“What if I had?” I asked. “What would you have told me to do?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’d have smacked you over the head and told you not to kiss the guy at the office while you knew you were on camera!”
I swallowed. I’d known damn well there were cameras in the garage, but I’d been so raw in that moment, I’d gone ahead anyway. In an impulsive, needy moment, I’d thrown the dice and chanced a kiss on company property. Getting caught was a gamble I’d been willing to take right then, but in all my wildest dreams, I’d never imagined the consequences being…this.
I exhaled. “Look, I don’t know what you want me to say.” When had my hands started shaking? “It just… It happened. We started seeing each other, and we wanted to keep it on the down-low. Up until now, we did. Then yesterday…” I closed my eyes, goose bumps prickling my neck at the memory, and the pit of my stomach sinking as if to remind me how I’d felt when he’d pulled me aside in the parking garage. Sighing, I met my boss’s gaze. “I didn’t think anyone would see it.”
I didn’t think anything could taint that kiss. I didn’t think anything could kill my mood today.
Oh God, Rick’s going to be here today…
Marie’s expression softened. So did her voice. “For the record, I think this is bullshit. They have no right to put you in this position. I don’t even think something like this is legal.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s not, but what can I do about it?”
“Not a whole lot. Aside from going to HR.”
My shoulders slumped. “Even if I go to HR, it’s not going to change anything. All three partners are on board with this. HR can tell them to back off with that ultimatum all they want, but the fact is, if Rick takes his business elsewhere, I’m out of a job. They’ll find a reason.”
Marie’s resigned sigh didn’t instill much confidence.
“It’d be like if they wanted to fire me for being gay. As long as they don’t come out and say it…” I half shrugged.
“Except they’ve given you the ultimatum. If they fire you, you’ve got a damned good case.”
I laughed bitterly. “Yeah, well. In this state, as long as they’re not firing me for being in a protected class, there’s nothing I can do. And last I checked, ‘in a relationship with a powerful client’ is a Facebook status, not a protected class.”
Marie rubbed the bridge of her nose. When she dropped her hand, she said, “I’m sorry, Jon. If I’d known…” She shrugged apologetically. “I mean, I didn’t even realize you were gay.”
“I’m…I’m not.” I combed a shaky hand through my hair. “I’m bi. Not that it matters. I just, um, never made it public when I was dating a man.”
“Well, either way, that meeting blindsided me too, or I’d have tried to do something.”
“I’m not sure there’s much you could have done. I just wish I knew what to do now.”
“You and me both.” She folded her arms loosely. “Listen, if I have your permission, I can go talk to HR. And I’ve got a lawyer friend that can probably help.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.”
“In the meantime, just keep working. I know that’s asking a lot because your concentration is probably shot, but I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“I know. And…” I cringed. “I need to finish that model for the meeting with Horizon Developing this afternoon.”
Marie winced. “Shit.” She chewed her lip, rocking from her heels to the balls of her feet. Then she met my gaze. “Skip the meeting. I’ll make excuses to the partners. It isn’t like they’ll say anything to anyone but you or me, and I’ll vouch for you.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.” She shooed me toward the door. “Go. I’ll come up with something, and we’ll figure this out somehow.”
“Thanks.”
I left, and on my way to the elevator, my stomach lurched. I wasn’t ready to face my crew anyway, so I stepped into the men’s room to compose myself. The sick feeling subsided pretty quickly—enough that I knew I wasn’t going to actually puke—but the panicked, heart-pounding, gut-twisting “oh fuck” feeling wasn’t going anywhere.
My bosses knew, and soon, my colleagues would know, and that thought filled me with almost as much panic and dread as the prospect of looking Rick in the eye tonight. I wasn’t ready to talk about this with him. I sure as fuck wasn’t ready to talk about it with them.
And damn it. Of all the restrooms in this building, I’d picked this one. The one where we’d stolen another kiss on company property when I’d been working myself into the ground.
I leaned against the icy wall and stared up at the ceiling. This was really happening, wasn’t it? The jig was up, the truth was out, and I was fucked.
Now I had two choices—I could keep Rick happy, or I could find another job.
Forty-five. In a profession that was rapidly being replaced by computers. With three kids in college and two looking at grad school.
Correction—I had one choice.