you just did. I don’t think you’ve eaten in three weeks, and to be honest, Blaise, you look like shit. If you get any thinner, you’ll disappear. And I can tell you don’t feel good. And you think you’re going to make it to Morocco and back? I like my job, and if you drop dead in Rabat, I’ll be out of work.” She smiled at what he said, and she wouldn’t admit it to him, but she felt as bad as she looked. Her stomach had been somewhere around her knees since Simon left, and she never ate dinner anymore. She was so exhausted that she came home and went to bed. “I’m so sorry Simon left and things didn’t work out.” He hated her being alone again, and he could see how bad she felt.
“I’m just depressed,” she said again, dismissing what he said.
“Then take antidepressants. You won’t be able to do a good interview feeling like that, and it’s a long trip.” They had plans to go out to the desert so he could show off his cars and the kind of speeds they could reach. Just thinking about the heat made her feel sick.
Blaise knew she had to go on with her life. She was stunned to realize how much she loved Simon, and how empty her life was without him. It felt like a wasteland, and she tried to put up a good front for Salima, but she couldn’t even do that anymore. She was exhausted, and all she did was sleep when she went home, which she knew was a sign of depression too. She had all the symptoms, and it didn’t take a doctor to figure out why. She was sad about Simon, but she insisted to Mark in the office and herself she’d get over it. She had no other choice. He belonged to someone else. And she was an adult. She had to live through it. But she was concerned about the trip to Morocco too. She didn’t know how she was going to do it, the flu was hanging on, and she thought maybe vitamins would help. She didn’t think she needed antidepressants, just time. She’d been through it with Andrew. But somehow this felt worse. Because this time she had lost a good man, a great one, not a bad one who had lied to her.
She dragged herself to the doctor on Tuesday afternoon. She was leaving for Morocco that weekend.
Her doctor pointed out that he hadn’t seen her for a year, which he thought was a good sign. “How’ve you been?” He was a pleasant man in his fifties, whom she only called on rare occasions, or for insurance exams for the network when she renewed her contract every few years.
“Fine.” She was not going to confess to him that she was suffering from a broken romance, only that she was working too hard and was tired.
“Anything I should know about?”
“I’m exhausted,” she said honestly, “and I’ve had the flu off and on for the last month. I’m leaving for Morocco this weekend, and I thought I should check in before I left.” He had a feeling that she wouldn’t have done so unless she felt really bad. He told her there were a lot of bad flus around, and she might have picked up some bug on a trip, or a plane. She told him she had been in the Middle East several times recently, but was always careful what she ate and drank bottled water. But she admitted that her stomach was a mess.
“Have you lost weight?”
“Probably a few pounds.” It was more like ten, but she didn’t tell him. She knew why. She wasn’t eating. She had had no appetite since Simon left.
The doctor checked her blood pressure and told her it was low, but not dangerously so. “That could be from the flu,” he reassured her. “You don’t need medication for it. I’m going to check you for anemia too. That could account for how you’re feeling. Anything else I should know?”
“Nothing I can think of.” Just Simon, she thought but didn’t say. She felt stupid knowing that by now he was with Megan, probably happy, and she was pining for him and wasting away. She told herself she had to get a grip.
“Are you sexually active?” He went down a list of standard questions.
“Not at the moment. I was.”