Chapter Seven – Megan
My bed smells like him, and I’m being a total teenage girl by snuggling under the covers instead of getting up. It’s a spicy scent that’s so out of place in California, but so right for him.
I feel a little like Juliet right now, secretly in love and holding onto it desperately. Of course, that’s probably much more suitable for a thirteen year old to do than me, but I’ll take it because it’s all I have.
The idea of telling Braden crosses my mind. Why not? That’s the decent thing to do – the right thing to do. I should just tell him and get it over with. He’ll probably ignore me for a few days and okay, punch Aston, but surely that would be easier than pretending?
No, it wouldn’t. Telling him would mean admitting that both of us lied about last weekend. Telling him would just cause unnecessary pain – for all of us. It would tear Braden up and it would tear Aston and me apart before we’d even been together.
But are we even together? I have no idea. No point in telling Braden until I’m completely, absolutely sure, right? There’s no point in getting him annoyed over something that might not even be.
Yes. That makes me feel better. A little.
I breathe in deeply, taking one last smell of Aston, and climb out of bed, my selfish decision made. I beat back the guilt bubbling up and step into the shower. The hot water runs over my body, alleviating the tightness from my shoulders. But not the tension. That’s still there – but that tension is inside, somewhere the relaxing pounding of the water can’t reach.
I climb from the shower and dress quickly, shoving my wet hair up on top of my head with a few clips. The dorm is still quiet, and I expect the only person up in the Frat house will be Lila – if only because she spends more time there than in our dorm room.
My arms hug my jacket tighter around my body as I cross from the main campus to the house. The temperatures are quickly dropping and it’s obvious. It’s a far cry from Southern California, that’s for sure.
I grasp the door handle tightly and pull open the door at the same time it’s pushed from the inside. I squeak a little, jumping. Two hands land on my arms, hands I know. I look up straight into gray eyes.
“Careful,” Aston mutters with a smile, rubbing his thumbs across my arms.
“What are you doing up?” I ask. I’ve never seen him out of bed before eleven unless he has class.
“Going for a run. I can do that, can’t I?” He raises an eyebrow, still smiling, and drops his arms. His palms brush my arms and his fingers trail along in their wake. Goose pimples rise as if it was skin on skin, and my breath catches slightly. His fingertips brush mine as his hands fall away from me completely.
“Of course,” I manage and decide to ask my next question silently. “Is anyone else up?” I mouth. He nods. “I’m just surprised you’re up this early. I mean, aren’t you usually recovering from whatever you dragged upstairs with you last night?”
A muscle under his eye twitches, and it actually hurts me to say it.
“Oh, last night was different to every other night,” he says in his cocky voice. The eyes fixated on mine are softer than the edge in his tone. “In fact, I don’t think I’ll be forgetting it any time soon.”
“I’ll leave you to your remembering then.” I step to the side, fighting the urge to reach for him the way I did last night.
He moves in closer, his lips brushing my ear. “Good choice.”
I watch him over my shoulder as he runs off. His shirt is clinging to his body, his legs strong as they beat against the pavement.
Running - that explains that lickable washboard of abs he has going on.
“If he pulled that shit around Braden, his ass would meet the sidewalk.”
I turn around abruptly, coming face to face with Maddie. She’s leaning against the banister casually, her eyes on me.
“In fact,” she continues. “I’m surprised you didn’t put him on his ass.”
“What’s the point?” I shrug and enter the house. “It wouldn’t bruise his overly large ego any, neither would it slice some of it off.”
“Never stopped you before.”
“I’m learning to pick my battles.”
“And putting an egotistical, arrogant a*shole on his ass isn’t one of your battles?”
“Nope. Not anymore.” I slide onto a stool in the kitchen and look around. “Wow. This place was trashed last night.”
“You have no idea.” Maddie starts up the coffee machine. “So let me guess – Braden was the last egotistical battle you fought?”
“No. I didn’t fight that – I merely passed him on to you.” I grin.
“Talking about me again, girls?” The topic of our conversation strolls into the room wearing just a pair of sweatpants. He tosses his shirt at me as he passes. “I would have thought you’d be doing something productive. Isn’t that usually what you two do?”
“Ew. Put that on!” I chuck his shirt back at him. “I don’t want to see you half naked this early in the morning. In fact, I’m pretty sure I don’t ever want to see you half-naked.”
Braden grins and pulls his shirt over his head. “You’re just jealous because you don’t have a kickass body like mine.” He wraps his arms around Maddie and pokes his tongue out at me.
I do the same back. “I don’t want a body like yours. I’m happy with the girls, thanks very much. You can keep your show-off muscles. And by keep, I mean keep them under your shirt, Bray.”
Maddie rolls her eyes and wriggles out of his hold. “I don’t know how I cope with you two. I’d say you’re like brother and sister, but that’s true. You bitch like it.”
“It’s because despite DNA differences, we are brother and sister,” Braden protests.
“And thank God for those DNA differences!” I take the cup of coffee Maddie offers.
“I agree. F*ck knows what I would have done had I ended up anything like you.”
I purse my lips. “Watch it, Carter. I know all your dirty little secrets, remember?”
“And I know yours.” He waggles his eyebrows.
No you don’t.
“I don’t have any dirty little secrets. You made sure of that.”
“Damn right I did. But you think I don’t know about Sam Carlton in senior year. I do.”
“So that’s where his black eye came from.”
“Damn right.”
“Are you for real?” Maddie looks at Braden. “You gave him a black eye because Megan had sex with him?”
“No. I gave him a black eye because he had sex with Megan,” Braden explains. “There is a difference.”
I sip my coffee, and Maddie blinks at him. “You really have been reincarnated from the Stone Age, haven’t you? Did you get your big club and swing it at him? Maybe you rode up on the back of a sabre tooth tiger, growling at him?”
I snort, covering my mouth with my hand so I don’t spray coffee everywhere.
“There’s only one club that gets swung around here-”
“Uh-uh.” She holds her hand up. “Don’t get sexual on me, Braden Carter. No wonder Megan is so uptight. She’s not getting any because you’re still scaring everyone away!”
“I am not uptight!” I squeak. And I am getting some. So there.
“I don’t scare them off!” Braden argues. “I merely warn them that they could end up meeting my fist should they get her to scratch their itch…” he finishes in a mumble against his cup.
“You’ve been saying that since the beginning of college?” I jump up. “Oh my God, Bray!”
“Just a warning,” he mumbles.
“Just a warning?” Maddie shrieks. “No wonder, out of the four of us girls, she’s the only one not in a relationship!”
“Kay isn’t in a relationship,” I point out.
“She’s in a relationship with sex.” Maddie shrugs. “Same difference.”
“I haven’t warned anyone since…” Braden pauses.
“Since we went to your parents’ and you told every guy in this house that if they touched her, you’d personally castrate them,” Maddie offers.
“Well, yeah. Then.” He lowers his mug and nibbles at his thumbnail. “It’s the thought that counts, right?”
I narrow my eyes at him and lower myself back to the seat. I can’t believe he’s actually done that. I knew he was protective of me, but holy shit!
This is cementing that what happened with Aston and I has to stay a secret – for as long as possible. However uncertain “we” might be. I can feel the heaviness of the thought solidifying in my mind, getting stronger and stronger until it’s a certainty.
“You do realize I can take care of myself, right?” I question him. “You do realize I’m not nine years old on the monkey bars anymore?”
“I know,” he replies in a slightly softer tone, turning to look at me. “I just don’t want anyone to hurt you, Meggy. You’re my best friend. I want you to find the perfect person to fall in love with.”
“What if I have to have a few imperfections on the way?”
He shrugs a shoulder. “That’s what I’m stopping. None of the guys here are good enough for you.”
“You always said you weren’t good enough for me,” Maddie mutters.
“I wasn’t, Angel, and I’m probably still not. Difference is, I knew I was slowly falling in love with you every day. I can’t guarantee that for the asshats in this place. I want someone to love Megan as much as I love you. Hell, I want someone to love Megan as much as I do, and if that means I have to fight off every guy that comes calling for her until he comes along, then I will. If there’s two people I’ll always protect, it’s you two.”
Yep. Braden can’t find out.
~
“No, Mom, I’m not falling behind.”
“Well, it sounds like a lot of partying goes on at that college.”
“Mom. My grades are fine.”
She exhales, the phone crackling. “I believe you, Megan, I just don’t like the idea of my baby girl getting herself pregnant by a horny teenage boy.”
“You’ve been watching too much TV.”
“Well, that “16 and Pregnant” is on just about everywhere these days. It worries me.”
My lips curve. “No getting pregnant, Mom.”
“Well, at least you’re using protection.”
“I never said I was having sex.”
“That will please your father,” she says in a chirpier voice. “Talking of your father, we’re off to dinner tonight so I need to go.”
“Okay. Have fun, and give Dad a kiss from me.”
“I will, Megs. You behave yourself.”
“I always do,” I reply dryly. “Bye, Mom.” I hang up and drop my phone on the bed, shaking my head. Honestly. Its times like this I remember why I came to Berkeley in the first place.
Close enough to visit, far away enough for freedom.
I change into a tank top and bed shorts, ready to settle on my bed with some schoolwork. Mom may believe there are parties every weekend and she may be right there, but it doesn’t mean I’m at every party every weekend. Just one a weekend…
I blow out a long breath, ready to tackle the English essay awaiting me, and sit Indian-style. A knock sounds at my window before I can start, and I frown. My window?
I crawl over my bed and push open my curtain and-
Stare right into Aston’s face.
He grins.
“What the?” I push the window open. “Just… What?”
“Open the window before I fall out of this f*cking tree!” he mutters, still grinning. I open it fully and sit back against the ball. He looks around quickly before hooking his leg over the windowsill and launching himself into my room. He falls face first onto the bed, and I lean over his legs to pull the window and curtains shut.
“Um,” I say as he gets up.
“What?” he kicks his shoes off and sits in front of me.
I look at the window and back to him, pointing between them both in confusion. “Did you actually just climb up a tree and through my window?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
Aston puts his hands flat either side of me and leans forward, the tip of his nose barely touching mine. “Because I wanted to come see you.”
I raise an eyebrow, not moving. “Mhmm.”
“That and since this whole thing is secret I thought I’d pull some ninja moves. I always wanted to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, y’know.” He leans forward, pressing his lips to mine, and I smile.
“Who were you?”
“Who was I?”
“Which turtle were you? Don’t you know you were defined by your choice of turtle?”
He sits back a little, his head tilted to the side. “Really?”
I nod. “Oh, yeah. You had to be the right turtle, or you weren’t cool at all. Who were you?”
His brows draw together slightly as he frowns. “Donnatello.”
“You were cool.” I press my hand to his cheek and smooth out the wrinkle in his forehead. “Why did you frown?”
“I don’t remem… I was thinking.” He shakes his head a little and takes my hand from his face, linking his fingers through mine. He looks at our clasped hands for a second, turning them slightly. His palm is rough against mine and his hand is a lot bigger, almost encompassing mine completely.
Silence stretches between us for a second, and I flick my eyes up to his. He’s frowning again, his light gray eyes darker. His lips are pursed and his grip on my hand tightens, making me flex my fingers.
“Aston?” I ask softly, my free hand hovering between us, unsure of whether or not to touch him.
He loosens his grip on my hand and focuses his eyes on mine. “Sorry… I just… Thought of something. It doesn’t matter.”
“Are you okay?” I shuffle a little closer to him, my hand deciding to rest against his neck.
He nods. “I’m… Fine.”
I pull his face down to mine and touch my mouth to his. His hand snakes to my back, pulling me against him, and I find my body flush against his. He leans me back, slowly lowering my body against my bed, and lies over me. I run my foot along his leg as he runs his tongue through my mouth, kissing me the same way he did last night.
Deeply. Desperately.
He pulls away, resting his forehead against my shoulder briefly. He takes his hands from mine and shoves himself up, walking across the room. What?
I sit up, my confused eyes on him as he presses his hands against his forehead and obviously takes a few deep breaths. “Aston?”
“I won’t do it,” he mutters, digging his hands into his forehead. “I won’t do it.”
So many things are going around my mind I don’t even know if I can put them into words, except…
“Do what?” I ask quietly.
“I won’t… Use you. Not like that. Not. That. Way. Not anymore.” He drops his hands and exhales raggedly. “Not you.” His hands are shaking by his sides, and as if he knows I can see it, he clenches his fists.
I stand and quietly move across the room, stopping just behind him. I wrap my hand around one of his clenched fists and lean my cheek against his shoulder, my other hand wrapping around his front. I splay my fingers against his stomach, feeling his whole body heave as he takes deep breaths. He drops his head back against my shoulder, turning his face into my hair, and shudders slightly.
This is a side I’ve never seen. Granted, I’ve never seen the side of Aston that climbs through a window, either, but this… This feels like a stranger. This feels like an Aston that should only exist in a parallel universe. This feels like nothing I ever imagined he could be.
Only I don’t know what he is. I thought he was a “get what you see and see what you get” kinda guy. Now I think I was wrong. Now I think – no, I know – there’s a side to him he’s never shown anyone, that he keeps buried deep inside. Judging by the tightness of his body, the pounding of his heart, and his slightly erratic breathing, it’s a side he doesn’t want shown.
But it’s a side I want to see. A side I want to know. A side I want to fix, because something tells me it’s a side that’s a little bit broken.