What the f*ck am I doing? I can’t believe that I basically just asked Hailey to sleep with me. Well, not really, but if she was in my bed, I don’t think that I could not touch her. There have been several nights over the past year that I chose to sleep on the couch instead of my room, just to be next to her. I know she hates scary movies, and although it may sound cruel, I want her to need to be next to me tonight. Today was the biggest day of my life; the beginning of my future, and to end it with Hales curled up beside me, nothing can top this.
I drape my arm across her shoulder and tug her closer. “I’ll protect you, sweetheart.” Trying not to think about how great she feels in my arms, I grab the remote, hit play, and begin to stuff my face with popcorn.
Not fifteen minutes into the movie, Hailey has the blanket pulled up over her eyes. I place the popcorn bowl on the end table and finish off my water. I offer Hailey hers and she declines. “I’m good,” is her reply. I don’t think she even knows what I am offering her since her eyes are still closed and buried underneath the blanket. As the music on the movie changes, she chances it once again and slowly uncovers her eyes. Just as she does, there’s a loud bang that rings from the television. Hailey jumps onto my chest and buries her face. Yes! This was my intention. I get to hold her without her knowing that this, her in my arms, is the perfect end to my day.
I wrap my arms around her and gently stroke her back, soothing her. After several minutes, which is not nearly long enough, Hailey pulls away from me. “Sorry, you know I don’t deal well with scary movies.” She blushes. Damn, if that doesn’t make me hard as a rock.
“I don’t mind. I know you’re just watching this for me.” I pull her back to my chest and kiss the top of her head. “Thank you.” I don’t need to say anything else. Hailey releases a heavy sigh and curls up on my chest. After a few minutes, I can feel her breathing even out and I know she’s falling asleep. I resume gently stroking her back, lulling her to sleep. Her falling asleep allows me to hold her longer. Why I torture myself, I don’t know. I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I can’t resist her.
The movie ends and Hales is sound asleep. I reach for the remote and pull up the DVR. Allison made sure she recorded the draft, so I decide to see what a schmuck I look like on television. I settle in with Hales tucked in close and watch as many others, just like Liam and I, were rewarded with a future that was once just a dream. Liam is up next and the camera pans to the embrace that he and Allison shared. I can’t help but feel the pang of jealousy that hits me. Those two are solid, and I want that. I pull Hailey in a little tighter. I want that with her. I watch a few more minutes, and then I hear my name announced. I focus my attention back on the television. What I see is Hailey looking at me with that look, the one that makes me lose all train of thought and has the ability to bring me to my knees. They show me pulling her close and smashing our lips together. I smile remembering the kiss. Oh shit! Here I thought that I got off easy with Liam being distracted. There is no way I’m going to be able to avoid this now. I need to warn Hailey. I briefly debate deleting it from the DVR, but I don’t want to rob Liam and Allison of seeing their shining moment on the big screen, well sixty inch flat screen anyway. Besides, they will air this again over the next couple of weeks.
Hailey stirs and I realize the sun will be up soon. Even though it kills me to do it, I gently lift her and carry her over to her “make shift” bedroom. I place her on the futon and drape a quilt over the top of her. I gently drop a kiss to her forehead. It gets harder and harder to go to my room alone when I know that she’s out here. So, instead of going to my room to sleep in my large pillow top bed, I lie down on the couch and face Hailey. I watch her sleep and chastise myself for not being able to shake this want that I have for her. I tell myself that it’s Liam. That he’s why I fight this pull. In reality, it’s all me. I’m scared to f*cking death I’ll lose her. Right now, I have the security of knowing that she’ll always be in my life. We will always be close friends. I just need to keep reminding myself that there will never be more. Losing her is not an option!
I wake up the next morning to the smell of coffee. I feel like I’m being watched. I lift my head from the couch, and I see Allison sitting in the chair with a smile on her face. She’s holding two cups of coffee. “Morning.” She hands me the extra cup.
I slowly sit up and take the cup from her. “Thanks,” I say as I take a sip. I realize she’s still watching me. “What?”
She darts her gaze towards Hailey. “How long are you going to keep trying to hide the fact that you have feelings for her?”
UGH! Ash, that’s my nickname for her, has always been able to read me like a book. We’ve been best friends since she was ten, and she’s just like my little sister. “Of course I do; we’re all friends. I would be a dick not to,” I say, avoiding the true meaning of her question.
Their bedroom door opens and I hear Liam making his way towards the living room. “Keep pretending, but I’m onto you, Ace,” she whispers.
Liam comes strolling in and makes a beeline for Allison. He takes her hand and pulls her out the chair. He then plops down and gently eases her on his lap, careful not to spill her coffee, which she offers him. He pulls her back against his chest and kisses her temple. “Morning, beautiful girl,” he says; then takes a large gulp of the coffee they are now sharing. This has become a habit; one that I never thought I would see Liam take part in.
“Hey, man,” Liam says to me. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks, I’m so feeling the love right now,” I retort.
Liam looks at the couch and spies the blanket and pillow I was using. “You sleep on the couch again?”
F*ck! “Yeah, Hales and I ate some popcorn and watched a movie. She fell asleep, but I stayed up to watch some television.” I shrug. “Just couldn’t get wound down from the rush of the day I guess.” My eyes dart to Allison and she’s looking at me with that all knowing smirk. Damn, Damn, Damn! I need to be more careful of how I act around her.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” I hear Liam say, and I swing my head to see that Hailey is awake. She’s still lying on the futon all curled up with her hair a mess and sleepy eyes. F*ck me, I love sleepy Hailey.
“Hey,” she rasps in that sexy morning voice of hers.
I can’t take it. I need to get away to clear my head. I gulp down the rest of my coffee and burn my tongue in the process. Small price to pay if you ask me; considering, I want nothing more than to pounce on Hailey at this exact moment. I stand and take my cup to the kitchen where I quickly rinse and place it in the dishwasher. I rush to my room and grab my gym bag. I stop briefly at the living room door and announce that I’m headed to the gym. I don’t give any of them the chance to say they will join me. I simply dash out the door.
I wake up to the sound of voices and I lay still. I can tell I’m in my futon, but I don’t remember how I got here. The last thing I remember is watching a movie and falling asleep in Aiden’s arms. He must have carried me to bed. I snuggle further into the cocoon of my covers as I remember the warmth from his body. Memories of last night flash through my mind, and I realize that now is not the time to get worked up over Aiden while everyone is sitting in the same room. I open my eyes and see my brother with Allison on his lap and Aiden sitting on the couch. It’s easy to see that he slept out here again. I try not to let my imagination run away with thoughts of why he does that. Liam notices I’m awake and says good morning.
Aiden turns his head and his gaze catches mine. For a brief moment, there is an unfamiliar look in his eyes. I can’t describe it, and it’s gone before I can try to decipher what it was or the meaning behind it. Aiden jumps up and within a few minutes, he is saying that he is headed to the gym without another word.
“What are you lovebirds doing today?” I ask my brother and Allison.
Allison turns to look at Liam and smiles, he nods his head and leans in for a kiss. “Absolutely nothing,” Liam tells me. “I am going to spend the day enjoying my beautiful fiancée.”
I roll my eyes at them, because really, can they be any more perfect. I love them both dearly, but this is my older brother and my best friend after all, I have to give them a hard time.
“Brown Chicken, Brown Cow,” I say in my sleep ridden voice.
Allison’s face goes beat red and Liam smiles smugly at me. “Do you blame me?” he says, never taking his eyes off Allison.
“Ugh! I need to head back to the dorm to shower. Are you all going to mom and dad’s for dinner tonight?” I inquire.
Allison nods her head yes, as Liam is shaking his no. “Baby, we have to go. They look forward to this every week,” Allison says. With that, my brother concedes like the whipped puppy that he is.
“Hales, we can swing by the dorm and pick you up.” Liam tosses me his keys. “Take the Pathfinder and we’ll have Aiden drive us.”
Gripping the keys tight in my fist, I drag myself out of my nest and gather my things. Liam tells me to be ready to go at five, as I walk out the door.
The drive to the dorm is short, only ten minutes. I haul my tired ass inside and immediately head to the shower. I stand under the hot spray, letting the heat massage my muscles. Thoughts of last night invade my head. I can still feel Aiden’s arms wrapped around me, gently stroking my back. At first, I only pretended to be asleep. I didn’t want him to stop. Eventually, his gentle touch lulled me to sleep. I don’t remember getting into bed, so I know Aiden had to have put me there. I wish I could remember how it felt for him to pick me up in his arms and place me in bed. Actually, it’s a good thing I was asleep. I don’t think I could have not attacked him in that situation. I stand under the spray until the water runs cold.
I apply lotion all over my body and debate on what I should wear. Aiden will be at my parents for dinner, and I want to look good for him. Yes, I know this is insane behavior. Aiden has seen me at my worst over the years. In the back of my mind, I want him to see what he’s missing. Which in reality is messed up because he doesn’t even know how much he affects me, how much I want him. The kicker is that he never will. I like how close we all are. With Allison and Liam’s wedding in the works, there are sure to be more events that the four of us will be attending, and I don’t want things to be uncomfortable if we didn’t work out. It’s better that I just love him from afar. This guarantees that I will always have him in my life. I’ll take him anyway I can get him.
I pull my royal blue sundress off its hanger and slip it over my head. The color of the dress really brings out my blue eyes. I leave my hair down; it’s getting long, reaching the middle of my back. I apply a little mascara and lip gloss, slip into my old navy flip flops and flop down on my bed. I have a paper to write and it is already one o’clock. Time is not on my side.
I hit the gym hard. I abuse the treadmill like an old country road, before moving on to weights. The entire time, Hailey consumes my thoughts, last night consumes my thoughts. What the f*ck was I thinking?
I wasn’t.
I shouldn’t have held her. F*ck! I can still feel her in my arms. I can smell her on my shirt. With the realization, I reach up and rip my shirt over my head. Lifting isn’t helping, so I move to the back corner of the gym and begin my assault on one of the punching bags. Blitzen appears out of nowhere and grabs a hold of the bag. I begin to unleash, throwing punch after punch until I’m completely drained. I let my hands drop to my sides as I rest my back against the wall and slide to the floor. Blitzen hands me a towel and a bottle of water before sliding down the wall to sit beside me. We sit in complete silence until I finish off my water.
“Who is she?” Blitzen asks with certainty.
“Humph!” I’m afraid if I say more, my dumb ass will spill my woes. The last thing I need is for him to know how much I want Hailey.
Blitzen chuckles. “Deny it all you want, man. Known you a while now, and I’ve never seen you beat the shit out of a bag like that.”
I pull my legs to my chest and lean my head forward, letting it fall against my knees. I focus on taking deep, even breaths in and out. Blitzen sits patiently next to me. Blitzen aka Cole, Liam, and I have been close since freshman year. Blitzen is all about living life to the fullest and having fun. Very rarely does he open himself up to serious conversation. Can I trust him with this? Can I tell him that I want our best friend’s little sister with an intensity that burns inside me? Holy shit, I sound like Liam!
With the realization that I’m starting to think like Liam, I know I’m in deep. F*ck it! I decide telling someone might help me work this shit out of my system. Allie is not an option, since she’s best friends with Hales and attached to Liam’s hip. I take a deep breath and lift my head, still avoiding Blitzen’s gaze and staring straight ahead. I decide it’s just like ripping off a band-aid. I spew it out before I lose my nerve. “I want Hailey. So f*cking much.”
I continue to stare at the wall in front of me until the sounds of the gym echo in my ears. Total silence from Blitzen. Curiosity getting the best of me, I turn my head to face him. He’s smirking at me. I raise my eyebrow in question and he throws his head back and laughs.
“What the f*ck, man?” Anger lacing my voice.
“Dude, this is not news to me.” He slaps my shoulder. “Anyone with half a brain, or should I say, anyone who is not in their own little “love” bubble, can see how you and Hales feel about each other.”
I whip my head around to face him, turning my body at the same time. “What did you just say?”
Blitzen grins like he just won the damn lottery. “You heard me. You and Hales have been dancing around each other for months.” He shrugs. “Liam is too wrapped up in Allie to see it.”
With that, I’m speechless. What can I possibly say? I can’t deny it. Then his words sink in… “You and Hales have been dancing around each other for months.” What?
“Did you…” I stumble over my words at just the thought that she could even remotely feel the same way about me.
“You heard me. Hales is into you. Maybe I can see it because I don’t have anything vested. The four of you are tight.” He shrugs.
Resting my head back against the wall, I close my eyes and let his words sink in. I briefly let my mind wander to last night and how it would have felt to hold her, knowing that she was mine. Jumping to my feet, Blitzen following suit, I stalk to the locker room to grab a shower. “It doesn’t matter,” I say, shaking my head. “I can’t be with her. It would complicate things if it didn’t work, and I can’t chance her not being in my life. Not an option.”
“Dude, Liam just proposed to your little sister,” he reminds me.
Shaking my head, I explain, “Yes, but Hales and I are really good friends. I can’t even think about her not being there. I would do something to f*ck it up, and then where would we all be? It would be awkward and uncomfortable, and I would be without her.” I grit my teeth at the thought. “Can’t let that happen, my man.” With that, I step into the shower.
Walking into the apartment, all is calm. I walk over to the couch and pick up my blanket and pillow from last night. I glance at the futon where only Hailey sleeps. I can still see her there curled up on her side, sleeping soundly. I must have watched her for at least an hour before I drifted off to sleep. Shaking my head to erase the thoughts, I make my way to my room. Just as I stop to open the door, Liam’s bedroom door opens. “Hey, I didn’t think you guys were here,” I tell him.
Liam lifts his fingers to his lips as to tell me to be quiet. “Allie is sleeping. We’re just hanging out here today.”
“Where’s the Pathfinder?” I question.
“Hales took it. We need to stop and pick her up on the way to mom and dads.”
“What time are we leaving?”
“I told Hales we would be there at five.”
“Sounds good, man. I’m going to take a nap. Didn’t sleep the greatest last night.” Shit! Why did I bring it up? Shit, Shit, Shit!
“What’s up with you sleeping on the couch anyway?”
Liam has asked me this question many times, and I’ve always been able to dodge him. This time, I don’t think I’m going to be that lucky. Once he watches the draft, he’s going to know that I sleep on the couch for more than just the simple purpose of falling asleep there.
“Hales and I were watching a movie. She fell asleep, but I stayed up to watch the draft.” It’s out there. Now all I have to do is wait for Liam to watch the draft and kick my ass. Fun times!
Liam eyes me in question, but doesn’t comment further. “I’ll be ready to go by five,” I say as I push through my bedroom door, closing it behind me, and plopping down on my bed. I can hear Liam make his way to the living room. My guess is that he’s going to watch the draft. I need to get my shit together before he questions me. I know it’s coming.
As I’m lying in bed, I can’t turn my mind off. I know my best friend is getting ready to watch, if he hasn’t already watched, me attack his little sister with a scorching kiss that would have brought me to my knees if it were not for the excitement of being drafted. I toss and turn, unable to get comfortable. Finally, I decide to face the music. I figure it’s easier to face Liam alone than with Allison by his side. She has always been able to see right through me. She already has her suspicions about Hales and me.
I stop by the kitchen and grab a bottle of water before joining Liam on the couch, just in time to watch the last few minutes of the recording. Liam reaches for the remote and turns off the television. Here it comes.
“So, not that I have any room to say anything…but what the f*ck was that with my sister?” he asks with controlled anger. I’m actually surprised he’s being as calm as he is. Although, I know he would hate to wake Allison with his anger. She would be all up in his shit.
Taking a deep breath, I try to explain, “It was the moment, man. Hales and I are really good friends. I had just finished watching you and Ash celebrate, and I just wanted that. I wanted to share it with someone.” I take another deep breath. “I got carried away. It won’t happen again,” I say with sincerity, even though I’m torn. I want nothing more than to do exactly that, kiss her senseless over and over again.
“Looked like a hell of a lot more than just getting caught up in the moment,” he snarls at me.
So far, so good. I can tell he’s pissed, but he hasn’t thrown any punches yet. Maybe I can be a little honest with him and see how he takes it. “Yeah, man, it was. I mean, Hales is beautiful.” I run my hands through my hair. “It’s hard not to be affected by that, you know?”
“F*ck!” Liam stands up and paces in front of the television. “What am I supposed to say to that? Are you interested in Hales? My baby sister? What the f*ck, man?”
I can feel my heart starting to race. “Really, dude? You’re gonna pull the f*cking baby sister card on me? Really?” I stand and walk towards him, standing toe to toe. “Did you already forget that you are engaged to my baby sister? Did you already forget who lays in your arms at night?” I take a deep breath. Taking it in slowly and releasing. I’m pissed because I want Hailey, and she will never be mine! I’m pissed because Allison is my baby sister, and Liam is quick to forget that.
Liam raises his finger and places it on my chest. Just as he is about to lay into me, I hear Allison.
‘What the hell is wrong with you two?” she rants as she stomps into the living room. I see her eyes widen, taking in the scene before her. “What’s going on?”
Liam immediately drops his hand and walks towards Allison. He pulls her into his arms and kisses the top of her head. “I’m sorry we woke you, beautiful girl.”
Allison pulls out of his arms and places her hands on her hips. “One of you better start talking,” she demands.
Liam is not impressed with Allison pulling away; he reaches for her and she steps back. “You better start talking, MacCoy,” she tells him.
Liam lets out a frustrated sigh. “I was watching the draft and saw Aiden kiss Hales,” he whines.
“Okay, and…?” She looks between the two of us. “You were in his face because of a kiss? Your best friend? You looked like you were ready to thrown down.”
I continue to remain silent. I make a mental note to give Allison the mother of all hugs once this is over.
“Well, yeah…I mean no. F*ck, I don’t know okay. All I know is that he pulled her into a kiss that was more than just a friendly peck. He’s my best friend and she’s my little sister,” Liam tried to reason. I can tell that even he is beginning to understand that what he is saying is hypocritical considering his relationship with Allison.
Allison walks towards me and wraps her arm around my waist, leaning into me, giving me a hug. “Yes, Hailey is your little sister.” She looks up at me. “And, I’m Aiden’s little sister.” She doesn’t say anything else and I can see that Liam is ready to accept defeat.
Liam stalks towards us and I brace myself for his wrath, but instead, he gently tugs Allison’s arm and pulls her into his embrace. He crushes her to his chest and kisses the top of her head. “I’m sorry,” he tells her.
“You don’t need to apologize to me. Ace is the one you need to say you’re sorry to.” She rests her hand against his cheek. “There is nothing going on with them, and even if there were, wouldn’t you rather her be with your best friend? Someone you trust with your life, rather than someone like Jason or Todd?”
Liam shudders at the thought; so do I. No way will they ever lay their hands on her again. Over my dead body!
Liam tucks Allison back into his side. “Dude, I’m sorry I went a little crazy.” Allison rests her hand on his chest. He lifts it to his lips and brushes a kiss across her palm, before placing her hand back against his heart. “If you are interested in Hales, I don’t have a leg to stand on. Just know that if you hurt her, I will f*ck you up.”
“I would expect nothing less,” I tell him. “There really is nothing going on between us. I was caught up in the moment, and Hales is one of my best friends.” I shrug my shoulders, hoping like hell that I appear as unaffected by the kiss as I’m trying to sound.
“Fair enough,” Liam says. “We need to leave in an hour. Let’s go take a shower, baby.”
With that, the conversation is over and I’m in the clear for now. All except for the tightness in my chest from knowing that I just lied to two of the most important people in my life.