37
All About Tomorrow
‘WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TOMORROW?’ Sara asked from the hammock.
‘Evan went to go pick up my surfboard, so I’d like to go surfing,’ I answered, leaning back on the stool to scrutinize the painting in front of me. I picked up the fine-bristled brush and tapped it into the dark blue paint.
‘Didn’t you buy that last week?’
‘Yeah, but they had to get it from another shop. We were supposed to pick it up yesterday, but something got screwed up with the delivery. Evan was beyond disappointed when it wasn’t in.’ I smiled, remembering the crushed look on his face when the guy at the surf shop told him he’d have to come back this afternoon. You would have thought he’d just been told there wasn’t a Santa Claus.
‘I’d love to watch you surf,’ Sara said, a magazine shading her face.
‘Sure.’
‘Then want to go out to dinner after? Just the four of us?’
‘That’s fine,’ I agreed, not really wanting to think about tomorrow. It wasn’t a day I ever wanted to think about.
‘I have it!’ Evan bellowed through the house, his voice full of excitement.
He came out to find us, his eyes lit up with a gorgeous smile. ‘You officially have your first surfboard.’
‘Great.’ I laughed lightly. ‘We’ll go tomorrow.’
‘Tomorrow?’ His shoulders slumped in disappointment.
I smiled wider, adoring his fixation with seeing me on a board. ‘It’s already late. We’ll go first thing in the morning. I promise.’
‘Tomorrow,’ Evan repeated in defeat, coming up behind me and placing his hands on my waist, sending a tingling along my skin. He leaned over and kissed my bare shoulder before setting his chin on it to examine the painting. I leaned back against him as he encircled me with his arms.
‘It’s not done yet,’ I rushed to explain, my cheeks as red as the hues on the canvas. I could feel him interpreting every stroke.
‘It’s intense.’
It was a powerful piece, but unsettling at the same time. I wasn’t going to say that to her, but I’m sure she knew. The desperation she released with her brush was impossible to miss. A swirl of colour and textures, abstract images of hands reaching out through turbulent seas, blending with the motion of the waves. It fed the disturbing sense I had that there was some deep-seated desire in her to give up on this life. It wasn’t the first time I’d experienced this fear.
‘I was hoping to talk to you about something,’ I murmured into her neck before pressing my lips against her warm pulse.
‘What’s that?’ she asked in a breathy voice that made me want to push her up against the railing of the deck and make her entire body flush the way it did when she got excited. Then I noticed Sara reading on the hammock and eased away, needing to tame those thoughts.
‘When you’re done, we’ll go for a walk,’ I said.
‘How about a run? Soccer conditioning starts in a few weeks, and I need to be ready.’
‘That’s fine,’ I agreed. ‘But you have to run with me so we can talk.’
She laughed. ‘I’ll slow down for you.’
I crouched down to tie my shoe when Evan came out wearing shorts and sneakers.
‘Evan,’ I scolded, the sight of him sending heart palpitating flutters through my body. ‘You have to put a shirt on.’
‘We’re still doing that?’ he argued. ‘Really?’
‘I’m going to fall on my face if I have to run next to you looking like that.’
‘I don’t look any different than most guys on the beach,’ he tried to persuade me.
‘It’s you,’ I stressed. ‘Any other guy could look exactly like that shirtless, but it’s you shirtless that makes my brain go all stupid.’
He laughed.
‘What? I’m just being honest,’ I shot back, my confession drawing colour to my face.
I stood up, and Evan pulled me in by my hips. ‘Then if we’re just being honest,’ his words tickling my lips, ‘I’d rather –’
‘Really don’t need to see that,’ Jared announced, walking out of the kitchen.
‘Let’s go,’ Evan said, grabbing a shirt he had lying on the back of the couch.
We eased into a run along the surf. I waited until we were at a comfortable pace before I started talking, wanting to make sure I could have a conversation and keep up with her at the same time.
‘So, I was thinking about going to see someone about my nightmares.’ I watched for her reaction out of the corner of my eye. ‘I was hoping it was something we could do together.’
I’d been going over how to present this to her since I’d made the phone calls yesterday, knowing how much she despised talking about her feelings, especially to strangers. It was hard enough getting her to open up to me and Sara.
‘Couples counselling?’ she teased.
‘Uh, no, but that may not be a bad idea for us.’ I chuckled. She shoved my shoulder. ‘It’s a therapist who works with people who’ve experienced trauma. I thought it might be easier if we did it together for a few sessions.’
She was quiet, keeping her eyes on the sand.
Just the thought of a therapist made my stomach twist into knots. I’d seen a couple in my lifetime and hadn’t found the process useful at all. Granted, the first time I was young and it was right after my father died, but talking about it didn’t bring him back. So I told the woman with the big front teeth who smelled like cherries exactly what she wanted to hear until she told my mother that I was adjusting.
Looking back, it surprised me that my mother had sent me. I couldn’t imagine her caring for anyone else’s feelings other than her own. Maybe there were brief moments in my life when she was actually a mother, or perhaps the school counsellor had recommended it. That seemed more likely.
The second therapist I’d visited after being discharged from the hospital, during my junior year, when my world was upside down and inside out. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her anything. It was like my mind shut down and wouldn’t let me divulge any emotion or recollect a single traumatic moment – except in my nightmares. I went through the motions, fulfilling the court-mandated visits, and left her office just as defective as when I’d entered. So I was sceptical, to say the least.
‘Will you consider it?’ Evan asked when I was silent too long. ‘You’ll be helping me too.’
I glanced over at him, my anxiety swarming. But I couldn’t dismiss his request after he’d said that. ‘I’ll think about it.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Was that The Talk?’ I asked with a small grin.
‘It was.’
‘Then I’m going to run faster now,’ I told him with a quick raise of my eyebrows. ‘Keep up if you can.’ I pushed into the sand and propelled forward, needing to be filled with the rush of adrenaline that calmed me and made everything clearer.
‘Thanks for running with me!’ I bellowed as the distance lengthened between us. Her ‘think about it’ response was better than what I’d expected. I watched her push herself down the beach, knowing our conversation had probably fuelled her strides.
She waited impatiently for me in front of the house, her hands on her hips. I shook my head with a laugh.
‘Am I too slow for you, Emma?’
‘It’s not your fault you can’t keep up,’ she taunted.
‘I may not be able to keep up with you, but I can still catch you,’ I said, not slowing down as I lowered my shoulder and lifted her off the ground.
‘Evan, put me down,’ she hollered, her voice broken in laughter.
I held on to her thighs, which were slippery with sweat. My steps faltered as I ran into the water, not getting very far before a wave knocked us over.
Emma emerged with her mouth agape, wiping water from her face. ‘I can’t believe you did that!’ She splashed me, unable to keep from smiling.
I stood up to reach for her as she tried to escape towards shore with a laughing squeal. The knee-deep water slowed her down.
‘Not so fast now.’ I flung my arms around her waist. Her forward momentum dumped us on the sand at the water’s edge.
I rolled her over, her hair splayed across the sand. Her eyes sparkled as she smiled up at me.
‘You’ve got a little sand …’ I brushed my hand along her cheek. Her breath faltered. Gripping her waist, I drew her closer. She closed her eyes as I bent to taste the salt water on her lips. I could spend the rest of my life kissing her and never get enough. The heat from her breath parted my mouth, and I caressed her lip with my tongue, pulling her against me.
Evan held me to him and I wrapped my leg around his, the water running under us as we lay on the coarse sand. His hand slid along the back of my thigh. I let out a small moan, tilting my head back – looking directly into a pair of big brown eyes. I pushed Evan away, and he pulled his head up, instantly letting me go as a small boy holding a yellow bucket continued to stare at us from a foot away.
I sat up, smoothing my hair back, my entire face on fire.
‘We’re, uh, pretty sandy.’ Evan looked down at the sand clinging to his wet clothes and skin. ‘Maybe we should get back in the water.’
My pulse still erratic from his kiss, I turned to him with a grin. ‘Outdoor shower?’
His lips parted to reveal a vibrant smile. I scrambled up to race towards the house. He grabbed my ankle, causing me to sprawl on the sand. Evan let out a chuckle as he sprinted past me.
‘Hey!’ I hollered, pushing myself back up and racing after him.
I could hear her coming up behind me, and dug in a little faster with a low laugh. She could outrun me in distance, but I could take her in a sprint. I leapt up the steps towards the gate to the patio. I had enough time to kick off my sneakers and socks before Emma slammed the gate behind her.
She stood before the fence, panting. A sexy smile crept across her face. I turned on the water to let it warm up as she deliberately flipped off her sneakers and peeled her socks from her feet without a word. I watched her move towards me, still with that seductive grin on her face, pulling her wet, sandy shirt over her head.
She reached for her waistband and stopped – looking at me, questioning. I shook my head, knowing that if she removed her shorts, my restraint would go with them. Emma stood before me, her eyes not leaving mine as she slipped her hand under my shirt, the brush of her fingers on my skin making the muscles along my stomach constrict.
I reached over my shoulder and pulled my shirt off, dropping it on the wood slats. She pushed up on her toes as I bent to kiss her, my hands gripping her waist. Her skin was hot against my stomach as she pressed against me. I carefully backed up, leading her to the shower – hoping the temperature wasn’t going to disrupt our connection.
The water was warm on my back, so I guided her in with me. The water cascaded over us as our lips parted, exchanging the air between us. Dragging my mouth along her neck, I tasted the saltiness of her skin. She tipped her head back with a gasping moan. My back tightened as my body reacted to her.
Emma ran her mouth along my chest, and I dug my fingers in her hair, tilting her head and kissing her wet lips with such want that I was having difficulty remaining in control. I felt the edge of the stone bench against my calf and pulled her right leg up, setting her foot on the ledge.
I inhaled at his touch as his hand eased up my thigh, under my shorts. A flush of heat rushed through my chest. I closed my eyes, overtaken by the sensation. My breath broke into uneven bursts as I buried my face in his neck, teasing his skin with my tongue and brushing my lips along his jaw until I found his mouth, moaning into his parted lips as his touch pushed me over. I gripped his back and tightened around him, lost in the rippling current coursing through my body. I collapsed against him with a drawn breath.
‘I can still run faster,’ I murmured, my lips pressed against his smooth skin.
Evan laughed softly in my ear and whispered, ‘But you’ll never lose me.’
A pillow plopped against my head. I grumbled, not wanting to open my eyes.
‘Get up, Evan,’ Emma insisted.
My lids cracked open slightly. It was still dark. ‘What time is it?’
‘It’s technically morning,’ she said, sounding way too awake for that to be true.
‘Why aren’t you sleeping?’ I mumbled, pulling the covers up around my chin.
‘Because I couldn’t, so I decided we’re going surfing.’
I blinked my eyes open. ‘What?’
‘I thought we could be the first ones on the water. Just you and me,’ she explained, already dressed in a sweatshirt and shorts.
It took me a moment to register what she was saying. Then when it hit me I pushed the blankets off. ‘I’m up. Give me five minutes.’
‘I thought so.’ She beamed.
I shut the door to the bathroom, groggy but elated by her enthusiasm, realizing that this was a bigger deal than even she knew, especially today.
I was fidgety, wanting to get out of the house. When Evan finally came out of the bedroom, I tossed him a granola bar that he barely caught and left him trailing after me.
‘Wow, you really have a schizophrenic relationship with mornings,’ Evan noted, shutting the door behind him. ‘You already loaded everything?’
‘I couldn’t sleep,’ I explained again. But sleep was never possible on this day.
‘Do you want to tell me why?’ he asked as I knew he would.
‘I’m anxious about today,’ I replied. ‘I need it to be a good day.’
He nodded, not asking for more, and said, ‘It will be.’ Evan spread his arms, and I stepped closer, squeezing him tight. He tipped my chin and kissed me gently, ‘Good morning, Emma.’
‘Good morning.’ I smiled because it truly was.
I handed Evan the keys and he drove us to the remote surf spot the guys had found. We carried our boards and wetsuits over our heads along a path lined with vegetation until it opened up at a rocky beach. The jetties were what made this place an excellent surf break.
The sky was still grey as the morning haze settled on the dark water. It was still too foggy to surf, so I leaned my board against a boulder, along with my wetsuit. I ran my fingertips over the captivating design of the female figure breaking through the surf in an arching motion. As soon as I’d seen it, my heart leapt. There wasn’t another board I wanted, despite Evan’s efforts to convince me otherwise.
Unzipping my sweatshirt, I stripped it off to reveal my swimsuit underneath. ‘What are you doing?’ Evan asked.
‘Going swimming,’ she said simply, like it was the most obvious answer.
‘The water’s freezing, remember?’ I argued as she dropped her shorts to the ground. Then I couldn’t say anything at all.
‘Stop staring and come in the water with me,’ she said, slapping me in the stomach. ‘It’ll wake you up.’
She jogged in without hesitation and plunged under the waves.
‘Shit,’ I groaned, knowing this was going to be painful – and it was. I let the water rush up to my shins, not committed to going in further. My toes were already numb.
I searched for her. The darkness and haze made it difficult to see anything. But I found her floating on her back, riding the rippling ocean.
I took a breath and rushed in, diving under the water. Fighting for breath as I resurfaced in the frigid water, I swam out to where Emma lay and admired her peaceful posture. She glided along the surface with her arms splayed. Her eyes were closed, and she was breathing calmly through parted lips, like she was lost in a dream. She must have sensed my presence because she popped her head up, her body sinking.
‘Hi,’ she said, her face glowing despite the lack of sun. ‘Was wondering if you were going to come in.’
‘This water is freezing, Em,’ I said. ‘Warm me up.’ I pulled her close, the bare skin of her stomach sliding against mine. ‘Your lips are already turning purple.’
‘Really?’ she asked, searching my eyes. ‘So, should we get out of the water?’ She wrapped her arms around my neck, running her fingers into my wet hair.
‘I think I’m starting to warm up,’ I told her, my chest thumping as she crushed her body against mine to reach my lips.
I pressed my shivering lips to his, and he inhaled in shock. ‘Your lips are frozen.’
‘Warm them up,’ I requested, brushing them along his jaw. Evan turned his head to intercept me, but before he could kiss me, he uttered, ‘Hold your breath.’ I could feel a wall of water hovering over us. Inhaling quickly, I sank under the water. The powerful current separated us, and I was carried away with the wave. When I popped up again, I spotted Evan further from shore. My muscles ached from the icy water, so I rode the next wave to the beach.
When I emerged, I heard, ‘How’s the water?’ A few other surfers had decided to be the first ones in the water too, interfering with any plans I’d had of warming up on the beach with Evan.
‘It’s freezing,’ I told them as Evan walked out of the surf. He greeted them and eyed me. The disappointed look on his face told me we’d been thinking the same thing. ‘Guess it’s wetsuit time.’
‘Guess so.’
The skies remained grey for a couple of hours, but the waves were ideal. I couldn’t get up on my board at first, too distracted by the sight of Emma sitting on hers, waiting for a wave. And then when she dropped in on her first one, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She looked incredible in her stance, weaving along the wave like she’d been doing it for years.
‘Are you going to sit there all day?’ she teased when she paddled back out.
‘Just admiring your skills,’ I told her. ‘I have to admit that I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t get to teach you.’
‘This is better,’ she assured me with an awkward smile, since we were inadvertently talking about Cole. ‘This way we just surf. It took me a while to be able to stand, forget about ride. So I prefer this.’
I nodded, appreciating her answer. This was perfect, just her and me – and, well, a few other guys we didn’t know. This was an experience I couldn’t have planned if I tried. And for that I had to be a little grateful to Cole for teaching her. But not for dating her.
Emma must have realized what I was thinking about because she paddled over and grabbed my leg. ‘I’m sorry about him – that you had to see us together. It hurt just hearing about you and … Well, I can’t imagine seeing it.’
‘I won’t lie. It wasn’t easy to be around him, even though I like the guy. Except I knew it wouldn’t last,’ I told her with a grin, dismissing the ill feeling brought on by the thought of him kissing her.
‘What?’ she asked in surprise. ‘We weren’t dating, Evan.’
‘Whatever, you were together. It doesn’t matter what you call it,’ I said dismissively. ‘But you’re supposed to be with me, so any other guy is doomed to failure.’
I leaned over carefully and kissed her. When I pulled back, she said, ‘I love you.’ Those three words coming out of her mouth made me feel like I could conquer anything. I smiled back and said, ‘You and me, Em – no matter what.’ I got caught in the light reflected in her eyes – the eyes that had been so vacant I was afraid I’d lost her. She sat up on her board with a gorgeous smile on her face and repositioned herself in preparation for the next wave.
We continued to ride until my arms felt like they were going to fall off and my legs were shaky. The guys, along with Jared and Sara, met us mid-morning as the sun was breaking through the grey. They’d packed a cooler for lunch, allowing us to spend the day on the beach. Nothing else mattered today. I lived within the minutes I was in – not dwelling on the past, or fearing the future. I just let the day present itself as it would, and it couldn’t have been better.
Sara took hold of my hand and rested her head on my shoulder as we left the quaint restaurant hidden in a grove of lit trees. We’d had dinner, just the four of us, as she’d wanted. We’d sent Evan and Jared ahead of us so we could use the restroom, basically to talk about them.
‘I’m happy for you,’ she said, pulling her head back and smiling. ‘That you finally have him.’ She looked affectionately at the two of them in conversation by the car. ‘This is the way it should’ve always been … Wow, we were stupid girls.’
‘I know,’ I said, smiling softly.
She squeezed my hand and added, ‘More than anything, I like seeing you like this. He’s the only one that can make you glow. I’ve missed that ridiculous look on your face.’
I blinked back the emotion with a laugh. ‘Thanks, Sara. And thanks for putting up with me. I know the last two years weren’t great for you either.’
‘That’s what sisters do,’ she chimed, bumping my shoulder with hers.
Her laughter turned me around. Emma caught me looking at her. I walked towards her. She released Sara’s hand and took the one I offered. I kissed the top of her head.
‘So how was your birthday, Emma?’ I asked, taking a chance mentioning it.
She stopped. I turned to face her, fearing her reaction. Emma leaned up on her toes and kissed my cheek, allowing me to smile. She wrapped her arms around my neck and said softly in my ear, ‘It’s the best birthday I’ve had in thirteen years. Thank you.’