I remembered that day clearer than I’d remembered any day. I was feeling sad over being separated from my parents for the first time so my aunt took us out to get ice cream to cheer me up. I heard the song come over the radio when we arrived. It had been my favorite song so my aunt turned up the radio and I hopped out of the car to dance along to the song. I was so caught up in forgetting I was sad that I didn’t realize I was being watched.
“What was her name?” I asked. He swallowed hard and shook his head but I gripped his face tighter. “It’s okay, Keiran. Tell me. Please, I need to know.
“Why?” His voice was laced with emotion.
“Because she’s the real reason you hate me, isn’t she?” He stared into my eyes for so long that I thought he wouldn’t answer.
“Yes.”
“You don’t have to tell me why, at least not now. Just tell me her na –”
“Lily,” he blurted out before I could finish.
“Lily,” I repeated, testing her name on my lips. Strangely I felt a connection to her. Maybe it was because she was the bind that tied Keiran and me together.
“I can’t talk about her, Lake.” Keiran pleaded with me through his eyes. I kissed his lips softly which seemed to relax him and tried an easier question
“Earlier you said that you made sure I wasn’t asked out by anyone. Why?” His eyes darkened with obsession and then his hands were on my hips, yanking me into him.
“I’m not a good guy so I didn’t mind being selfish. If I can’t have you, no one will.”
“You mean would?”
“No I mean will.”
“You can’t decide that for me.” He shrugged and shot me a look that said, “Wanna bet?”
“I already did. It wasn’t just guys anyway. I didn’t want anyone near you. Sometimes it felt like I was trying to protect you. Or rather who you are. Ironic, isn’t it? I wanted to protect the very thing I hated,” he said bitterly.
“I had Willow,” I argued.
“She wasn’t a threat. To be honest she is much like you are but weird.”
“Willow isn’t weird. She’s special.”
“That’s the same as saying she is weird.”
“It is not.”
“Okay,” he smirked.
“If you felt that strongly about me what would you have done when school was over? We all go our separate ways once we graduate. Some people never see each other again.”
“Do you really believe that?” He shook his head and continued on instead of waiting for my answer. “I don’t think you would have gone far.”
“Why?”
“I wouldn’t have let you. I know that now.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“It isn’t meant to make sense, Lake. It just is.”
“You realize what you are saying isn’t normal?”
“It’s how I feel. Fuck normal.”
“Keiran, you –”
“Enough questions. Let’s go.” Without warning he grabbed my neck and began walking me backwards to the stairs.
“I’m not done!”
“I don’t care. I need to be inside of you now, he whispered” I relaxed against his hold and let him cart me off upstairs. We reached the landing and I could swear I heard moaning and a distinct thumping sound coming from Keenan’s bedroom across the hall.
Just as Keiran opened his bedroom door, Sheldon’s voice shrieked out, “Quit playing Marco Polo with my ass, Christopher Columbus. This isn’t an exploration so you aren’t putting your ding dong in this donut hole!”
I was laughing hysterically as Keiran forced me into his bedroom and shut the door.
*
When Keiran finally released me I backed toward the bed but stopped when he didn’t follow. He remained by the door wearing an uncomfortable expression. I stood there, motionless as I watched him watch me. He didn’t pounce on me as I expected. His demeanor was different from all the other times we’d had sex. The angry lust that was normally present in his eyes was missing. I moved toward him, thinking he was playing another one of his mind games and wanted me to make the first move. During the weeks he made me his personal sex slave Keiran would often fuck my mind harder than he fucked my body.
“Lake?” he asked, stopping me in my tracks.
“Yes, Keiran?”