Out of Breath (Breathing #3)

31

Truce

THE IVORY CURTAINS THAT HUNG ON THE glass doors did little to block out the bright morning light. I rolled over and pulled the pillow over my head, not ready to be awake.

‘Hey, Em,’ Evan called to me. I grumbled under the pillow. ‘Good to see you hate mornings again. Do you want breakfast?’

I lifted the pillow, about to tell him I could make my own breakfast, when words failed me completely. Evan stood with the door partly open, slicked with sweat, in just a pair of running shorts. I forced my eyes to stare at the ceiling rather than his carved body. What had he been doing the past two years?

My heart was beating so fast, my entire body was flushed.

‘Emma?’

‘I, um … whatever,’ I said without looking at him.

‘Is there something wrong?’

‘Evan, put a shirt on,’ I blurted, my cheeks burning intensely.

He laughed. ‘Really?’

‘Shut up.’ I pulled the pillow back over my head.

‘Would you listen to me if I asked you to cover your legs?’ he asked, taking me by surprise.

‘What?’ I shot back, sitting up. I felt my hair floating around my head and flattened it behind my ears.

He grinned and walked away. I grumbled and pushed the covers off me, trudging to the bathroom.

When Emma finally came out of the bedroom, the spoon completely missed my mouth, smearing milk along my chin.

‘What the hell?’ I exclaimed. ‘Those barely qualify as underwear.’ Emma sauntered into the room in a pair of the shortest denim shorts I’d ever seen. Her tan legs, defined with lines of lean muscle, crossed in front of me as I sat on the couch.

‘What do you mean?’ she said, playing the innocent. ‘They’re shorts. It’s summer.’

‘Did you just cut them? Because I know you’d never buy a pair of shorts that short. Seriously, they’re … revealing.’ As soon as I said it, she tugged at them slightly, her cheeks turning red. I grinned, hoping she would change.

I glared at him. He sat on the couch, his hair wet from the shower. And still without a shirt. He was doing it to get to me. So I decided not to play fair, except now I was worried I’d cut too much off the jeans. I could feel the material riding up. I wanted to pull them down, but knew he was waiting for it. So instead, I continued outside.

‘Emma!’ Evan hollered, practically jumping off the couch. ‘Okay. I’ll put on a shirt. Now please come inside and put on a pair of shorts that cover what shorts are supposed to cover.’

I smiled proudly and stalked past him as he shoved his head through his T-shirt. ‘Truce?’

‘Truce,’ he mumbled, lowering his shirt over his taut stomach. ‘Do you still want to go to the surf shop?’

‘Yes,’ I hollered, closing the bedroom door behind me.

When I stepped out of the house, I was surprised to find a red, boxy-looking truck with a black canvas top. I flipped my eyes towards Evan curiously.

‘Whose is this?’ I asked, stepping up and pulling myself onto the seat. A waft of worn leather filled the cab. I examined the shiny red metal and black leather interior, with its small round instruments and bucket seats.

‘Mine,’ Evan answered, shutting the door behind me.

‘Where’d it come from?’ I asked when he entered his side. Despite the obvious age of the vehicle, it was in really good condition and appeared to be newly painted.

‘The garage dropped it off this morning,’ Evan explained, starting it. ‘They were converting it to biodiesel, so I had to wait a while.’

He began to pull out of the driveway. ‘Evan, stop,’ I demanded. He braked and put it in neutral. ‘Explain. Now. All of it.’

‘Explain what? Biodiesel?’ he said with a devilish grin.

‘Evan!’ I scolded. The smile dropped from his face.

His eyes flickered in deliberation. ‘Just say it,’ I pushed.

‘I needed a vehicle because I transferred to Stanford, and I start classes next quarter. And I went to San Francisco earlier this week to meet my mother because she wanted to see the place I’d picked out before I signed the lease.’

I blinked. That’s all I could do. The rest of me was stunned into paralysis. I finally asked, ‘Why are you going to Stanford?’

‘It was my first choice,’ he answered. He continued out of the driveway, leaving me staring at him from the passenger seat.

‘Okay,’ I breathed. ‘Okay. It was your first choice. Okay.’

I was expecting yelling, or at least some sign of annoyance. But she just sat there repeating ‘Okay’ over and over, like she was trying hard to accept it.

‘What’s your major?’ Emma asked about five minutes into the drive.

‘I have a double major in business and education,’ I told her. ‘I haven’t decided yet.’

‘Oh.’ She nodded thoughtfully. ‘Education, huh? Serena’s boyfriend is an education major. I think he’s coming up tomorrow. You can talk to him.’

My shoulders relaxed. A small smile eased onto my face as we drove into town.

I was trying to remain calm. I didn’t know if I was actually pulling it off, but maybe asking questions would keep me from freaking out.

‘So you got a place off campus?’

‘Yeah,’ he answered. ‘A studio. It’s small, but I won’t have room-mates. This guy converted the space above his garage to rent out.’

‘Nice,’ I responded, with a casual nod that I hoped hid my turbulent thoughts. He’d sworn he hadn’t come here to get me back. And I knew the transfer deadline was months ago, so this had to have been something he planned to do way before seeing me again.

That’s when it all fell into place. Stanford was his first choice, and I’d screwed that up when I left. When I’d given Vivian that letter … And this was yet another choice I’d taken away from him.

‘I think you’re going to like it here.’ I smiled softly, rubbing my damp palms on my cargo shorts.

‘I think so too.’

We pulled into the lot at the surf shop. ‘Ready?’

She laughed at me. ‘Excited much?’

‘You have no idea.’ I grinned stupidly, jumping out of the truck.

I walked around towards her side, but she’d already opened her door. As she climbed out, I noticed her bandaged feet.

‘No socks today,’ I noted.

‘It’s getting better,’ she explained. ‘They’re not as tender, so I figured Band-Aids were enough.’

I held the shop door open for her, and we headed to the front counter.

Evan’s face was beaming as we scanned the racks of surfboards. I smiled at his excitement.

The inventory was overwhelming at first, but when I found a design by a local artist, I knew I had to have it. Much to Evan’s disappointment, the only longboard with that design was in their shop in Cardiff. We’d have to wait a few days for it to be delivered.

After I found a wetsuit that fit and selected a few rash guards, Evan and the guy behind the counter continued talking ‘surf’, so I decided to browse the bathing suits, wanting to find a better style for surfing.

I selected a few that looked like they wouldn’t fall off if – when – I wiped out, and then I came across the dental-floss suits. I held up a hot pink one, trying to understand what parts all the strings covered.

‘You’re not serious,’ Evan said from behind me. I grinned before turning around.

I laid it across the front of me as if sizing it. ‘What do you think?’

‘You can’t wear that surfing,’ Evan said with a shake of his head.

‘Of course not.’ I laughed. ‘For the pool parties.’

His mouth fell open. ‘No, Emma. That’s not a good idea at all.’

I smiled wider, continuing to taunt him. ‘I think I’m going to try it on. Do you want me to model it for you?’

‘Nope,’ he responded, his neck turning red. ‘You don’t need to model it for me or anyone else. In fact, if you wanted to keep it on the hanger, that would be just fine too.’

I laughed again and walked away, seeking out the dressing area with the suit still in my hand.

I slid the curtain shut and hung the suits, trying on the ones I was truly interested in and making a selection. Then I picked up the one that was a breeze away from nudity. Seeing his reaction to the thought of me wearing it was more than entertaining.

I hung up the suits I didn’t want – including the hot pink mess – and continued to the register. ‘And I have the board, rash guards and wetsuit too,’ I reminded the guy.

I glanced around. Evan was on the other side of the store, checking out sunglasses.

‘The board’s already paid for,’ the guy informed me. ‘We’re closed on Sunday, so it’ll be here for you to pick up on Monday morning. We open at seven.’

‘Oh … thanks,’ I replied.

After I was done at the counter, I grabbed my bags and headed towards the door.

‘Evan –’ Emma scowled as we walked through the door. ‘Why’d you do that?’

‘I wanted to,’ I replied. ‘Let’s just say it’s in celebration that you surf.’ I wasn’t about to tell her it was a gift for the day she never celebrated. It would arrive two days early, so officially, I was giving it to her before her birthday.

When we arrived back at the house, she hung the wetsuit in the entry closet before continuing into the bedroom. I followed her, knocking on the door to get her attention. ‘Do you want to go with me to Nate’s for dinner when Sara and Jared get here?’ She was folding the black swimsuit in her hands. ‘What? You didn’t buy the pink one?’

A mischievous grin spread across her face. ‘You wish. But I would’ve loved to have taken a picture of your face when I held it up.’ She laughed, and … didn’t stop.

I would let her laugh at my expense all day just to hear the lightness of it.

‘Speaking of which,’ Emma said when she eventually stopped. ‘Do you have your camera?’

I hesitated – still not convinced I was ready to pick it up again. ‘Somewhere.’

‘Well, if you choose to, the sunsets here are stunning. I was thinking of painting for the afternoon, hoping to capture the colours by the time the sun sets.’

The corner of my mouth rose. ‘That might be worth taking a picture of.’

‘The sunset?’

‘No,’ I answered, awaiting her reaction as I paused a second. ‘You painting.’ The softest flush of pink filled her cheeks. I could never get enough of that either.

He walked away, leaving me staring after him with warm cheeks.

Evan continued upstairs while I dragged out a stool from the bistro table onto the deck, and set up the easel. I sat on the stool and breathed in the salty air. It was a perfect day.

And when Evan emerged with his camera, messing with the lens, I was convinced it couldn’t get any better. He went for a walk along the beach with his camera while I visualized the scene I wanted to create and began spreading a base of colour along the canvas.

Completely focused on what I was doing, I never noticed when Evan returned. I actually didn’t notice much of anything until I heard the front door close, and spun around on the stool.

‘Hello?’ Sara called through the house. ‘Emma?’

‘Out here,’ Evan responded, lying on the hammock, reading the book I’d left on the table. My heart skipped a beat when I noticed the oak leaf resting on his chest. I bit my lip with a slow grin at the sight of it. When I raised my eyes from the leaf, he was watching me with a knowing look on his face.

There had always been a connection between us, since the first day I saw him – a delicate tether of energy that bound us together. But something was different. With each bout of honesty, I was letting him in deeper, exposing the most vulnerable side of me. I could feel us getting closer, with every touch, every glance and subtle smile.

The screen door slid open and I turned quickly to face Sara, slipping down from the stool. She stepped onto the deck, radiant in a green and yellow floral sundress, a vibrant smile on her face. I would have thought she was returning from vacation, not a funeral – and then I saw her hand clasping Jared’s.

Sara released him to hold out her arms, but she reconsidered when she saw the paint on my hands and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek instead. ‘Hi! I’m so happy to be back. This house is perfect, Em! I can’t believe we’re staying here for a month. The only thing we’re missing is a pool.’

‘It’s on the roof,’ Evan blurted before I could say anything. ‘Really?!’ Sara practically squealed with excitement.

‘No,’ Evan laughed teasingly.

Sara shot him a look. ‘You’re an a*shole, Evan.’ This caused Jared to chuckle. She stepped behind the stool to look at my painting, ‘Wow. That’s powerful.’

‘It’s not done yet,’ I said in a rush, fidgeting as her eyes scanned the strokes, swirling in apparent chaos.

‘But I like it,’ she said with a smile.

‘I know you guys just got here, but we’re going over to Nate’s. His mom invited us for dinner, if you want to come with us,’ Evan announced.

‘We are?’ I questioned. He clenched his teeth in apology, realizing we hadn’t truly discussed it.

‘We’ll go,’ Sara declared happily. ‘Come on, Em. I’ll pick out something for you to wear while you clean the paint off your … body.’

I glanced down and found paint splattered across any exposed skin between my shoulders and my knees. Evan laughed at my amazed reaction. ‘You are probably the most intense painter I’ve ever seen. I’ll clean up your stuff so you can get ready.’

‘Thanks,’ I said, and followed Sara into the house, trying not to touch anything.

‘Holy shit!’ she exclaimed upon entering the master bedroom. ‘I could live in this room and never leave.’

‘Pretty nice, huh?’ I agreed, bumping the bathroom door open with my hip. ‘Tell me about New Hampshire.’ I hollered to her as I shed my clothes to shower.

‘We’ll talk about it when you get out,’ she bellowed from somewhere deep within the closet. ‘You need dresses!’

‘No, you need me to need dresses!’

When I returned to the bedroom, wrapped in a towel with blotchy red skin from scrubbing the paint off, I found Sara seated on the chaise with her ankles crossed, texting. She set down her phone when she saw me. I inspected the white linen shorts and light blue halter top resting on the bed, and the wedge sandals on the floor beneath.

‘I wish you’d go dress shopping with me.’

‘Sara, please,’ I pleaded, not wanting to have this conversation.

‘I’m not giving up on you, Em.’ Her brows arched as her glossy lips quirked slightly.

‘Nice to have you back, Sara,’ I said, dressing in the clothes she’d set out for me. ‘Now talk.’

Sara sat on the end of the bed, peering up at me with twinkling eyes. ‘He showed up at the funeral.’ Her smile shone across her face.

‘I know that,’ I said impatiently, ‘but what happened? What did he say?’

‘We didn’t really get to talk until yesterday, because my father just about threw him out of the church when he saw him. So he basically harassed me with a million texts, begging to talk to me until I finally agreed to meet him at a bookstore. I think he wanted to meet there so I couldn’t scream at him.

‘Anyway, he told me about his dad, always putting business before everything else. I knew that. I mean, look what he did to you.’ My face tightened. ‘Sorry, that was a bad thing to say …’

‘Just keep going,’ I encouraged, not wanting to dwell on the fact that Stuart Mathews didn’t like me.

‘He was dating this girl, which made me want to throw up. But then you should’ve seen his face when I told him about Jean-Luc. So I guess we were both pretty stupid. His father kept dropping hints that Jared and this girl had a great future ahead of them together. Jared kept shrugging it off. But that’s what Stuart wanted, and so did the bitch in the photo. I should’ve known she was a conniving whore-bag when I saw that she was friends with Catherine Jacobs, who’s the biggest skank of them all.’

Sara noticed the colour drain from my face.

‘They didn’t date, Emma,’ Sara assured me in a rush. ‘Okay?’ I nodded, my skin still crawling at the presumption of them being intimate in any way.

‘She wanted in, and Stuart was giving her an in, scoring a pretty sweet deal with her father while he was at it. She made certain she wore her grandmother’s ring on her left hand at the party, and Stuart arranged for the reporter. The news of an ‘engagement’ was leaked upon sight of the ring, and it took Vivian a week to clear it up – but only after it was printed, thanks to Stuart’s influence. He’s such a dick.’ Sara clenched her teeth in disgust.

‘I’m so glad Vivian forced him to leave. And, Emma, she was so upset after what he’d done to you. My mom told me she and Vivian went to lunch last summer, and you came up. Vivian always questioned whether she did the right thing by keeping Evan close to home, away from you. But she blamed Stuart for his part in your leaving.’

I fought to keep my face even while she spoke, but my breath rippled with emotion. ‘What now?’

‘So … we’re together. And it’s amazing!’ Sara practically bounced on the bed. ‘Em, I was so paranoid to think that we wouldn’t be able to handle the distance. I mean … he’s it. He’s the only guy that makes me feel like I could do anything, and that I’m the most important person in the world. I’d never been in love until I met him. And I haven’t loved anyone since.’

She emanated happiness, and it looked beautiful on her.

‘That’s the best story you’ve ever told.’ She jumped up from the bed and hugged me, catching me off guard. I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing just as tight.

‘Now, tell me about you,’ Sara insisted, trying to be serious, but joy soaked through her like light. ‘What happened with Cole? What did he say?’

‘Nothing,’ I shrugged. ‘He left a note.’ I turned from her and started towards the bathroom. ‘I should dry my hair. I think the guys are waiting on us.’

‘Emma,’ Sara chided, following me into the bathroom, ‘I’ll dry your hair. You talk.’

I sighed, sitting at the vanity while Sara reached for the round brush and hairdryer. ‘There’s not much to say. It was only two sentences. You know I’d asked him to leave before I hurt him, so that’s what he did. He wasn’t going to let me hurt him.’

‘Shit,’ she replied. ‘He knew, Em. He knew as soon as Evan stepped off that plane that it was over.’

‘Evan?’ I questioned in surprise. ‘I’m the reason he left.’

‘Whatever,’ she said dismissively. ‘You don’t always have the clearest perspective on things, Em. Either way. He left, so how are you?’

I averted my eyes. ‘Fine.’

‘What?’ she demanded. ‘Are you upset that he’s gone?’

‘I hate how it ended,’ I admitted. ‘He was a good guy. Really.’

‘I know,’ Sara acknowledged. ‘I liked him.’

I nodded. ‘I knew it was going to happen. I knew there would be an end eventually. I just didn’t want it to get … complicated.’

‘Yeah,’ Sara scoffed. ‘If you don’t want complicated, then stay away from guys.’

I made a face at her advice.

‘Now what about Evan?’ she continued. ‘How have you been getting along? Was it weird to be alone with him here last night?’

I shook my head, trying to keep my body temperature from rising. But the heat rushed to my cheeks anyway.

Sara switched off the hairdryer. ‘What happened?’ I glanced up, and she was staring at me with large eyes. ‘Did you have sex with him?!’

‘What?! Omigod, no!’ I answered quickly, my entire face now red. ‘We’ve been talking, that’s all. And … well …’

‘Emma,’ Sara said in her familiar lecturing tone. ‘What did you do?’

‘He stayed with me, in here, last night,’ I explained quietly. ‘We talked until we fell asleep.’

‘And you didn’t exactly sleep on opposite sides of that huge bed, did you?’ She knew the answer when I couldn’t meet her eyes. ‘What’s happening between you two?’

‘I’m not sure,’ I answered honestly. ‘We really are just talking. And it’s good, I guess. It’s honest, anyway. And I cry way too much. It’s kind of pathetic.’

‘I’m sure it’s not pathetic,’ Sara comforted me. ‘You probably haven’t cried enough in your life, so you’re making up for it.’

‘Great,’ I grumbled, wishing I knew how to find the off switch again. ‘But –’

‘Are you almost ready?’ Evan hollered into the room.

‘We’ll be right out,’ Sara answered, turning on the dryer to finish my hair. ‘This conversation isn’t over.’ She gave me a stern look, and I nodded meekly.

Sara walked out of the bedroom before Emma with a smile on her face that wouldn’t quit. I glanced over at Jared, who stared at her with an I’ve-been-hit-on-the-head-with-a-hammer look on his face. Their reconciliation was bound to make things a little awkward around here, especially when Emma and I didn’t even touch … except when we went to sleep.

‘We need to talk,’ Sara said between her smiling teeth.

‘What did I do now?’ I asked. She looked behind me, and I turned to find Emma with her leg bent behind her, using the wall as support to slide on a pair of dress sandals – her feet still covered in bandages. The white shorts were short enough to show off the legs that made me weak. I realized I was staring when her cheeks glowed red, and she smiled at me awkwardly.

‘Uh, ready?’ I confirmed, noticing that Jared and Sara were already at the door. I reached out to grab her hand, but caught myself and ran it along the side of my khakis instead, hoping she hadn’t noticed. Maybe inviting her wasn’t the best idea. It felt like a date, and despite the connection we were feeling, we weren’t ready for that. I started for the door as she grabbed a sweater out of the closet.

‘You look nice,’ she said, turning me around. ‘I like that shirt on you.’

‘Thanks,’ I responded, completely taken by surprise. ‘You look … amazing.’

She smiled shyly and said, ‘Thanks,’ as she walked by me out the door.

‘Sweet Scout,’ Jared admired, climbing in behind the driver’s seat. ‘What year is it?’

‘Sixty-nine,’ I responded, waiting for Emma to climb in so I could close the door behind her. I noticed Sara’s eyes scrunch slightly, like she was trying to figure out the same thing Emma had earlier. I decided to let Emma tell her about me transferring, not certain what her reaction would be. Sara wanted Emma to be happy, but I knew she was still worried about her. I didn’t know if she was still concerned about my motives, or just the emotional turbulence that had swept into Emma’s life this summer. Either way, I knew I was part of it.

If I’d heeded Nate’s warning about his Satanic tweener cousins, I would never have exposed Sara and Emma to them. I don’t know how, but somehow we survived dinner without anyone ending up stabbed in the eye or floating face down in the pool, although I could tell by Jared’s menacing glare that he was thinking it. We escaped as soon as we could, making an excuse about a movie. Nate and the guys disappeared to a party to save themselves.

‘I think I have barbecue sauce on my back,’ Emma said as we drove home. She was trying to wipe it off her shoulder blade, but was unable to reach it. ‘I didn’t know anyone could be so annoying.’

‘Dude, I am never having kids,’ Jared declared. I glanced in the rearview mirror and noticed Sara staring at him. He quickly added, ‘Like that. Those two kids were hatched by gremlins, I swear.’

I reached over and ran my finger across the brown streak on Emma’s back.

‘Thanks,’ she said, turning her head to look out the open window.

‘What time are Serena and Meg arriving tomorrow?’ Sara asked. Emma turned towards her, and I grinned at the flush of colour that my touch had caused.

‘Late tonight. So we won’t see them until the morning. James is supposed to be coming too,’ Emma told her, then appeared alarmed when she noticed my expression. ‘What?’

I shrugged innocently, but couldn’t keep from smirking as we pulled into the driveway. This only made her redder. I exhaled a quick laugh.

‘Just tell me,’ she demanded. ‘Did that little brat write his initials on my back or something?’

‘No.’ I shook my head.

‘But he was trying to look up your shorts every time he purposely dropped his fork under the table,’ Jared shared.

She looked to Sara for confirmation. ‘Did he?’

‘He tried,’ Sara affirmed, ‘until I dug my heel into his hand. I think I may have scarred him for life.’

‘Nicely done,’ Jared said proudly. He pulled her into him and kissed her on the forehead. I looked away from the mirror. Their couple status was definitely uncomfortable to witness.

‘Sara, you’re cruel,’ Emma accused playfully.

‘Yes, I am,’ Sara gloated, causing Jared to laugh loudly.

When we entered the house, Sara announced, ‘We’re going to bed,’ practically dragging Jared up the stairs behind her.

Emma and I exchanged glances, very aware that they were not going to sleep. And just to make it obvious, Sara leaned over the railing at the top of the stairs and said, ‘You may want to put on music, or the TV, and turn it up.’

My eyes widened as Jared laughed, trailing after her.

‘Wow,’ I said, ‘that was …’

‘Awkward,’ Evan finished for me. ‘Uh, so …’

‘Want to go for a walk?’ I suggested. We both looked down at the Band-Aids on my feet.

‘What if I built a fire on the patio instead?’ Evan suggested.

I glanced at the clock – it was later than I thought. And in truth, I really didn’t want to talk, which I knew would happen if we sat out on the patio.

‘You know what, I think I’m going to go to bed,’ I declared. ‘I’ll read until I fall asleep.’

‘Oh,’ Evan replied with disappointment. ‘Okay. Well …’

Sara’s exuberant laughter carried down the stairs. Evan eyed the second floor in dread.

‘You can stay in my room … if you want,’ I offered.

‘Are you sure?’ he asked cautiously. ‘I don’t want it to feel like we’re –’

‘I know,’ I responded. I was very aware of what we weren’t, and I didn’t need to hear him say it.

‘I’ll be right down,’ he told me. ‘I need to get my bag.’

Evan rushed up the stairs, probably not wanting to be within earshot of them any longer than he had to. I continued to the bedroom to prepare for bed. Evan knocked lightly on the bathroom door while I was brushing my teeth. ‘I’m changing out here, so give me a minute before you come out.’

‘Okay,’ I responded, my voice garbled with a mouthful of toothpaste. And of course, the only thing I could think about was Evan changing.

I rinsed my mouth and washed my face, patting it dry just as he knocked again.

‘You can come in,’ I announced. Evan opened the door, dressed in a pair of shorts and a worn T-shirt that left little to the imagination about what was concealed underneath. I let out an exasperated breath as I passed him.

‘What?’ Evan laughed, obviously reading my expression.

I got into bed without responding and clicked on the bedside lamp. I could hear the water running as Evan brushed his teeth. Eyeing his bag on the chaise, I wondered just how many nights he planned to spend in this room.

I opened the book as Evan emerged from the bathroom, setting the oak leaf on the pillow next to me. He slipped under the covers on the far end of the bed.

‘That’s a good book so far,’ he noted. ‘I was reading it earlier today.’

‘Want to read it with me?’ I offered, without really thinking it through.

‘Have you ever done that before,’ he asked, ‘read a book at the same time as someone else?’

‘No. Have you?’

‘No.’ He laughed lightly.

‘Come here,’ he beckoned, gently picking up the leaf and scooting towards the middle pillow. I eyed him suspiciously. ‘Don’t worry, just come here.’

I moved over, and he opened his arm and patted the shoulder closest to me. ‘Lie here, and I’ll hold the book.’

I hesitated, contemplating.

‘Emma, just come lie down.’

I sighed and rested my head on his chest, fitting perfectly along the dip of his shoulder. He handed me the leaf, taking the book from me. I could hear his heart beating under my ear. I didn’t know where to put my arm, so I rested my hand on his chest, listening to his heart pick up its pace at my touch, knowing mine was doing the same thing. I took a slow breath and tried to concentrate on the words as he held the book above our heads.

‘I’m a couple of pages behind,’ he told me. ‘Do you mind if I catch up real quick?’

‘Go ahead,’ I said, pinching the stem of the leaf that was still in my hand, brushing it gently against his chest.

I lay there silently as he read. I could feel the heat from his body along my skin. I could hear the erratic beating of his heart. I was being pulled to him, and it was becoming too much for me to resist. Just as I was about to move away, Evan said, ‘I’m going to miss that house.’ His gaze was focused on the leaf I was nervously playing with.

He rested the opened book on his stomach and brushed his fingers along my arm. I propped up on my elbow so I could see him, still closer than I should’ve been.

‘What do you mean?’

‘My mother’s selling it,’ he told me, his voice heavy and quiet.

‘She can’t do that,’ I said passionately, my heart convulsing at the thought of it belonging to anyone else.

‘I’m working on it,’ he assured me with a deflated breath. ‘But it’s not looking good.’

I lowered my head back on his chest, reflecting.

‘I love this tree,’ I said in a hushed tone, ‘and the swing.’ I stared at the leaf so he wouldn’t see the emotion surfacing.

‘Me too,’ he muttered softly. ‘And the barn. That was such a great place to escape to.’

‘Yeah.’ I flipped the leaf over on his chest. ‘If those walls could talk, right?’

Evan laughed. ‘I would listen.’ I smiled fondly at the thought of what they’d say.

‘Those woods freaked me out though,’ I recalled. ‘Or maybe it was your driving.’

‘Hey,’ he balked defensively. ‘I thought I was pretty good on that bike. You didn’t trust me?’

‘Only when my eyes were closed,’ I teased.

‘I love that kitchen,’ Evan stressed. ‘I set it up exactly how I wanted it.’

‘The kitchen, really?’ I laughed. ‘Of course you’d love the kitchen.’

‘If I remember correctly, you loved that kitchen too.’

‘It was more about the food than the kitchen,’ I corrected. I paused, mentally walking the halls of the house, inhaling the scent of wood and polish. ‘You never did play the piano for me.’

‘No,’ he said quickly. ‘That never did, or will, happen. My parents forced me take lessons, but these fingers are most definitely not meant to play the piano.’ He splayed his fingers in front of him, and I grinned, lying back against his shoulder to look up at them.

‘Yeah, you’re right; they don’t look worthy of a piano,’ I mocked.

‘I wish I could’ve swum in that pool at least once.’

‘I still don’t believe there was a pool. I think it was just a hole, because why else would it never get uncovered?’

‘Guess we’ll never know,’ he sighed, his voice heavy. ‘I can’t believe she’s selling it. The best moments of my life happened in that house.’

‘Mine too,’ I whispered, lost in the remembrance of all the life-changing moments that had happened while I was protected within the borders of that property. Evan was quiet. I suddenly realized what we were really saying.

‘Have you caught up?’ I asked, clearing my throat.

Evan picked up the book again. ‘Yeah.’

We began reading. I’d nod when I was done with the page, being the slower reader – or maybe he wasn’t really reading any more.

At one point he shifted, and I could feel his breath along my cheek. I couldn’t concentrate. My heart raced, and my body flooded with heat.

I closed my eyes, pushing away the desire to tilt my head up towards him. I knew he was right there; I could feel him. I pressed my lips together and inhaled. When I opened my eyes, the book was gone, and Evan had carefully removed the leaf from my hand.

‘I know this is hard,’ Evan said in an exhale, rolling on his side with his arm still under my neck. I kept facing up, staring at the ceiling, trying to breathe. I knew I should move away, but I couldn’t. ‘I feel it too. And I’m having just as hard a time resisting, Emma. Because I don’t want to do anything we’re not ready for.’

I closed my eyes, my chest tightening, knowing I wasn’t ready. But the firmness of his body against my side and his scent held me captive, keeping me from moving a single muscle. I was afraid to lose this – his touch, his warmth. His hand ran across my stomach, and I inhaled quickly.

‘Oh, Emma,’ he murmured in my ear, making me bite my lip. His fingers coiled into a fist on my stomach, and his arm tightened in restraint. ‘Maybe I should go upstairs.’

Just as he turned on his back, I uttered, ‘Don’t go.’ He was suddenly very still. ‘You’re right. We’re not ready. And I don’t know what’s happening between us. But … if you can, will you just lie with me? If you can’t, I …’

‘I can do that.’

He exhaled deeply. I realized he needed some distance, so I rolled on my side and shut off the light. A few minutes later, Evan slid behind me and I found his hand, gripping it tightly in front of me.

‘Goodnight, Emma,’ he whispered in my ear just before he kissed the top of my head. My breath faltered. I squeezed his hand, and as impossible as it seemed, I fell asleep.

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