“What was his reaction to her pregnancy?”
“You know,” I begin, thinking back, “I never really heard from him about the baby. Cassie said he was fine, but he and I never discussed it. I only met him a handful of times and he seemed normal. It was obvious, though, that they didn’t have a close relationship. He took off years ago and I have no idea where he is now.”
Sounding sheepish, Lia said, “I’m sorry for asking so many questions and interrupting you. I’m just trying to get a clear picture in my mind of how everything was back then.”
“I know, baby, and it actually makes it easier for me to take a break while I fill in the blanks for you. It’s been so long that some of the memories are a bit fuzzy. Anyway, Cassie was going off the rails faster than I could put her back on them. I’m not proud of it, but I began losing patience with her. The fights were so absurd that after trying to just ignore them for five months, I was hanging on by a thread. I started staying away from the apartment more thinking it would help. It seemed like my very presence infuriated her so I was afraid I was jeopardizing her health by upsetting her. Well, apparently that only made her paranoia worse. The fights got uglier. Things might have calmed by the time we went to bed, but I would wake up in the middle of the night to find her hitting, scratching, and biting me. It got to where I was afraid to go to sleep for fear of what she would do to herself or me.”
As I drop my head back onto the sofa, already mentally drained, Lia rubs my chest and then cups my face. “Luc, I can’t even imagine what you must have gone through. I’m so sorry.” Just hearing those words from her slays me. This girl lived through years of physical and sexual abuse and she feels sorry for me. She isn’t just saying a bunch of meaningless words of comfort, either; I can hear the anguish in her voice. I fucking love her so much at this moment. I’d travel through hell repeatedly to find her on the other side. I pull her closer and then lie down full length, taking her with me. Only when my body curls protectively around hers do I continue.
“The last day we were together started off unusually—quiet. I would later think of it as the calm before the storm. Cassie woke up in a good mood, which was rare, and she talked almost non-stop about the baby. She seemed excited for the first time about the future and I thought that maybe whatever hormonal hell she’d been caught in was starting to lessen. I left for school and promised to bring home the hamburger she craved for dinner. I spent the day feeling lighter than I had in months. Finally, she was showing me a little bit of hope that she could be better. I came home that afternoon with our food and as soon as I shut the door behind me, all hell broke loose. I barely managed to avoid the glass that came flying at my head before another one was on the way. She was screaming at the top of her lungs about how I had ruined her life by getting her pregnant and was now fucking around on her. Then she was saying crazy shit about her telling everyone I’d raped her and that she would ruin me.”
Lia turns in my arms until she is facing me. She burrows closer, offering me comfort as my body trembles. “I love you. I’m here.” She repeats it several more times until I calm. “Do you need another drink?” she asks as she makes to get up and fix it.
“No, baby, please stay,” I plead, needing to feel her in my arms. She settles back and I pick up my story, now needing to get it out and over with. “As I was saying, she was worse than ever that afternoon and evening. When she threatened to tell everyone I’d raped her, I just snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore. I told her that we were over and to do her worst because I was finished. I remember opening the door to leave and hearing her laughter. I thought that action just proved it right there. Instead of crying, she’s laughing like a loon. I ran into a couple of people from one of my classes as I was going to my car and they invited me to their fraternity party. Being wasted for a few hours sounded perfect to me so I took off with them. I helped them pick up some beer kegs and get everything ready. By the time the party was underway, I was already drunk. I followed up the beer and liquor by smoking a joint before hunting somewhere to crash. I was wandering around upstairs when some girl grabbed me and pulled me into one of the rooms. She said stuff about how she’d always wanted to be with me and she began undressing. There’s no excuse, but after nothing but insults from Cassie, this girl was telling me everything my ego needed to hear.” I pause, hating to admit what had happened next. I could probably gloss over it and hope Lia would let it go, but what would be the point in telling my story if I were not completely honest with the woman I love?