Chapter Six – Aston
Time goes too fast. Too f*cking fast.
In the six days since Megan, I’ve slowly retreated into my own mind. Every day brings a fresh set of memories, slicing open a fresh set of scars. Every day cuts open a new wound that bleeds for hours. Every set of memories starts a fresh onslaught of cuts inside my mind that will never heal. Each one has its own shape, its own meaning, its own pain.
Each one is a reminder of why I can’t give Megan what she deserves.
Broken. Shattered. Mismatched.
They’re the first three words I think of when I have to describe myself.
Useless. Worthless. Nothing.
They’re the next three. The words that were drummed into my mind so many times, by so many voices, for so long. They’re the words that creep under your skin, worm their way into you and never leave.
A good word can linger with you for a few fleeting moments while a bad one will never leave.
It’s too close to the words that both shattered and made my life. The words that broke and saved me.
She’s gone.
I rub the heels of my hands in my eyes, bending forwards, and take a deep breath. I stand abruptly, storming across the room and yanking open my door. I leave it to slam behind me as I fly down the stairs to where music is pounding for a sophomore, Mark’s, birthday party.
I grab a bottle of beer from the fridge and uncap it, raising the rim to my lips and letting the cold liquid run down my throat. I need to forget. I don’t care who I forget with, I just need to forget all the shit of before.
It’d be a lot f*cking easier if Megan Harper hadn’t ruined me for all other girls. It would certainly be a lot f*cking easier if I wasn’t comparing all girls’ lips to the soft, rosy pinkness of hers, or their eyes to the never-ending blue lagoon of hers.
Yeah. It’d be a lot easier if we had never happened.
I catch the eye of a girl across the kitchen. Her dark eyes give me a once over and she flicks her black hair over her shoulder, her lips curving into a smile. I lean against the end of the bar, taking in her slim figure. She saunters over to me confidently and gives me a dazzling smile.
“Can I help you?” I smirk, twirling the beer bottle between my fingers.
She steps closer, and my eyes drop to her chest. Her boobs are almost spilling from her top, black lace creeping up above the neck of her shirt.
“I’m not sure,” she says in a sultry tone. “But I’m pretty sure I can help you.”
She trails a fingertip down my arm, leaning in even closer. Woah – I’m all for forward girls, but this chick has never heard of personal space.
I step back slightly. “And how can you do that?”
“Wouldn’t you just like to know?” She runs her tongue across her top lip in a move I’m sure she thinks is sexy, but it just isn’t doing it for me tonight.
I catch the bob of a blonde head over her shoulder and flick my eyes there. Megan downs a shot and slams the glass on the table, glancing over her shoulder and glaring at the girl in front of me. The guy next to her says something and I hear her laugh softly, the sound riling me. She leans in closer to him, smoothing her hair round to one side. Her legs are crossed on the stool, her tight black skirt riding up the smooth skin of her thigh.
The thighs I want wrapped around my neck and my waist.
I drink a little, ignoring the girl in front of me, and watch as Megan purses her lips around a straw.
The lips I want against mine.
Her hand runs through her hair, fluffing it up and letting it fall down in a messy style.
The hand I want to thread my fingers through while I hold her under me, messing up her hair in a totally different way.
She glances back over her shoulder, her blue eyes icy as they meet mine. She smiles but there’s nothing genuine about it. Her head turns and she says something to the guy before she disappears through the crowd.
It’s a f*cking game. She’s playing it like I’m a guitar and she’s the one plucking the strings.
I give my attention to the girl in front of me, not really seeing her. “Look, babe, you’re not really my type. Try that guy at the other end of the bar. He looks like he could use some of your help.” I nod to the guy Megan was just talking to and take off, leaving the girl disgruntled behind me.
I leave the frat house, the air outside getting colder as Berkeley slowly moves into winter, and cross the street to the main campus – and the girls’ dorms. Thanks to her sharing with Lila, I know her building and her room number. And I know that’s where she’ll be. She got the reaction out of me she wanted.
I’m not thinking about what I’m doing. I’m not thinking about who this could hurt, what could happen after this, or even how I’m gonna feel. All I can think about is Megan and her helping me forget.
If I can’t forget about her, I need to forget my past with her tonight.
Tomorrow, I’ll deal with the shit fallout that’s bound to come.
I wink at the pair of girls that let me into her dorm block and take the stairs two at a time to her floor. I knock on her door twice and lean against the door frame.
“There’s no one here,” she shouts.
I bang again. “Open this f*cking door, Megan, or so help me I’ll break it down.”
The lock clicks and it creaks open. “No need to be an a*shole about it. What the hell are you doing here?”
I nudge her into the room and shut the door, turning to twist the key in the lock. Her room is tidy, a stark contrast to the mess of mine, and it’s so Megan. Books are piled high on her desk, both schoolwork and otherwise, and although she’s hiding it, I can see the stuffed toys under the bed. Clothes are strung over the chair in the corner, and judging by the tidy bed next to it, I’m guessing they’re Lila’s.
“Hello? What the hell are you doing here?” she repeats.
I look down at her. “Honestly? I have no f*cking idea.”
“Was that girl not “your type?” Her boobs too far inside her top for you?” Megan raises her eyebrows.
“Jealousy isn’t a good look on you, Megs.” I spin so I’m right in front of her and her back is against the door.
She tilts her head up, looking at me defiantly, and her shirt slips off her shoulder slightly. “I’m not the one who looked like they wanted to rip someone’s head off at that party.”
I flatten my hands on the door either side of her head, boxing her in, and move my face towards hers. My eyes search the blue in front of me. “And I’m not the one who looked like they wanted to rip out someone’s extensions,” I say quietly. “Who’s the jealous one, Megan?”
“You,” she whispers. “I have nothing to be jealous of.”
“You’re right.” I drop one of my hands to her waist, flexing my fingers. She clenches a fist, looking at me steadily. “You don’t have anything to be jealous of, because I’m here and not there.”
“And why exactly are you here?”
I stare at her, barely breathing, not moving, and the words burn their way up my throat with a feral need to get out.
“Because I need you. I need to feel you again. Once wasn’t enough. Once will never be enough.”
Her lips part slightly and her body relaxes a little. Her chest heaves as she takes a breath in. “You…” She swallows. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“I shouldn’t be, but I am.”
“This is wrong.”
“Yep.”
She pauses and closes her eyes for a second. When they open, heat roars to life in them. “But I don’t care.”
“Neither do I.” I crash my lips into hers, hot and hard. Her fingers dig into my shoulders and her body presses against me, molding to the shape of me. I kiss her harder, making her lean back slightly, and I’m straining through my jeans with the force of my need for her.
I move my hands across her body like I’m starved, which I am. I touch and hold, smooth and grip, probe and tickle. I sweep my tongue into her mouth, deeply, desperately, needing and wanting to taste every inch of her mouth. Her back slams into the door, and she whimpers.
Her bottom lip is soft and swollen between my teeth as I tug on it slightly, and groan breathlessly as I release it. She opens her eyes, the heaviness of her lids adding to the fire raging in them. My gaze is steady, my grip on her anything but. I hook my fingers under her shirt, shaking slightly, resisting the urge to rip it away from her beautiful skin. Her heavy breathing races between her lips, and we’re so close I can almost taste it.
“Megan,” I whisper, my heart pounding. I know how bad this is. I know nothing good can come from this. Three days ago she was cursing me, hating me, and now she’s pinned against her door by me. I embody everything she hates.
But I don’t give a shit right now. I need her. I need her so f*cking badly it scares me.
Her hands slide across my shoulders and up my neck to the back of my head where she sinks her fingers into my hair, winding it round them. “Don’t,” she breathes out. “This is wrong. So wrong. But I can’t stop myself. I can’t stop.”
Air rushes from my lungs at her words, and I take her mouth with mine harshly.
Her tongue slide across my lips, wriggling slightly at the seam of them. I slide mine out, caressing hers, and I stroke my hands up her back, pulling her from the door slightly.
Her kiss is demanding, asking and telling me what she wants at the same time. I’m powerless to deny her it.
I’m powerless to deny her anything.
Her hips grinding against mine awakens a primal urge inside me. I break the contact of our mouths and rip her shirt over her head, letting my eyes roam over her body for the second time. Her chest is rising and falling quickly, and I draw in my own breath.
She’s not perfect. Her stomach isn’t perfectly toned, her waist isn’t tiny, and she has the best damn ass I’ve ever touched – but it’s why she’s so beautiful. What she sees as imperfections makes her beautiful to me.
My eyes climb back to hers, and I see her wariness. I move my hands to hers and pull her away from the door, backing towards the bed. The wariness changes to heat, and her swollen lips part again. I yank her towards me, her almost bare chest slamming against mine, and let her hands go. I kiss her hard and sink my hands into her hair, running my fingers right through it to the ends. My hands lower to cup her ass, and her hands grip my waist, her nails digging in.
I slip my fingers inside the waistband of her skirt and hold the smooth skin there, massaging it. She whimpers, holding me tighter, and I kiss down her neck. Her head falls back slightly and she whimpers again. I spin her, dropping us both to the bed. I kiss along her collarbone, swirl my tongue over the curve of her chest, and breathe hot and heavily down her stomach to the button holding her skirt up. I bring my hands round, unclip the button, and tug it from her.
She’s staring at me with her big blue eyes and they’re anything but playful. They’re wanting and hot, framed with long lashes on heavy lids. My blood thrums through my body at her look and I can’t help but kiss her again, ‘cause, f*ck. If she keeps looking at me like that, I’ll be done before I’ve even started.
I cup her neck with one hand and the other slips inside her underwear. She gasps at the touch of my colder hand on her hot, wet flesh. I slide my fingers along it before slipping one inside her, crooking it slightly. Her leg bends at the knee, and she raises her hips into me. My finger slips into her easily, and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold it together.
Feeling her soft body under mine, her tightness around my finger, and her teeth grazing my bottom lip is almost more than I can take. Every time she strokes my tongue with hers I feel it as if she could be stroking it along the length of my dick.
Megan’s fingers slip inside my pants, the tips of them brushing the tip of my cock, and she tugs at the material. I release her mouth, kissing her jaw, working my fingers inside her.
“Off,” she breathes. “Aston. Please.” Her heavy breathing echoes in my ear, and I let her go.
I stand, tearing my pants off, followed by my boxers, and roll a condom on. I lean over her, running my hand up her thigh to her underwear and pull them off. She pushes a hand against my chest.
“Roll over,” she whispers. I fall onto my back, and she straddles me.
If I didn’t have a f*ck off hard on, I sure as hell do now.
She reaches her hand between her legs and wraps her fingers around me. I jerk a little at it, and she bends her body forward. Her hair falls as a curtain around our faces as she touches her forehead to mine and lowers herself onto me.
She breathes heavily, hers matching mine, and I grip her hips so I don’t slam myself up into her like I want to. She moves her hand as she takes me fully, the hot tightness of her swallowing me. Her fingers drift up my chest, and I stare at her closed eyes.
Her hips move, up and down, undulating, grinding, her muscles clenching. She can move like nothing I’ve ever f*cking felt before, and as her tits rub against my chest, her hardened nipples scraping across my skin, I sink my fingers into her hips deeper.
I want to sink my cock into her deeper, all the way. I want to see the sheen of sweat I know is coating her skin. I want to feel her breath all across my skin. I want to pin her to this damn bed and make her come so hard she blacks out.
And then I want to hold her until she comes back around.
Megan cries out, and I grit my teeth. That sound travels through my body, straight to the part of my body closer to her than anything else. Her muscles clench around me, and I can’t fight it anymore.
I raise her hips slightly, gripping them, and begin to move into her the way I want to. Fast, furious, desperate. I thrust into her until I feel her whole body tighten on top of me, and her muscles squeeze me. She grips my hair tightly, pushing her face into my shoulder, and cries out loudly. I feel the build up inside of me, and as she comes down from her orgasm, I hold her against me, still pounding into her. Her muscles tighten and relax, pulling my own orgasm from me. I let go, growling her name into her ear, and loosen my hold on her.
I move my hands up her back, slick from the sweat, and kiss her neck once, twice, three times. She turns her face into my neck, and I feel her cheeks move as she smiles.
“Mmph,” she mumbles.
I chuckle, needing to let go but unable to. Even as she picks herself up on shaky arms and legs, I don’t want to let my arms drop away from her the way they do. She grins at me, grabs her clothes, and heads for the small bathroom to the side of her room.
I push myself up onto my elbows, letting my head drop forward for a second, accepting the reality of the situation. The reality being that I am well and truly f*cked – and not just in a physical sense. I’m f*cked in every way possible.
I shove myself upwards, roll off the condom, and dump it in the trashcan. I wipe myself off with some tissue and start getting dressed. I’m just about to pull my shirt over my head when I hear the door open and Megan speak in a small voice.
“We have to go and pretend, don’t we?” She looks at me, her face earnest. “We have to go pretend this never happened. Just like last time.” She drops her eyes to the floor.
I pull my shirt over my head as I cross the room to her. I stop just in front of her, taking a deep breath.
“Yeah. That’s the general idea.”
She sighs heavily, dropping her hand from the doorknob behind her. “I figured as much.”
“But it doesn’t mean we don’t have to pretend we don’t exist.” I touch her waist before she can move, and she turns her face up to me, her brow furrowed slightly.
“What?”
“I don’t feel like getting my ass kicked by Braden, but for some crazy reason me walkin’ out of here without me knowing you’ll still be here drives me f*cking insane,” I admit, holding her gaze. “I won’t leave here without you promising me you’ll still be here, Megan.”
“Here for what? Sex? ‘Cause I can get that anywhere, Aston. It’s not exclusive to you,” she snaps, pushing me away. “I’m not gonna do that.”
I grab her back to me, holding her against me. I lower my mouth to her ear, and I can feel the slight tremble in the way she holds herself.
“I said I needed you tonight. I never said it was just sex. Assuming, Megan. We all know what happens then.”
“Yeah, but you’re already an ass, so I didn’t think it would make much of a difference.”
My jaw tightens. “Face it, baby, you need me as much as I need you. Maybe I need you more. I haven’t figured that out yet, but believe me, Megan Harper, if I have to walk out of this room without you promising me you’re mine, I will come back and chase you down. I will chase you down and if I have to, I will pin you and your naked, trembling body to that damn bed until you say it.”
She heaves in a breath and shivers. Her body relaxes against mine slightly as she wraps her arms around my waist.
“I’ll be here,” she says into my chest. “I don’t know if there was any chance I wouldn’t be.”
I tilt her face up towards mine and press our lips together. I could regret this. I will regret this. Because she makes me feel. She makes me feel human again, like a person instead of like an empty, soulless shell. She makes me feel real, even if it’s only for a short time while I’m with her.
I nip her top lip. “Good,” I say against her mouth. “Because I was seriously debating the bed pinning.”
She smiles. “Maybe next time.”