“Of course it matters!” Paine hissed, his lips drawing back to reveal a glimpse of fang. “You weren’t around to see how devastated she was after what you’d done, but I was. I watched her suffer day after day. She mourned you even though you were alive. Do you think she’ll survive your loss a second time? Do you have any idea of how much it will hurt her to know you’re dead because of her?”
“She’ll have you to care for her.” Disco rubbed his chest as he spoke, as though he could feel the impact of every word and it hurt to speak them. “You’ll have each other. I’ve always told you that I want the two people I care for most to be safe, no matter the cost.”
“She is sitting right here,” I reminded them. “Shouldn’t you ask me what I want?”
“Would you listen to yourself?” Paine yelled, so loud he drowned me out.
“He can track me,” Disco snapped, talking so quickly I barely had time to process what he was saying. “Even if I tried to take her somewhere, Marius would locate us within minutes. Staying with her would be a death sentence. His connection to you isn’t as strong. If you put enough distance between you and the family, the odds are that he’d never be able to find you. I can’t keep her safe. You can.”
“What?” I interrupted, leaning forward in the chair and wrapping my arms around my waist to hide the violent tremors that had overtaken my body. Marius made Disco and Paine, meaning he could find them if he wanted to. “How is that possible?”
“Paine barely survived the transition from human to vampire,” Disco said, glaring at his friend. “Marius was weak after he changed me, so the blood he gave Paine was minimal. Although he’s Paine’s sire, he wasn’t able to establish the full bond between a maker and a fledgling.”
“He could still find me, even if it takes time.” Paine raked his fingers through his hair. “I can only protect her for so long. Besides, I can’t help her sever her debt. Even if we left, there is nowhere I could possibly hide her from a fallen angel. ”
“That’s why you’re taking Ethan.”
Paine’s head snapped up. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s been taken care of—new identities, passports, money in a foreign bank account that can’t be traced. Ethan worked everything out. All I have to do is give him the go-ahead.”
“What?” I snarled, angry he’d kept something so important from me.
“When were you going to tell me this?” Paine lost his temper as well, his hands forming into fists.
“Keep your voices down,” Disco ordered, his deep baritone commanding obedience. He cleared his throat and shook out his shoulders, as though he needed to loosen the muscles in his back. “I hoped I wouldn’t have to. If Marius had come and gone, involving Ethan wouldn’t have been necessary.”
“You still should have told me.” Paine kept his voice low, but didn’t curb his anger. “This is bullshit.”
“I lead this family for a reason,” Disco retorted. “It is my duty and right to make the difficult decisions, and they don’t always include your input.”
As Disco and Paine continued bickering, I blocked out their voices. They were willing to put their lives in danger for me. To possibly die to make sure I would live. Guilt hit like a coldcock punch to the face. I’d been so selfish, worrying about my debt to a fallen angel instead of considering the harm I might cause to those I cared for. Paine was right: I wouldn’t survive losing Disco a second time. The first time had been hard enough. And the thought of losing Paine and Ethan tore at my heart. It was time to grow up and stop putting myself above others.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered, knowing they would hear. They stopped arguing and I felt the weight of their stares. “Whatever you’ve planned doesn’t matter. I’m going to face the firing squad. If I’d listened to your warnings, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
Disco came to me, kneeling beside the chair. “You have to trust me in this. You can’t stay. Do you understand? You can’t stay.”